J 'Bell - The Mindfulness Bell

only one who can help. With thatkindof insight, the stream of
compassion suddenly begins to flow in your heart, and you
suffer much less. Your insight is the fruit of your practice of
looking deeply.
Just as there is noneed to worry about thepast, there is no
needto worry about the future. The future is made only of the
present. The best way to take care of the future istotake care
of the present moment. If you walk deeply, drink deeply, and
act deeply—in ways that bring real peace and joy to yourself
and those around you—the future will be assured. When you
have a fightwith the person youlove, try closing your eyes and
visualizing yourself and the other person 200 yearsfrom now.
After three breaths,open your eyes and I am sureyou will see
the other persondifferently. You willonly want to take him or
her into your arms and practice hugging meditation. Breathing
deeply and holding the one you love,theenergy of love, care,
and mindfulness will penetrate her and she will be nourished
and bloom like a flower. You will want to do everything you
can to make her happy now. Don't wait until tomorrow.
Taking care of the present moment, you recognize the
presence of the sunset, the morning star, the magnolia blossoms,
and the person in front of you. When you practice this
way, you willnot be lost in your worries or anxieties about the
future, or caught by the suffering of the past. The teachingof
the Buddha is clear. You only have to practice it. With the
presence of a loving Sangha, it is easy.
Buddhist meditation is, first of all, living mindfully. We
practice precepts (sila), concentration (samadhi), and insight
(prajna). Being present helps us touch and look deeply into
whatever is there. When youlivedeeply each momentof your
life, you will have insight into yourself and also the person you
thinkis the causeof your suffering. When insight is present,it
is easy to love and accept, and you will see that the other person
is not your enemy. He is yourself,andheneedsyouin order to
be transformed. With that insight, the nectarof compassion is
born in your heart. That nectar isthe Buddha, theHoly Spirit,
God, and it is available to us twenty-four hours a day.
After practicing taking ourselves as the object of love,we
change the word "I" into "he"or "she." (See box, page four.)
We can do that only whenwe have some understanding, peace,
and solidity within ourselves. Self-love is the foundation for
the love of others. We begin with love for someone we have
sympathy with; then for someone weare fond of; and then for
someone who has made us suffer. The children in Somalia, the
victims of war in the former Yugoslavia, the children in my
mother's native village may be considered first as neutral,
people we don't really know. But if we touch them deeply,
looking into them, they are no longer neutral to us. We see that
theyare ourselves,and suddenly compassion and lovingkindness
are born in us. They become true objects of our love.
Finally, we come to the person we consider our enemy, the
person who has made us suffer. With the practice of deep
looking and deep understanding, that person can also become
the object of our love.
But first, we have to learn to look at ourselves with the eyes
of understanding (prajna) and love (maitri). Many of us cannot
At theSeptember retreat in northern California
acceptourselves. We are at war with ourselvesand want to run
awayfrom ourselves. Practicing looking deeply intoourselves
and seeing the nature of the joy and pain within us, gradually
we are able to accept, love,and take care of ourselves. "Know
thyself is the practice of love. If we look deeply into ourselves,
we discover the conditions that have formed us and then we can
accept ourselves—both our suffering and our happiness. So
first of all, we accept ourselves aswe are. Then we can accept
the other person as she or he is. Looking deeply, we see how
that person has been formed. Just as a flower is made only of
non-flower elements, that person has been made of elements
that are not him—his ancestors, his parents, his society, andso
on. Once we see the causes and conditionsthat have made him,
we are able to accept him and take good care of him.
According to the teaching of the Buddha, love is made of
understanding. With understanding, you can love. To understand
isto seeall the difficulties, pain,and problems the other
person is having. Ifyou ignore the suffering and aspirationsof
the other person,howcan you say you lovehim or her? Butto
loveand understand is alsotosee the aspirations and hopesof
theother person. To understand him more, you can go tohim
and ask, "I want to make you happy, but I do not understand
you. Please help." If you want to love someone you don't
understand, you might make him or her suffer more. A father
has to go to his son and ask, "My son, do I understand you
enough?Or is my love making you suffer?" Husbands haveto
ask wives the same question. Otherwise our love can suffocate
the other person. It may be just a prison for him or her. The
practice of mindfulness helps us be there, look deeply, and
understand the other person. We need to say to the other
person, "I really want to love you and make you happy, but I
need your help. Tell me what is in your heart. Tell me your
difficulties. Tell me whether my way of loving is making you
happyor unhappy." Thatis the language of true love. We need
the other person's help to love properly and deeply.
Allof us are subject to wrong perceptions. We havean idea