Rosh Hashanah 5769/2008 - Jewish Infertility

Letter from theEditorRosh Hashanah, 2008Dear Friends,The scent of change is wafting in the air, instilling a spirit ofrenewal and rejuvenation. While the world is experiencing changeon a grand scale, we are instituting changes, as well. Miriam hasbid this column farewell, challenging me to step into her editorialshoes. Together, we will continue living, learning and growing onthese hallowed pages.Here we are again, at the start of another new year. The specterof Rosh Hashanah looms before us in a cloud of riveting andawesome magnificence, inspiring warring emotions within thedepths of our souls. Is it really that time of year again, we might bewondering. Wasn’t it just yesterday that we were standing in shul,tearfully pleading for a year of blessing and sweetness?Well, the intervening months have definitely elapsed, although weare oftentimes hard-pressed to follow their speedy disappearance.More likely than not, we are envisioning the upcoming YomimTovim as a repeat performance of the previous routine. Onceagain, we will hide our faces behind the protective covers of ourmachzorim, and we’ll drench the pages with the force of ourShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 20081rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 121/09/2008 6:58:15 PM

prayers. Tears will fall upon last year’s tear stains, adding to theever-growing collection of prayers of every passing year.How difficult it is to daven again and again, when it seems thatour requests are repeatedly denied. How can we summon thestrength and courage to invest emotion into our tefillos, whenthe coldness of unchanging circumstances stares us in the face?Reb. Chana Juravel in her piece “Communication” enlightens usas to the true nature of tefilla. Praying is not a matter of rote, noris it simply an opportunity to voice our requests. Rather, the giftof prayer is a means of communication. Let’s repeat that mindbogglingconcept: tefilla is a means of communication! Whilewe’re standing in the air-conditioned shul, feeling the gusts of coldair blowing through our beings, let’s take the time to internalizethis message. We are actually talking to the King of Kings, andwonder of wonders, He is actually listening to our prayers! It’snot a matter of submitting a request and anxiously awaiting theresults. We are forging connections that assist us as we deal withthe never-ending vicissitudes of life.Yes, every occasion is double-sided. Yentele Roitenberg clarifiesthis so beautifully and succinctly in her article, His Will – OurDesire. The root of the word bracha is comprised of three lettersthat are multiples of two - beis(2), reish(200), and chof (20). Everysituation can be viewed from two perspectives. “It isn’t merely acloud with a silver lining, for every ominous cloud can be viewedas a treasure trove of opportunity.”Do we feel as though our tefillos are repeatedly turned downor rejected? We are actually building the lines of communicationto sustain us along the journey of life. If there is anyone who canattest to the treasures of hidden blessing, Yentele is the mostsuitable candidate. This is not a manner or a firm decision; it is herway of life. After reading her article, I felt compelled to skim thewords again and again in an effort to internalize her message ofcheer, optimism and vitality.Recently, I read a beautiful article which struck a chord ofrecognition and inspiration. Although it spoke to my musicaltendencies, it is also designed to speak to the music of the heart.Arturo Toscanini was a world-famous musician who was blessedwith unparalleled musical talent. His virtuosity enabled him todelve into the essence of a musical piece, unveiling depths ofmeaning that others never detected. Upon listening to a recordingof a musical rendition, Arturo was noticeably disturbed. He knewthat this particular piece required the participation of fourteenviolinists, yet he realized that only thirteen were playing.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008“Where is the fourteenth violinist? What happened to thefourteenth violinist?” he asked.Wasn’t it enough that thirteen professional musicians wereplaying the piece? Was it really necessary for that last violinist tobe present?If the question would be posed to anyone, the response wouldbe an unequivocal “no.” Why was the fourteenth violinist so2rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 221/09/2008 6:58:24 PM

necessary? The music was certainly beautiful without his input. Yet,Arturo Toscanini discerned the difference and he was bothered bythe imperfection.When we’re standing at the mechitza on Simchas Torah, do wesometimes feel like that fourteenth violinist? After all, everyone isbusy with their young children, ensuring that they see the dancingand imbibe the uplifting atmosphere. Little boys are perchedproudly on their fathers’ shoulders, careening wildly around theparameters of the shul. Young boys enthusiastically dance alongwith the adults, conscious of their mothers’ eyes trained proudlyupon them. Yes, everyone is participating in the beautiful, soulstirringorchestra.And then there are the rest of us. We stand at the mechitza andstare into the men’s section, seeking our husband amongst thecrowd. His shoulders are vacant and his hands are not clutchinglittle sweaty palms. No, we are not participating in this beautifulsymphony.Will we silence our violins? Will we actual diminish the beauty ofthe orchestra by withholding our joyous participation during theseinspiring moments? The fourteenth violinist did not think that hisabsence would be noticed, yet it impinged upon the perfectionof the entire orchestra. Our role might differ from those of ourcontemporaries, yet our input is supremely important. Hashem,the Master Conductor, has placed us in our particular situationand He expects us to play our part to perfection. In the tapestryof life, our actions play an important role. Our input is necessaryto complete the masterpiece of Klal Yisroel. So go for it! Thefourteenth violinist is an important addition to the orchestra!In conclusion, I want to share with you an interesting thought.Traditionally, we eat an apple and honey on Rosh Hashanah tosignify our hopes for a blessed, sweet year. What is the significanceof these particular foods? An apple is intrinsically sweet. It growson a tree and portends goodness and blessing. In contrast, honeyis derived from a bee, which is known for its bitter sting. Despite itshumble origins, honey is much sweeter than an apple.Every year is replete with apples and with honey. There aresituations that are intrinsically sweet, such as simchos and success,and these imbue us with happiness. On the other hand, we arealso faced with circumstances reminiscent of the bee’s sting. Itseems as though these situations are bitter and menacing, yetwhen we view them from the proper perspective, their sweetnessis revealed. We can discern the Hand of Hashem leading, directingand conducting, and our appreciation of these difficulties isthereby heightened. By extracting the sweetness from challengesand growing from these experiences, we will be blessed with adeeper sweetness than the intrinsically good situations.May Hakodosh Boruch Hu serenade us with joyous musicalcompositions until the Ultimate Symphony will be revealed.I remain,Malkie KlaristenfeldShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 20083rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 321/09/2008 6:58:31 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 20084A TIME Offices:Main OfficeTel: (718) 686-89121310 48th Street, Suite 406Brooklyn, NY 11219Fax: (718) 686-8927Helpline: (718) 437-7110Hashgacha: 212-260-0790Menorah Adoption Project: 1-888-7-MENORAEmail: admin@atime.orgWebsite: www.atime.orgMid-Atlantic Region:Tel:(443) 220-2702Baltimore, Washington, Virginia, DelawareEmail: midatlantic@atime.orgFloridaJackie HorowitzEmail: florida@atime.orgMidwest ChicagoChaya SpilEmail: midwest@atime.orgCanada:127 Laurelcrest Avenue, Suite BToronto, ON M3H 2B4Tel: (416) 638-4618Fax: (416) 789-5340Email: contact@atime.caEngland:Tel: (797) 328-682779 Fairholt Road, London, N165EWEmail: atime.london@gmail.comIsrael:Rechov gad 1/5Tel: 0523-770-444Beit Shemesh 99545Email: israel@atime.orgList of Extensions for Main Office:Faigie Dashef f Office Manager 200Chaya Fleischman Bookkeeper 201Ruchy Reinman Accounts Receivable 202Rabbi Zern Director of Development 203Rabbi S. Rosen Founder and President 204Miriam Fishoff Event Coordinator 205Chani Blumenberg Secretary 206Rabbi A. S. Jacobowitz Director of Patient Consultants 207Vivienne Moskowitz Medical Consultant 208Lazer Mermelstein Office Controller 210L.Y. Silberstein Development Associates 212Chanie Ostreicher Hashgocha 280Linda Franco Director of Community Outreach 224A TIME, a non-profit organization that supports and educates those in the Jewish communityexperiencing infertility, publishes this newsletter 4 times annually (April, June, September,December). A TIME does not assume responsibility for the kashruth or reliability of any product orestablishment advertised in its pages. We reserve the right to reject any advertising for any reason.We shall not be held liable for non-publication of any submitted advertisements. • To advertiseplease call (718) 686-8912Office: A TIME, 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219. Postmaster: Send address changesto A TIME 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn NY 11219. All rights reserved. Reproduction by anymeans without prior written permission from the publisher is strictly prohibited. Due to divrei Torahcontained herein, the magazine should be wrapped before discarding.A TIME welcomes your signed letters, articles and poems. All suggestions, comments andconstructive criticisms are welcome. All submissions become the property of A TIME and maybe edited for length and clarity. Articles and letters published in A TIME express the views ofthe individual writers and may not necessarily represent the views of A TIME. Please address allcorrespondence to:A TIME 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219 email: admin@atime.orgHelpline: 718.437.7110Phone: (718) 686-8912 • Fax: (718) 686-8927www.ATIME.org • Email: admin@atime.orgServices24 Hour Hotline • A TIME Publications • Book & Audio LibrariesCommittee For Halacha & Technology • Family Builder ProgramHelpline • Individual Therapy • Insurance Advocacy & SupportMedical Referrals & Research • Menorah Adoption ProjectNational Medical Conferences • Online Support NetworkPeer Support • Pregnancy-Loss Support ProgramRefuah Network • Seminars/Educational EventsShabbos Near The Hospital • Support Groups • WebsiteWeekend Retreats•Founder & President: Rabbi Shaul RosenOffice Controller: Lazer MermelsteinDirector of Medical Affairs: Rabbi Aron S. JacobowitzDirector of Development: Rabbi Josh ZernDirector of Member Services: Brany RosenDirector of Community Outreach: Linda Franco•Board Of DirectorsMoshe Blum • Naftali Einhorn • Yechiel Eisenstadt • Benyamin FeitShabsi Fuchs • Rabbi Aron Grossman • Avi Hager • David Jacobowitz • Alter KatzRabbi Dovid Lefkowitz • Rabbi Sendy Ornstein • Moshe Dov SternRabbi Aron Twersky • Rabbi Naftuli Weiss • Shmuel ZafirRabbinical DeanRabbi Binyomin LandauRabbinical DirectorsRabbi Tzvi Ausch • Rabbi Shmuel Fuerst • Rabbi Shmuel Meir KatzMedical Advisory BoardSamuel Bender, M.D •.Alan Berkeley, M.D. • Mike Berkley, L.Ac., D.A.Jessica Brown, M.D. • Natan Bar-Chama, M.D. • Jerome Check, M.D.Owen Davis, M.D. • Dan Goldschlag, M.D. • Marc Goldstein, M.D.Richard Grazi, M.D. • Victor Grazi, M.D. • Jamie Grifo, M.D.Lawrence Grunfeld, M.D. • Joshua Hurwitz, M.D, • Nachum Katlowitz, M.D.Harvey Kleinman, M.D. • Zalmen Levine, M.D. • Prof. Bruno LunenfeldEllyn Modell, M.D. • Steven Palter, M.D. • Darius Paduch, M.D.Andrei Rebarber, M.D. • Zev Rosenwaks, M.D. • Carolyn Salafia, M.D.Daniel Salzman, M.D. • Mark V. Sauer, M.D. • Geoffrey Sher, M.D.Jonathan Schiff, M.D. • Peter Schlegel, M.D. • Sherman Silber, M.D.Michael Silverstein, M.D. • Daniel Stein, M.D. • Andrei Vidali, M.D.Aaron Weinreb, M.D.Support Services Advisory BoardSara Barris, Ph.D. • Joy Stimmel, CSW • Myriam Kalchstein, CSWWendy Wasserman, CSWStaffStaff Advisor: Blimy SteinbergHelpline Coordinator: Esty ZafirShabbos in the Hospital Program Directors: Chaya Kar, Vivienne MoskowitzPregnancy-Loss Program Coordinator: Malkie KlaristenfeldDevelopment Associates: Levi Y. SilversteinDirector of Volunteers: Reizy Eigner, Chevy JacobsDirector of Gemach Services: Chaya KarDirector of Community Affairs: Alter KatzMedical Consultant: Vivienne MoskowitzOffice Manager: Faigie Dashef fBookkeeper: Chaya FleischmanAdministrative Assistant: Ruchy ReinmanInsurance Advocacy: Raizy WeissIn-House Therapist: Miriam KalchsteinHashgocha: Chany OstreicherOffice Controller: Lazer MermelsteinMailing Coordinator: Gitty GreenLibrary Coordinator: Shaindy BlauSecretary: Chani BlumenbergEvent Coordinator: Miriam FishoffHelpline StaffShaindy Blau • Elky Miller • Feigy Schneid • Faigy Singer, RNMiriam Tisser • Elky Miller • Chaya Kar • Vivienne Moskowitz • Goldie BlumDevoiry Langsam • Esty Bernstein • Chevy Jacobs • Shani FeitMagazine & PublicationsEditor-In-Chief: Malkie KlaristenfeldEditor: Malky LevitanskyAssistant Editor: Devoiry LangsamHebrew/ Yiddish Editor: Yitzchok EksteinGraphic Design: Blimi EnglmanPrinting: Instaprint Plus, 718-436-90122819rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 421/09/2008 6:58:38 PM

