January 3, 2013 Issue of KONK Life - KONK Network

KONK 

Life 

Vol. 3 No. 1 

C 

O NTENTS 

INSIDE! 

UPFRONT 

04 

HOT DISH! 

07 

FUN TIMES 

14 

COLUMNS 

08 WINING THE KEYS 

09 THEATER ONSTAGE 

18 ARTS CALENDAR 

18 TROPIC SPROCKETS 

20 DEAR VENUS 

www.konklife.com 3 

n 

Cover 

In Key West tradition 

and style, Schooner 

Wharf Bar mainstay 

wrench, Evalena 

Worthington, descends 

the schooner’s mast 

to “rig in” the new year. 

| DAN KOLBE

up 

front 

P A R T I I 

Sailing partners Birch Ohlinger, right, and Guy deBoer 

Mayday! Mayday! 

That is the international radio call made by yachts in distress. 

Looking back on that Saturday, December 15, 

morning with a bright, clear sky surrounded by the warm clear waters 

of Rebecca Shoals, I found myself hailing those infamous 

words. In last week’s story I wrote about myself and Birch 

Ohlinger’s sail to Fort Jefferson at Dry Tortugas and our Hobie 18 

beach catamaran. We made this journey as part of training for our 

participation in the Everglades Challenge, a 300-mile trek from 

Fort deSoto at the entrance of Tampa Bay down the West Coast of 

Florida with several checkpoints that include sailing into Everglades 

Park with a finish at Sunset Cove in Key Largo. Yes, Birch and I 

seek adventure, and this morning it came and found us. 

Just one day prior, we sailed from the Key West Community 

Sailing Center to Fort Jefferson arriving at 10:30 p.m. after eight 

hours at sea. It proved to be an easy sail, but sitting here now 

aboard a damaged boat awash in seas made me think about how 

things could have been different if our hull had cracked last night. 

We were not alone out there. We could see shrimp boat lights illuminating 

the horizon. Someone would have heard our radio call, 

but with it being dark the chances of us getting a working shrimp 

boat to save anything more than our lives would have been slim. 

e morning of our sinking was a beautiful day with 18 knots 

blowing out of the northeast. For non-sailors, that makes our return 

trip to Key West into the wind. So with 70-plus miles to go, Birch 

and I shove off the beach at 9:30 a.m. and head out across the shallow 

banks that surround the fort, then into deep Rebecca Channel. 

Coming quickly over the horizon is the fort’s tourist ferry, Yankee 

Freedom. As we pound into the steep, confused seas created by 

high winds and adverse current, the Yankee Freedom flies past with 

crew and anxious passengers as they see the fort and its beaches. 

At sea, a boat’s crew learns the nuances and sounds of the vessel 

as she moves along. Every sound, every movement is noticed, even 

if it is subliminal. When there is a change, you notice it, and this 

morning our Hobie called out first with a sound. Crack she said, 

and we noticed. 

| Continued on page 6 

4 ww.konklife.com 

LOCAL 

OBSERVATION 

Life with Pie 

My penultimate move 

before I left town, 

on my way to New York for Christmas 

parties, was to drop my bicycle 

at the bike shop for a tune-up, which 

would include getting the chain back 

on the gears. I have been harsh on 

my green bicycle, plunging off sidewalks 

and knocking the air out of the 

tires, all in the name of fun. I knew 

it was time to take the bugger in 

when, while riding, a powerful 

clanking could be heard over my 

headphones. 

e absolute last thing I did 

before driving myself to Key West 

International Airport was to stop by 

Kermit’s Key Lime Pie Factory and 

purchase myself one frozen Key 

Lime pie, with my Monroe County 

resident’s discount. e pie, resplendent 

in its carrying case of bright 

yellow plastic bag with Kermit’s logo 

emblazoned, caught the attention 

of locals who called out, “at’s the 

best pie in town!” 

Had I known the exponential 

beneficial effects of traveling with a 

pie I would always have travelled 

with one. Usually unsmiling airport 

staff and security guards and fellow 

passengers bent over backwards reverentially, 

you’d think I had the Dalai 

Lama in a bag. Even the security 

team of screeners broke from their 

mean glares and offered jokes about 

how it wouldn’t be their fault if only 

half the pie made it out the other 

end of the X-ray machines. ey 

were all abuzz and smiling at the 

very thought of pie. 

New York was raucous fun with 

Christmas parties, each of my fourday 

visit devouring more of me until 


CHRISTINA 

O X E N B E R G 

LEIGH VOGEL photo

KONK 

REACTOR 

JOURNEY THROUGH THE PAST 

Happy New Year and all that 

jazz…. Wow, 2013! Far 

out. Early Beatlemania is now longer ago 

than all of WWI was in those days. 

Time marches on… Hey, while in the 

retro mindset, I think Ill look over my 

last year of KONK Life columns (about 

18,000 words-worth)…. 

(In DavidLybrand.com/blog you can 

read this article with embedded links 

to the stories I reference.) 

After introducing myself, I quickly 

jumped into Key West local issues with a 

warning about the ill effects of widening 

our ship channel to support bigger cruise 

ships. is issue ended up so hot that our 

City Commission punted it back to the 

voters, which will happen this coming 

year. Note that in a later column I clarified 

that we need not fear the ships themselves… 

Other local-issue columns detailed 

impacts from new State-level support for 

increasing development (now playing out 

with big box stores, higher density on 

Perry Court, etc.) and with homeless affairs. 

I returned several times to Bahama 

Village, with full columns on the Citys 

neglect of facilities there and with the 

mistreatment of Village crusader Norma 

Jean Sawyer. Parts of other columns focused 

on the Truman Waterfront property 

once assigned to the BCCLT, and 

defended Commissioner Lopez for his 

position on the use of that property. 

I jumped on opportunities to respond 

in partial columns to issues (some 

thoughtful, some idiotic) raised in the 

“e Voice,” such as: what is Pickleball? 

Why cant people live in their cars? Is the 

“Ugly Coyote” coming? Why shouldnt 

boats be stored on the street? Why not let 

jet skis go where they want? Arent those 

Duck vehicles too big? And the one that 

fires me up the most: Was any thought 

put into the North Roosevelt project? 

I also looked at issues on a national 

scale, with columns involving the 

Presidential election (wary of an America 

under Romney), on the misguided 

movement toward Charter Schools 

and with the increasing display of the 

“Rebel Flag” in some areas. ese invoke 

a marked resentment from me and a lot 

of other people. 

I took the time to look inward last 

year. I described what it was like to get 

your first haircut in ten years. I bid 

farewell to the Democratic Party as I 

fully embraced my inner Green. I waxed 

poetic on the greatest dog that ever lived. 

And I solicited readers to assist me in 

finding a “real job.” (Unfortunately 

that last one is still hanging out in the 

wind — please contact me if you have 

any ideas…) 

Also on the personal front -– but truly 

a local story — was my series on e 

Beast. I detailed in my own words the 

story from a few years ago when I 

serendipitously encountered a madman 

at Southard and William who was determined 

to remove the head of a three year 

old girl. I also looked at his background, 

and what has happened since that fateful 

day. (Note that story continues this week, 

in the Freeman Justice Center.) 

