DANNY'S OWN STORY BY DON MARQUIS TO MY ... - Pink Monkey

strong action now to show Jane he is a great man.
But he don't do it. And Jane is too much of a
thoroughbred to show him she expects it. And me,
I'm getting the fidgets and wondering to myself,
"What is that there perfessor up to now? Whatever
it is, it ain't like no one else. He is looney,
that perfessor is. And she is kind o' looney, too.
I wonder if they is any one that ain't looney sometimes?"
I been around the country a good 'eal,
too, and seen and hearn of some awful remarkable
things, and I never seen no one that wasn't more or
less looney when the SEARCH US THE FEMM comes into
the case. Which is a Dago word I got out'n a
newspaper and it means: "Who was the dead
gent's lady friend?" And we all set and sweat
and got the fidgets waiting fur that perfessor to
come back.
Which he done with that Sister Estelle grin onto
his face and a pill box in his hand. They
was two pills in the box. He says, placid and
chilly:
"Yes, sir, duels are out of fashion. This is the
age of science. All the same, the one that gets
her has got to fight for her. If she isn't worth
fighting for, she isn't worth having. Here are
two pills. I made 'em myself. One has enough
poison in it to kill a regiment when it gets to working
well--which it does fifteen minutes after it is
taken. The other one has got nothing harmful
in it. If you get the poison one, I keep her. If I
get it, you can have her. Only I hope you will
wait long enough after I'm dead so there won't
be any scandal around town."
Henry, he never said a word. He opened his
mouth, but nothing come of it. When he done
that I thought I hearn his tongue scrape agin his
cheek on the inside like a piece of sand-paper.
He was scared, Henry was.
"But YOU know which is which," Jane sings out.
"The thing's not fair!"