April 2010 - 12 Step Gazette

Volume Issue # 20 1 Issue 12 August April 2010 2009 Page Page 177Gazette Guy’s“WORD UP!”Spring Fever! - Finally! Something to feel good about. I don't knowabout you but this winter seemed long and tough - and I'm not just talkingabout the weather. It seemed like the last six months was one thing afteranother. If it wasn't money problems, then it was people around me actingcrazy [not me, of course - we know how sane I am ]. While we're on thesubject of a rough winter, I try not to complain TOO much about the trialsand tribulations of life but sometimes I think we all just need to get it out- so, if you don't mind, here goes... Am I the only one who gets slowlyeroded by the daily waves of annoyances, disapointments and aggravation?I think not. Unreturned favors, excuses, apologies, impoliteness -sometimes it's all just really disheartening. I'm not asking for a Utopiansociety here, just a couple of breaks once in a while. And another thing -if we do something wrong THESE days it seems like the consequencesare quick, potent and thoughtless. What I'm trying to say is if we do 20'good things' and 1 'messed up thing', we get no pats on the back or appreciationfor the 20 good but catch a hailstorm for the one bad! It canbring a person down - it’s getting to me! However, one thing about publishinga recovery based magazine, no matter how depressed or pessimisticI get, I have to take a look at the positive stuff. After all, that'swhat we're all taught; one of the keys to longtime sobriety is being grateful.A grateful addict won't use. We know the drill. So, tough winter ornot - rough times or easy street; no matter what we're going throughwe have to remain positive and look at the glass as half full - our livesdepend on it. An old quote I used to hear that comes to mind is wedon't "have the luxury" of being jealous, angry or resentful - the natureof our disease doesn't allow for that. If we're not careful we are the kindof people who can get loaded over these feelings.So we have to find our kicks wherever we can - fair enough. A bigkick for me is when the weather gets warmer in springtime. It also helpsthat it's my birthday this month [58 years old and I'm still making a bigdeal out of that - sounds silly, but it's true]. Another thing I rememberin past recoveries [more about that in a minute] is that sometimes the'routine' part of staying clean and sober can feel like "drudgery". Webster'sdefinition isn't exactly the same as as mine; by that I mean goingto meetings, being responsible, not doing anything too crazy, actingnormal, living the 12 steps, etc. etc. What I used to hope for (and getoccasionally) were what I called "payoff moments". Times (anywherefrom 5 minutes to a week if I wound up on an island vacation) whereit seemed that all the "healthy" living finally 'paid off big-time'. Don'tget me wrong; I'm always kind of grateful for the fact that I've surrenderedto a somewhat normal lifestyle. It's just that I sometimes missthose 4th of July type - hootin’ and hollerin’ type - hours or days. Eventhough they were fleeting moments with grave consequences they kindof satisfied a craving that most addicts and alcoholics can probablyidentify with. So these days, things like really nice sunny days withgreat music blasting [for me it's often the group Sublime] are the bestI can hope for when it comes to payoff moments. Well, there ARE others;the other nite I was at a meeting, texted my bored granddaughterthat I loved her and she texted back, "love you too" - that was a payoffmoment on many levels.But I did mention before about "earlier recoveries" - let me explain.Those of you who have had big chunks of recovery/sobriety, woundup relapsing and have been fortunate enough (like myself) to get backin again, don't really have a better way to refer to them - I have had 5years approximately 3 times (this is my 3rd). So the way I usually sayit is, "Well in my 1st big recovery..." or "In this recovery..." - you getthe idea. Hopefully, this third time is a charm. Anyway, the point ofthis whole column was supposed to be spring fever. I hope you catchit and I definitely hope you get some payoff moments.Bye for now...See ya around!PS. If anybody wants to get in touch with Timmy from Sherry’s;Tilemahos Kambouris, JK4537 PO Box 200, Camphill, PA 17001To Place an AD or Calendar Listing Contact: 215-317-8774 or 12StepGazette@comcast.net