The Silver Kewanite - Kewanee Public Library District

ANSWERS TO LOVE
QUERIES
By Petting Patty
My Dear Miss Petting Patricia—
I am writing to you for a little
kind advice which I have been
needing for some time now. I have
been going with a girl for the past
few months and have suddenly decided
that I don't know quite how
to handle her. It isn't that we don't
get along well—for we have never
quarreled. You see, at times when
Anna takes hold of my arm, I feel
rather superfluous. We attend
church regularly and always agree
on the sermon. Do you suppose I
am self-conscious? Please advise.
Thanking you, I am,
Forever,
—William Pitezel.
Dear Mr. Pitezel—
Your predicament is most
strange, to be sure. I would suggest
joining the choir and this
would not only afford some place
to go, but perhaps you could stir
up an argument about the songs. A
little quarrel always helps matters.
It would also be a good plan to
take hold of her arm at times.
—Petting Patty.
Dear Petting Patty—
As captain of the 1930 football
team, I am writing you for a bit of
sincere advice. Do you know of
any way that a big he-man can lose
some of his sex appeal? Girls continually
are falling flat for me and
it always seer^s that I lose interest
after the first few dates. My
first flame, Ruth, certainly had me
buffaloed for a while, and then
along came a girl who wrote me
notes in shorthand. Her name
turned out to be Betty Kilby and
we are still crazy about each
other. But here is the tragedy—
the other day I received a note
written in Eskimo; at least I think
it was Eskimo, for not even Cecil
Stiff could translate it. I would be
very thankful for a little advice.
As ever,
—Harold Strom.
Dear Harold—
The only solution to your problem
that I have is to forget the
girls and start straight for Eskimo.
The girl who wrote you undoubtedly
said she loved you and from
all appearances you would be better
off there anyway.
—Patty.
Note: It is customary for football
captains to be over-burdened
with sex appeal, so your case is
nothing to be alarmed at.—P. P.
JEERING JOURNAL 11
Dear Pat—
I am writing to you as I feel
that I am in a serious predicament.
You see, there are a great
many girls in school who are
rather fond of me. I have a girl
from every section of town and
from practically every class. The
sophomore girls and a senior girl
are my greatest worries. You see,
every time I go to see one of them
the rest get angry. My father
thinks that my studies are poor
enough without paying attention to
the girls. I have an inkling that
my senior, Martha, is a gold digger,
besides. Please advise.
Yours truly,
—Baird White.
B. W.—
If I were to advise I would tell
you to consider the freshman and
junior classes. Perhaps those girls
would not fall so easily. Then, too,
you might take your father's advice
and drop your studies all together,
as he thinks the two do not mix.
—Petting Patty.
Dear Patty—
My boy friend and I are madly
in love. In fact, we have been for
a year, but here's where the rub
comes. We took my little sister to
see a magician one evening and
she goes up on the stage and not
only tells the family history, but
expresses her desire for a baby
sister. Now here is my problem:
How can two shy young people
keep from blushing at a time like
this, also why did Fie seem
shocked and a little perplexed at
the time?
Lovingly,
—Shirley Hill.
Dear Shirley—
I think this is a case for the kindergarten.
However, I would advise
a heart-to-heart talk with Fie.
—Petting Patty.
EIGHTH WONDER OF
WORLD AT K. H. S.
Robert Fredrick Chambers, commonly
known as "Moppie," has recently
broken the record of holding
a clinch for fifteen minutes. The
former distinction was held by Mr.
Tino Goode, who felt the need of
making up for his big handsome
brother. It is the biggest surprise
of our lives and we have reason to
be alarmed—Moppie Chambers is
in love! We never thought it of
you, Moppie! To think that Maxine
has power to weaken you to
such an extent! We don't know
what the record is now but would
not advise anyone to attempt even
fifteen minutes. After all, strangling
would be a rather cruel death
and is quite unnecessary.
The following facts were given
to the editor of the Jeering Journal
in strict confidence, but we know
you won't tell anyone, so—here
goes! For seventeen long years,
Robert Chambers has had two
firmly established principles in life
—(1) To argue and argue until the
other fellow gives in, and (2)
never to let a woman have the last
word. Imagine! And then the other
evening Moppie had to break down
and let, Maxine Lamb have the last
word! I guess after she called him
"dear" he was too startled to get
in any kind of a word. Congratulations,
Maxine, and more power to
you! If you ever make Moppie admit
he is wrong in an argument,
just drop us a card and we'll have
a party so the West-end may renew
their discussion of "Fire
Walkers in Africa". Tf Moppie declares
defeat, we will be positive
that it is wonderful to be in love
and hunt up a female for our
staunch debater, Wilbur Lester.
EVERETT GUSTAVE PYLE
Attorney-at-Law
CONTRACTS FOR PROM DATES A SPECIALTY
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GLENN TAYLOR