Dobson, 2010.pdf - University of Sheffield

246 Psychology of Music 39(2)
The enduring presence of self-criticism and the potential for criticism from audiences served
only to exacerbate the distinctions that the musicians made between the requirements of their
profession and those of other lines of work. Talking of the effects of self-criticism, a conservatoire
violinist stated ‘you don’t have to always do that [in other occupations], you don’t have to
always think about where you’re going wrong’ (S6), while a professional viola player spoke of
the vulnerability she perceived as inherent in performance:
it’s such an emotional thing, it’s such a personal thing, music, you know. It’s not like if you work in
recruitment…you’re really putting yourself on the line in some ways – a lot of it has to come from
inside you…so you have to believe in yourself. (S7)
This idea was extended by the jazz musicians: one jazz student described performance as ‘putting
out your soul’ (J3), speaking of the potentially damaging effects of criticism from audiences
and peers when the performer has taken a prominent role in shaping the musical product.
The jazz musicians highly valued improvisation because of its capacity for self-expression
(Dobson, 2010), but they also believed that it increased their exposure to the effects of criticism:
J4, for example, stated that ‘the more creativity there is the more chance there is of getting
hurt’. Similarly, a jazz pianist reflected on the greater vulnerability involved when performing
music she had composed:
if you do write your own music, I think that’s also a different thing from just playing other people’s
music, and also it’s similar to being a singer or something, you’re very exposed and very open to criticism
– you really kind of put yourself on the line, so you’ve got to be fairly strong-minded. I mean
everybody, any musician will tell you I guess, and you’ve probably discovered that we’re all kind of,
with a lot of self-doubt, I suppose, in what we do. (J9)
Self-doubt, peer-comparison, and the importance of reputations
Doubt in one’s abilities as a performer was a strong emergent theme. While several string players
discussed self-doubt, this theme was more prominent in the jazz musicians’ accounts and
was most frequently related to their experiences at music college. J5 talked of having ‘some horrible
times being a musician’ during his student years, describing the potential for depression
that an uncertain involvement with music can harbour: ‘music is as good a thing as anything
to get really down about, and insecure about…if you’re not sure about what you’re doing’. He
explained this lack of confidence in terms of the need to adjust to a greater degree of selfsufficiency
during conservatoire training, particularly when operating in what he described as
‘a very sort of introverted, middle class jazz scene’ (J5).
While self-criticism and criticism from audiences did concern some of the participants, criticism
from peers emerged as a more prominent theme. J5’s experiences also demonstrate the
potential for peer criticism to impact on a musician’s well-being, depicting a conservatoire culture
in which back-stabbing is rife:
You have to be confident in what you’re doing, because nobody around you is going to tell you what
you’re doing is good or bad…there’s a massive culture of praising and putting each other down behind
people’s backs…that is hugely widespread, but it is awesomely rare for anybody to turn round and tell
anybody else that they’re great, that they’re good, that they enjoyed what they did.... If you allow
yourself to be bogged down in the sort of comparing yourself to what’s going on around you stakes,
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