TO ABU DHABI - Tempoplanet

LIFECOACH COUCHBy Samantha DavisDownsized But UpbeatParent and Teenage “Angst”A common problem in the UAE and everywhere is how to handle teenagers. Many parents note a definite transitionperiod as their teenagers go through a stage that is often characterized by stubbornness and a drive to beindependent from their families.The irony is that teenagers feel that this is a journey for them to assert their individuality and yet the teenageyears are actually the epitome of aping your peers and succumbing to ‘peer pressure.’If parents are also going through ‘angst’ in dealing with their teenagers then the good thing to remember is theyalmost always grow out of it eventually.Here are some quick pointers on how to deal with self-asserting, stubborn teenagers:1. Treat them differently: Teenagers expect to betreated different from younger children. Be responsive,and listen to them—even if you don’t agreewith what they are saying. A lot of times teenagersmirror their parents and if you are overly stubborn,they will act the same way because they see it as asign of maturity.2. Validate their ideas: Many teenagers are ally more mature than we think, and many areactutestingtheir own limits; not in how far they canget with their parents, but on how to negotiate,persuade and assert their voice. Don’t jump toconclusions and don’t brush them off. Createparameters of respectful engagement and youmay be able to enjoy discussions, even if youdon’t agree with one another. A lot of times yourteen may want intervention as well as advice, butthey want to be heard first.4. No Labels: Don’t label your child as labels can bepowerful and will shape your child’s own assessmentof himself or herself. If you need to identify atroubling habit then label the behavior but don’tlabel the child. For example you can say “what youdid was irresponsible,” but refrain from saying “youare an irresponsible child.”3. Let them learn: Try to remember back to yourteenage years and remember that your teenageson or daughter is going through a difficult timewith many choices and many challenges. The worldhas become more complex than ever and teensalso go through a great amount of stress. Be supportiveand try to help your teen work out his orher problems and issues, not be interfering (theyneed to go through their own learnings) but byreminding your child that you can always be calledupon at any time.Get Moxie Tempo suggestion for parents...Get teenagers involved in community work and social activities. Standup: takeAction is an organization which encourages community members (corporations,educational institutes) to get involved with issues plaguing today’s world. Poverty,hunger, environmental safety, empowerment of women and child mortality are afew examples. Stand up, speak out and do it with your kids beside you so that theysee that the world has bigger problems than their own. Visit www.standup.ae28Tempo November 2009