The Dad Dilemma: Chase Men Away or Engage Them to Change?

The Dad Dilemma:Chase Men Away orEngage Them to Change?Men’s Program Grey/BruceChildren’ Aid Society of Owen Sound and the County of GreyChildren’s Aid Society of the County of BruceCRITICAL CONNECTIONS SYMPOSIUMOntario Association of Children’s Aid SocietiesMarch 10, 2010

My Dad’s GroupA Parenting Program for High RiskStruggling FathersMy Dad’s Group Program provides a supportive environment so men maylearn, accept and embrace their roles and responsibilities as fathers inenhancing the well-being of their children.

Presenters:• Cathy Cartwright, Children’s Aid Society of OwenSound and the County of Grey, Child ProtectionWorker• Sue Sahler, Children’s Aid Society of the County ofBruce, Family Resource Worker• Joachim Ostertag, Men’s Program (Grey/Bruce)Manager

The Child Welfare Context• Historically, child welfare staff focussed mostly on services tomothers• There is little infra structure within child welfare to servefathers and workers often have limited resources to work withabusive men• Fathers often are ignored or required to remove themselvesfrom the family for the safety of the children: they feel chasedaway• In reality many of these men return to their partners or repartnerand the safety problem is then re-located to a newfamily

The Partner Assault Response (PAR) Context• The Men’s Program (Grey Bruce) has provided Men’s Groups(Partner Assault Program PAR) to men who abused theirpartners since 1989• Almost since it’s beginnings, the Men’s Program was part ofthe Children’s Aid Society of the County of Grey and the Cityof Owen Sound and collaborated actively with other violenceagainst women sectors• The Men’s Group Program was originally based on the Duluthmodel which has been modified since then

Men’s Groups (PAR) always followed a feministanalysis:• Recognizing and addressing woman abuse as power andcontrol tactics within a patriarchal societal context• Emphasising men’s accountability for personal beliefs andactions• Challenging societal beliefs and attitudes about men andwomen and foster critical thinking in these areas• Working with men towards personal goals of treating womenand children with respect

The Reality• The Men’s Program and our communities recognized thatmany men coming to the PAR program are also fathers andcontinue this role• Generally men are getting more involved as fathers• Men who assaulted their children’s mothers are a high risk totheir children• Many of these fathers are eager to develop better parentingskills which is an area the PAR program does not cover• The Men’s Program and the community observed that fathersdo not attend general parenting programs offered in thecommunity

To provide a supportive environment somen may learn, accept and embrace theirroles and responsibilities as fathers inenhancing the well-being of their children

My Dad’s Group and PAR• My Dad’s Group and the Men’s Groups (PAR) work independentlyand complement each other• Fathers who abused their children’s mothers usually attend theMen’s Group first before entering My Dad’s Group to address theirissues of woman abuse• Men are expected to show progress re respecting their partners• Mothers need to be safe• While the PAR program emphasizes accountability, attitude andbehaviour changes, My Dad’s Group focuses on supporting fathersin developing a child centred parenting approach

Therefore…We believe that in order for fathers to engage in change, we must:• Encourage, excite and empower fathers in their roles as they learn totake ownership for their choices as fathers.• Help fathers understand how their roles as father, man and malepartner impact on their children and families …• Focus on the health and nurturance of children and their fathers byhelping them build healthy father child relationships• Be a place for all fathers to feel safe and comfortable …• Help men understand the social and cultural construction of oursociety including gender issues and gender stereotypes and how theyimpact on fathers, mothers and children and how to deal with theseissues constructively

Curriculum Components• My Dad’s Group Curriculum has two componentsthat use a closed group format• Component One: My Dad’s Group for Fathers• One Orientation session.• Ten (10) My Dad’s Group sessions.• Each group is 2 ½ hours long and begins with a Dinner• One Family Breakfast (around session 4 -5) for groupparticipants, their children and partners that usuallytakes place on Saturday morning. Family pictures aretaken for the families.• Groups are co-lead by a male and a female group leader

Curriculum Components cont.• Component Two: Co-Parenting as a Team Group• A three (3) session Co Parenting as a Team Group for fathersand their partners or ex partners who wish to work oneffective co-parenting.• Mothers need to be informed that their attendance of theFamily Breakfast and Co-Parenting Sessions are totallyvoluntary and have no impact on custody matters.The complete curriculum takes a total of fourteen (14) weeks tocomplete and can be offered three times a year

Partner ContactUsually female Group facilitators contact the partners of meninvolved in the My Dad’s Group several times over the courseof the group:• to inform the partner about the man’s plans to attend the group• to provide her with information about the group process, goalsand expectations• to talk with her about any safety issues and/or safety planningthat is necessary

Partner Contact cont.• to provide information about the Co-Parenting as a Team group• to discuss her information and support needs, and to answer anyquestions, or discuss any concerns she has• to discuss her involvement and the involvement of the children in theFamily Breakfast

Service Delivery Model• The Curriculum is designed according to amodel with four stages which reflectFather’s individual learning process as wellas the group process

4. Consolidation1. Attachmentand Engagement3.Challenging the Pastand Creating the Future2. Learning andDevelopment

Fathers’ Evaluations (post group)What did you learn from My Dad’s Group?• I put myself in their shoes• I don’t like being yelled at and I’m sure they don’t either• Different aspects of being a father and that my way is not the onlyway• …to listen to my kids’ needs. All problems don’t have the sameanswers• …talking to my wife first on dealing with the kids• A better understanding of my anger and how it affects others

Mothers’ Evaluations (post group)What was the most valuable part for you in the co-parentinggroup?• Learn to communicate with my partner• That dads can do just as much as mothers, let children havechoices• Working together as partners• …it was good to see him involved and willing to learn

Mothers’ Evaluations (post group)What if any changes do you see your partner making in his role asa father and parenting partner?• He talks more to the kids than he ever did• I think he will be able to understand our child’s stages andattitudes• He’s not yelling and we are talking together as a couple• We are more supportive of each other• He is not getting overwhelmed and controls his anger

CAS Workers’ Evaluation• 2 of 3 dads took ownership re how their behaviouraffected their children• Dads’ capacity to understand their children’s needsis reflected in their ability to articulate specificissues• Family relationships improved. Fathers’ Interactionswith partners and children became much morepositive• Fathers’ ability to actively problem solve did greatlyincrease• Ability to case plan with both parents has improved

DemographicsSome Stats• Total Population Grey-Bruce Counties : 157 000• Density: About 19 / km 2 (Toronto: 3972 / km 2 )My Dad’s Group• Total referrals / year: Approximately 75• Referral Source: CAS – 65%, Probation – 25%, Self –45%• Men who attend My Dad’s Group after PAR: 45%• Participation in Co-Parenting Sessions: 40%• Total Children Served, 2008: 135• Children Served (Grey and Bruce CAS) 2008: 97

Stats (cont)High Risk (a history of abuse towards children and/or partner) 72.1 %Struggling Fathers (having a special needs children or havinglimited access to their children because of court orders) 19.4 %Not being a High Risk or Struggling Father 8.5 %Other issues (identified by fathers) Alcohol or Drugs 21.7 % Mental Health Issue 25.6 % Anger management problems with their children 57.4 %

My Dad’s GroupA Parenting Program for High RiskStruggling FathersMy Dad’s Group Program provides a supportive environment so men maylearn, accept and embrace their roles and responsibilities as fathers inenhancing the well-being of their children.