Not all of my columns were so serious, 

or covered such significant topics. 

Gump-style, my columns a box of 

chocolates. You may have gotten the 

one where I did an Andy Rooney imitation, 

for instance. Or the one where I 

returned to my Geek Speak roots with a 

column on mobile music. Or where I 

provided updates on our Islands displaced 

icons (Cookie Lady, Iguana Girl, 

etc). Or where I shined a light on Nerd 

Culture. Or one of my most fervent crusades: 

the campaign to get Crazy Horse 

into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. 

at, my friends, was 2012 — my 

first full year of writing for anyone. I 

hope youve enjoyed it. If you missed any 

of it, check it out at the link at the top. 

Looking forward to Lucky 13! 

e 

DAVID 

L Y B R A N D 

about.me/DavidLybrand 


NEWS DIRECTOR 

Guy deBoer 

EDITOR|DESIGN 

Dawn deBoer 

PHOTOGRAPHERS 

Larry E. Blackburn 

Ralph De Palma 

Sheel Sheelman 

EDITORIAL CONSULTANT 

Connie Gilbert 

Vol. 3 No. 1 

j a n u a r y 3 - 9 

Published Weekly 

KONK Life 

CONTRIBUTORS 

Guy deBoer Key News 

Louis Petrone Key West Lou 

Steve Calderwood Wining the Keys 

Paul Menta Whats Cooking 

David Lybrand KONK Reactor 

Scott McCarthy The Gadabout 

Kimberley Denney Bitchin Paradise 

Christina Oxenberg Local Observation 

JT Thompson Hot Dish 

Michele Meck Party Mecca 

Jenessa Berger Keep Moving | Wellness 

ON-AIR PERSONALITIES 

BEV ALLEN, PETER ANDERSON, GUY deBOER, BO FODOR, 

STEPHANIE KAPLE, SHAUNA LEE LANGE, VICTORIA LEIGH, 

LOUIS PETRONE, M. L. PRICE, MICHAEL SHIELDS, JIM SMITH, 

SOPHIA SKOGLUND, ALICE TALLMADGE, RICHARD 

TALLMADEGE, MATT GARDI, RICK BOETTGER, 

JIM FERRIS, STEP WISCHERTH, MICHELE MECK 

ADVERTISING 305.296.1630 

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www.konklife.com

UPFRONT 

MAYDAY! MAYDAY 

| Continued from page 4 

P A R T I I 

Birch recalls me asking, “Am I being paranoid, or 

does the boat feel burdened?” e bows were not responding 

to the approaching seas. No sooner the Hobie 

stopped sailing, our port hull sank. When your boat 

sinks 70 miles from home, it should be a time for concern. 

But we calmly went about securing sails and gear 

before pulling out our waterproof VHF radio and making 

that unwanted call for help. Immediately lobster 

boat Second Destiny responded. ankfully were not in 

immediate danger, and Adam the skipper of Second 

Destiny dropped his remaining pots. 

Adam must not have had many pots to drop, for in 

no time Second Destiny arrived aside and rendered assistance. 

A plan was quickly devised for a tow back to 

the fort. Adam must have radioed ahead for as we approached 

the fort a park ranger boat crewed by Tree and 

David approached and a transfer was made of our tow 

from Second Destiny to the park’s boat. 

We arrived safe and sound. After three hours of sailing 

and sinking and a return tow, we found ourselves 

back at the fort safe and sound. e big question now is 

what to do with a broken boat 70 miles from home. 

After phone calls to family and friends, we still had to 

figure a way out of the mess we found ourselves 

No sooner had we sat down to scratch our heads did 

Corey, the skipper of the Yankee Freedom, approached 

us with the idea that if we could take the Hobie apart 

by 3 p.m., he could carry her on the afterdeck and we’d 

be home by 5:30 p.m. I did not feel we could have said 

yes and thank you fast enough, but we did. 

Long story short is that Birch and I experienced a 

surreal event where even though a sinking is not considered 

good form, witnessing every possible extension of 

human kindness and assistance, made the entire experience 

worthy relating in words to you. If you ever find 

yourself in need, I hope you will find that complete 

strangers have the ability to come to your aid as these 

fine people did for Birch and I. 

Many thanks to Adam and crew of Second Destiny, 

park rangers Tree and David of Fort Jefferson, Dry 

Tortugas, and Corey and crew of the Yankee Freedom. 

e 

6 www.konklife.com

HOT 

DISH! 

J T 

T H O M P S O N 

JT@DesignKW.com 

Delizioso! 

Italian recipes passed down through the 

Pacelli family for generations have come 

to delight us in Key West. And Luigi 

Pacelli makes sure each and every serving 

from his new restaurant lives up to that 

delicious tradition. Located on the corner 

across from Faustos on Fleming, you cant 

miss the colorful and charming handpainted 

Tuscan murals glowing through 

the windows ... or Luigis genuine and welcoming 

smile. Walk on in and ask him 

about his signature pizza, “e Godfather.” 

You wont be able to resist the Garden- 

Fresh Tomato Sauce Luigi makes from 

scratch; its not acidic, just sweet and 

perfect. Each wedge of “e Godfather” 

delivers generous chunks of Pepperoni, 

Italian Sausage, Mushrooms, Red Onions 

& Black Olives. You can also order Whole 

Wheat or Sicilian (ick Crust). Its meaty 

and stacked full, totally satisfying. Luigis 

Signature Pizzas, from Greek to Hawaiian 

and from Margherita to BBQ Chicken, 

come in three sizes, ranging from $15.95 

to $19.95. Or you can create your own 

custom Pie from his lists of fresh ingredients. 

If youre a Pizza lover, you definitely 

need to experience Luigis! 

ere are other unique delights to 

discover besides Pizza, though, like the 

Marinated Portobello Sandwich. e 

Gourmet Mushroom is marinated and 

served topped with Mixed Greens, Roasted 

Red Onion, a Balsamic Reduction with 

Roasted Garlic, and Herbed Goat Cheese 

... panini-pressed on a Grilled Ciabatta 

Roll ($7.95). is was Gregorys favorite 

and is hearty without being heavy, juxtaposing 

the savory Mushroom with a 

Balsamic zing and a creamy-tasting 

Goat Cheese. Its definitely a full meal, 

complete with Pickle and Chips. 

And if you are sitting around with 

friends and all starving, we dare you to 

tackle “e Stoner” Super Sandwich: 18 


K E Y B U S I N E S S I N K E Y W E S T 

inches of Cuban Bread, piled till your eyes 

pop with Prosciutto di Parma, Sopressata, 

Capicola Ham, Mozzarella, Provolone, Romaine 

Lettuce, Tomato, Pickled Red 

Onions, Jalapeños, Avocado, Garlic Aioli 

and a drizzle of Oil & Vinegar ($17.95). 

At $17.95, this monster is a bargain and 

can feed three to four hungry stoners! 