72 23 5254Helpline: 718.437.7110(718) 686-8912 Fax: (718) 686-8927TIME.org Email: admin@atime.orgSERVICESRabbi Shaul Rosenf Medical Affairs: Rabbi Aron S. Jacobowitzctor of Development: Rabbi Josh Zernaging Director: Abraham Kupfersteinctor of Member Services: Brany Rosenr of Community Outreach: Linda FrancoBOARD OF DIRECTORS David Jacobowitz Alter KatzMoshe Dov SternShmuel ZafiRABBINICAL DEANRABBINICAL DIRECTORSMEDICAL ADVISORY BOARDJerome Check, M.D..D. M.D. Carolyn Salafia, M.D., M.D. Mark V. Sauer, M.D. , M.D. Sherman Silber, M.D.tein, M.D. Daniel Stein, M.D. Andrei Vidali, M.D.Aron Weinreb, M.D.PPORT SERVICES ADVISORY BOARDJoy Stimmel, CSW Myriam Kalchstein, CSWWendy Wasserman, CSWEditorial1 EditorSTAFFStaff Advisor: Blimy Steinberg Esty ZafirChaya Kar, Vivienne MoskowitzMalky Klaristenfeldr of Volunteers: Reizy Eigner, Chevy JacobsChaya Karctor of Community Affairs: Alter Katzdical Consultant: Vivienne MoskowitzOffice Manager: Faigie DasheffGoldy Goldfingerinistrative Assistant: Ruchy ReinmanInsurance Advocacy: Raizy Weiss Miriam Kalchstein Chany OestricherMailing Coordinator: Gitty Green Shaindy BlauChani Blumenberg rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5HELPLINE STAFFnie Feit 6 Timeline8 Mailbox13 An Open Letter to all those Still WaitingChizzuk16 We Will Rise Again19 His Will – Our Desire23 The Essence of Tefilla24 A Letter to the Editor25 The Son She Gave Away28 Together We Stand30 Rosh Hashana Treasures35 A Jewish Outlook on Life36 Thoughts on Yom Kippur38 Breaking the Cocoon44 The Call of the Yearning Willow49 Dancing With the Rebbe50 A Visitor to the Inn6A TIME was founded in Memory m of:52 No, I’m not a Mummy (Yet)54 28 years of pain. Why?55 The Five Friends58 Sugar-Free Sweet New Year61 Book ReviewMedical62 Cycling Through64 Diabetes, Weight Tied to Male Infertility65 From Devastation to Triumph68 Organic Options70 Fertile Environment72 Green Clean76 Baby Boost79 Forum86 Roads and InroadsYiddish97-112 Yiddish ArticlesA TIME, a non-profit organization that supports and educates those in the Jewish community experiencing infertility, publishes thisnewsletter 4 times annually (April, June, September, December). A TIME does not assume responsibility for the kashruth or reliability ofany product or establishment advertised in its pages. We reserve the right to reject any advertising for any reason. We shall not be heldprohibited. Due to divrei Torah contained herein, the magazine should be wrapped before discarding.A TIME welcomes your signed letters, articles and poems. All suggestions, comments and constructive criticisms are welcome. Allsubmissions become the property of A TIME and may be edited for lenght and clarity. Articles and letters published in A TIME express35rw hrnhw c”r tvri g”v • rw nrsfh g”v c”r tprho ruzi b”h21/09/2008 6:58:57 PM5

TimelineDear Friends,As we prepare to start a new year, I would like to remind allof you, our dear members, that we are here for you. Let us helpyou find the right answers this year. Allow yourself the luxury ofbenefiting from our services. We don’t want you to do this alone.We want to make your journey easier and quicker.Do you have an insurance question? Don’t hesitate to callour insurance advocates. They are completely sponsored by ATIME and have helped save many people thousands of dollars.Want to review your medical files? Call us and we’ll set us a filereview with the most experienced and knowledgeable people.Not sure if a procedure is allowed halachically? We’ll guide you tothe most experienced Rabbonim.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008Call us for information, guidance, a mashgiach, a hot dinner,a shoulder to cry on, or just to talk. We offer so many differentservices and continue to grow and expand just for you. Please ask usfor just about anything. If we are not already doing it, we mightconsider doing it just for you. All of our programs and serviceswere started that way. I personally never cease to be amazed thatwe have such a large group of the most amazing people joinedtogether to form what is famously known as the A TIME family.The A TIME main office is always buzzing with newactivities and ideas. We are all working feverishly on the6rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 621/09/2008 6:59:00 PM

National Medical Rabbinical Conference, which will takeplace in the Brooklyn Marriot on December 12. It seemsthat this year’s event will be an unforgettable one. We arelining up the most prestigious physicians in the field topresent the latest breakthroughs and medical achievements.We will be featuring numerous workshops on many topics,an “Ask the Experts” hour on many topics, and more.Throughout the day we will be presenting an excitingfair with all the latest information on infertility. The A TIME NationalMedical Rabbinical Conference has answered questions for many.It is an opportunity to speak to many physicians throughout theday. This is the only conference of its kind in the world. Specialhotel rates are available for those wanting to fly in. We are alsooffering transportation from many different neighborhoods.Our phone support groups will be starting a new series soon. Wewill be offering chizuk talks from Rabbonim this year. All this willbe announced by mail and on the A TIME website.Our singles are doing great; they are really connecting on thephone. Our new mission is to find them wonderful shidduchim.Write to singles@atime.org for more information.Our evening for men only was so amazing. Theparticipants had chulent and kugel way into the night. Dr.Jonathan Schiff’s talk, “Male Infertility – Update 2008,” wasextremely informative and interesting. Thank you, Dr. NeilGoldberg, for making this a great night, and thank youfor sponsoring the chulent. Dr. Neil Goldberg has been with usfrom our inception and was extremely instrumental in launchingour helpline.On September 9, we featured an update on treatment forpregnancy loss with Dr. Victor Grazi. Dr. Grazi has alwaysbeen a friend of A TIME, and we value and cherish hisfriendship. We thank him for his beautiful presentation, forputting so much heart into everything he does, and foralways being there for A TIME. We especially appreciated thetraining session with our helpline staff. Our helpline continues tolearn and grow. We have the most devoted team, lovingly directedby Mrs. Esty Zafir.We’d like to start a phone reminder program. If you would like toreceive a phone call about A TIME events, call the office at (718)686-8912 to be added to the phone list. Remember that you haveto be comfortable receiving a message. Cell phones are ideal. Youwon’t miss any event, workshop, or phone support with this newsystem, so sign up today.Let me sign off by wishing all of you a sweet year. May all of yourtefillos be answered. We are davening for you. You are not alone!Gut Yom Tov,Brany RosenShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 20087rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 721/09/2008 6:59:03 PM

MailboxShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008Deart Brany,In my wildt dreams, it didn’t enter my mind those26 days after raising my hop up to the sky, a prickof a needle would cause it to burst like a ballooninto my face. Before I got my latt tt rults, I wascontemplating how to expr my heartfelt thanks foralways being there en I needed you. I realized,though, that I needed you now more than ever before.No words can dcribe the gratitude and ariation Ifeel towards the wonderful organization A TIME. First,the inspirational Shabbaton gave us a much-neededreprieve. It is somhing that divid the year followingit into two. Six months we still have chizuk from then,and the next six months we’re busy looking forwardto the next one. (Of course, we hope and pray to be thebearer of good news by then.) It is a lace ere we cantruly relax and just be. We don’t need to cover up andsmile en we really feel like crying. The Shabbos is alace and time ere we can gather loads of chizuk,emuna, and bitachon to strengthen ourselv and helpus continue living our daily liv.Sond, the amazing helpline. I can personally atttto the fact that everyone on the staff mak those onthe other end feel understood and cared for. Esty Zafir8rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 821/09/2008 6:59:04 PM

is always there standing bide me, holding my hand,cheering me on, and simply never letting me lose thehope of embracing my own child. When everything looksbleak, like the sky on a rainy day, and en thunderand lightning is visible throughout and I simply wantto hide in the safy of my own four walls, she’s there togive me the push to go on and never lose hope.Vivian Moskowitz is someone om with words I can’tthank. When I didn’t know ere to turn, she providedme with the nary rourc and information tog me up and going. She’s someone o, without everseeing me before, made me feel understood and caredfor. Phone calls to doors and A TIME staff late at nightwere arranged through her so that the cycle I was inthe midst of doing should be able to proceed smoothly.The pain Vivian displayed upon the news of a chemicalpregnancy after three failed IVFs left me spellbound.Thank you, Esty and Vivian, and the entire helplinestaff, for always being there for us.Third, thank you Malkie Klaristenfeld for providingsuch an amazing package. The chizuk, emuna,bitachon and inspiration really helped me accept athaened with the right outlook. The pain is still therebut the caring and sympathy gave me the courage to goon, making the effort to keep on smiling.I would be remiss in not mentioning two servicich A TiME provid ich really helps me outtons: One, the medication gemach. Thank you, Chaya,for your help and caring heart. Two, the list of nursavailable to give injeions.Thank you,PKDeart A TIME,We have just compled an IVF cycle and though itwasn’t succful, the experience was so much easierwith A TIME at our side. Chaya Kar was fantastic inhelping us arrange a lace to stay for Shabbos. We haddelicious food sent to our door; the reimbursementwas mailed to us a few days after our stay. Everythingwas so simple and uncomplicated. That’s so amazingconsidering the heic schedule we’ve been under.Chany helped us with a mashgiach; she came threetim and it just s the right tone for each procedure.I feel very fortunate to have had A TIME throughthis experience, and I am tremendously grateful foreverything they’ve done for us.Thank you to this wonderful organization,T. & S. B.Dear Editor,I just read iue #56. I was amazed! The chizuk yougive, the advice you give, the hope you give, and, mostof all, the pat on the back you give, is just unbelievable!Keep up your great work.May I make one comment to all the swe youngcoupl o are rising to me the challeng of thisvery big nisayon. As a mother of a child strulingwith infertility, I will repeat the line I say many tim,“Thank you Hashem for not tting me with the tt ofnot having my child share with me at’s going on.”Young coupl, y, I know you are entitled to everydrop of privacy. As a wife, you certainly have to listento your husband. Y, there are parents that will makeyou crazy or parents that will tell the ole world.Please, lease, before you make the dision to keep yourparents in the dark, bear in mind they are sufferingright along with you, and not knowing adds an extremeamount of extra pain. No parent expes to be told everydail, but at least give them a summary.“Mommy, the doors are very optimistic,” “We’re tryingsomhing new,” “Daven for us – tomorrow’s a big tt,”“I’m having a hard day today.”Lack of talking, no communication, can lead to somany painful situations. Baby-oriented simchos, bris,upsherin… When the lin of communication are open,it’s so easy to work around it.Do you know how many mothers tell me that they justkeep qui bause they don’t know at to say?I daven togher with all the other mothers o arewaiting so impatiently, togher with all the youngcoupl, to see yeshuos for Klal Yisroel.To the wonderful staff of A TIME,We just wanted to share with you our wonderfulnews. On Feb. 6, I gave birth to twins after 5 ½ years ofmarriage.During those years of infertility, as we went fortreatments and experienced those ups and downs, wealways knew that we had A TIME to lean on.Your magazin are so spial, so beautiful, and soinspiring. I awaited their arrival with great anticipationand read them (and somim reread them) fromcover to cover. When my younger sister-in-law gavebirth before us, I opened an old magazine on the topicand found an article that gave me so much chizuk.KLShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 20089rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 921/09/2008 6:59:04 PM

This program is sposored by A TIME and Doros.Insurance Questions?Denied Claims?A TIMECAN HELP!Please call Zissyfor all yourinsurance needs.P. 845.781.7325F. 845.781.6578E. help@aadvocacy.comYour membership numberis needed for thedenied serviceclaims.This program is sposored by A TIME and Doros.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200810rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1021/09/2008 6:59:07 PM

We attended our first Shabbaton two years ago at OceanPlace Rort. We were so awed! We really felt as Branysays, “part of an elite club.” All those dails: the welcomepackag, newspapers, amazing food, entertainment,workshops, inspiring speh… We reminisced aboutthe Shabbaton all year long. We listened to those CDsover and over again. The inspiration and fun reallycarried us along.My husband came to the Shabbaton with a couple offriends. I got to know their wiv and developed suchclose relationships with them. One of them remainsone of my clost friends today.For a ile it felt like we had a lot of people owere all in it togher. When B”H many of them hadbabi, I suddenly felt so lost and alone. As everyone wasmoving on, it seemed like our case was getting morecomplicated. One morning I was feeling very down. Thetears just wouldn’t stop and I had to leave to work. Itried to call the helpline and was waiting for a call back.In the meantime, I tried some non-Jewish helpline thatsuosedly offered suort. Nothing doing. I hung upfeeling uncomforted. Later, en I spoke to Vivienne,the contrast was so stark. She empathized, validatedand encouraged me.Every time I spoke to Vivienne thereafter, herfor info or to help arrange a hotel, she was always sosuortive. Thank you, Vivian! There’s somhing inyour voice that is so soothing. When I compared thetwo calls, all I could say “Mi ke’amcha Yisroel!”The women o did hashgacha for us at RMANYwere so spial. They were discre and really put usat ease.When we got the positive pregnancy tt we were soexcited! We finally reached our dream. At the sametime, I felt the emotional transition to be challenging. Iremember crying and thinking, “So if not for A TIME,o will suort us now?”You really meant so much to me. As we experiencethe joys of being parents, we know that you are trulymengers of Hashem. Your love, suort, andinformation carried us through until the joyous timof parenthood.With heartfelt gratitude,SRWShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200811rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1121/09/2008 6:59:20 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200812rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1221/09/2008 6:59:23 PM

An Open Letterto all thoseStill WaitingShe stretches out her hand – my little oneAnd gigglesSunshine bubbles in herBouncing into meI glowBut then I thinkOf youOutstretched armsEmpty daysLongingPiercing yearningFor the dayWhen light of new lifeWill shineOn youI yearn to reach outCaress your painShow you I careAnd then I seeYouEach wordSighLookWinkI am afraidMakes the swollen, deep woundBleed pusBut knowI am thinkingOf youI reach out to youIn my siddurOn my lipsWith my challah doughBy the candlesIs your nameAnd I davenThe light of motherhoodShould shineOn youOh, HashemPleaseI beseechI pleadPlease letOur tefillosArouse Your compassion.For the only One who can give lifeIs butYou.Binah: 305 5200Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200813rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1321/09/2008 6:59:26 PM

© 2008 Conceivex, Inc. PA08 019Trying to Get Pregnant?Enhance your opportunityto conceive with the®at-home conception systemSunUsing the FDA-cleared Conception Kit, couples can now address thefollowing conditions in the privacy of home:IPlease note: Consult your Rabbinical authority before using this product.For Men:For Women:The key component is the revolutionary Conception Cap. ®Research has shown that most sperm die when exposed to the acidicvaginal environment. Sperm placed inside the Conception Cap® areprotected from this environment. The Conception Cap® allows allavailable sperm to be held in direct contact with the opening of the cervix.www.conceptionkit.comShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008Order direct at www.conceptionkit.com, or call 1-888-306-6366.Use coupon code ATIME during checkout and enjoy $25 off.Building Lives...Building FamiliesWith each coupon code used, Conceivex, Inc. will make adonation to A TIME: A Torah Infertility Medium of Exchange.14rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1421/09/2008 6:59:33 PM

Reserve the DateSunday, December 14, 2008National MedicalRabbinicalConference 2008Infertility and theJewish CoupleNew York Marriott Brooklyn333 Adams Street,Brooklyn, New York• Workshops• Panel Discussions• The Latest Research• Alternative Medicineand moreCome and meet the mostdistinguished doctors andRabbonim in the field ofinfertilityGet the answers you’ve been looking for.Co-sponsored by:THE CORNELL INSTITUTEFOR REPRODUCTIVE MEDICINESupported by:Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200815rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1521/09/2008 6:59:39 PM

Of Wishes and WindowsWe Will Rise AgainRabbi Yechiel SperoShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200816The Kozhnitzer Maggid writes that there are twoseparate 21-day periods that are situated one afterthe other. The first is the Three Weeks. These bainhametzarim, as they are called, commemorate aperiod of time in which Klal Yisroel suffered terrible tragedies.Beginning with Shiva Asar B’Tammuz and ending with Tisha B’Av,we remember the horrible events of the Churban Beis Hamikdosh,as well as other tragedies that have befallen the Jewish peopleduring this time. Expulsions and murders from the last millennia,as well as modern-era tragedies, have dotted the bloody landscapeof the drei vochin. A time of feeling distant, it is without questionthe saddest time of the year.On the other hand, shortly thereafter begins another threeweekperiod, the Yemei Ahava of the Yamim Noraim and Sukkos,which are filled with a sense of closeness and belonging. The daysof Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur draw us nearer and nearer toHashem, and we can’t help but feel that even through the fearand trepidation of His judgment, we are still His children, perhapsnow more than ever. He determines our fate as we cry forth AvinuMalkeinu. And then, as the awe of the High Holy Days passes, weembrace Him as we sit in the tzila dim’heimnusa, the shade ofbelief.On the surface it appears that the two are diametrically opposed,with one having no connection to the other. However, theKozhnitzer Maggid tells us that these two 21-day periods aretwo halves of one whole. The 42-day period that we speak ofis reminiscent of the 42 masaos Klal Yisroel journeyed throughthe desert. Every one of the 21 days of the bain hametzarim issupplemented by the 21 days of ahava. Each “potch” is cushionedby the loving embrace of our Father. Every fall helps us to build ourrosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1621/09/2008 6:59:44 PM

