The Silver Kewanite - Kewanee Public Library District

JEERING JOURNAL
TEACHERS! TEACHERS! TEACHERS!
Our Slogan: The faculty gets the breaks, but Heaven help the poor students!
Attention, Teachers: If your
name does not appear on this
page, it can be attributed to one
or all of the following reasons:
(1) You say your prayers—
(2) We have nothing on you—
(3) You are lucky—
(4) We did not have time—
Whatever the reason, THANK
YOUR LUCKY STARS!
(N. B.: Miss Harper is not
mentioned because she is too
young.)
MR. STRONKS
Mr. Stronks attended high school
at Alton, Iowa. He is married. Before
he got married he got a
license. Before that he asked Mrs.
Stronks. Before that he met Mrs.
Stronks. That is the idea in a
chicken's tooth.
He is 6 feet tall (he has only
2 feet of actual feet), weighs 150
pounds, and was in good health
until this year's freshman class
entered high school. We are of the
opinion that he has probably lost
some weight, too. When he saw
the freshmen the first day of
school, he said to Mrs. Stronks:
"Do not worry about my Christmas
present this year, dear. Just give
me 365 aspirin tablets."
MISS STEWART
We do not know how tall Miss
Stewart is, but we have an idea
she is about that tall. Nothing definite,
of course. We recommend
her as a good bridge player, for
she has never been known to trump
her partner's ace. Oh, my dear
Watson, it is merely a case of elementary
deduction, and here it is.
I play bridge. Miss Stewart plays
bridge. I trump my partner's ace.
Miss Stewart does not trump her
partner's ace. When I play against
Miss Stewart, she beats me. Therefore
she is my superior (when it
comes to bridge).
POP.
Amen, "VOX
MISS MILLER
Miss Lila Miller was born in
Monmouth, Illinois, at quite an
early age. She attended high school
in Abingdon, Illinois, and in Hollywood,
California. Students, get
your lessons; she is an expert shot
with the rifle! And again we warn
you—do not try to argue with her,
for she debated for two years in
college. She says she would be
willing to talk two more years if
she could win an argument with
Mr. Robinson on the subject: "How
to eat taffy without undue embarrassment
when you have false
teeth." " 'Tis merely a matter of
sticking to the principal" (so he
says).
MR. EDWIN W. LANTZ
Mr. Lantz attended the Keokuk
High School of Keokuk, Iowa. He
is old enough, 5 feet 10 inches in
height, and weighed 145 pounds in
1928. He is an American and in
spite of this is in good health. Mrs.
Lantz is his wife. Mr. Lantz has
not grown any in height in the
last three years, although he has
expanded in breadth. Among the
more recent accomplishments of
Mr. Lantz is the fact that he has
learned to play the piano well since
last summer. He is now contemplating
taking Mr. Robinson's place
as accompanist for the music assemblies.
However, Mr. Robinson
is contesting this move for, says
he, "I may not be able to play the
VULGAR BOATMAN, but I sure
can play volley ball".
MISS KNAPP
We have just received a bulletin
from the Associated Press
which hints in a round-about way
that Miss Knapp is in some way
connected with Iowa (the state
where tall corn grows whenever a
booster has time to talk about it).
Now Miss Knapp may be guilty of
this terrible accusation, or she
might even live in that terrible
state, but we will give her the benefit
of the doubt right now. By law
the usual penalty is picking corn,
and to make the penalty much
harder the subject is usually Blue
Jay corn. We hope Miss Knapp
will not be forced to do this by the
authorities. It necessitates a terrible
mental strain since the corn
must be picked by focusing the
eye on the kernel and detaching it
by sheer mental power.
We have never heard her even
so much as mention Iowa, so to
avoid any embarrassed or ashamed
feeling, please do not mention this
article within 100 paces of Miss
Knapp. Anyone so doing will be
positively overlooked when the
school gives out the Kewanite hush
money. The faculty has established
a hush money fund which
really is a scholarship offered to
anyone who has never said anything
mean about the faculty. No
person has received this honor yet.
ALVIN RICHARD KAISER
Mr. Alvin Kaiser can teach German
or English and can walk backward.
He was born in Preston, Nebraska,
on March 10. Figure out
his age for yourself. Thank you.
We knew you would! He went to
Goldendale High School, Goldendale,
Washington. He has an
Adam's apple but has never sung
in grand opera. His favorite pastime
is trying to knock yours truly
bald-headed with his fast ones
when I play tennis with him at
the net. He is so cruel when he
spies someone at the net. Brrrr-r.
He weighs 170 pounds, is 5 feet 10
inches tall, is not married yet, and
does not chew in the class rooms.
MISS HILDA M. GARMS
Miss Garms is more than If*
years old and less than 100, and
weighs no less than she should.
She went to Champaign High
School at Champaign, Illinois, and
has never been known to fall
downstairs on her honor, so she
says. The editor has never fallen
downstairs on his honor, either,
but he hit on his head at three
different times and places. She
j does not speak Latin fluently but
she is wiser than yours truly because
she admits it. It took me
three years to be forcefully convinced
that I could not even say
my prayers in Latin. God could
not understand me.
MISS EUTROPHIA CURRY
Miss Curry is just about as old
as she should be, considering her
age. She is 5 feet 7% inches tall
and w r eighs herself on a scale with
no springs, that tells your fortune.
She went to high school at Mount
Sterling, Illinois. She finished
grade school and then went to high
school. That is how she happened
to go to high school. She finished
high school and then went to college.
That is how she happened to
go to college. 'Tis said she had
high grades in school. "That ain't
nuten," sez zee, "fer ma gets high
grades whan we'ns play golf."
Yes! Yes! Indeed. WE (oui).
It is rumored that Jane Moore
is richer by five bucks, at the expense
of an unsuspecting alumnus
who bet that she would be higher
than fifth from the bottom of the
senior class when the averages
came out. If he had only known
our little Jane he would never
have made that fatal bet.