Marie Collins \

Marie Collins \Marie Collins FoundationHarm in the digital playgroundOACAS in partnership with MCF14th and 15th June, 2011I was sexually abused as a child and part of that abuse – the worst part – was thetaking of abusive photographs. It is over 50 years since this happened to me butthis minute I can remember vividly the feelings I had facing that camera.\That experience changed my life. I went from being a bright, lively child to onewho was anxious, full of shame and guilt.I wanted to hide what I had done – I was convinced what happened was myfault, I was so ashamed and guilty that I wanted to hide it forever.These feelings and my extreme anxiety about what had happened to the imagesof me led to a lifetime of psychological problems. Hospitalisations with deepdepression, severe anxiety states and a number of years suffering fromagoraphobia unable to leave the safety of my home.I saw many medical professionals before my abuse was uncovered for the firsttime. When I was asked the right questions and made to feel safe to disclosewhat had happened. I was in my 40’s before this happened.Some years after that, when my abuser was being brought to justice, I had onlyone question of him – what had happened to the photographs? I was lucky myexperience was before the advent of the internet and other new techonologies. Iwas still worried about those hard prints how much more sever would my

anxiety have been if my images could have been out there anywhere in theworld!!Once I had been enabled to disclosed my abuse I received the help I needed.Through theraphy I came to understand that what had happened was not myfault, I was not the bad person I had always believed I was.My life changed once more but this time for the better. The deep depressions,panic attacks and other problems cleared and for the first time since I was achild I could live and enjoy a normal life.That it took so long before I got the right help cannot be changed. In someways I am lucky as so many victims cannot live with their shame and take theirown lives. But so much of this misery and life destruction could be avoided if achild abused in this way is helped as soon as possible after the event. Theirwhole lives before them – what that life will be hangs on what help they receiveto recover at an early stage.With the huge spread of technology and the insatiable appetite there is forabusive images of children the number of children needing help is growingdaily. Waiting for them to tell what happened does not work – they cannot! Wemust find and help them to recover and grow into the adults they were meant tobe and not live damaged lives blighted by their experiences before that camera.This is why this conference is so important – the recovery needs of children hasnot received enough attention. It is time to set this right.The issue we are dealing with is international by nature and this global forum isjust the place where we need to be addressing how it is to be handled in thefuture.