esilience and fortitude. We know we can – and will – rise again.This is the yearly and lifelong journey of a Yid. We rise and fall.We succeed and then we fail. There is no definitive moment oftriumph in our journey. Yet, the journey itself is our conquest. It isthe reason we live. Whether we will find instant joy or sadness isinconsequential, but we must know that He is there with us everystep of the way. And that knowledge in and of itself is cause forthe simcha we hope one day to feel.There will be days of Tisha B’Av, of sadness so deep and hurtful,so imbued with agony, that the will to live will seem as thoughit is escaping us. We might doubt His Closeness and wonderwhether we are being carried.But then there will come thatcrystal-clear moment of joy,when we know beyond anydoubt that the Al-mighty lovesus so deeply that any otherlove pales in comparison. It isthese days of ahava, borne outof the uncertainty of the beinhametzarim, which gives us areason to move forward.Each “potch” is cushionedby the loving embrace ofour Father. Every fall helpsus to build our resilienceand fortitude. We knowwe can – and will – riseagain.The Nesivos Shalom expandson this thought. We say dailyin Krias Shema, “Ve’dibartabam,” “And you will speakof/in them.” So long as we areenveloped in the words of Torah, we will know that He is carryingus through our journey. The word bam has the numerical valueof 42, representing once more the 42 journeys of every individual’sexistence.Our life’s quest will lead us into unknown and uncharteredwaters. We will feel that we are forever entrenched in the blackhole of darkness and nothingness, tohu vavohu. It is how the worldbegan. But then the Al-mighty declared, “Va’yhei ohr,” “There shallbe light.” The journey of life will have times of darkness, but theohr will come.We find this throughout many Jewish cycles. As Shabbos ebbsaway we recite the Havdala. Havdala consists of four components:yayin, wine, besomim, spices, ner, candle and havdala, separation.The acronym for these four words spells the word yiboneh, “Hewill build,” indicating that the Al-mighty will rebuild that which isnow dying. The sun is setting and the kedusha is leaving us. Thereis reason for doubt and uncertainty, sadness and even depression.However, even amidst the destruction and doubt, there will berebuilding and hope.Furthermore, Rav Tzaddok writes that Yavneh is the same lettersas yiboneh. Yavneh was the city to where the Sanhedrin had beenexiled prior to the destruction of the second Bais Hamikdosh.“Tein li Yavneh ve’chachameha,” “Give me Yavneh and itschachamim,” was the plea of Rebbi Yochonon ben Zakai as hebegged Vespasian to spare the crown jewel of the Jewish people:their chachamim.In the churban lies the key to life.When the No. 2 bus was bombedfive years ago and so many preciouslives were taken from us as they werereturning from the Kosel, the ZAKAvolunteers searched the debris andremains of twisted and burned metalto find some semblance of life. Theysearched for a few hours and thenbegan to clean up the blood andprepare the kedoshim for their finaljourney. Suddenly one bent down anddiscovered a baby sucking a pacifier.He pulled it out and miraculouslythe baby began to cry! It was alive! He shouted through histears, “Mitachas haChurban matzasi chayim,” “Underneath thedestruction, I have found life!”The sadness that is so prevalent in our lives will give way to hopeand life, happiness and joy.Within the pain lies the secret to life.These Yamim Noraim will humble us and bring us to the brink oftears many times over. But if we hold steadfast to the course theAl-mighty has chartered for the ship, then we will shortly hear thesounds of simcha. The zman simchaseinu will pave the path for usall to hope for and dream of a year of simcha for everyone.Kasiva Vachasima Tova! STShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200817rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1721/09/2008 6:59:48 PM

Introducing for the first time a newchesed organization that you wouldwant to be a part of…“DAVEN FOR ME AND I WILLDAVEN FOR YOU”Joining this program is easy, costsyou nothing, and is tremendouslyrewarding!!!HOW IT WORKS1. There are three specific categories for which we candaven for each other:ILLNESS, CHILDLESSNESS AND SHIDDUCHIM2. Upon signing up for a specific category, you will bepaired up with another family in the same situation, andyou will each be davening for each other. Most peoplewould appreciate the nature of this mutually supportiverelationship and want to develop a relationship withtheir counterpart in an effort to provide and receivechizuk and support, but if confidentiality is desired, wecan assure it completely. Your davening will consist of5 specifically assigned perakim of Tehillim to be reciteddaily. You can even receive a daily email or text messagereminder to say your assigned Tehillim. With just aminimum membership of 30 families, we can assure dailyrecital of the entire Sefer Tehillim at least once. And forevery additional group of 30 members, we can have thewhole Tehillim recited daily yet again.This organization was started less than 3months ago and already there are more than600 people saying Tehillim as part of the “DavenFor Me and I Will Daven For You” program.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008GET ON BOARD TODAY AND JOINTHE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE ALREADYPARTICIPATING IN THIS BEAUTIFULPROGRAM AND TOGETHER WE CANSTORM THE GATES OF HEAVEN.18rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1821/09/2008 7:00:20 PM

Seasonal ThoughtsHis Will – Our DesireBy: Y. RoitenbergBefore my bas mitzva, I wanted to know whichposuk corresponds to my name. The appropriateposuk is inserted at the end of Shemoneh Esrei,and can either contain the person’s name, orbegin and end with the identical first and last letters of the name.Only the latter was an option for me as I have a very uncommonand original name. My mother, may she be well and healthy, hasalways been – and still is – praying and saying many kapitlach(chapters) of Tehillim daily. Just a couple of days after asking her,she pointed to my posuk, and with glowing eyes, translated its forme לך כלבבך וכל עצתך ימלא ‏:יתן , “May He grant you your heart’s desiresand fulfill your every plan and wish.”I am named for my mother’s mother who passed away at arelatively young age, after battling for years with a very debilitatingillness. As my mother translated the words, her joy was so obvious.She was delighted that I, her daughter who carries her mother’sname, was assured in this posuk of Hashem’s bountiful blessings. Iimmediately began to include this posuk in Shemoneh Esrei.Some years later when I was at the end of senior-school, the firstArtscroll Siddur was published that includes a list of verses for everyname. There, I found that the suggested posuk for names beginningwith yud and ending with an aleph is בטח בה'‏ עזרם ומגנם הוא ‏.ישראל Bythat time I was already very attached to my personal posuk, andso I continued to say that. A short while later I was accepted intothe seminary of my choice. Years passed quickly, I finished sem andthen went on to teach. I was soon engaged and then married to aben Torah and living my dream life in Eretz Yisroel. I was living the‏.יתן לך כלבבך וכל עצתך ימלא posuk: fulfillment of myShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200819rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 1921/09/2008 7:00:23 PM

It was only a long time later, after having experienced years ofinfertility and many other big-life challenges, that I thought aboutand delved into the other posuk: בטח בה'‏ עזרם ומגנם הוא ‏.ישראל I beganto understand how these two beautiful פסוקים , both entirelydifferent, actually complement each other. It’s wonderful when lifeproceeds just as we want, when our dreams synchronize with Hisplans. However, we learn in life that it is He, Hashem, who writesthe script. בטח בה ‏'ישראל , we believe that He knows what is best forus. When our dreams don’t materialize, עזרם ומגנם הוא , He is thereto support us, to shield and protect us.We may have to make adjustments and change from our originalhopes, dreams and aspirations. Is it easy? No, it is a lifetime’savoda! Is it possible? It most certainly is – and it is expected anddemanded of us.In Pirkei Avos it says: רצונו כרצונך ‏,עשה “Treat His Will as if it wereyour בטל רצונך מפני רצונו”,‏own , “nullify your will before His Will” (2:4).This is, perhaps, not only my personal posuk and message; this is alesson we all have to try to absorb and internalize. It is one of thepowerful lessons to be learned from and during Chodesh Tishrei.As we prepare ourselves for Rosh Hashanah, it is with very mixedfeelings. It is with fear and trepidation that we stand before theYet it is also with hope and anticipation. We have ‏.מלך מלכי המלכיםso many ‏.בקשות Our needs and requests are many, and we dependsolely on Hashem – לך לבד עיננו תלויות Will‏.כי He grant us our hearts’desires? Will we be granted a year of bracha?Let’s look at the word ‏.ברכה It contains the root word ‏,ברך knee.The knee is the joint in the leg that enables a person to bend. Canwe bend and adjust, put our own personal desires aside? If we canbend and change from our original hopes and expectations, wecan find the bracha in our lives.A similar idea can be learned from this fascinating word ‏.ברכה Theroot letters beis, raish and kaf are all letters with numerical valuesof two. Beis = 2, raish = 200, and kaf = 20. Life thrusts challengesand obstacles at every one of us and we are obligated to find thewherewithal to conform and adjust. The root letters of bracha eachhave the numerical value of two to teach us that we can alwaysobserve every situation from more than one angle. When thingsdon’t transpire exactly as we would like, we can always revert toPlan B. When struggling with life’s challenges we can forgo andrelinquish our own desires; we can and must make Hashem’s Willour will. Bracha does not necessarily mean to always get exactlywhat we want. Bracha is being able to live with a positive attitudeeven when faced with disappointment. When we can achievethis, then we are guaranteed bracha in our lives.This is a central theme throughout the Yomim Noraim. We sayin the tefillos כלם אגודה אחת לעשות רצונך בלבב שלם ‏.ויעשו We daven andpour out our hearts and we certainly have our lists of requests.ואנחנו כורעים Interestingly, it is also the only time that while we saywe do not only bend our knees, but we actually bow right ומשתחוויםdown onto the ground as well. We are simultaneously expressingour needs and desires, as well as our ability to bend, to be flexible‏.לעשות רצונך בלבב שלם Will, and to accept HisWith this idea in mind we can better understand why we readabout Akeidas Yitzchok on the second day of Rosh Hashanah.Avrohom Avinu waited together with Sora Imeinu endless, painfilledyears until they were finally blessed at a ripe old age withtheir beloved son, Yitzchok. Then Hashem instructed AvrohomAvinu, “Bring up your beloved, only child, Yitzchok, as an offering.”Can we even fathom just how painful and difficult this must havebeen for Avrohom? As they made their way to Har HaMoria, twicethe posuk tells us that וילכו שניהם יחדיו , “They both went together.”There are various reasons and explanations given for this repetition.It can refer to father and son, Avrohom and Yitzchok, who wenttogether in complete harmony: one to bring the offering andthe other to be the sacrifice. It also expresses their complete andabsolute acceptance. Both Avrohom and Yitzchok were completelyat peace, willing and agreeable. וילכו שניהם , they both went along,, together with Hashem, willing to forgo and relinquish their יחדיוown desires while they carried out Ratzon Hashem.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200820rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2021/09/2008 7:00:28 PM

