April 2010 - 12 Step Gazette

Volume 1 Issue 12 August 2009 Page 15Issue # 20 April 2010 Page 3Finding a Good Balance in RecoveryAfter we have been clean and sober for a nice period of time (let'ssay 6 months), a common problem starts to develop for most of us - howto keep a balance between recovery and our family or work life. If youthink this isn't a problem for YOU - just wait...you'll see. Before we getinto some of the details of this dilemma, let's take a look at the most famouscase I can think of; that of the founder of AA, the one and onlyBill Wilson. The story goes that after he had been sober for a while andAA was 'up and running", his wife Lois said this great line; "You werenever around when you were drinking and now you're sober and you'restill never around!" For anyone who has a family (whether their spouseis or isn't in recovery), this quote should be framed and hung in the livingroom. The story continues that Lois Wilson started Al-Anon (itself aworld wide fellowship) to find other spouses of alcoholics who werehaving similiar problems. So that little story and related issues of howto juggle all the ingredients of a recovery lifestyle are whatmotivated us to try and address "how to achieve a healthybalance in our lives".The first challenge we probably come up against is howmany meetings to make in a week (do you know the oldjoke we used to tell? Not enough meetings makes, "oneWEAK"!). Where were we? How many meetings in aweek? How about one more than you think you need! Oursponsors probably have said that quote. For the purposeof actually answering some questions that are being raised in this article,let's say enough that you feel connected ("plugged in"). We usually needto ask some people in recovery for advice on this - if we trust our own"still broken" thinking, we could be in trouble. We should keep in mind,however, that if we build a really strong foundation in recovery (makingtons of meetings and friends the first year and getting involved in a homegroup and the 12 steps), we could ease up a little and maybe spend sometime with our family or work some overtime to help solidify our job security.This whole concept of balance is a touchy subject. I used to go toconventions years ago where they always had workshops on how to determineif you have a good balance or not. One thing that always usedto come up (and that still applies) is that service work in the fellowshipis not only aimed at helping a newcomer. Nor should the "others" in thephrase 'helping others' be totally limited to 12 step members. We needto reach out to our family also - spend time with THEM. This becomesespecially important if we're going to be working the 8th and 9th steps- making amends. There is no better way to show our remorse at the waywe treated certain people than to actually spend some time with them.One thing that always seems to happen to us in recovery is that wewind up getting "heavier into" the side of the balance sheet that we likemore. For example, if we love meetings and hanging out with peoplein the fellowship we are probably going to overdo it sometimes. It'snatural to lean towards doing what we love especially when we can justifyit by saying; "Well I need to be totally involved - I don't want to relapse!"That's fine if we're not short-changing other areas of our lives.But if we are we need to take a look at it. Sometimes the total oppositeis true. Many people in recovery aren't that thrilled about meetings orgetting involved in 'the program'. They have forced themselves to do itbut they would rather stay home with their spouse or kids and kick backand watch a basketball game. Or sometimes in an even worse case scenario,they choose to relax after work by themselves and watch television.This can often be dangerous for recovering people.It's okay for us to take care of ourselves (quiet time is important),but we must remember that 'an addict alone is inbad company'! Or here's another famous problem: we startto make money again. I know a heck of a lot of independentcontractors who have gotten clean and sober, becamedependable and productive and couldn't pull themselvesoff of a job at 7:00 pm to get ready for a meeting. Once weget clean the tendency to make up for lost time (and wages)is strong. Plus we are obssessive and compulsive people. Once we getinto ANYTHING it's hard to pull ourselves away from it. So what DOwe do ? How do we know WHAT is a good balance? Once we knowwhat a good balance is, how do we achieve that? Good questions! Let'stry to answer them...First of all, we hopefully have learned a little bit about being honestwith ourselves. We might lie to our sponsors and family members sometimes,but deep inside we know the REAL deal! If we're not making asmany meetings as we need - we know it. If we're working too hard orgetting obssessed with making money - we know it. If we're hiding outin meetings because we don't feel like facing some of the tough realitiesof our lives - we know that too. So if we feel we might be "off balancein juggling the ingredients of a healthy recovery lifestyle" (that's amouthful), we need to do what we have learned - admit we're having aproblem and ask for help. In this area of our lives we might need onlya little tweak here or an adjustment there and we may find it's not thatdifficult to achieve a workable, comfortable balance.To Place an AD or Calendar Listing Contact: 215-317-8774 or 12StepGazette@comcast.net