We sampled the house “Pacelli Salad” 

and it was an unexpeced delight. Luigi 

takes Fresh Mixed Greens and adds Sliced 

Candied Almonds, Dried Apricot Slices, 

Gorgonzola Cheese and a Hazelnut Balsamic 

Dressing ($8.95). Light and fresh, 

it weaves tastes and textures you wouldnt 

expect to find together, layering the sweet 

of the Candied Almonds & Apricots with 

the tart Vinaigrette and creamy Cheese. 

is is a really new taste sensation, and 

its highly recommended! 


INFO Luigis, 521 Fleming St., 

(305) 292-4962

wining the keys KEY 

HAPPENINGS 

W I N E A B I T, Y O U L L F E E L B E T T E R 

Ya think theyd learn 

after the first time 

So, if you’re reading this, you’ve 

survived Christmas. You survived 

that epic amateur night — New Year’s Eve. 

You even survived the Mayan end of the world! 

Well done! 

Well, what if I told you there was an event 

in the wine world that made people question 

whether wine would continue to exist?!? One 

single event that wiped out vines all across the 

globe — including places as geographically diverse 

as France, South Africa, Australia, and 

California?!? And what if I told you that this 

event was one-thirtieth of an inch long and 

one-sixth of an inch wide?!? And what if I told 

you it almost happened again?!?! 

First, it’s important to understand that almost 

all of the grapes used to make wine come 

from the European vinifera species. Cab, merlot, 

chardonnay, etc. are all vinifera grapes. 

But back in the 1860s, French vintners started 

doing some experimentation with native 

American vines, and vintners across the globe 

were experimenting with the vinifera grapes in 

their own terroirs. Unbeknownst to the 

French, there was a little hitchhiker on those 

American vines that became known 

as Phylloxera vastatrix, the devastator. 

(Take that Arnold!) 

ey had no idea of what was 

happening. Phylloxera, now known 

as the insect Dactylasphaera vitifoliae 

(boy, is my spell checker having 

fits today) is a minute little bug that 

fed on the European rootstock and 

sucked the life out of the vines. 

Nobody had any clue as to what 

was happening, and they tried just about anything 

to cure it, including countless chemicals 

and even irrigating the vineyards with wine. 

In about two decades almost all of the 

vineyards around the world were destroyed, 

and there was nothing they could do about it. 

ey seriously thought it was the end of wine. 

But, just as the Europeans were experimenting 

with American vines, the Californians were experimenting 

with the vinifera vines, and all of 

their vinifera vines were killed as well. But, the 

native American vines didn’t suffer at all. Soon 

they found the little insect was living on the 

root stalk and discovered the American rootstock 

was immune to the little bastard, so they 

started grafting the superior vinifera vines onto 

the American rootstock. It worked so well that 

pretty much all of the world’s vines were 

pulled up and replanted with American rootstock. 

So, we as proud Americans can say, we 

saved the wine industry from total devastation 

and those sniveling little French should thank 

their luck stars for us Yanks, not to mention 

WW1 and WW2! Let’s just not mention they 

were the ones that caused the problem in the 

first place. (Hee-hee). 

So, you’d think that thats the end of the 

story, right? Nope! You know that we don’t 

learn anything from just one disaster. It’s gotta 

happen at least twice, and it did. 

In 1983, Phylloxera started showing up in 

California and started burning through the 

vineyards, again. It was affecting some of the 

most important vineyards in the state, including 

such notables as Heitz Cellar’s Martha’s 

Vineyard. e problem turned out to be that 

we just can’t learn anything the first time. As it 

turned out, the pest was affecting one particular 

rootstock — AxR1. is just happened to 

be the rootstock of choice for California at the 

time. It had been developed in California by 

biologists who combined American rootstock 

with vinifera rootstock. In their testing, they 

found it very tolerant of Phylloxera, but the little 

bastard had morphed into what is now 

known as biotype B, and it started sucking the 

life out of all AxR1 vines throughout California, 

Oregon and Washington. 

By 1995, every AxR1 vine 

that had been planted had to be 

ripped out. In California alone 

the cost was estimated to be over 

$1 billion. On top of that, it 

takes about three years for new 

vines to become productive, so 

you can imagine the devastation 

of the U.S. wine industry. It’s important 

to point out the European 

growers thought those crazy Americans 

were playing with fire when they started toying 

with the vinifera rootstock again, and they 

chose to stay with the pure American rootstock. 

Oh well, we eventually learn, maybe. 

Finally as always, remember if you want to 

get the most important email newsletter of all 

time, Smokin Vines, a listing of all food and 

booze events in the Keys, send your name and 

email to wineslut@me.com and Ill add you to 

the list. 

at’s it for this week, so until the next 

time — wine a bit, you’ll feel better. 

STEVE 

C A L D E R W O O D 

e 

8 www.konklife.com 

January 4 

Open studio 

During Upper Duval’s First Friday Art Stroll on January 4, 

5-9pm, the artist’s creative workspace opena for a reception. Kate 

Peachey and Karen Moore will be on hand to discuss their work. 

Gem enthusiast and jewelry 

designer Karen Moore introduces 

a new interactive 

monthly series, Gem Sessions, 

featuring a different 

precious stone and its characteristics 

each month. ZEN 

by Karen Moore designs 

available at Blue Eye Images 

Gallery, Shakti Yoga Studio, 

Wine Cottage on Eaton, 

Wanderlust and Out of the 

Blue in Big Pine. Learn more 

at zenbykarenmoore.com 

Painter Kate Peachey continues her foray into textured abstracts, 

preparing canvasses with added shapes that lend dimension 

to images described by color. Kate creates island fantasies 

and faces on bare canvass, wood, coconuts and found objects. 

Visit for a preview, katepeachey.com 


Old Town New Folk: Peter Mayer 

Peter Mayer, lead guitarist for Jimmy Buffett’s Coral Reefer 

band, returns to e Studios of Key West for a solo show. Mayer 

performs original songs from 

a career of more than 13 

CDs and songs. He’ll include 

a few selections from his latest 

release, Goodbye Hello, a 

collection of 15 Beatles songs 

with new arrangements and 

musical settings. 

Peter Mayer appears as 

part of e Studios of Key West’s Old Town New Folk in the 

main hall of the Historic Armory. His appearance followed by 

Jonathan Edwards, January 25; John Gorka, February 8; Livingston 

Taylor, March 8. Historic Armory series concludes with 

local music-maker Ben Harrison, March 23. 

Doors open 7pm. Mayer takes the stage 8pm. Seats limited 

to 200 and now available at www.keystix.com 

INFO (305) 295-7676 


Volunteer for iron distance 

Inaugural race of southernmost iron distance event in the 

United States spans 140.6 miles of swimming, biking and running. 

Volunteers receive T-shirts and dinner, 5:30-7:30 p.m. 

ursday, January 10, at DoubleTree Grand Key Resort. Volunteers 

of all ages at swim course, bike course, run course, transition 

area, aid stations, refreshment area and parking. Assistance 

also needed with timing, body marking and radio operation. 

Event benefits Florida Keys American Cancer Society. 

