Race Judicata - Virginia Law Weekly

8 The Back PageVIRGINIA LAW WEEKLYFriday, 21 March 2008“So hey, how about that EliotSpitzer?” I said to my friend as we satdown to dinner last week. She justNatalie Blazer ’08ColumnistIf This Place Were Any Shadier, It Wouldshrugged. “At leastthe girl was highclass,”she said,taking a swig of herHeineken.At least, indeed.Is that really all we can ask of ournation’s leaders these days? That ifthey cheat on their wives, it betternot be with just any old call girl? Isuppose when one of our principalpresidential candidates has been involvedin a scandal featuring a, ah,slightly lower-class broad, our boySpitzer gets off easy. Ahem. So here’sthe question: is it the public figureswho make us think it’s okay to act acertain way, or rather, are we moreforgiving of them because we, too,are less-than-model citizens? Apparentlyit doesn’t matter who youare—politician, law student, celebrity—thesedays, everyone seems tobe carrying a moral compass pointingto nowhere in particular.And speaking of celebrities, it maybe time for me to stop reading gossipmagazines, because every time I seeanyone from law school off-grounds,there is a running commentary inmy head exactly like the one fromthe “VIP Scene” page in US Weekly.As much as I have willed it to stop,I fear that I am stuck with it for life.Of course, I am not so deluded as tothink that law students are celebrities(ha, I mean, that would just be silly,right?), but seriously, here’s a sampleof actual things that I have said to myselfas I have made my way aroundCharlottesville: Ryan Melogy, 2L,stocking up on produce at the HarrisTeeter on Barracks Road. SarahWhitlock, 3L, walking her dog Rosawith fiancé John Kabealo, alumnus,on Arlington Boulevard. CareyMignerey, 2L, purchasing CheeseburgerBig Bites TM for two unidentifiedyounger females at the 7-11 onIvy Road. Usually these people don’teven see me—I simply think the linesto myself as I walk or drive by extraslowly,wondering if I am spelling thenames correctly in my head.Now, before you judge me for thisadmittedly bizarre behavior, mightI remind you that a) this law schoolcommunity is a tiny place, b) I ama 3L and want to make sure I knowwho everybody is before I leave, andc) I am bored.So, so far in this column I have notonly come across as super-creepy,but I have also violated my numberonerule of column-writing, whichis to never use anyone’s real names.I have that rule because it is waymore fun for people to simply guesswho I’m writing about, and then toconfront me about it, using “facts”and “actual events” to back up their“knowledge.” But I broke that rule inthe paragraph above simply becausethose activities are so innocuous (actuallythe jury’s still out on the thirdone) that I don’t think people wouldmind seeing their names in print(plus, the bold-faced type meansthat those people will now feel, bydefinition, “very important”).And anyway, at least I’m not takingpaparazzi-style photos of thesesightings and selling them to the LawWeekly. This is mostly because a) despitewhat you might have gleanedfrom my alarming number of Facebookalbums, I do not actually carrya camera on my person 24 hours aday, b) the Law Weekly is distributedfor free, and c) absolutely nobodycares. Come on—when this place iscrawling with people making out inthe middle of bars and crowded parties,I doubt anybody would care tosee a blurry photo of certain male3Ls exiting the Ultra Tan tanning salonon Millmont Road (and . . . we’reofficially back to the no-name policy.But for the record, it is sensible to geta pre-Spring Break base).Public make-outs aside (andplease, can we put those aside, forgood?) it’s what’s going on that nobodyknows about that makes thisschool shadier than a sugar maple.Or should I say, it’s what’s going onthat people think nobody knowsabout. After all, a wise woman onceBe a ForestJ. Jeffries: So, the reasonthat you all may be attracted tosaid, “Wedding rings come off, youknow.” An even wiser one said “EV-ERYONE AT THIS SCHOOL IS SOSHADY.”Now, to all you 1Ls out there, Ihave heard you judge what goeson in the 3L class, and that is okay.There is still time for you to thinkthat you will be different. Just as youcurrently believe that, in our criminaljustice system, everyone is innocentuntil proven guilty, you alsoprobably think that people aroundyou are generally doing the “rightthing.” Well, just as your beliefsabout justice in America will comecrashing down as you take moreand more upper-level criminal procedurecourses, you will also learnthat, when you are a 3L, you are infact guilty until proven innocent. Bythe time you get to where we are,JOHN M. OLINLAW AND ECONOMICS SCHOLARSHIPSApplications are now being accepted by theJohn M. Olin Program in Law and Economics forthe 2008-2009 Olin Scholarships. The scholarshipsare awarded to law students with superior academiccredentials and a demonstrated ability and interestin the study of law and economics. Olin Scholarswill be required to enroll in a law & economicsseminar course in the spring of 2009.graphic by Michael Seeligson ’09everyone is assuming the worst ofeveryone else. Eventually you willlearn that, while the Honor Codewill protect your Property book inScott Commons, it will not followyou (much less your boyfriend/girlfriend)home from the Corner.Indeed, I would advise you 1Ls togo ahead and milk that “no, we justhad a platonic sleepover” excusewhile you still can. Because if two3Ls have a platonic sleepover in theforest, and nobody’s around to see it,it simply didn’t happen (if someonewas around to see it, well, your forestsounds shadier than most). So enjoythese last few days of blissful ignorance,when you can widen yourlittle eyes as far as they will go andask, with genuine disbelief, “Wait,s/he did what? With who? But isn’tthat—”At this point, a sage 3L will nodgravely and say, “First of all, it’s ‘withwhom.’ And second of all, yes. Whats/he did was wrong. But you haveto remember that a) the law schoolcommunity is a tiny place, b) we are3Ls and want to make sure we . . .know who everybody is before weleave, and c) we are bored.”Email: nrb5x@virginia.edufaculty quotesthe Cadillac of legal practicesis—wait, that might date me alittle bit. I meant the Lexus oflegal practice.J. Kraus: It’s not like God firesa gun and people stop whaling.J. Mahoney: The court doesn’tlike to value sexual services.They’re not in the business ofdetermining whether [the wife]is a one-diamond or two-diamondgirl.M. Klarman: Jews and Democratswere more likely to voteDemocrat in the 1940s . . . DidI say Jews and Democrats? It’sJews and Catholics. Democratsare always more likely to voteDemocratic.G. Yin: I do have a bit of a cluehow the tax code works.S. Smith: I hope you’re feelinglike senators. Not in friskiness.Keep your hands to yourself forthe purpose of this exercise.J. Kraus: Let me bring incourse of dealing, usage of trade,and a dancing bear.R. Schragger: When you’reblinded by love, you’re not goingto negotiate very well.G. Mitchell: You call ME tothe stand, an unimpeachablewitness!Class: [hearty laughter]G. Mitchell: That was not supposedto prompt hearty laughter.J. Kraus: Don’t let me bullyyou! Put your spine back in!B. Cushman: One of thesecases is In re Estate of Vanderhoofen,which I teach primarilybecause it is fun to say.T. Jacobi: Do you agree withme?Student: I guess, if you say so.L. BeVier: In class, we havebeen discussing the differencebetween First Amendment coverageand protection. But theSupreme Court’s requirementof pasties and a g-string when itcomes to nude dancing provideslittle coverage and no protection.Interested first and second year students shouldsubmit a resume with all post-secondary transcripts(including law grades), one letter of recommendationand a personal statement describing their interestin the economic analysis of law to Joyce Holt (WB358) by Monday, April 14.