can achieve happiness and fulfill the mitzva of והיית אך שמח , beinghappy on Sukkos.Sukkos commemorates the special Heavenly Protection thatthe Yidden had for forty years in the desert. These clouds thatsurrounded the Yidden in the desert kept the people cool andprotected them from enemies’ arrows. They smoothed valleys,flattened hills, kept their clothes fresh and mapped out theirroute. Most likely, many of us associate clouds with darkness. Herewe see that even clouds can be an expression of our Creator’s love,enveloping and shielding us.Avrohom was challenged and tested with ten major nisyonos andpassed each one. Akeidas Yitzchok was the final and most difficultchallenge. The Midrash says that as Avrohom bound Yitzchok tothe akeida, tears streamed from his eyes in fatherly compassionand mingled with the angels’ tears. Avrohom succeeded in passingthis tremendously difficult test even though he cried. His face wastearstained, an expression of the great pain and strain that he felt,yet deep inside his heart and soul, he was at peace. He was singingnot despite the pain, but because of it. He was singing because‏.רצוננו לעשות רצונו here was his opportunity to expressWhen faced with challenges we, too, can cry. We are not failingwhen we admit that infertility or any other nisayon aches. Despitethe pain and anguish of immaterialized dreams, we must also beable to burst forth in song and gracefully accept our role. Ourbodies may cry but our souls can sing, for deep inside of us weknow that we are reaching new heights. We are not being crushed;in reality, we are being built.It is with this lesson of the Yomim Noraim that we step rightinto Sukkos. Immediately after having stormed the Heavens, afterpleading that Hashem, our merciful Father, should grant us all ofour needs, we celebrate Sukkos. We leave our comfortable homesto sit in small, humble huts directly under the skies. We are, in fact,telling Hashem we asked You to shower us with bracha, to grantus all of our heartfelt requests, but You know what is best for us,and our happiness is not dependent on what we have or whatYou give us. We can leave our homes, our comforts and desires.So long as we have Your protection and shelter - עזרם ומגנם הוא - weThese clouds that accompanied the Jews in the desert were inAharon’s merit. Aharon Hakohen was a man who loved peace. Hesettled arguments between people and helped couples to live inserenity. He not only made peace for others, but he was also atpeace with himself and with Hashem. Therefore, when his twosons died, the posuk says אהרן ‏,וידם Aharon was silent, and therewas not one word of complaint. Despite his pain he was neitherangry nor resentful. He was able to bow down to His Will, and wasat peace and in complete harmony with Hashem. Indeed, it is niceto have sunshine and it is wonderful when everything goes well,but from Aharon we learn that sometimes Hashem give us clouds.Perhaps it’s a little dark and difficult, but if we realize that in dark,cloudy, trying times Hashem is there lighting our way, lighteningour loads and smoothing the steep rocky paths of challenge, thenwe can be at peace and intrinsically happy.When we sit in the Sukka, commemorate the clouds andוהיית אך remember Aharon Hakohen, then we can easily fulfill, being happy on Sukkos. Our happiness is not marred but שמחrather enhanced by the clouds. The clouds of Heavenly protectionremind us to see that every cloud has a silver lining. Real simchadoes not depend on what we have or don’t have. True joy is tohave life, to be challenged. Face the problems, grow spirituallyand deepen the relationship we have with Hashem. I once reada fabulous quote:I slept and dreamtThat life was joyI awoke and sawThat life was dutyI acted and beholdDuty was joy.One of my favorite stories is about a famous crippled violinistwho bravely went up on stage to perform. He put his crutchesaside, removed his leg braces and began his performance. Whileplaying a beautiful melody on his violin, one of the strings snapped.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200821rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2121/09/2008 7:00:34 PM

The audience assumed that he would stop playing, but instead hedid something unthinkable. He continued to play with passion onhis now imperfect instrument. At the end of his performance thepeople rose, applauded and cheered to express their appreciationand great admiration. When the audience finally quieted down thecrippled musician pointed to his legs and exclaimed, “I have alreadylearned in life to make music with whichever tools are left.”Sometimes in life our dreams are shattered; nevertheless, it is stillour task to continue to sing and make music with whatever is left.חזק ימלא משאלותנו אמיץ יעשה prayers, We step into Tishrei with heartfeltAt that point our relationship is still somewhat dependent ‏.בקשתינוon what we need Him to give us. After a whole week of Sukkosand celebrations, Hashem invites us to join Him for another dayof Yom Tov and simcha. Unlike Sukkos, which revolves around itsmany mitzvos, on the last day of Yom Tov Hashem doesn’t give usany extra mitzvos. He wants us to have reached new heights whereour happiness no longer depends on things or on what we have.We have been trained over Sukkos, and now our connection andrelationship is already so deep that we no longer need things, noteven extra mitzvos, to bind us together. This is Shemini Atzeres,where we reach the pinnacle and ultimate simcha.As we stand in shul on Simchas Torah, we see smiling childrenwith flushed cheeks dancing excitedly and waving flags around thesifrei Torah. Elated fathers are singing and circling, with young sonsclapping on their shoulders. Do we find it difficult to be part ofthat simcha? Perhaps like Avrohom Avinu, while our bodies ache,our souls can sing not despite the pain, but because of it. If werealize that we are celebrating our relationship that we have withHashem, we, too, will be able to dance. We will see what He hasgiven us and how He has enriched our lives with His brachos andHeavenly protection. We will not allow our challenges to crippleus, and we won’t stop singing because one cord has snapped. Wewill take whatever tools we have, and with passion and purity, we,too, will dance and celebrate. We, too, will rejoice and sing along‏.אשרינו מה טוב חלקינו ומה נעים גורלינו proudly: loudly andDearest Mammy,******************************Do you remember as I do all those years ago when you showedme my לך כלבבך וכל עצתך ימלא,‏posuk ‏?יתן So much has changed andtranspired since then. I know that you, too, had hopes and dreams.Doesn’t every mother want the best life for her daughter? I still saythat beautiful posuk, and I hope that you don’t feel deprived ofnachas. Hashem is with me, giving me strength and showering uswith His Heavenly protection. בטח בה'‏ עזרם ומגנם הוא ‏.ישראל There isso much hashgacha and bracha in our lives.I hope we are giving you and Daddy lots of nachas not becauseI live fulfilled dreams, but because I live a fulfilled life; not becauseour wishes have been fulfilled but because we are fulfilling HisWishes. See our smiles, hear us sing רצוננו לעשות רצונו and havenachas from us and from all you children, grandchildren, andgreat-grandchildren.‏.כתיבה וחתימה טובהSigned with love and tears,Your daughter STShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200822rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2221/09/2008 7:00:35 PM

CommunicationThe Essenceof TefillaBy: Chana JuravelWe think of tefilla in terms of its power andsignificance in our lives. We think of it asan opportunity to verbalize our needsand thanks, our yearnings and praise. Werarely, though, think of it as communication. Perhaps if we did, thetask at hand would not seem as daunting, and the essence ourtefilla would potentially be more fulfilling.Were we to recognize tefilla as our opportunity to communicateto Hakadosh Baruch Hu, we would feel that doing so yieldssuccess regardless of measurable results. If our greatest goal is toconnect to Hashem and make Him more of a reality in our lives byaddressing our needs to Him and speaking with Him, then in factwe would realize that ritzon yireav ya’aseh – that He truly does ourwill by constantly allowing us just that.We rarely, though, think of it as communication. Perhaps if wedid, the task at hand would not seem as daunting and the essenceof our tefilla would potentially be more fulfillingrequests and desires, but I’m open to His assessment. We beseechHashem before every Rosh Chodesh, “Sheyimaleh Hashem kolmishalos libienu l’tova” – to fulfill our hearts’ requests for thegood. Can we imagine requesting anything but “good?” Weacknowledge that as much as we think what we want is for thebest, Hashem knows even better than we what would be for thegood, in a way that is so much more far-reaching. We need toallow Him, then, to do what it is ultimately for the best.We have had the privilege to make a few family simchos. Theyhave all been beautiful. Due to a lack of time, as well as limitedtalent in party planning, my modus operandi has always been tobook the professionals needed and say the following to each: “Thisis my budget and the basic parameters. Make yourself proud!” Ihave never been disappointed.Each person involved always thanked me for allowing him or herto shine in a way most natural and impressive, for not clippingtheir wings with my own recipes or obsessions.The verb lihitpallel, to pray, is reflexive, meaning it is an actionmeant to effect change upon oneself (just as lihitlabesh refersto getting oneself dressed). Seeing it in that way frees me fromwondering whether my tefillos changed Hashem’s Mind, and onlyfeeling that it was successful if it did. Rather, I recognize that it ismeant to change me.In any effective communication, parties involved are open tohearing each other’s perspective. We have all had the experienceof communicating (can we even call it that?) with those whospend the time we are speaking formulating their response,oblivious to what our words may have put forward. Their agendaof persuasion takes priority over our communication and perhapseven our relationship.Real communication means that I’m interested in hearingwhat you have to say; I value your opinion and am open toyour viewpoint. That same mindset, then, should be part of mycommunication with Hashem. I may have my shopping list ofAs our Caterer, Hashem deserves no less. Rav Hirsch explains,“Baruch hagever asher yivtach baHashem” (Yirmiyahu 17:7),as describing an individual who makes Hashem his source ofconfidence. If he does so, he will truly be blessed, since “vihayaHashem mivtacho”- Hashem can then act as that source ofconfidence and be the Caterer par excellence. If He knows thatwe’re open to His suggestions, He can communicate them and setthem into motion in a way that is most beneficial and ultimatelymost fulfilling.This attitude implies real change. By nature we all hope to be incontrol of life’s circumstances. Relinquishing control to another isboth threatening and humbling. It can also, however, be a relief.Especially if the One I am relinquishing it to knows me betterthan I know myself. Ironically, being open to His way of thinkingwithout being bent on my own, means the chance to always getmy way. Since my way is all about integrating His recipes into thesimcha I call my life.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200823rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2321/09/2008 7:00:39 PM

A Letter to the EditorSarah Rivkah KohnDear Editor,Today you returned mysubmission,Marked up with inky blotches.“Change this,” you commanded,And add more to the story – it’sincomplete.You questioned my ending,You said it could be better.You scrutinized every paragraph,Every written word, down to thelast letter.You weren’t satisfied with mywork.That hurt.You felt I could do better.I wasn’t so sure.Left with no choice, I tried again.I revised the story,Added a new character,A new dimension to the tale.I extended the ending,I worked under pressure(the deadline is always tight!)I worked so hard,To get it just right.But…You still weren’t satisfied with mywork.That hurt - a lot.You felt I could do even better.I wasn’t so sure.I wanted the article published,But you’d rejected it twice.Dare I try again?I went to war with the inner self,That refused to revise.I typed at breakneck speed- again.I clicked the save key andencouraged myself,“Az m’vill ken men”(If one wants strongly enoughonecan do anything!)And…You were satisfied with my work.That felt good.You felt I did much better.But I still didn’t feel I did.Until…I re-read all the versions,All twelve of them.For I had written nine draftsbefore,I had even submitted my first toyou.The first that you had rejected.I re-read all the versions andcame to realize,That I was very glad,I had followed your advice.Now…I was satisfied with my work,And that felt really good.I now recognized that I could bean even better writer,Than I had ever thought I could.The Ultimate Editor has testedme,In many different ways.He has made me revise ME,Time and time again.Each new challenge, each newsituation,They all impacted me forever.And through my tears I look backand say,“Tatte, I hope they made mebetter.”Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200824rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2421/09/2008 7:00:44 PM