INFO (305) 896-9182

THEATER 

ONSTAGE 

Brandon Beach, David Black and Erin McKenna | PETER ARNOW 

‘e 39 Steps’ 

Adapted from the Alfred Hitchcock film 

The Waterfront Playhouse, 8pm 

December 20 to January 12 

The 39 Steps,” Broadway’s longest-running comedy, is now a hit 

in Paradise! Playing at the Waterfront Playhouse through January 

12, this cheeky spoof on Alfred Hitchcock’s iconic 1935 movie has 

garnered raves from critics and audiences. Winner of Tony, Drama Desk 

and Olivier Awards, “e 39 Steps” is packed with non-stop laughs featuring 

an onstage train chase, plane crash, handcuffs, evil-doers, missing fingers 

and old-fashioned romance. At its heart, “39 Steps” is about the magic 

of theater as only four actors create a “movie experience” live on stage. 

Brandon Beach plays Richard Hannay, a man bored with his life and 

longing for adventure. He meets a mysterious and glamorous German spy 

at a theater. e spy is played by Erin McKenna who also plays the other 

female love interests, a shy Scottish farm wife, and Pamela, the ubiquitous 

Hitchcock blonde. When the spy is murdered in his apartment, Hannay 

begins to run for his life as well as attempting to save the British Empire. 

David Black and J. B. McLendon play over a 100 eccentric characters who 

help tell the story: lingerie salesmen, Scottish innkeepers, thugs, vaudevillians, 

women, policemen and an out-of-control stream. 

Heading up this thrill ride of a show is director Danny Weathers. e 

production is a visually impressive featuring a brilliantly functional set 

from Michael Boyer, Leigh Hooten’s beautiful period costumes, Kim Hanson’s 

evocative lighting, Carmen Rodriguez’s clever props, Trish Manley’s 

diligent stage management and sound design of Hitchcock music themes 

and sound effects by Danny Weathers and Dan Simpson. 

e production is sponsored by Conch Color. 2012-13 season sponsors 

are Digital Island Media, Wodu Media and Royal Furniture. 

“e 39 Steps” is for the whole family. Tickets sell quickly with soldout 

houses. Call the box office (305) 294-5015 or purchase tickets online, 

www.waterfrontplayhouse.org 

Student, military and senior rates available, as well as Friday Night Date 

Night ticket special. Tickets, memberships, subscriptions and other information 

also available on the website or by calling the box office. 

e 

ww.konklife.com 9

n L E G A L I T I E S W I T H 

Louis Petrone 

December 28, 2012, two 

hours before the White 

House meeting between the President 

and Congressional leaders. e 

issue: How to avoid the fiscal cliff. 

I expect nothing good to come 

out of the meeting. A proper resolution 

is no longer in the cards. A partial 

one is as good as none at all. 

Our leaders continue to fail us. 

I see a plague on both their houses. 

ese Washingtonians are out of 

touch with the American public. 

Or maybe they are not out of touch. 

ey just do not care. ey speak 

not for you and me. 

Some of the elected beauties 

have political careers set in concrete. 

ey have Congressional careers 

running 30- to 50-plus years. For 

the populace, life-long jobs with an 

employer are a thing of the past. 

Salaries are interesting also. Most 

Senators and Congressmen receive 

$174,000 per year. With guaranteed 

increases they voted for themselves 

some 20 years ago. And no union. 

How many earn that much and 

have the guarantee of salary increments? 

Few in our society. 

e simple solution bandied 

about is term limits. A legislator is 

elected for a number of years or 

terms. Maybe two terms at best. 

en good bye. ey go home to 

farm or run their businesses as the 

Constitutional framers intended. In 

the latter 1900s, some states were 

concerned with the number of years 

Senators and Congressman were remaining 

in Washington and established 

term limits for their federally 

elected representatives. 

You don’t screw with Congress! 

Senators and Congressmen went to 

Court. eir case ended up in the 

U.S. Supreme Court. In 1995, a 

conservative Supreme Court ruled 

5-4 that term limits were not available 

for implementation without a 

Constitutional amendment. e 

bad guys won! Today, a Constitutional 

amendment takes years. 

KEY WEST 

LOU 

WHAT ABOUT TERM LIMITS 


e people screwed again. is 

time by the highest Court of the 

land. e framers of the Constitution 

envisioned a citizen legislature. 

Men would travel to Washington a 

few weeks a year, do the people’s 

work, then return home to their 

farms and businesses. It was that 

way once. No more. Now they go to 

Washington and do whatever is necessary 

to stay as long as they can. 

What about the farm or business 

back home? ey do not exist. 

e framers of the Constitution 

initially intended term limits be a 

part of the Constutution. However, 

there was a space problem. e 

framers wanted the Constiution to 

be as short as possible. Since the 

framers were farmers and business 

persons, they could not envision 

how anyone could or would want to 

serve 20 or more years. 

Another consideration was the 

lifespan as it existed at the time. 

Life expectancy was 35 years. 

Term limits were left out of the 

Constitution. 

omas Jefferson is considered 

to be the father of the Constitution. 

He drafted the document. Jefferson 

saw the problem with professional 

legislators. He said: “e two enemies 

of the people are criminals and 

government, so let us tie the second 

down with the chains of the Constitution 

so the second will not become 

the . . . . version of the first.” 

We have a problem! One with no 

simple solution. We better find a solution 

before these career Washington 

politicians screw up our lives 

even more. 

e 

LOU 

P E T R O N E 

TALK SHOW HOST

A SAN CARLOS HOLIDAY 

HOWARD LIVINGSTON IN CONCERT 


GUY deBOER | photographer

BRITISH STYLE HOLIDAY PARTY GUY deBOER | photographer 

12 ww.konklife.com 

DeRubeis Artworks 

Grand Opening 

New location 511 Duval St., Key West 

Chris DeRubeism, known as “father of 

the conceptual movement,” is defined 

as Abstract Sensualism: his paintings bring 

you the world of celestial abstraction capturing 

color-soaked light which appears to 

spring from his art. With soft lines, the 

artist weaves together forms of metal 

sculpture and paint to make his composition 

flow in harmony. Each work is originial, 

using structure and waves of light to 

build weightlessm diaphanous forms. Colors 

flow from one hue to the next, while 

the transparency of his layers of paint creates 

the illusion of depth. To view 

DeRubeis’ artwork — abstract, figures 

and spirits, landscapes . . . 

www.derubeisfineart.com 

Artist Chris DeRubeis

ocean key’s sunset pier rocks 

THE NIGHT REVIVALISTS 


GUY deBOER | photographer

l Green Parrot 

Donna the Buffalo (Above) 

l Schooner Wharf Bar 

Paul Cotton Band (Bottom left) 

l Place 

Band (Bottom middle) 

l The Smokin’ Tuna 

Joe Bachman 

(Bottom right) 


j a n u a r y 3 - 9

F U N T I M E S 

Smokin Tuna Saloon 

4 Charles St., off the 200 block 

Duval Street, (305) 517-6350 

n 

Thursday-Saturday 

Scott Kirby 5pm 

Caffeine Carl & The Buzz 10pm 

Friday-Saturday 


Rusty Lemmon Band 10pm 

Sunday-Monday 

Rusty Lemmon 6pm 

Wednesday-Thursday 


Sunday-Thursday 

Joe Bachman 9pm 

Green Parrot Bar 

601 White St., (305) 294-6133 

n 

Thursday-Friday 

Donna the Buffalo 

10pm Thursday, 

5:30 and 10 p.m. Friday 

Feel-good, groove-oriented, 

danceable, socially conscious 

music. It began 20 years ago with 

roots in old-time fiddle music that 

evolved into a soulful electric 

Americana mix infused with elements 

of Cajun/zydeco, rock, folk, 

reggae and country. Donna the 

Buffalo known for touring the 

country as one of the industrys 

most diverse roots-music bands. 

