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FOH-at-Large
W W B A W I D N B
Those of us in the smaller audio companies
do not usually have the luxury of
loading into a shed or theater that is
set up specifically for musical and theatrical
performance. A good portion of the venues
we end up working are spaces where audio
and lighting are less than a primary consideration.
They are a mere afterthought — if
any thought was put in that direction at all.
A good motto for all of us who are caught in
this predicament might be, “Bringing audio
where it doesn’t belong.” It’s not pretty, but
someone has to do it.
Where It Does Belong FOH
I mean, seriously, how hard is it to go
into a room that already has grid or designated
hang points? It’s routine — lights and
video in first, after which comes the audio,
and then backline or sets. Run your snake
through the trough; tie into the house delay
system, and, bada bing bada boom, you’re
done. The band gets to do a three-hour
sound check, and then they retire to the
dressing room to relax and enjoy the fruits
of their rider before coming back on stage
to play for an adoring crowd that hangs on
every gorgeous visual and amplified note
emanating from the stage.
At the end of the concert, the crew returns
(the size of crew varies depending
upon the venue), the backline is struck,
the speakers are brought in, the snake and
consoles are packed, the lighting truss is
brought in and struck, the trucks that have
been patiently waiting in the loading dock
are loaded and dispatched, and before the
four hour call is over, the crew is back in the
hotel bar having cocktails and cruising for
everlasting love.
No-Win Spaces FOH
We Who Bring Audio Where It Does Not
Belong do not have the comfort of loading
into spaces that are actually set up to accommodate
our essence. Hey, it’s not our
fault that some client decides to book a
major recording act into a small, beautiful
restaurant, hotel ballroom or event space in
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Scoping out audio
amongst ten thousand
guitars
Buyers Guide
Remember the
“Recording the Gig”
stuff we promised?
We Who Bring Audio Where It Doesn’t
Belong do not have the comfort of loading
into spaces that are actually set up to
accommodate our essence.
order to celebrate some fabulous milestone
in their stupendously wonderful life. That’s
right, it’s not our blunder, but by default, it
certainly becomes our responsibility.
The amazing thing is that some of these
clients are even record companies who, one
would think, would know better, but alas,
they too succumb to the lure of the newest,
nicest and sexiest place to hold their event
without giving any thought as to what
might entail when they book a large nationally
known act as the night’s entertainment.
Not once have these clients or venues
called before booking the bands to inquire
as to any unforeseen problems. They get so
caught up in the fact that they can get “So
and so muckety muck” to play at their event
that they forget to even ask if it is feasible to
do so. The artist, having been made an offer
that they can’t refuse, takes his/her deposit
and passes on the necessary information to
their tour manager, who then becomes accountable
should anything go wrong with
the event.
Specific, Varying Requests FOH
We — The Company Who Brings Audio
Where It Doesn’t Belong — are then
contacted by the client, the agent, the
venue or all the latter and given very specific,
though varying, requests for what
is needed to make for a successful event.
The artist, of course, is asking for as much
of their concert rider as possible, the
venue is asking for the least amount of
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ILLUSTRATION BY ANDY AU
hassle and the agent doesn’t give a crap
as long as he gets paid. The production
company or, We Who Bring Audio Where It
Does Not Belong, having accepted the gig
because work is work, then becomes the
heart of the problem. “Why is the stage so
big?” asks the venue, “Do we need all this
equipment?” they whine. “There’s no room
to store cases so they need to go back on
your truck,” they insist. “Our event starts at
7 p.m., but you can’t load in until after our
luncheon, which ends at 4 p.m.,” they dictate.
“We only have two 20-amp circuits,
and you can’t tie in,” they declare. All this,
and I’m still just working the phone.
I call the band and tell them to work
it out with the client and the venue and
then get back to me. They finally get back
to me. and it seems as though all is well
and good. They have compromised their
stage size, we will be allowed to tie in to a
panel, albeit one that’s 400 feet away from
the stage, and in a great act of generosity,
the venue has agreed to give us another
half-hour for setup and check.
No Easy Answers FOH
Upon arriving at the venue, we, of
course, find that the loading dock we were
shown during the walk-through is not
available to us, and that the street in front
of the building is a “no parking” or unloading
zone which, due to the Twilight Zonetype
of laws in modern day Manhattan,
carries a $150 fine for all offenders. With
By BakerLee
no other choice but to turn around and go
back to the warehouse, we incur the fine
and unload the truck.
The large freight elevator we scoped
out and were promised is closed for the
day, and the elevator we are allowed to
use is not quite as large as the dysfunctional
one, therefore the load in goes a
bit slower than expected, but we stoically
bully the gear through the basement filled
with garbage and emerge through the
busy kitchen just in time to find out that
the caterer is fully set up, thereby leaving
us no other option but to destroy the
beauty that he has created.
Despite the odds, We Who Bring Audio
Where It Does Not Belong prevail, and
get set up/cases back on truck and sound
checked by the opening of the doors, and
yet “WWBAWIDNB” is still the villain for
taking up too much space and making too
much noise. “Check one two, aw aw.” “Baker,”
one woman says, “No more check one
two’s, okay?” “Hey lady,” I respond, as courteously
as I am able, “I am just a vendor
trying to do my best to satisfy the needs
of our mutual client, who felt the need
to book a big name touring act into your
tiny designer restaurant. I am also trying
to please the big name act that is being
forced to play on an 8-by-12-foot stage.
So, please excuse me while I am in the
middle of being aggravated and go tell it
to the client.”
“Turn It Down!” FOH
Of course, this is all a precursor to when
the band actually starts to play, and both
the client and venue person come running
up to tell me that the band is too loud. “Turn
it down,” they yell. I show them that there is
nothing in the system and all they are hearing
is the band and the onstage monitors,
but they still insist that I tell the band to turn
down. For the sake of keeping the peace, I
tell the band what the client and venue have
requested, and for about eight bars, the
band’s volume drops, but by the ninth bar,
the band has roared back to their original
sound level.
The venue person returns and this time
she is armed and dangerous. Holding it up
to my ear she points the Radio Shack dB meter
at the band and then shrieks at me “See,
it says 100dB!” Yup, there it was, detailed in
black and white, irrefutable, scientific proof
that the band was too loud and whose fault
is that? Obviously it’s WWBAWIDNB. After
all, the well-known restaurant did its job, the
wealthy client merely booked the band and
was just having a good time, and the band
that is rich and famous is, well, rich and famous.
Fortunately for all parties involved,
the band stopped playing after a half hour.
Unfortunately for us, as soon as the party
ended, the venue opened their doors to the
general dancing public, forcing us to pack
up and load out through a raucous crowd
of party people while the DJ blared through
the house system. Hoo Ha, just another brilliant
day of Bringing Audio Where It Doesn’t
Belong.
If you’re trying to reach Baker Lee, your
e-mail belongs at blee@fohonline.com.