Corpus Tamrielicum - The Imperial Library

92 2. THE ELDER SCROLLS CHAPTER 2: DAGGERFALL
[29] Jokes
Jokes
by Butha Sunhous
"How is your wife," asked Zalither. "She's in bed with laryngitis," replied Harlyth. "Is that
Argonian bastard back in town again?"
"I keep seeing spots before my eyes." "Have you seen a healer?" "No, just spots."
A big Nord named Julgen was set on by a gang of thieves. He fought them furiously, but in
the end, they beat him into semiconsciousness. They searched his pockets and discovered that
he only had three gold pieces on him. "Do you mean to tell us you fought us like a mad lupe
for three lousy gold pieces?" sneered one of the thieves. "No," answered Julgen. "I was afraid
you were after the four hundred gold pieces in my boot."
During the War of Betony, the Bretons in the Isle of Craghold were under siege for several
days. After the island was liberated, Lord Bridwell found the ruins of the castle where a
crowd of survivors were hidden away in the dark. It was going to be a difficult job freeing
them, as part of the roof had collapsed trapping them all within. Bridwell stuck his head in the
only opening and shouted to the Bretons below: "Are there any expectant mothers down
there?" "It's hard to say, your Lordship," said a young woman. "We've only been down here
for a few days."
An elderly Breton met with an contemporary of his at a guild meeting. "Harryston, old man, I
wanted to express my sympathy. I hear that you buried your wife last week." "Had to, old
boy," replied Harryston. "Dead, you know."
Why was the Sentinel army so useless during the War of Betony? The cannons were too
heavy, so all three garbage scows sunk.
What does a new Sentinel private learn first as a combat technique? How to retreat
What is the thinnest book in the world? "Redguard Heroes of the War of Betony."
A Dark Elf man killed his wife after catching her making love with another man. When the
magistrate asked him why he killed her instead of her lover, the man replied, "I considered it
better to kill one woman than a different man every week."
A Dark Elf woman was being shown around Daggerfall. When she was shown the
magnificent Castle Daggerfall, she smiled sweetly to her guild and whispered, "It reminds me
of sex." "That's odd," said her guild. "Why does our Castle Daggerfall remind you of sex?"
The Dark Elf sighed, "Everything does."
Yelithah told Vathysah that she was having dinner with a Dark Elf named Morleth that night.
"I hear he's an animal," said Vathysah. "He'll rip your dress right off you." "Thank you for
telling me," said Yelithah, "I'll be sure to wear an old dress."