The Son She Gave AwayBy: Chana Silberstein“And Elkana dwelt in the hills of Ephraim with his wife, Chana,and she was childless.”“Marry another woman that you may have children,” she said.“And when Hashem sees my pain, perhaps I too, will be given achild.”So Elkana took a second wife, Penina. And she bore manychildren, but Chana had none.With time, Chana might have resigned herself to her fate andfound solace in her loving husband and her service of Hashem.But Penina knew of the longing that burned deep within Chanaand resolved that her longing not be extinguished. And so, therewas no chance of Chana making peace with her childlessness, forPenina tormented her endlessly.In the morning, Penina rose early to prepare her children to gostudy.“Chana,” she mocked, “Why are you not up yet? Don’t you haveto wash and dress your children?”At noon, Penina stood at the door, awaiting her children’s return.“Chana, aren’t you going to come, too, to welcome your childrenhome?”At dinner, when Elkana served the main course, Penina onceagain called attention to her young. “This one has not eaten yet;my daughter is still hungry; my son is waiting for his portion.”There was not a day that Chana was not confronted with herbarrenness. She sat silently and withdrawn at the table, tearsShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200825rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2521/09/2008 7:00:48 PM

welling in her eyes, observing the lively tumult about her andthe obvious pleasure Penina took in tending to her children, andChana could not eat.Elkana, sensing her agony, lovingly served her the choicestportions, but the food remained untouched.and give me a child like all other children - a happy child, a healthychild. No more do I ask for myself.”“But if it be Your will, then send me a child who will be a greatleader, a sage and a holy man, as were Moshe and Aaron, and I willdedicate his life to You.”Each year, Elkana and his family traveled to Shiloh. Along the way,they stopped, and Chana and Elkana encouraged others to jointhem in their pilgrimage. Each year they took a different route,exhorting everyone they met to come along, until eventuallyentire villages from all over Eretz Yisroel journeyed with them tosacrifice and give thanks to Hashem at the altar in Shiloh.It was autumn, the leaves were turningcolor, and it was time to go to Shilohagain. That year, the crowds that traveledwith them were large, their hearts happy,the air thick with joyous fervor. Elkanacalled his family together to partake inthe holiday offering. As always, the bestportion went to Chana. Yet she alonetook no part in the joyous celebration.She barely looked at her plate.Gently, Elkana turned to her. “Chana,why do you cry, and why is your heartsaddened today? Does my love notmean more to you than the love of ten children?”But the days when that love could have contented her were longpast. In her mind, she saw only Penina. Penina who bathed, andfed, and clothed each of her ten children and never tired. Penina,who made even the most mundane aspects of motherhood seemsublime. And so, when everyone else had finished the meal, Chanareturned to the Bais Hamikdash and prayed.“Hashem, You have created everything in this world for a reason.You have given me eyes to see, ears to hear, a mouth to speak.Why have you given me a womb, if not to carry a child?”“Look at the hundreds of people I have gathered to stand beforeYou. Shall I not have even one to call my own? Look at my despair“Hashem, You havecreated everything inthis world for a reason.Why have you givenme a womb, if not tocarry a child?”For what seemed like an eternity, she stood before the wall,her body shaking and racked with tears, her lips moving buther voice hardly more than a whisper. In those days, prayersand supplications were said aloud, so Eli - the high priest - wassuspicious of her behavior.“Woman, are you drunk?” he called. “Go away from here, for it isimproper to stand before Hashem ina state of intoxication.”“No,” she answered, “I have pouredmyself no wine today. It is my heartthat I have poured out before Hashemin my anguish.”“Then go in peace,” Eli replied, “andmay Hashem grant you your prayer.”So they returned home. That year,Chana bore a son she named Shmuel.Shmuel means "I have asked him(borrowed him) of Hashem."When the time came for the annual pilgrimage, Chana did notgo. “Let me stay with my son at home until he is weaned,” sheimplored, “and then I will fulfill my promise and bring him toShiloh, to the Bais Hamikdash.” And Elkana told her to do as shesaw fit.When Shmuel was two, she took him with her on her journeyto Shiloh. They brought along offerings of cattle, flour and wine.She stood before Eli and said, “I am the woman who prayed toHashem in my sorrow. Beside me is my son, the answer to thatprayer. And now, may he be given into the service of Hashem forthe rest of his days.”And she sang a song of thanks to Hashem, and she returnedShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200826rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2621/09/2008 7:00:49 PM

home, and Shmuel remained with Eli in the house of Hashem.The story of Chana, the Haftara of Rosh Hashanah, is a tale richlywoven of many strands. It is a story of devotion and love, of serviceand sacrifice.There is Elkana, who called the people to Hashem. Elkana, whotenderly offered his love to an embittered wife.There is Penina, who knew she would always be second in Elkana’slife. Penina, who needled and teased Chana endlessly, yet in herheart, cared for Chana more than anyone ever knew. Penina, theproud mother of ten, who could not stand to see Chana accept alife of barrenness. Penina, who cloaked herself in a role that madeher hate herself, to do what had to be done. Penina, who in herdeep love for Chana, tormented her cruelly so that she might cryout to Hashem from the depths of her soul.There is Eli, bewildered by a woman’s passion so strong that hedid not recognize it for the prayer it was. Eli, who would later takethat woman’s child and raise him to lead the Jewish people.But most of all, it is the story of Chana. It is the story of thewoman that taught the world what it means to pray—that prayercomes not from one’s lips but from one’s heart.It is the story of a woman whose longing was excruciating, whodreamed always of the child she would hold, a child exquisitelyloved for no other reason than that he was her own.And yet, in the midst of her desperate need, she was able toembrace a nobler vision, to say, “Hashem, let me have this childfor You, and I will give him away to be Your servant.” At two, sheleft him in Shiloh, and though she visited him again each year,bringing him coats she had lovingly sewn for him, from that dayon he was no longer hers. Those ordinary moments of childhood,so treasured for their commonness, could no longer be sharedwith him. She sacrificed her son to Hashem as Avrohom had donebefore her, but she sacrificed him not on an altar of stone, but onthe altar of her heart, and her sacrifice was forever.She had other children later, two more sons and two daughters,but we know her only as the mother of Shmuel, the son she gaveaway. STReprinted with permission from Chabbad.orgPhone Support Groupswith Myriamwith MyriamMyriam and Wendywith WendyShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200827rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2721/09/2008 7:00:55 PM

TogetherWe StandBy: Boruch TwerskyAs we approach the Ten Days of Repentance,all G-d fearing Jews are seeking ways tobe acquitted in their judgment, and to beinscribed, together with all of Am Yisroel,in the Book of Life. Some are saying Tehillim; others are thinkingabout their life and considering how they can improve their deeds,still others are working on their character, but everyone is busilytrying to merit a favorable judgment.About a century ago in Poland, a non-Jewish policeman stoodat a crossroads and watched in amusement as the thousandsof Chassidim traveled past to spend Rosh Hashanah with theirRebbes.“Why is everyone traveling?” he asked one of the Chassidim.“We’re traveling because we’re afraid of G-d!” the Chassidanswered. He said this with such great fear of Heaven that thepoliceman also started trembling (because the nature of fear isthat it can be transferred from one person to the next,) and saidin fright, “All right, all right! Just let me live!”We’re all running, too, seeking a way to emerge victorious in ourjudgment.Many good ideas have been offered about how to succeed onthe Day of Judgment. One major eitza given is to love – and tofeel united with – every Jew. Because when a person is connectedwith all Jews, Hashem will no longer view him as an individual withhis own individual flaws, but rather as a part of the wonderfulJewish nation, whose holiness and greatness we cannot begin tofathom, and he will be judged from that perspective.We read in Malachim II that when the prophet Elisha wouldcome to the city of Shunam, he would stay in the home of arighteous woman, often referred to as the Isha Shunamis (4:8).One time, this woman said to her husband, “The man who isregularly visiting us is a holy man of G-d. Let’s build for him a smallattic, and furnish it with a bed, table, chair and lamp, so when hecomes to us, he can stay there.”The next time Elisha visited their home, he slept in his newquarters. He asked the woman what favor he could do forher, whether he could speak on her behalf to the king or armycommander.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200828The woman replied, “I dwell among my people.” (Rash explains:“I live peacefully with everyone, so I don’t need any interceptionfrom the authorities.”)“We’re traveling becausewe’re afraid of G-d!” theChassid answered. He saidthis with such great fear ofHeaven that the policemanalso started trembling.rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2821/09/2008 7:01:00 PM

But Elisha heard that she was childless, so he blessed her that thefollowing year she would have a son. And so it was.The Zohar Hakadosh tells us that this conversation took placeon Rosh Hashanah (Noach 69). The king that Elisha was referringto was the King of kings, Who, during the Ten Days of Repentance,is constantly referred to as Hamelech Hakadosh, HamelechHamishpat. Elisha asked her if he should speak to the King onher behalf. Her response was, “I dwell among my people.” Shewas saying, “I don’t want Heaven to look at me individually, tosingle me out, because then, perhaps, I will be punished for mysins. Rather, I want to be viewed as a part of the Jewish nation.”We learn from this Zohar that on Rosh Hashanah, the Day ofJudgment, it is important to be united with all Jews so that we willbe judged favorably.The Gemara tells us that there was a butcher who had sinnedagainst Rav (Yoma 87). Rav waited for him to ask forgiveness, buthe didn’t come. On Erev Yom Kippur, Rav went to the butcherhimself to make peace. Rav stood before the butcher as he wasbreaking open the head of a slaughtered animal. The butcherraised his eyes, saw Rav, and said, “Go away. I have nothing to sayto you.” He continued working, trying with his hammer to breakthe animal’s skull. A bone flew off and hit him the throat, and hedied.The Arvei Nachal explains that the reason Rav tried to makepeace with the butcher on Erev Yom Kippur was because of theimportance of peace and unity on the Day of Judgment.One Rosh Hashanah, the Chozeh of Lublin sat dejectedly in hisroom; he didn’t have the strength to come out for tekias shofar.In his great humility, he couldn’t find any merit for himself, and hefelt unworthy of the great mitzva of listening to the shofar.Then he remembered that once, his gabbai had forgotten toprepare his negel vasser. The Chozeh had been quite upset andwas about to shout at this gabbai. But then he had rememberedthat Chazal teach that all those who become angry are comparedto idol worshippers. And he had thought, is the negel vasser soimportant that I should commit a sin that’s comparable to idolworship? He cleansed his heart from all anger and forgave hisgabbai. In this merit, the Chozeh went to hear the shofar.In the great merit of erasing anger, and increasing love andunderstanding and unity among Jews, may we all be inscribed fora Kasiva Vachasima Tova. STMishpacha Elul 5767Because when a personis connected with all Jews,Hashem will no longerview him as an individual,but rather as a part of thewonderful Jewish nation.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200829rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 2921/09/2008 7:01:06 PM

