1984 - Planet eBook

‘Tomorrow afternoon. I can’t come.’‘Why not?’‘Oh, the usual reason. It’s started early this time.’For a moment he was violently angry. During the monththat he had known her the nature of his desire for her hadchanged. At the beginning there had been little true sensualityin it. Their first love-making had been simply an actof the will. But after the second time it was different. Thesmell of her hair, the taste of her mouth, the feeling of herskin seemed to have got inside him, or into the air all roundhim. She had become a physical necessity, something thathe not only wanted but felt that he had a right to. When shesaid that she could not come, he had the feeling that she wascheating him. But just at this moment the crowd pressedthem together and their hands accidentally met. She gavethe tips of his fingers a quick squeeze that seemed to invitenot desire but affection. It struck him that when onelived with a woman this particular disappointment must bea normal, recurring event; and a deep tenderness, such ashe had not felt for her before, suddenly took hold of him. Hewished that they were a married couple of ten years’ standing.He wished that he were walking through the streetswith her just as they were doing now but openly and withoutfear, talking of trivialities and buying odds and endsfor the household. He wished above all that they had someplace where they could be alone together without feelingthe obligation to make love every time they met. It was notactually at that moment, but at some time on the followingday, that the idea of renting Mr Charrington’s room had oc-