AIN'T DERE NO MORE - PART 2 - Benny Grunch & The Bunch

Straight ahead at Judge Perez go right,
no wait that’s wrong
So turn around by Tenneco,
‘cept Tenneco is gone
There’s manger scenes with laser beams
blinkin off and on
Just pull all the stuff you want
right out on your front lawn
Three Wise Kinds and angels
sing to wooden reindeer heads
Santa pose in Elvis clothes,
it’s Christmas in Chalmette
Wake up Christmas mornin to TV Ninja Wars
Kids in shades and roller-blades
playin new guitars
Some guy got some Bond-O,
he’s beatin out his dents
Engines turnin up a bunch’a thousand RPM’s
But sometimes late on Christmas Eve
a ghost or two appears
It’s Jean Lafitte and you say,
John hey where’s your Buccaneers
Don’t get smart with ghosts
you meet at Chalmette Battlefield
Don’t play with them ol’ cannons,
‘cause they still can shoot for real (cannon)
Excuse me if I’m giddy,
but let’s not go back home
I’ve had drive-thru daquiris in cups of styrofoam
Let’s go down the road,
we’ll get crabs soft-shelled
Can’t leave this time of year
Traffic’s bad as hell
You was late because you caught the bridge
and train and then
Turned around and caught the train
and caught the bridge again
Did you take some Polaroids
of every place you’ve been
And visit sacred ruins like
the St. Bernard Drive-In
So lemme see the pictures,
what they came out bad, for true
Come back again take I-510, no-huh you that too
You’re luck see, it on CD and audio cassette
This is it, it ain’t no (buzzer)
it’s Christmas in Chalmette
Christmas in Chalmette…
(ring…bark…ratchet…fog horn…
breaking glass…cannon)
Merry Christmas, Dawlin’…
EVACUATION DAY
(New B. Antin lyrics) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
(Adapted from “Graduation Day,” H. Schroeder and R.
Wagner, White Cliff)
You know we’ll all be totally fried -
If we ever leave again
Ever leave again - Ever leave again
Ya’ll get off the sofa. Evacuation’s near
Go ahead and ride it out, but me, I’m outta here
Pack some Barq’s Cream Soda,
enough for several days
Buy a bunch of batteries, D’s and double A’s
Over on the West Bank,
ya betta go save ya Mama
The bridge is free for evacuees,
so you’ll even save a dolla’
Splat! The waves blow over the Twin Spans
on I-10
There’s the sign, I-59,
so here we go again!
Do do do do
What just happened? Oh, no, it’s Contraflow!
My GPS is freaking out. It don’t know where to go
The radio fades way down low.
Now it’s gettin’ louder
It’s slow motion Twilight Zone
at thirteen miles an hour
Way past noon we’re just in Picayune,
traffic’s at a crawl
We’ll get some gas in Birmingham j
ust in time for Mardi Gras
Back the car up closer, over by the trees
How come they got no bathrooms in Mississippi?
Do do do do