RoshHashanaTreasuresA Collection ofThoughts onRosh HashanaBy: Rabbi A. WeissfeldTHE RIBBONO SHEL OLAM ASOUR REPRESENTATIVEOn Rosh Hashanah, the Yom Hadin, we ask Hashem: “Al tavobemishpat imanu,” “Do not accompany us to the din Torah.”When Hashem is the baal din opposite us, we have very littlechance of “winning our case.”We therefore ask the Ribbono shel Olam, “Milfanechamishpateinu yeitzei.” Just like a person hires a talented defenselawyer, a borer, to represent him, we ask Hashem to be our borer,representative, so we win the din and are inscribed in the SeferHachaim, Book of Life.Sefer Sova Simchos, Rosh HashanahAT THE LAST MOMENTAs we stand during the last Mincha of the year on Erev RoshHashanah, we ask Hashem, “Bareich aleinu es hashana hazos,”“Bless us this year.” We have almost made it through the end ofthe year; why are we still praying for this year? We learn form thesewords that the yeshua, salvation, can come in a split second, evenbefore the new year begins.Rabbi Yehoshua of Belz, zy”aANGELS ARE ACCOMPANYING USWhen a Yid walks home on Rosh Hashanah after davening, heis followed by two malachim, angels, who witness him saying toeveryone, “Leshana tova tikaseivu.” Then the angels ascend to theheavens, where they make sure that the Yidden are inscribed for agood and blessed year.The Tzemach Tzedek of Lubavitch, zy”aSAYING TEHILLIM DURING ROSHHASHANAHThe Brisker Rav, Rav Yitzchok Zev Soloveitchik, zt”l, used to sayTehillim during every spare moment on Rosh Hashanah. The BaalNesivas Kodesh once asked him why he chose to say Tehillimrather than using the time to learn Torah in depth.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008“On the Yom Hadin,” the Brisker Rav explained, “you feel like abusinessman who has gone bankrupt. The first thing to do in suchcircumstances is to try to salvage whatever you can, and reopenthe business to try and recoup some of the losses.“On Rosh Hashanah,” he continued modestly, “I used to fill upmy free time with learning another blatt Gemara or anotherchiddush in a sugya. Then I thought that those few minutes ittook me to walk over to the bookshelf and take out a sefer could30rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3021/09/2008 7:01:09 PM

e construed as bitul Torah, which could be detrimental to me onthe Yom Hadin. This way, there is no chashash of bitul Torah.”Peninei HaGrizLESHANA TOVA U’MESUKAWhen we dip the apple in the honey, we say the words “Yehi ratzonshetechadesh aleinu shana tova u’mesuka.” Why is it not enoughto say “shana tova” – why do we need to add “u’mesuka”?This is because there are times when things happen to a personthat seem bad. Even though we know that the Ribbono shel Olamdoes only good, the taste is sometimes bitter. We therefore askHashem that we merit a sweet year – one that not only is good,but also feels good.The Lev Simcha of Ger, zy”aTO AVOID A BRACHA LEVATALAThere is a parable about a father of several children, who had onlyone apple. The children all wanted the apple, and the father didn’tknow whom to give it to. Suddenly, the youngest child made thebracha Borei Pri Ha’etz, and the father had no choice but to givehim the apple; otherwise it would have been a bracha levatala, ablessing in vain.It is the same with Klal Yisroel. We quickly make the bracha“Melech mochel vesolei’ach u’maavir ashmoseinu bechol shanaveshana.” When the Ribbono shel Olam hears us make a brachastating that He forgives all our sins, He will do so in order to keepit from being a bracha levatala.Rabbi Shalom Saprin of Karmana-Jerusalem, zy”aSHELOSHA SEFARIM NIFTACHIMThere are three sefarim open before the Ribbono shel Olam onthe Yom hadin. Tzaddikim are inscribed in the Book of Life rightaway, while the beinonim, those who are neither tzaddikim orresha’im, are only inscribed on Yom Kippur. Why can’t Hashembegin inscribing us on Yom Kippur? Why do all three sefarim haveto be open from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur?The answer is that it is a chessed from the Ribbono shel Olam notto judge us at the same time that the tzaddikim are being judged.This is so that the contrast won’t be so strong, which would resultin the resha’im looking much worse… The tzaddikim are inscribedin the Sefer Hachaim first, and we are inscribed separately on YomKippur.The Chasam Sofer, zy”aReprinted with permission of HamodiaShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200831rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3121/09/2008 7:01:12 PM

Daven For Me andI will Daven For YouWritten by Shoshy BernsteinShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008In the zechus of our combined teffillos, may we all bezoche to refuos and yeshuos.32rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3221/09/2008 7:01:18 PM

Throughout the ages, Jews have turnedto Tefillah, pouring out their hearts andbeseeching the One Above for Rachamim,for Refuah, for the blessing of a child. Ourprayers are our conduit to Hakodosh BoruchHu and a gift that enables us to turn toHashem in our time of need, knowing He isalways there to listen- a loving Father, alwaysdoing what is best for His children.Without a doubt, the Tefillos of a father forhis child are especially poignant and piercing.And when a father is faced, R”L, with the painof his sick child, he will storm the heavens fora Yeshua. It is one such father who has takenhis pain and his child’s pain and channeledthem into creating an organization aimed atassisting the Klal. Breathtaking in its simplicityyet infinitely rewarding, Daven for Me andI’ll Daven for You, offers its participants theunique opportunity to help others while atthe same time helping themselves.How did the concept for this organizationdevelop? When asked, Mr. Y relates thefollowing. “As I lay on my couch at theend of a particularly long and draining day,thoughts of my ill child and the difficulties myfamily were facing overwhelmed me. I put onthe CD Omar David by David Gabay and asI listened, one particular song spoke directlyto me. This song, titled The Letter, tells oftwo childless couples who in their pain turnto each other for help.“.. Stand beside me and Hashem will seehow I care for you and you care for me. Davenfor me and I’ll daven for you, let’s storm thegates of Heaven, we will break through”.I was deeply moved by the inspiring lyricsand thought, “Why can’t I do that?! I cantake the beautiful concept portrayed bythis song and make it a reality. Who betterto understand the depth of a father’sfeelings than another parent sitting at hisill child’s bedside?” As the Talmud states:(insert mamar in hebrew) “kol hamispallelb’as chaveiro vhu tzarich l’oso dovar hune’eneh tichila.One who davens on behalf of his friend andis in similar straits, he is answered first”. Canany Tefillos be more powerful than thoseoffered up with the love and compassionof a fellow Jew who feels your suffering andawaits the same yeshua?!I decided to try it first among my familyand friends. The results were indescribable!Immediately my child’s health began toimprove. Realizing the amazing potential thisarrangement could have for the Klal, I thoughtto myself “Let me create an organized systemfor this Davening partenership.” And thus,Daven for Me and I’ll Daven for You, wasborn.So how does it work? The beauty of theorganization lays not only in its simpleconcept but in its actual application. Withjust three easy steps you can become a partof the Daven for Me family.There are three categories of Yeshuosthat we daven for: Refuah, Infertility andShidduchim.Step One: Fill out the included applicationand submit it:By mail: Daven For Me and I’ll Daven ForYou1303 53rd StreetP.O. Box 400Brooklyn, NY 11219Via internet: www.davenforme.orgBy Fax: 718-437-8802.You may contact our office at 718-437-8812if you have any questions.Step Two: Upon signing up for a specific categoryof tefillah, you will be paired with someone facing asimilar situation.You privacy will be strictly guarded andconfidentiality is completely assured.Step Three: You will be assigned 5 perakim ofTehillim to be recited daily.For every 30 families that enroll, the entireSefer Tehillim will be completed once daily.Imagine the impact in Shomayim when theparticipants of Daven For Me collectivelystorm the heavens! Since its inception justthree months ago, Daven For Me has grownto a family of over 400 people. This amountsto Sefer Tehillim being recited in its entiretymore than 13 times a day!When you join, you too will become a partof this incredible and powerful network ofTefillah. You will receive a booklet with yourdesignated Tehillim, a postcard with a reviewof how the organization works, and a CD ofthe song “Daven for Me and I’ll Daven forYou”. I”YH when there is no longer a need todaven for yourself, please contact our officeso we can update our data base.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200833rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3321/09/2008 7:01:22 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200834rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3421/09/2008 7:01:28 PM

A JewishOutlook on LifeBy: Rabbi Shimon Schwab zt”lIt was shortly after my fourth birthday; we were beingphotographed, my two younger brothers and I. I canstill see everything clearly before me. The pleatedcurtains surrounded the glass cover of the secret-filledapparatus; the man under the black cape; the threadbare clothscenery in the background. And then, the many, many toys; thelarge multi-colored dice cube, a small rocking horse, and buildingblocks. These were placed at our disposal so that we would appearwith happy and shining children’s faces on the photograph.And then came the first, unforgettable disappointment of myyoung life: When it was time to leave for home, the photographertook all the toys away from us! This was deeply painful. I hadpreviously thought that the photographer was similar to one ofmy very good uncles who loved all good children and broughtthem gifts at every occasion. Here, however, for the first time, wasa grownup who took gifts back from little children! This was myfirst lesson, painfully impressed on my childish heart in the dawnof my consciousness. It was my first encounter, albeit unsolicited,with the cruel reality of the world of grownups:That everything life grants us - and even life itself - is time-boundand time-limited. Success, happiness, beauty, solace, and lovearrive in small packages, neatly packed and carefully weighed.And when we have made sufficient use of them, the time issuddenly up - much too quickly and much too early. And we aresent away, back home… but the gifts remain here.And all of life is this way. Laughter and crying, ups and downs,light and darkness, all are measured, tightly limited, small packages ofexperiences, which suffice for the time allotted to us for our existencehere. None of this lasts forever - whether good or painful.There is a time for everything, a time for all desires under theheaven… A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to lamentand a time to dance (Koheles 3).The medicine of suffering, as well as the elixir of happiness, isalways handed to us in small doses. Judaism thus teaches us notto become broken when the sun sets, nor be overly exuberantwhen the darkness wanes. Everything has its time under the sun.Judaism teaches us to relinquish our “toys” when the time comes,and grasp G-d’s Fatherly hand. Judaism teaches us to subordinatethat which is temporal to the Everlasting One.Rejoice in the daytime of your happiness, pour out your tears inthe nighttime of tragedy. But never forget that over the temporalof your ups and downs of our presence here, there shines aneverlasting Heaven, the manifestation of G-d and his immortalWill.The superficial and insignificant pedantry of earthly life has beenhanded to us for only a short period of time. The Torah, however,has been given to us forever: today, tomorrow, and always – in thislife and in the World to Come.To be a Torah Jew means not to waste one’s life, but to humblyand thankfully accept the goblet out of G-d’s Hand, regardlesswhether it is filled with a sweet or bitter drink.May the coming year be blessed with strength and solace andreliance on G-d. STReprinted with permission from The Jewish Observer“To be a Torah Jew means not to waste one’s life, but tohumbly and thankfully accept the goblet out of G-d’s Hand,regardless whether it is filled with a sweet or bitter drink.”Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200835rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3521/09/2008 7:01:34 PM