Dynamic songwriting tandem of 

vocalists Jeb Puryear and Tara 

Nevins penned 180 songs in collaboration 

with DTB. 

Saturday-Sunday 

Braille Blues Daddy Bryan Lee 

10 p.m. Saturday; 

5:30 p.m. Sunday 

For years the only blues band visitors 

to New Orleans would hear 

was New Orleans’ fixture, vocalist/guitarist 

Bryan Lee at the Old 

Absinthe House on Bourbon 

Street. Blind since childhood, his 

style never strayed from his midwest 

sensibilities making him the 

most Chicago-sounding band in 

town as his Jump Street Five 

played blues, developing a following 

and solid reputation. Today 

Lee is going stronger than ever, 

touring the states, Canada and 

Europe. Bryan Lee is primed and 

ready to take his band on tour in 

the wake of his latest CD, Katrina 

Was Her Name, produced by guitar 

great Duke. 

Wednesday 

Ukulele Assoc. meeting 8pm 


Green Parrot Bar 

Bryan Lee 

Special guest ukulele master 

Marc Revenson joins co-hosts 

Jeff Clark, Tim McAlpine and Jay 

Gewin for a workshop, concert 

and play-along. The Milwaukeebased, 

award-winning multi-instrumentalist, 

songwriter and 

music historian, known as Lil Rev, 

will follow the format of past 

Ukulele Association meetings, beginning 

at 8 p.m. with Rev leading 

a workshop followed by concertstyle 

performance by Rev. 


Green Parrot 

Lil Rev



Pier House 

Larry Smith 

Pier House 

Wine Gallery Piano Bar, 

One Duval, (305) 296-4600 

n 

Friday-Monday 7pm Larry 

Smith performs jazz, popular 

standards, originals, with guest 

singers, instrumentalists. Larry 

Smith New Year’s Eve Band: 

singers Christine Cordone and 

Schooner Wharf Bar 

Paul Cotton Band 

Kathleen Peace, drummer Peppy Pabone, guitarist 

Ray Sigismondi, bassist Tim McAlpine. 

Sunday Showcase 9pm 

Pianist/singer Mike Dennis. 

Renaissance man Dennis is presently an author of 

noir fiction, a former professional poker player, and 

a newlywed who two weeks ago married bride 

Yleana in Havana, Cuba. Dennis, who owned and 

performed at the former CC Ryders Piano Bar on 

Duval Street, has impressive credentials as an 

entertainer who travelled extensively and entertained 

the world. He looks forward to defying the 

Mayan predictions to perform the final Larry Smith 

Sunday Showcase of 2012. 


n Wine Gallery Piano Bar 

Monday 9pm 

Larry Smith Jazz Jam featuring drummer Richard 

Crooks and bassist Tim McAlpine 


202 Williams St., 292-3302, 

www.schoonerwharf.com 

n 

Thursday The Doerfels 7pm-Midnight 

Exuberant musical family from New York state. 

Early on these young musicians wowed audiences 

and critics with their bluegrass. Now they’ve 

| Continued on page 17



The Doerfels 


202 Williams St., 292-3302, 

www.schoonerwharf.com 

n 

Thursday The Doerfels 

7pm-Midnight 


branched out into other music 

genres, blending country, gospel 

and bluegrass with a touch of 

blues and rock, plus originals. 

With an extensive line-up of 

arrangements with banjo, fiddle, 

bass, cello, guitar, and humor, 

they form a musical group of virtuosity. 

Even the youngest members 

are veterans of the stage. 


Paul Cotton 7pm-Midnight 

Country rock band Poco’s main 

songwriter, lead vocalist and lead 

guitarist, Cotton’s 45-year career 

yielded countless albums and 

acclaim, and his staying power is 

endless. Born in the Deep South 

and raised on the south side of 

Chicago, the soulful influences of 

his roots can still be heard in his 

songs. With local musicians 

Marty Stonely, Russ Skabudda, 

Joel Nelson, and Greg Shandley, 

this band performs favorites like 

Poco’s “Heart of the Night” and 

“Crazy Love”, plus originals, Trop 

Rock, and New Orleans-influenced 

tunes with southern tinge. 

Charlie Mac’s 

Quarterback Deck, 528 Front 

St., (305) 509-7136 

n 

Thursday 

Black and Skabuddah 7pm 

Acoustic duo originally from New 

York City. Known for upbeat and 

lively performances. 



Nick Norman 7pm 

Hailing from South Carolina, Nick 

drew on Edwin McCain, Hootie 

and the Blowfish, Stevie Wonder 

and Michael Jackson to create 

his sound. These days shares 

stage with musicians Joey 

Marchiano of Philly and Key 

West's “Caffeine Carl” Wagoner. 

Cafe Sole 

1029 Southard St., 294-0230 

n 

Libby York Jazz vocalist 

lTruman Little White House concerts, 

January 14-15; lValentine 

to the City of Light with “To Paris 

With Love,” February 22, Studios 

of Key West. Tickets, 

www.keystix.com 

e 

Music in The Arts 

Friday, January 4 

In the Cabaret: Michael Robinson, 

5 PM The Gardens Hotel, 

526 Angela St. 294-2661. 

gardenshotel.com. 

Saturday, January 5 

In the Cabaret: Bobby Green 

on the Piano, 5 PM The Gardens 

Hotel, 526 Angela St. 

294-2661. gardenshotel.co. 

Legends in Concert : The 5th 

Dimension Tribute, 8 PM 

Tennessee Williams Theatre, 

5901 College Rd. 295-7676. 

keystix.com 

Peter Mayer in Concert, 8 PM 

TSKW, 600 White St. 

keystix.com 

Sunday, January 6 

Jazz in the Gardens, 

5 PM 

The Gardens Hotel, 526 Angela 

St. 294-2661. 

gardenshotel.com 

Sunday-Monday, 

January 6-7 

Bobby in the Lobby, 8 PM 

Tennessee Williams Cabaret 

Theatre, 5901 College Road. 

295-7676. keystix.com 

Tuesday, 


Aqua Idol, 6:30 PM Aqua 

Nightclub, 711 Duval. 

Come and vote your favorite 

contestant. Proceeds benefit 

Waterfront Playhouse. 

