June/July 2013 - Community Connections

Community Connections Page 11
June/July 2013
When a Spouse Has Passed
By Gordon Wetmore
Mrs. Jean Shelly, based on her own
experience, gave a brief, practical, and
surprisingly humourous workshop
about what to do when a spouse has
died. With her favourite gold and
white teapot on the conference table,
she spoke to a small group of attentive
adults at the 4Korners Family Resource
Centre in Deux-Montagnes March 21.
The retired school bus driver handed
out copies of an information package
that she prepared out of the challenges
she faced after the sudden death of her
husband. She methodically kept notes
about what to do and how to do it from
the time of notification to the settlement
of the estate.
Mrs. Shelly’s concern for the survivor’s
self-care, perhaps more valuable
even than the practical advice, is sprinkled
throughout the package.
She said to “take time for yourself.
Don’t forget to eat regularly. Sit down
as much as you can. Grief alone is exhausting,
and you may feel overwhelmed.
Delegate jobs to family and
friends … you shouldn’t have to do
everything yourself.”
“Take notes on everything,” she instructed.
“This is no time to rely on
your memory!”
Family and friends who help also
should take notes and keep records.
Photocopy everything that comes in,
she said, and keep them all in a separate
folder or envelope. “This can prove to
be a lifesaver."
Her package contains advice
about the time of bereavement; funeral
arrangements and costs; people to contact
and things to cancel; transferring
real estate and vehicle ownership; the
requirements of banks and life insurance
companies; and even advice to the
living about how to smooth the path of
their own departures for family and
heirs.
Do not be rushed into things, she
said. Companies or officials will not
have a crisis if you do not send them all
the documents right away.
With her no nonsense delivery and
sharp humour, she emphasized that the
survivor can take charge of the service
and control the expenses. She recounted
how she called several funeral
homes and found one that charged considerably
less than the others and provided
excellent service.
As for cremations and what to do
with the ashes, Chinese stores have perfect
urns with lids at a fraction of funeral
home prices, she said. Her husband
is on his workbench in the basement,
and as for herself – that’s what
the teapot is for.
Mrs. Shelly emphasized that her
package is not a substitute for legal advice.
“Check with a lawyer before taking
any action concerning estate or legal
matters. It is important to be absolutely
sure that you are doing things legally
and correctly.”
She said that she prepared the advice
folder after friends had seen how organized
she had been while planning
her husband’s funeral and settling his
affairs and suggested that she should
make her notes available. “I am glad to
do this. My only reward is the thought
that it will help others get through a
difficult time in their lives with the least
amount of stress.”
Copies of Mrs. Shelly’s package of
advice to survivors are available at the
4K offices at 1801 Oka in Deux-
Montagnes.
Mrs. Shelly’s presentation was a
public offering of the 4K’s program of
workshops for caretakers funded by
l’Appui de Laurentides.
Youths Win $5000 for
Philanthropic Organization
By Gordon Wetmore
Teams of Grade 10 students at Lake
of Two Mountains High School worked
from February into May to create multimedia
presentations to win a $5000
a w a r d f r o m t h e Y o u t h a n d
Philanthropy Initiative (YPI) for one of
the philanthropic organizations they
profiled
On May 10, the efforts of the four
finalists were shown to judges and
assembled students at the Deux-
Montagnes school.
The team of Melanie Vidakis and
Ryan De Melo-Medeiros won the prize
on behalf of the Deux-Montagnes Lions
Club.
Other finalists were Lief Trusdale,
Erika Siracusa, Caira Nicholas, and
Jordan Nelson (Maison des Jeunes St.
Eustache); Audrey Roberge, Kassandra
Alarie, Valerie Stecko and Bianca Arian
(Centre Marie Eve); and Samantha Blais
and Laurianne Genest (Equi-Sens).
Teacher/advisor Rhonda Gibson said
that a representative of YPI, a program
created by the Toskan Casale
Foundation of Toronto, presented the
cheque and extolled the quality of all
four presentations.
Ms. Gibson said that she would like
to congratulate all the students who
participated. “There were so many
excellent topics,” she said
Melanie Vidakis said that creating the
winning presentation had taken many
hours of interviewing, filming, writing
and editing and was very difficult.
“What gave us the determination to do
a good job was the Lions Club
members, the way they help out so
much in the community. It made us
want to do that too,” she said.