Friday November 2 2007varsity.co.uk/artsSend in your problemslifestyle@varsity.co.ukVIEWLifestyle35Clowning aroundAnna Woodtalks to RaffaeleColomboSauchella, proprietor ofCambridge’s favourite student hauntAunty AmySolves your problemsRaffaele Colombo in his beloved ClownsCAMsayStreetEpisode 5I am very excitedto be in england!hen I took over Clowns 21Wyears Wago, nobody knewhow to do real Italian food orcoffee. It took me forty days totake off. Everything that you seehere is Italian, apart from thefull English. We were prized byThe Independent as the best FullEnglish in East Anglia last year.Our success is down to theprices and the quality of the food.I import everything from Italy soit’s cheap compared from buyingfrom the big Italian stores inLondon. Secondly, I don’t needto overcharge because this isn’ta very expensive place to runin terms of staff. There are noprofessionals. Well I’m a professional,but I teach the staff.My tiramisu is an atomicbomb. Once you change thefood recipes at Clowns, you killeverything because you losethe original recipes. Unless twochefs are from the same cateringschool in Italy, we never passthe secrets on…We make coffee for the needsof the person. If you want towake up, espresso is wonderful(If you put in sugar it’s ruined).Each coffee has a reason whyit’s made that way and it shouldalways be at the right temperature.Nobody can touch me incoffee; I challenge anyone!Running a family businessis wonderful, but sometimesas a father, you put the fistdown; not to be nasty, but youhave to shout. Families are abig support and arguing withthem keeps you alive, youknow what I mean?It was time for the refurbishmentbecause although you canrepair your suit, it’s not nice,so you need to have a new suit.Clowns has always been lovedby people coming here, but Icould detect some people did notlike to take a meal here. Nowthey bring friends.For students cooking at homeon two hobs, there is a very simplething; pasta is the worldwidefood which doesn’t affect yourhealth; it helps your health andit gives you a lot of strength. Itdoesn’t take long to make a plateof pasta. Just good olive oil- extravirgin oil- and boil the pastaand get Parmesan cheese andthen you have a wonderful meal;cheap and wonderful.My last supper would be in atrattoria, with several courses.Not to criticise, but Englishpeople are happy with one courseand a coffee and a glass of wine.You students are on the run allthe time. Food is a different institutionall together in Italy.Young British people don’tfind time to prepare food. You’reonly eating proper food if you’reat home and you’re dedicatingyourself to the gas cooker.There are lots of recipe booksand it’s easy to do. But cookingtakes time and love. Now,nobody wants to know how todo it. But a simple pasta with aglass of wine works every time.If you look at religion, Our Lordleft us a piece of bread and aglass of wine; nice, minimal.I’ll still be enjoying it in 30years time, so I’ll be one hundredif I’m lucky. I love what I’ve created;this is my baby.But Olga seems to havea secret...Aunty Amy,I’m a third-year economist anticipatinga career as a banker.My primary ambition is tomake as much money as possibleand mix with well-shodstats-fiends. The difficulty isthat my parents are fairly stereotypicalleft-wing ex-hippies,and I’m certain they wouldn’tapprove. They think I spendall my time here studying socanth (which I gave up withinweeks of starting) and sortingout refreshments for SocialistSociety meetings. ThoughI appreciate the cakes theysend, I feel guilty deceivingthem, and I figure I should tellthem pretty soon. Any adviceon how to do it?CharlesDear Charles,If I were you, I’d start byAlex Englander talks toplanning exactly what tosay during The Big Chat.A plan always helpsthings run a bit moresmoothly and I alwaysthink that there’s nothingquite like it for helping withyour self-confidence. Jot downa few helpful notes, and workout how to break it to themgently. Instead of, “Uh you’llhate this, and you’ll cry”, try:“Hey! What say you to…?”Now, careful you don’t dothat dastardly trick of givingthem a piece of fake badnews news and then tellingthem that actually you werelying and that the real thingyou want to tell them isn’t soawful. “I’m really, really, seriouslysick… no I’m not, I’minto finance!” probably won’twork. And honestly, Charles,it’s unlikely you’ll be able toMadame le ClaireDear Madame Le Claire,I’m what you might call anearthy lass from the Midlands.I have an unquenchableappetite for local squaddies.But I’m starting to thinkthere’s no future with a kisstoday bomb tomorrow kindof guy. Could you suggestanywhere to meet a finer sortof gentleman.KH, JesusIt would be a terrible shame togive up on the military man.During her youthful gap yearin Boston, sister Colette livedwithin mincing distance ofthe Military Academy. Whenthe army lads came for theweekends Colette was alwaysat hand to assist with thetrickiest manoeuvres. Nimblething that she was, she deftlyhelped the men with theirtarget practice whenever thetime came for them to shoottheir load.Dear Madame Le Claire,What should we do with thedrunken sailor?PJ, St John’sWhat shouldn’t we do with thedrunken sailor?Dear Madame Le Claire,I’m having problems with mybedder. Whilst I appreciateher loquacity, I cannot helpbut think that she often stepsbeyond the mark. I don’t wantto end friendly relations withher (my bath won’t run itself,after all) but I think she oughtto know that there’s no needto be insulting. What can I do?DR, FitzHi Kim! Wouldyou like tojoin me?think of anythingthat would upset themmore than the actualtruth.The best tip of all?Compare yourselfto your siblings.Do you have any Charles?Make your mum and dad feelbetter about themselves bypointing out that this meansthat they haven’t completelyfailed as parents. Alternatively,if you reckon you’re animprovement on this brotheror sister, say so. Distractthem from you for a bit. Andthen give ‘em a cuddle.Thanks for writing inCharles,Your Aunty Amy xAmy Hoggart is the KCSU WelfareOfficer.As bouleverseé as I am tolearn that Fitz has domiciliarystaff I believe I can help.This reminds me of the timeI employed a young girl fromChampagne - Dieu knows whatI was thinking. Against overtprohibition, I would often findher poking about in the mostprivate areas of the Château LeClaire, and seriously suspectedher of sneakily nibbling onMonsieur Le Claire’s rillettes.One morning, whilst shewas tending the garden,she suggested a few poppieswouldn’t go amiss. Agreeing,I sent her off to southernAfghanistan and dropped a lineto Colette’s old military chums.Guantánamo Bay has its uses.Madame Le Claire is ChiefInterior Designer at the Sorbonne.Should I?Me also! Whenshall we get tomeet the queen?This is agreat party!but where isOlga?I’ll go lookfor her.Two international students havearrived on camsay street...
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