294-5505. aquakeywest.com

Florida Keys Council of the Arts 

Cultural Calendar: Send in events 

by ursday noon to the Florida Keys 

Council of the Arts, email address 

calendar@keysarts.com 

Key West Happenings 

ART RECEPTIONS / EXHIBITIONS 

Thursday, January 3 

Historic Seaport District Art Walk, 

6 PM. Galleries and shops along 

Fleming, Caroline and Greene Streets. 

Local artists display their work; 

local merchants open late. 

Friday, January 4 

Upper Duval Street Stroll, 

6 PM Galleries and shops along 

Upper Duval, Whitehead and Truman 

to United. SoDu Gallery: Vaughn Garner 

Photographs and Book Signing, 

1100 Duval St; Frangipani Gallery: 

David Scott Meier, 1102-A Duval St; 

Meet Me at Kate’s Art Studio, Kate 

Peachey and Karen Moore, 5 PM 

1309 Whitehead St.; Carriage House, 

Island Arts Co-op, Siduri’s Place, Cork 

& Stogie and Grand Vin wine bars. 

Fearless Opening and Reception, 7 

PM Lucky Street Gallery, 540 Greene 

St. 294-3973. luckystreetgallery.com. 

Anne McKee Artists Fund 2013 — 

Call to Artists due by January 7 

Anne McKee Artists Fund of the 

Florida Keys. Melissa Trader, 296- 

2080. Limited to 60 pieces. Entry 

forms, mckeefund.org 

CLASSES / WORKSHOPS 

Sean Callahan Watercolor Classes 

TSKW, 600 White St. 296-0458. 

Register now for Monday classes, 

January 7-28. tskw.org 

Finding Your Voice in Watercolor 

Key West Art Center, 300 Front St. 

Karen Beauprie, 517-6806. Register 

now for Tuesday classes, January 8 to 

March 26. All levels welcome. 

Renegade Clay Handbuilding Classes 

Renegade Clay Studio, 5550 5th Ave. 

#7, Stock Island. Handbuilding for all 

levels. 8-week class, January 9 to 

February 27. 

Life Drawing and Key West Still Life 

combo Life Drawing, 11 AM FKCC, 

5901 College Roadd. Tuesdays and 

Thursdays. Annamarie Giordano, 

609-884-8377. airebales@aol.com 

n In the Arts 

Time and Tide, page 19 

THEATER 

Thursday-Saturday, January 3-5 

Alfred Hitchcock’s The 39 Steps, 8 PM 

Waterfront Playhouse, 310 Wall St. 

294-5015. Tuesdays-Saturdays to 

January 12. waterfrontplayhouse.org 

Oil City Symphony, 8 PM Red Barn 

Theatre, 319 Duval St. 296-9911. 

Thursdays-Saturdays to January 12. 

redbarntheatre.com 

FILM 


Kid’s Saturday Movie Club: The Secret 

World of Arrietty, 10:30 AM 

Sunday and Tuesday, December 30 

and January 1: Opera in Cinema 

Series — Carmen, Royal Opera 

House, 2 PM, Tuesday, 7 PM. 

Tropic Cinema, 416 Eaton St. 

877-761-3456, tropiccinema.com 


Eco Discovery Documentary Film, 

2 PM Florida Keys Eco-Discovery 

Center, 809-4755. 35 East Quay 

Road, Truman Waterfront. 

floridakeys.noaa.gov 

Monday, January 7 

Alfred Hitchcock Series: To Catch a 

Thief, 7 PM Tropic Cinema, 416 Eaton 

St. Mondays, all month long. 

877-761-3456, tropiccinema.com 

LITERARY 

Thursday, January 3 

Cafe con Libros, 9:30 AM Key West 

Library, Conference Room, 

700 Fleming St. 292-3595 


Friends of the Library Book Sale, 

9:30 AM Key West Library, Palm 

Garden, 700 Fleming St. 292-3595. 


Key West Poetry Guild Meeting, 7 PM 

Blue Heaven Restaurant, 729 Thomas 

St. — upstairs, J.M. Varela, 293-0902. 

MUSEUMS & MORE 

Tuesday, January 8 

Maya Medicine Healing – Lecture, 7 

PM Key West Tropical Forest and 

Botanical Garden, 5210 College Road. 

296-1504.keywestbotanicalgarden.org 

Speaker Jennifer O’Hagan on traditional 

use of plants from Central America 

and grown here. 

Key West Orchid Society Meeting, 

2 PM West Martello Gardens, 1100 

Atlantic Blvd. 294-3210. 

keywestgardenclub.com 

Wednesday, January 9 

Green Drinks Key West — Sanctuary 

Friends of The Florida Keys: 

Finnegan’s Wake, 320 Grinnell St. 

289-2288. sanctuaryfriends.org 


tropic 

sprocketS 

n I N R E V I E W W I T H 

Ian Brockway 

e Guilt Trip 

Oy vey. We have one 

overbearing mom 

here folks, and she is played by the 

legendary Barbra Streisand. “e 

Guilt Trip” is the latest self-deprecating 

comedy starring Seth Rogen. 

Rogen, who has a natural likable 

charm in the manner of a young Albert 

Brooks, predictably stars as 

Andy Brewster, an aspiring corporate 

inventor. While this is nothing 

inspired for Rogen (he worries, frets, 

smirks and frowns as he has done in 

many other outings) it is hard not to 

like him. He has his friendly, anxious 

and irritable persona down to a 

science. 

Andy’s semi-sloppy helicoptermom 

Joyce (Streisand) calls constantly, 

seven times a day, and he 

duly deletes each message. He decides 

to visit mom on the way to a 

business trip and gets henpecked: 

“Why can’t you settle down and find 

a nice girl? Do you have sexual 

problems?” Etc, etc. Streisand manically 

goes on about her therapist, 

her hair, her makeup, non-dating 

and the love she has for peanut 

M&Ms to her son’s increasing discomfort. 

Mom goes on to reveal that 

some other man, also named Andy, 

was the true love of her life with intimate 

details. Andrew is confused. 

In an apparent stab at being more 

amiable to his domineering mom, 

he invites her on a business road trip 

across the country. 

At times Streisand’s histrionics 

do become wearing, but just when 

you want to throw a whole bag of 

popcorn at Barbra, a frenetic chemistry 

builds between Rogen and the 

iconic Streisand. is is not to say 

she gets a free pass here. is comedy 

is filled with some needlessly 

silly stuff (like mom finishing a 

four-pound steak for $100, not to 

mention carrying on at a stripper’s 

bar or gambling) and most of its sillier 

than John Waters. And not very 

interesting, given that there is so 

much back and forth between it all. 

It was reported on David Letterman 

show the story is based on an actual 

drive screenwriter Dan Fogelman 

(Crazy Stupid Love) took with hismom 

but I doubt their experience 

was as goofy as this film. 

“e Guilt Trip” does set out on 

a novel path: romantic comedy formula 

using dynamic of mother and 

son. At first Andy is reluctant, then 

actually likes being with his mom, 

then there is the usual miscommunications 

and harsh words just like in 

usual romantic films. 

e two actors do possess a harmony 

and solid heartfelt connection. 

e scenes that work are the 

ones where manic mother and badgered 

son are sharing rapid fire repartee. 

e film goes bland in its forced 

poignance, especially near the end 

when it dives into an attempted 

meeting with Joyce’s unrequited 

love. Overall, the comic strength of 

“e Guilt Trip” is in its recognizability. 

