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on getting my motorbikes over; now I spend<br />
weekends touring Bulgaria’s backroads with other<br />
like-minded female bikers” or “I go fi shing for<br />
six hours a day, because I enjoy the silence”? It’s<br />
uncommon, isn’t it? If we do hear these things,<br />
we oft en consider these women selfi sh and self<br />
centred. <strong>May</strong>be we should actually applaud and<br />
hail them as our role models. Th ey have retained<br />
their identities, their passion for life and are<br />
seldom bored!<br />
In the UK, we place our entire identity in our<br />
jobs and roles, (remember the introduction<br />
staple: “‘And what do you do?”) So perhaps we<br />
become non-entities when we stop working or<br />
nurturing.<br />
But is it really sensible to create an identity on<br />
how clean your home is or how white your<br />
whites are? Did you know: obsessive cleaning<br />
is actually a classic symptom of culture<br />
shock?<br />
Th e happiest women I know and<br />
admire have hobbies to get<br />
them excited about the<br />
day ahead. Some<br />
own horses<br />
and<br />
spend<br />
hours<br />
working<br />
with and<br />
caring for<br />
them. Others<br />
create beautiful<br />
and productive<br />
gardens. Some become<br />
tireless workers for<br />
good causes while others<br />
hand-make unique clothing.<br />
Th ese are still ‘nurturing’<br />
type activities but they have<br />
strong elements of creativity,<br />
connection and investment<br />
in life. One amazing 73-year<br />
old English friend of mine is an inspiration. She<br />
regularly skinny dips, goes to rock concerts, has<br />
taken a bachelorette fl at for the summer and is<br />
always the fi rst up for singing and dancing at<br />
every party. In short, she seizes and relishes each<br />
and every day of her retirement.<br />
In Indian culture, there is a process called<br />
‘Vepassana’. On reaching retirement, men<br />
and women begin forty days of solitude and<br />
meditation at specialist centres. It’s designed<br />
to ease the transition from<br />
‘worker’ to ‘retiree,’<br />
while encouraging a<br />
new zest for life and<br />
teaching the tools to<br />
make the most of the<br />
new beginning. Now<br />
I’m not suggesting you head<br />
for the hills for six weeks, but it<br />
does seem a wise idea, doesn’t it?<br />
To accept the transition and prepare<br />
to explore a whole new you, free of many<br />
old responsibilities yet open to all new<br />
possibilities.<br />
Coming here, our transition period is usually<br />
the ‘big move’ then the renovation process. It’s<br />
usually stressful, fraught and overwhelming. We<br />
more likely resemble a Bride-zilla who spend<br />
years planning the perfect wedding, only to sink<br />
into dire depression once the day has passed in<br />
a fl ash and mundane married life begins, than<br />
a enlightened Buddhist. We, like Bride-zilla,<br />
forget that this chaos is only the beginning and<br />
once the house is completed we wonder what<br />
the heck to do with our time.<br />
I say we let the men take on a bit more, delegate<br />
the washing or the washing up, while we down<br />
the marigolds and Jiff substitte for a while, and<br />
use summer <strong>2012</strong> for discovering who we are<br />
and what makes us laugh joyfully. What makes<br />
tomorrow a fresh and exciting day fi lled with<br />
possibilities and hope.<br />
And if you really can’t let go, why not<br />
compromise by dragging the ironing board over<br />
to the telly, making a cup of tea and watching<br />
your two free hours of porn (channels 65 and 69<br />
Elena* has reliably informed me!)<br />
Cursty Hoppe<br />
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