J 'Bell - The Mindfulness Bell

PeaceTalking
by Kim Redemer
I
left my home in Thailand to come live in California 17
years ago. Although I consider myself to be quite Americanized,
I still have plenty of cross-cultural clashes.
One afternoon I was browsing in a beautiful flower shop.
The entire store was packed with freshly cut flowers, and it
looked and smelled like paradise! Near the counter where the
shop owner was arranging bouquets, there was a card stand.
Like the flowers in the store, the selection of handmade cards
displayed exquisite and expensive taste. The tiny hand-painted
cards caught my eye.
Although she had to be aware of my presence because I was
the only customer in the smal store, the blonde, blue-eyed shop
owner did not show any signof acknowledging me. Maybe she
was too busy with her flower arranging, or maybe shedid not
think that Iwas the typeof customer to make a largepurchase,
so therewas no needforher to waste her time being courteous.
I chose to interpret her behavior as her way of giving customers
privacy to wander about the shop until they could find something
that caught their fancy. I found something that caught my
fancy—the tiny cards!
"May I help you?" she askedin a businesslike voiceas she
saw me holding the cards in my hand.
Fully aware of her attitude and tone of voice, I chose to
answer her question directly with my heavy Thai accent. "I was
wondering how much these cards are."
"One dollar and fifty cents each."Still no smile,sametone
of voice. She must be an unhappy person, I thought. The
beautiful environment that surrounded her did not seem to
affect her.
"One dollar andfifty cents!" I raised my voice with shock.
"These tiny cardsare one dollarand fifty cents? I thoughtthey
were probably seventy-five cents or maybe a dollar. I would
buy several of them if they were a dollar." Mybrown eyes met
her blue eyes. Iheld my breath while waiting for her answer.
Everyone likes to be a winner regardless of race and color.
"We do not bargain in this country, especially in this
neighborhood. How long have you livedin this country?" Her
voice was sharp and her words were harsh. Her big blue eyes
stared at me like a winner!
Oh dear, I thought to myself. My therapist was wrong to
encourage me to be so genuine. Look what happens. In that
moment, there was complete silence before I made mymove.
"Oh, I came from Thailand. I havebeen in thiscountry for
17 years but, of course, it is not long enough for me to stop
bargaining. I come from a culture where we bargain for
everything, even when we think that the price is reasonable. We
use bargaining as a way to connectwith others, to develop some
kindof relationship between the customerand the salesperson.
It is not cut and dried like in America where you know the price
of what you want to buy, you payfor it, and you go out the door.
Bargaining allows us to linger longer and to have human
16
contact. It is the beauty of exchange." Seeing the ice melt on
herface, I felt encouraged tofinish what I had wanted to say.
"I see," the shop owner responded. "That is an interesting
idea. I have never thought about it in that way at all." I heard
the smile in her voice and actually saw a smile on her face. With
warmth and a smile, she seemed to be prettier.
"I should not have bargained with you like I did, because,
according to your culture, you might have been insulted that I
did not trust the way you price your merchandise," I said. "I
want to apologize if Idid offend you." It was easy for me to
apologize when the shop owner was receptive.
"Oh, please don't worry about that," she responded. "You
are welcome to come here and negotiate the price anytime. Of
course, Iwill just say 'no' to you, but please do come backin
again." Her gentle voicesounded soothing and reassuring. We
exchanged friendly smiles as Ileft the store.
Theshop owner and I barely escaped a cross-cultural war.
I gave myself a purple heart medal for being ableto defuse the
explosion that could have shattered and damaged both of our
spirits.Instead, I was able to promote peace and understanding—even
toone single individual. It gave me hope for peace
talking!
Kim Redemer is a family counselor in Berkeley, California.
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LJ
With every breath
I take today,
I vow to be awake;
and everything
I need to do,
I vow to do
with my
whole heart,
so Imay see
with the eyes
of love
into the hearts
of all I meet;
to help them
in the ways I can
and touch them
with a smile
of peace.
Dewain Belgard
New Orleans,
Louisiana