News & Views for Southern Sailors - Southwinds Magazine

By Morgan Stinemetzleague players who go on, with time and training, to be therock stars of the new age. Do you agree, or do you disagree?”“I agree,” Bubba said while looking Doobie’s way andordering a couple of fresh beers by making the “V” sign asWinston Churchill used to make to promote Victory overthe Huns. There the similarity stopped. Bubba had no ideawho Churchill had been.“But it is fixable,” Bubba added.I’d never heard that before. I’d often read about thediminishing youth participation in sailing as the beginningof the end. No one, save Bubba, had ever said it was fixable.“Fixable?” I gurgled.“Sure,” said Bubba brightly. “It’s a cinch. It’s just thatno one has come up with the right answer.”“And you have?”“Of course I have,” Bubba replied. “It’s elementary.What is the most basic issue in every teenager guy’s life?”“God? Country? A good education? Family? A nice car?Friends?” I postulated.“You are such a dim bulb,” Bubba said to me. “Themost basic issue is girls. Femmes. Broads. Teenage guysspend half their waking hours thinking about girls, and ifthey feel their energy lagging, they grab some energy drinklike Monster or Mountain Dew so they can dream on.”“How does that translate to an increase in youth sailing?”“US SAILING needs to start training shapely, attractive15- to 16-year-old girls to teach 12-year-old guys how to sail.Gulfport Municipal MarinaYour Gateway to the Gulf &Boca Ciega Bay Aquatic PreserveThink of the motivation the guys would have just to cometo training. They’d be counting the minutes all day long.Training would become Nirvana. They’d get to be aroundolder women with ripening bodies and more sophisticationthan they would normally see in middle school. In the summerthese instructors would have tan bodies and wear swimmingsuits, which are usually pretty interesting to guys.Youth sailing would enjoy a huge spike in participation.Guys wouldn’t be thinking of how cool life will be when theyare old enough to get a driver’s license. They’d start thinkingof how cool life would be when they could start learning howto sail well. If US SAILING issued its own brand of sunscreen with a musky, unique odor to it, every time a juniorsailor got a whiff of it he’d think of sailing”Bubba didn’t quit there.“It would work just as well for junior girl sailors. Thechemistry is as old as history itself. Get handsome, hard-bodiedyoung guys with perfect manners and a smile that wouldlight up the Hollywood Bowl to teach the girls. Having theinstructors come equipped with six-pack abs wouldn’t bemandatory, but it would help. A few of those guys in a sailingprogram would make junior girl sailors act like a passelof hungry cats when the first can of cat food was opened.“Neither side, the junior guys or the junior gals, wouldhave any trouble getting the kids to listen or pay attentionto the instructors. The kids would be sopping up everyword like Bounty paper towels on spilled milk. They’d allwant to be the one who stood out best in the instructor’sestimation. And the instructors would be coached from thestart to be lavish with praise, were the praise justified,”Bubba pronounced.“What you’re talking about is getting kids into sailingby luring them in like hooked fish by using sex as theundertow,” I said to Bubba.“Well, of course, you dolt,” sparked Bubba. “The attractionhas been around forever. It’s part of our genetic code.Young guys have a tendency to want to be around attractivegirls, to get their attention. Same thing with young girlswith guys who are hunks. If the earned recognition theyoung people want from people whose opinions they valuecomes with sailing attached to it, so much the better foryouth sailing.”And then, to Doobie, “Doobie, we’ll have a couple ofmore beers down here. They’ll be on his tab,” he said, noddinghis head my way.I was still scribbling down notes for this story, so I forgotto object. Sometimes, dedicated journalists miss a fewthings because they usually think of the story first. It comeswith the territory.Well Protected BasinTransient DockTransient Daily: $1.50/ftTransient Weekly: $5.25/ft(727) 893-1071www.ci.gulfport.fl.us4630 29th Ave. S.Harbormaster: Denis Frain, CMM 250 Wet Slips 100 Dry Slips Marina Web Cam Floating Transient Dock Launching Ramp Monthly & Daily Rentals Marine Supplies Free Internet Access Free Public Pump-out Floating Fuel DockGas & Diesel Fishing Tackle Charter Boat Center Ice, Beer, Snacks Live & Frozen Bait Prop Recondition Monitoring VHF CH 16 FMPEDERSEN CANVAS• Made by us forover 30 years• No-sweat cotton duck fabric• Brass grommets/Nylonrope/Stainless “D” rings• Easy storage in5" x 36" Mullet Wrap...JUST $89Mullet HammockPensacola, FL850-324-6509 • pedersencanvas@cox.netNews & Views for Southern Sailors SOUTHWINDS May 2012 13