Costa Cálida Chronicle - Costa Calida Chronicle

Nightmare with money
My partner is really irresponsible
with money. He spends all his wages
every month and often borrows money
from me and our friends. He won’t
acknowledge there is a problem, and
every time I broach the subject, we
end up rowing. He never buys anything
extravagant, just endless takeaways and
rounds at the local pub. I on the other
hand, am trying to save every penny for
our future, especially as I want to start
having children. My biggest fear is that
we will never be financially secure to
have a family or future together. How
can I get him to change his ways?
Penny, La Manga
Penny,
We all have a personal vision of how we want
our future to be and yours is a very practical
one. To have a secure future and children
requires not only a stable relationship but
also the financial means to support the
dream, but does your partner share the same
vision, or does he feel that he is entitled to
spend his hard-earned money with his mates?
By lending him money, you are indirectly
condoning his actions and any attempt to
discuss the situation will naturally give rise
to tension. So who holds the “purse strings”
in this relationship? If it is you, then may I
suggest that you make a “money plan” in
which you decide what percentage gets saved
and only give your partner, “beer money!”
This way, there are two winners – yourself
and your partner. He will be forced to adapt
or limit his spending pattern, but it also does
not deny him time at the pub! However, if he
manages the finances, which he is not doing
a good job of it at the moment, then be more
assertive and demand that as a couple, you
decide a money management plan to secure
a good future together. To make someone
change against their will can only lead to
tension. However, if there is an agreed or
joint goal then change becomes a positive
experience.
Jennifer
No longer excited!
My husband and I have been married for
5 years – a second marriage for both of
us. We are contented with our marriage
but not excited anymore! The laughter
and the sex appear to be slowing down
and I don’t want to become bored with
this marriage, as I did with my first! I’ve
read advice in several magazines that
having “date nights” can spice things up
again for couples on the wane, but I am
not convinced this is for us. Any thoughts
on how to keep our marriage exciting?
Tina, Cieza
Tina,
We all love to be “head over heels” in love
– the warm, tingly feeling we get being in a
loving relationship. Naturally, we don’t want
it to end and who can blame us! It gives
meaning to our existence, a reason to jump
out of bed in the mornings, and a reason to
come home at night, but is excitement in
a relationship over-rated? It is unrealistic,
however, to expect relationships to stay
at a pitch of excitement all the time and
unfortunately, some things have to give. Try
to pinpoint the current reason or cause of your
“lost excitement”. Does it mean less romance,
less sex, less communication? Once you know
what the problem is, it is easier to remedy
the situation, but this does not need to spell
the end of a marriage! As relationships
progress, we can only hope that while the
excitement might diminish, that pleasure
also grows. Togetherness, laughter and sex
need not suffer. “Date nights” may work for
some couples, but not for others. Decide for
yourselves what works and what brought
you together as a couple. Remember, there
is a difference between losing excitement in
a marriage altogether and a slight reduction
in the level of excitement. Actively seek
activities, social events etc. to share and do
together whilst enjoying the pleasure of each
other’s company. This is one way to manage
the disappointment of “lost excitement”, so
don’t let the rot set in and let the marriage
get stale. Replace what is lost with the
“pleasure and excitement of the unknown”.
It’s there to be explored together.
Jennifer
Jennifer Rahman is a life coach and
therapist. You can send your questions to
her at: jennifer@lifemaxxinternational.
com
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