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HOW TO CHANNEL ANGER INTO BETTER<br />
PERFORMANCE<br />
Most of us get defensive and angry when our goals are frustrated<br />
or when we feel attacked by other people. Anger is normal, and<br />
it should be expressed: failing to express anger, and bottling it<br />
up, can build feelings of intense frustration and eventually lead<br />
to depression. However, if in your case being angry regularly<br />
turns into “losing your temper”, and if this is the only way you<br />
know how to deal with criticism and problems, it will not only<br />
damage your reputation and personal relationships but also<br />
cause stress-related diseases.<br />
Aggression is not the same as assertiveness<br />
Working with, or living with, someone who regularly loses their<br />
temper is extremely unpleasant and demoralizing: it’s hard<br />
to trust a person when you are constantly worrying that they<br />
will turn on you and unleash their anger, often unpredictably.<br />
Don’t make the mistake of confusing fear with genuine feelings<br />
of respect: your employees are almost certainly looking for<br />
another job. And if you are looking for promotion, it is unlikely<br />
to happen: a good manager is assertive but not aggressive; a<br />
good listener and not a shouter.<br />
However, the good news is that there are ways to help control<br />
anger and even channel it into a positive force, helping you<br />
explore problems more effectively and find real solutions. So<br />
next time you feel your temper rising, try the following:<br />
Stop. Don’t say anything. Breathe deeply, then silently count to<br />
ten. This will really help calm you down and relax. And it means<br />
you won’t just say the first thing that comes into your head –<br />
something you may regret later.<br />
You’re in control. Losing your temper may feel good at the<br />
time, but it won’t help in the long run – in fact, it will probably<br />
weaken your position and make you feel bad about yourself.<br />
Remember that you will command more respect if you stay<br />
calm, and that assertiveness and authority have nothing to do<br />
with loud aggressiveness.<br />
Take a break. If possible, say that you need some time to consider<br />
what has just been said, and arrange to meet again later. This<br />
will give you time to calm down, collect your thoughts and<br />
respond rationally. During this “time out”, try to do something<br />
physical to release your anger and frustration – for example, go<br />
for a short walk around the block. Repeat a calming phrase to<br />
yourself, like, “Keep calm,” or “Take it easy,” “Relax,” or “This<br />
too will pass.” When you come back, you will feel calmer and<br />
more positive.<br />
Win time. If you can’t go for a walk, reduce the tension by<br />
saying, “I’m not quite sure I’ve understood what you’re saying,”<br />
or, “Could you explain to me again what you mean?” This<br />
delaying tactic puts the ball in their court and stops you going<br />
on the offensive. Remember, staying calm and listening does not<br />
mean you aren’t in control.<br />
Don’t take it personally. Other people are not necessarily trying<br />
to annoy you on purpose. Difficult situations are simply part of<br />
the complex fabric of our lives, so approach them objectively.<br />
For example, it’s possible that your work was criticised because<br />
it simply wasn’t good enough; it was probably not intended as<br />
an attack on you personally or your ability in general.<br />
Remember. Different people have different standards, values<br />
and goals in life. Is there a good reason why they should conform<br />
to your standards? If so, tell them. Do you have unreasonable<br />
expectations? Maybe you should modify them. People who have<br />
strict standards for themselves tend to impose them on other<br />
people and then tend to react angrily when they don’t conform.<br />
Maybe you need to reassess your expectations for yourself.<br />
Sometimes you just have to accept the world the way it is.<br />
Think. Choose your words carefully. We often come to<br />
regret words spoken in anger, and in a professional situation<br />
particularly this is not going to help your reputation.<br />
Move on. Yes, you’re angry, but instead of wallowing in selfpity<br />
and anger, try to find a solution to the problem. Have your<br />
employees missed yet another deadline? Think before you shout.<br />
Is it really because they are lazy? Or are there real problems in<br />
the workflow? Are they unmotivated? Underpaid? Working<br />
weekends without any bonus or time off? Instead of working<br />
yourself into a rage, try to consider how you could help the<br />
situation, perhaps by praising their efforts more, or taking them<br />
out for lunch or a drink when a rushed job is complete. Take<br />
your angry feelings and channel the energy into solutions which<br />
benefit everyone. Similarly, if you are an employee, don’t bottle<br />
up your frustrations until you explode and shout at your boss<br />
– which could jeopardise your job. Instead, as soon as you start<br />
feeling angry, ask your boss for a private meeting and explain<br />
what you are feeling. If your boss is consistently unsympathetic<br />
and unhelpful, don’t waste time in negative thoughts: either<br />
accept the situation and try to make the best of it, or take action<br />
and start looking for another job. Either way, remember: losing<br />
your temper is only going to make it worse.<br />
See it with a sense of humour. Though this may not always be<br />
appropriate, a laugh will often help defuse tension.<br />
Source – Internet, Forwarded by Feras Al Jabi, ITQAN.<br />
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