1yulSVC

Austin R. Pick
haps you’d like to participate in a survey with me.” It is not a question.
“Chastity” I ask. Rebecca giggles. We are seated back-to-back, legs
buckled, on my apartment floor. Rebecca wishes to survey me. It is her
newest experiment.
“Lets get started. Are you the head of the household, sir”
“Who is this How did you get this number”
“Stay in character!” Rebecca yelps, pushing against me.
“I am in character,” I say. Something is stirring in me. I feel light headed,
almost giddy. Our closeness is exhilarating. “And yes, I suppose I am
the head of this household.”
“Great. Okay, next question. How many family members are currently
ambidextrous”
“With the hands or the feet” I reply, cleverly.
“Oh, that’s good.” Rebecca says, making a note. “Let’s go with hands,
for now.”
“In that case, there was a rumor about an uncle of mine, but nothing
I can confirm.”
“That’s fine. Now then, how many scars or imperfectly healed wounds
do you possess, and how did you obtain them”
“What kind of questionnaire is this, young lady” I bark, striving to
sound indignant. Rebecca sighs delightedly, bubbling over.
“It’s a survey of minor disfigurements and unusual abilities. I wrote
it myself. I also have questions about sunspots, warts, protuberant moles,
lazy eyes, oddly shaped toes and extra teeth. A lot of people have them.”
“Which ones”
“I’ve started slipping the questions in during other surveys. It’s really
interesting what people will divulge. I often tell them stuff about me
too, as I go along. Candor makes them comfortable. I’m collecting all
the statistics. And if it’s going well then I always ask if they have an innie
or an outie. That’s one of my favorites.”
“Which one constitutes a disfigurement” I ask, sliding a hand to my
belly.
“Well, neither. It’s just interesting. So far innies are much more common.
I’m wondering if there’s a correlation to personality type, but it’s
sort of a work in progress.”
“Do you inquire about psychic powers” I have certain concerns about
psychic powers.
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