We might know guys like 

Andy and mothers like Joyce. We 

laugh even though we know whats 

coming in the manner of a lukewarm 

Judd Apatow comedy, although 

its single joke of everpresent 

mother who won’t butt out is more 

like a skit than a full-length feature. 

Be this as it may, “e Guilt Trip” 

goes down easy and does manage to 

make you laugh a bit. e last scene 

with Rogen and Streisand going 

their separate ways at an airport (as 

both pairs of eyes and two smiles tilt 

quizzically in similar gestures) is 

very touching as is the way in which 

they take leave from one another. 

ese quick strokes at the end 

give “e Guilt Trip” a much 

needed push off setting a bit of its 

warm predictability. 

e 

| Continued on page 22

Encore event 

IN THE 

ARTS 

TIME AND TIDE 

FINDING LIFE AT WATER’S EDGE 

Stone Soup Gallery’ special two-hour encore showing of “Time and Tide: Finding Life at Water’s Edge,” an exhibition of fine art paintings by Joe Jackson, 11 a.m. 

to 1 p.m. Sunday. e show debuted December 20 to several hundred viewers over a three-hour period and will finalize on Monday. 

“In his approach, Joe has been described as a creative perfectionist,” commented gallery owner Melissa Trader. “Yet his ability to simultaneously express both warmth and 

solitude through meticulously layered brush-strokes actually extracts a more intuitive and earthy response from his audience. Stone Soup is delighted to have presented this 

outstanding artist in his first one-man show.” 

Stone Soup Gallery is owned and run by Melissa Trader, assisted by artist Sean P. Callahan 

e 

INFO For more information on Jackson’s work, call Stone Soup Gallery, (305) 296-2080, or visit joejackson.com 

www.konklife.com 19

DEAR 

VENUS JONES 

M A Y T H E S T A R S B E W I T H Y O U 

Dear Venus Jones: I have had my 

own business for 15 years. I have had 

many employees. I have always felt they 

were an extended family to me. A few of 

their children call me Grandma. I have 

had to get hard with them and even fire 

some including my supervisor caught 

red-handed stealing from me. Why has 

this happened? I trusted completely. 

What can I do to insure this never 

happens again? 

Dear Grandma Business with 

Pleasure: I understand your pain and 

disillusionment. is is why the saying, 

“Don’t mix business and pleasure.” 

ere have been many who have had 

to swallow this bitter pill, but you have 

put on rose-colored glasses and denied 

the truth as you were seeing. ere have 

been many warnings. is is what happens 

when we do not follow the direction 

of a Pluto transit in our charts. 

How can you stop this in the future? 

at’s simple. Do not repeat the same 

process. As hard as it is for you to accept, 

there must be a separation from business 

and pleasure for it to be successful. ere 

must be a chain of command, and it 

must demand respect. is means one 

person is answered to to avoid confusion, 

and that person must be you. 

ere must be detachment from the 

outside world — personal bias or problems 

left at the door. Work is not a daycare 

situation nor should your door be 

open at all times. You need clear guidelines 

and set hours of business. Everything 

has its place. 

ere will be times when you get off 

the beaten path. at is to be expected. 

Remain flexible to handle these detours 

and get back on track as soon as possible. 

Do not allow any person to cause your 

entire operation to become a state of 

confusion or drama because of their personal 

problems. 

If a person cannot or will not do their 

job, after having given them whatever 

consideration you have set for your particular 

situation, then you must terminate 

them, thereby setting an example to 

the others that you mean business. 

Dear Venus Jones: I always tried 

to do the right thing with my family and 

friends. I feel as if I give and give and 

there is never anything that comes back. 

I have used up all my resources and still 

there seems to be people with their hand 

out towards me. What can I do when 

they are still asking, and I have no more 

to give? Why is it that people never try to 

help me? Why do I always seem to be the 

one who is doing all the giving? At some 

point, you would think they would see 

the light and change. I feel as if in some 

way I have failed in every way. 

Dear inker: Perhaps you expect too 

much. Did any of these people ask you to 

do any of the things you do? Here are 

some things I would like to “gift” you to 

think about. 

Stop volunteering your services if you 

cannot afford it. Understand it is not a 

gift if you are giving something you 

need. Understand if someone asks you 

for help and you agree to help them, 

both parties take responsibility. ere are 

no guidelines. 

People need to be responsible for 

themselves to grow. If you do everything 

for them, you can cripple them. is is 

where the formula for “tough love” originates 

in the first place. If you have 

watched a baby when it is trying to walk, 

you know how many times it has to fall 

down to become strong enough as well as 

knowledgeable enough to walk. To deprive 

someone of their life’s lessons is not 

in any way helping them to be strong 

and independent. It is making them dependents. 

ey will not only hate you for 

it but also blame you for making them 

that way. How can they possibly know 

what the “right thing” to do is if they 

have never had to experience the hard 

knocks of life? 

e 

DEAR VENUS 

COLUMNIST 

SYLVIA BOGART 

Sylviabogart@yahoo.com 

Send questions to venusjones50@yahoo.com 

with your date of birth. 


HOT 

DISH 

JT THOMPSON | Luigis 


With nothing canned or 

processed, Luigi makes everything 

from scratch using the freshest ingredients, 

and you can taste it! Other 

menu items include meals like Calzones 

& Strombolis, several tempting 

Salads, classic Bruschetta and 

hearty Sandwiches like the Meatball 

Parm, Smoked Salmon, Roasted Vegetables, 

Sesame Tuna and Pesto 

Chicken ($7.95-$9.95) ... theres 

something for every taste and appetite. 

And you can have a Beer with 

your meal... or if you stop in during 

Happy Hour (3-6PM), enjoy a Domestic 

Beer with 2 slices of Cheese 

Pizza for just $6... what a deal! But 

you can drop in any time, even later; 

theyre open till midnight Sunday 

through ursday, and till 2AM Fridays 

& Saturdays. Dine in or take 

out. If youre feeling like staying 

home, just phone for convenient free 

delivery in Old Town. And if youre 

planning an event, just call in your 

selections for a tasty and effortless 

party spread. 

Gregory and I were glad to meet 

Luigi, a chef who puts his heart into 

every handcrafted dish. Plus, Luigis 

has the only Sicilian (ick Crust) 

on the island. is is not just another 

Pizza place, its truly unique, 

delicious and very affordably priced. 

Stop by 521 Fleming. Go introduce 

yourself to Luigi — and sample his 

many lovingly made dishes. 

Delizioso! e 

n First State Bank 

makes holiday bright 

First State Bank of the 

Florida Keys’ employees 

continued their support of 

Poinciana Elementary 

School Christmas Kids 

Program with a donation 

of holiday gifts to needy 

local children. Each year, 

employees spread cheer 

by adopting children in 

need of assistance to 

ensure they have a happy 

holiday. 

