April 2010 - 12 Step Gazette

Volume 1 Issue 12 August 2009 Page 18Issue # 20 April 2010 Page 9Do Meeting Makers Make It?I used to hear that saying all the time when I first came to AA: "MeetingMakers Make It". I bought it for a long time. I have an ongoing problemwith my husband in that he really, really doesn't want me to go tomeetings. He wants me home with him and our son. I understand thatwant/desire. For the longest time, I didn't really address the issue, I justwent to my meetings and we would argue a little from time to time aboutmy being gone from home. I just accepted that this was the way it wasgoing to be. Well, circumstances have been such that for the past monthand a half I've only attended one or two meetings a week where I usuallyattend at least 3 a week. Well, I started getting all crazy in my head. Ikept trying to tell myself that I could do this and that I'd be okay. Howbadly I want to be that mom/wife who can stay home, help with dinnerevery night, help with homework every night. Thoughts started comingto my head telling me that I would be okay; I could probably just drinka little and be okay....after all, I wasn't as "far down the scale" as others.When I found myself starting to remotely believe my thoughts...I becameTERRIFIED! What if....what if I do take another pill or drink anotherdrink....what kind of mom would I be then. Anyway, last night wasmy home group night and it's in another town about 30-40 minutes away.My friend called me, we have been riding together in his truck for thepast 3 years, and said he had to work 3rd shift and couldn't go. I KNEWthat if I went home after work that I would find every excuse in theworld to stay home and not get back out and go to my home group. Itwas about 15 degrees and snowing and I HATE being cold. So....I founda meeting in the town where I work that started at 6 and I get off at 5. Iwent there early. It was one of the best meetings I've been to in a long,long time. I heard EVERYTHING I needed to hear and my heart is fillingup again with AA and my HP! I got to see a few lawyers that I seerunning around downtown and I got to see an old AA buddy that I hadn'tseen in 2 years or so. It was GREAT! It was a speaker/pot luck meeting.FANTASTIC! I heard at the meeting that someone would pray "God,let you be enough for me". I loved that. So, on the way home, I prayedthat prayer and asked God for the wisdom to fix this dilemma I have athome regarding meetings. Man, my heart was FULL! I got home andafter our kiddo went to bed I said "Honey, I HAVE to go to meetingsand I know you don't understand. I promise you that I would rather bethe mom that can stay home and help out nightly, but that's just not whoI am and if I could put you in my head, you'd understand". He FINALLYgets it, I think?? At least enough so that the guilt trips will stop.I guess my whole point to all of this is that I learned that meetings areVERY important no matter how much time you have in this program.I'm glad that my Higher Power stays close to me or else who knowswhat would happen to me!! I'm glad I listen to others when they shareand tell me how it's not any better "out there". I'm glad I have a headand heart full of AA and my HP.I finally, finally realize the importance of the saying "Meeting MakersMake it".Thanks for letting me share,Kym, the alcoholic from Kentucky!They say that meeting makers make it;what they mean is, “make lots of meetingsand you stay clean & sober”. We havewondered, is that true and exactly howimportant is it to make meetings?There's a certain truth that exists for me in meetings of AlcoholicsAnonymous that I haven't been able to find elsewhere. By the time I gothere, I had heard the lies for so long I believed them totally. There werethe lies about relationships, success, how life works, and even the liesabout God. I believed that it was a "dog-eat-dog world” and whoeverhad the most money and other stuff at the end was the winner.I believed that getting and staying comfortable was the number onegoal. I went to any lengths to get comfortable and sometimes, for briefperiods, it felt like I was winning, but the emptiness would always return.For thirty years I drank to fill up the emptiness. Today I realize thatit was the spirit of God that was missing from my life.Meetings for me are like cool clear water dripping into a bucket fullof muddy, dirty water. Over time the water in my bucket has becomeclearer. But there are still rocks and sticks and rusty beer cans in thebottom of my bucket. Meetings will not lift these out of my bucket,only the continuous, dynamic action of the 12 steps applied to my lifeone day at a time has removed some of these big chunks.Each meeting I attend has the potential of 12th step work if I am focusedon what I'm bringing to the meeting rather than getting what Ithink I need. If I'm sitting in a meeting condemning, resentful, and judgmental,I'm not much help to anyone else. But I must keep coming backanyways. It's the only chance I have. - Anonymous, PhiladelphiaTo Place an AD or Calendar Listing Contact: 215-317-8774 or 12StepGazette@comcast.net