At left, Angie Walterson 

and Susan Goldstein 

LOCAL 

observation 

CHRISTINA OXENBERG 


I was legless, and it was a huge relief 

when I made it home to Key West. 

Traveling home sans pie was a 

starkly different experience. I will 

never leave home without one again. 

e first thing I did when I got 

back was to fetch my bike, oiled and 

fixed up better than new. Last night 

I rode around town and everything 

certainly looked like Christmas. 

Palm trees and houses and front 

lawns are decorated with bright 

blinking lights and inflatable things, 

with moving parts, candy cane 

wheels rotating and carrousels set to 

music and slowly turning spreading 

their litter of twinkling lights. Cars 

festooned with Rudolph noses and 

antlers are double parked outside 

well-lit houses, while chimneys chuff 

and scent the mild chill with earthy 

rich smoke, mingling with the briny 

sea air, and making it smell like 

Christmas. 

I came home to find the perfect 

party invites. Friends Christmas Eve, 

and other friends Christmas Day. 

And, of course, I plan on presenting 

Key Lime pies at every stop. I’m already 

feeling glutted and spoiled and 

I plan on overdoing everything. Especially 

the fun. I hope the same for 

everyone. 

And Happy New Year!! e

Funday 

with LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer 

www.konklife.com 21

KONKLifes BIG SAVINGS are here! 

Advertise 

YOUR 

SPECIAL! 

Get YOUR 

SAVINGS 

here! 

521 Fleming St. 

15% off 

HITCHCOCK 


Holy Motors 

Watching “Holy Motors” is to 

cheer (or jeer) that the cinema of 

Dada circa 1920 through 2012 is 

alive again. Duchamp, Man Ray or 

Rene Clair had never seen such 

things, or maybe they did. 

is is Leos Carax’s fourth main 

feature (e Lovers on e Bridge) 

who is fond of eccentric plots with 

imagery that recalls the psychedelic 

director Alejandro Jodorowski (El 

Topo). “Holy Motors” has a sweep 

and a slickness to it. With its detached 

urban flavor, it recalls Cronenberg’s 

“Cosmopolis,” if Eric 

Packer’s limo had been waxed with 

hallucinogens. 

At the start of “Holy Motors,” 

we have Oscar (Denis Lavant) who 

is sleeping, I assume, in a dingy 

motel with a dog. After several 

minutes, the forest-patterned 

wallpaper dissolves to reveal Oscar 

with a screwdriver for a finger 

entering a crowded cinema. ere 

is a baby, followed by a scary 

growling dog. 

Instantly we are in Paris with 

Oscar in a stretch white limo. He is 

on the phone with a file in front of 

him. Quickly the limo turns into a 

makeup room, and Oscar sets to 

work, applying makeup and masks. 

He dons a black skin suit and enters 

a warehouse equipped with lasers. 

He has an Uzi-type gun. 

Is Oscar a video game actor 

or an assassin? 

What follows is one of the more 

poetic passages of the film with 

Oscar writhing in video ecstasy 

as he turns into a reptilian sex 

creature who becomes fused to a 

red-leathered female counterpart. 

Another file is placed in Oscar’s 

seat, and he turns into a gluttonous 

and violent, grimy leprechaun. 

He strips naked and gorily upsets 

a photo shoot with the beautiful 

Eva Mendes. 


Oscar savagely gobbles flowers 

and bites a secretary’s finger clean 

off. He ransacks a cemetery. In one 

fine touch, the gravestones read 

“Visit My Website.” 

e imagery is stirring and 

although I’m not quite sure what 

the point is, it’s never boring. 

In tone and spirit, much of the 

sequences echo the art films of 

Matthew Barney. 

Oscar drives on, barely communicating 

to the chauffeur, the Hitchcockian-blonde 

Celine (Edith 

Schob) and getting increasingly ill, 

the more he impersonates others. 

With every new character, Oscar 

takes nothing with him. Like the 

wallpaper in the cinema, he is flat. 

For the moment, people know him, 

but then he vanishes becoming little 

more than tinsel in a Parisian sky. 

ere are many vivid touches in 

keeping with its iconoclastic tone, 

not least of which is a jubilant 

accordion disco number which runs 

throughout a gothic cathedral. 

At one point, we think that 

Oscar is returning home to his wife 

in a futurist apartment ala “2001.” 

Our man Oscar is apparently 

married to a chimpanzee, and they 

have two chimp offspring. 

Juxtaposed against a modernist 

and spacey environment, this is both 

haunting and silly, as is the last scene 

with the limos actually talking 

to each other, which feels as goofy 

as Disney. 

What does it mean? Perhaps it 

doesn’t matter. It is enough to go 

ahead and enjoy or just absorb 

“Holy Motors” for its mania. 

I don’t think the ghost 

of Antonin Artaud will utter 

a peep. 

e 

Write Ian at redtv_2005@yahoo.com 

www.TropicCinema.com 

Tropic Cinema, the only nonprofit art 

multiplex in South Florida. Rated”Best 

Cinema in Florida 2009-2012”

the gadabout 

WHY STRIPPERS ARE BETTER 

THAN BOYFRIENDS 

If anyone ever wonders why I 

spend my time with strippers instead 

of being in a relationship it’s 

simply better. First of all, strippers 

smell better than the general populace; 

that should be reason enough 

right there. ey are groomed to the 

nines, but it’s still best to get to 

them early in their shift before 

they’ve been picked over. ey are 

pawed and get all germy. I can’t even 

think about the foreign fluids aspect 

or I’ll never touch one again. 

I don’t care who they are, and 

they only want me for my money. 

Perfect. Lets’ fool around. No dinner. 

Nothing. ere’s a lot to be said 

for keeping it light. Strippers are 

very uncomplicated creatures. I don’t 

have to wonder what he wants or 

thinks. I already know. He wants to 

take as much from me as he can get 

and move on. All the while he is 

looking at the hot girl behind me. At 

least I know where I stand. Civilian 

men usually don’t know what they 

want, much less capable of communicating 

it. I just spent a little time 

with one, and I don’t need someone 

with issues. I’m sure strippers have 

plenty of issues, but I’ll never know 

about them nor do I care. I’m not 

sure where my Mexican fits into all 

of this. 

It’s definitely cheaper hanging 

with dancers than having a partner. 

At least it is in the long run. I still 

get to sleep alone and don’t have to 


clean up after anyone. 

I am painfully aware most strippers 

are out of my league, so I could 

not get them without money anyway. 

Okay, I can live with that fact. 

ey laugh at my jokes. I don’t care 

if it is because I am peeling off a $20 

or not. Superficial exchange is just 

fine with me. 

Our busy season is coming, so 

there should be plenty of fresh meat 

for a while. Nice. I love the idea of 

getting paid to take your clothes off. 

Once again, I would like to blame 

my Catholic upbringing for such 

things, titillations. 

Keep in mind to never, ever have 

a stripper as a boyfriend. I’ve done 

it, and you get the worst of both 

worlds and lose the good stuff. 

e 

SCOTT 

M c C A R T H Y 

GadaboutKeyWest@gmail.com

January 3, 2013 Issue of KONK Life - KONK Network

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