Thoughts on Yom KippurShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200836It was the first day of Rosh Hashanah in the synagogueof the famous Berditchever Rebbe, Reb Levi Yitzchak.The shul was crowded. Reb Levi Yitzchak himselfwas leading the congregation. Reb Levi Yitzchak's soft,yet vibrant voice touched the heartstrings of every worshipper.As Reb Levi Yitzchak pronounced the words, his voice broke, andeveryone's heart was filled with remorse. Each pictured himselfstanding before the Judge of the Universe.Reb Levi Yitzchak recited line after line of the solemn prayer,which the congregation repeated, until he came to the line: "ToHim, Who acquires His servants in judgment..."Here Reb Levi Yitzchak suddenly paused, for the words died onhis lips. His prayer shawl slid from his head, revealing his pale face.His eyes were shut, and he seemed to be in a trance.A shudder passed through the worshippers. A critical situationmust have arisen in the Heavenly Court; things were not goingwell for the petitioners.A few moments later, the color returned to Reb Levi Yitzchak'sface, which now became radiant with joy. His voice shook withecstasy and triumph as he recited, "To Him, who acquires Hisservants in judgment!"After the service, Reb Levi Yitzchak explained: "While we prayed,I felt myself lifted up to the gates of heaven, where I saw Satancarrying a heavy load. The sight filled me with anxiety, for I knewthat he was carrying a bag full of sins to put onto the Scales ofJustice before the Heavenly Court.rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3621/09/2008 7:01:43 PM

"For a moment the bag was left unattended, so I went up to itand began to examine its contents. The bag was crammed withall kinds of sins – evil gossip, hatred without reason, jealousies,wasted time that should have been spent in study of the Torah- ugly creatures of sins, big and small."I pushed my hand into the bag and began pulling out one sinafter another, to look at them more closely. I saw that almost allthe sins were committed unwillingly, without pleasure, downrightcarelessly, or in sheer ignorance. No Jew was really bad, but thecircumstances of exile, poverty and hardship sometimes hardenedhis heart, set his nerves on edge, brought about petty jealousies,and the like."And strangely enough, as I was examining all these sins, andthinking what was really behind them, they seemed to melt away,one by one, until hardly anything was left in the bag. The bagdropped back, limp and empty."The next moment, I heard a terrible cry. Satan had discoveredwhat I had done. 'You thief!' he screamed. 'What did you do to mysins? All year I labored to gather these precious sins, and now youhave stolen them! You shall pay double!'"'How can I pay you?' I pleaded. 'My sins may be many, but notso many.'"'Well, you know the law,' Satan countered. 'He who stealsmust pay double, and if he is unable to pay, he shall be sold intoservitude. You are my slave now! Come!'"My captor brought me before the Supreme Judge of theUniverse."After listening to Satan's complaint, the Holy One, blessed is He,said: 'I will buy him, for so I promised through my prophet Isaiah(46:4): "Even to his old age, I will be the same...I have made him, Iwill bear him, I will sustain and save him!"'"At this point I returned to this earthly realm," concluded RebLevi Yitzchak. "Now I understand the meaning of the words, 'ToHim, who acquires His servants in judgment!'”We are the servants of Hashem, and if we are faithful servants,Hashem protects us and is our Merciful Master. Let us remainfaithful Servants to Hashem, and we'll be spared from beingservants of servants, and in the merit of this, the Al-mighty willsurely inscribe us all in the Book of Life, for a happy New Year. STFrom The Complete Story of Tishrei, Kehot PublicationsShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200837rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3721/09/2008 7:01:52 PM

Breaking the CocoonBy: Zisy FriedShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008The phone rang shrilly in the quiet house. The figuresitting hunched at the kitchen table didn’t react.She sat there, small and slight, cradling a thick bluemug between her small, delicate hands.The disembodied caller ID voice announced the number. Shedid not stretch out her hand to pick up the phone. After fourrings the answering machine picked up. An explosion of noiseassaulted her ears. She heard the sound of children, a houseful ofthem, going about their usual morning routine. In the backgroundshe heard the thin wail of an infant - and then her sister’s harried,cheerful voice.“Hi, Chaya,” the voice said. “I really need to talk to you about YomTov. Please call me back so we can make plans.”“Plans,” thought Chaya. As if there were any real plans. Devorainvited Chaya and Moishy, and they went. There was noreciprocity, never any change in the routine. After all, it was hardfor Devora to pack up her whole family for Yom Tov, and Chayaand Moishy were only two people; it was much easier for them tocome, wasn’t it?“Not this time,” thought Chaya. “Enough is enough.”Chaya returned home to her apartment at seven that evening.With a sigh of relief she dropped the heavy bags of groceries atthe door, stooping at the same time to retrieve the mail. As shestraightened, she noticed that the door to the adjacent apartmentwas open. Through the opening she could see the clean walls, theshiny varnish on the golden parquet floor that captured the lastrays of the day’s sunlight like a mirror. It smelled of new paint and38rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3821/09/2008 7:01:55 PM

polyurethane and beginnings.It was a one-bedroom apartment, and undoubtedly a newlymarried couple would be moving in. She made a weary mental noteto bake an extra cake for Shabbos to welcome them. A pointlessgesture, since they’d soon outgrow the small apartment and moveon, and so would any possibility for a long-term friendship. Still, itwas the kindly gesture that her careful upbringing wouldn’t allowher to forgo.Half an hour later Chaya heard the key turning in the lock. Hertable was set with weekday china, crisply ironed linen napkins, andcrystal that caught the light in rainbow colors. With a single deftmovement, she slid the perfectly cooked steaks onto plates thatwere already filled with roasted potatoes and grilled vegetables.Going out had become too painful, keeping up with friends toohurtful. How often could she listen to friends complain abouttheir sleepless nights and difficult mornings? In the beginning shehad tried, determined to act as normal as possible, but the onesidedconversations had become awkward. Soon, she began tocut down on the phone conversations, the shopping excursions,the lunches out. Her friends tactfully respected her wishes and lefther alone, to the point where they rarely spoke. She only went tofamily simchos now, and only those that were so immediate thatnot attending was a barefaced insult.“What about speaking to someone?” Moishy asked.“Don’t bring that up again,” she said, her usually soft voice razorsharp.“I don’t need to speak to someone. I need time, that’s all.”“So how was your day?” Moishy asked, settling into his seat.“All right,” she replied, “except…The shrill ring of the phone interrupted her in mid-sentence.It was Devora again. She was never one to wait patiently for acallback.“Except for Devora,” Chaya continued, gesturing toward thephone.“What about her?” Moishy asked, spearing a neatly sliced pieceof potato.“She wants us to come for Yom Tov.”“So?”“I don’t want to go this Yom Tov.”“But we always do. They expect it,” Moishy said reasonably.Moishy was always reasonable.“I just can’t go after all that’s happened lately,” Chaya answered.They sat in silence for a few minutes. Devora’s baby was the exactage Chaya’s would have been had it lived. In the six months sinceher niece had been born, Chaya had managed to avoid being inDevora’s house.“You can’t avoid her forever,” Moishy said gently.“I’m just not ready,” she said, rising and turning toward thewindow to hide the tears that gathered in her eyes so readily. Buthe didn’t have to see her face to know. He knew the thickeningsound in her voice all too well. Eight years of heartache had madeit only too familiar.“Sit down,” he said gently. “It’s been six months. You have to jointhe land of the living again.”“I just can’t,” she said. “Not yet.”The years had taken their toll on her. Chaya, the macher, thelive wire, the center of any crowd, had become almost a recluse.She began to clear the supper dishes, scraping her half-eatensteak into the garbage, her movements sharp and the sound ofher heels staccato on the ceramic tile floor.“I don’t mean a therapist,” he said. “I mean someone who couldgive you chizuk. Like my friend Shia’s wife.”“I’m not interested in talking to anyone about this. It isn’t anyone’sbusiness.”Chaya had once been open and communicative. Moishy hadbeen the private one, an only child, raised in a quiet, genteel home.She had been the one from the loud, gregarious family - the socialbutterfly with loads of best friends and a zillion acquaintances.As the years passed and disappointment followeddisappointment, she had learned to say less and less, afraid of theconstant questions, constant speculation. By now she had built upan icy wall that only the very foolish or very brave would attemptto break through. And few were brave enough.___________________________Friday came. It was an hour before Shabbos. Her table wasimmaculate, silver shinning, flowers arranged artistically. Shewas dressed in a lovely Shabbos dress and her best sheitel, hermakeup carefully applied. The new neighbors had moved intwo days before. Chaya had seen them only from a distance. Shecarefully wrapped her welcoming specialty - nut cake with creamychocolate frosting - in cellophane and curly ribbon. Pasting afriendly smile on her face, she took a deep breath, opened herdoor and rang the neighbor’s bell.From inside she heard a flurry of footsteps, and a female voicecalled out, “Just a second!”The door opened. To Chaya’s surprise, the new neighbor was farfrom the newlywed she had imagined. She had a rosy-cheeked,round face topped with a short black wig. She was at least thirty.“Hi,” Chaya offered. “I’m Chaya Stein. From next door.” Shegestured vaguely in the direction of her apartment.“I’m Suri. Suri Schwartz. Please excuse the mess. We’ve only beenShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200839rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 3921/09/2008 7:01:58 PM

here two days.”“Oh, please, I didn’t even notice,” Chaya said, somewhat less thantruthfully. She couldn’t help but notice the chaos of boxes thatoccupied almost every available inch of space.“We’ll get it sorted out sooner or later,” Suri said with a laugh.“Well,” Chaya said awkwardly, handing her the cake, “I bakedsomething for you to welcome you to the building. I hope youlike nut cake.”“I love it!” Suri said enthusiastically.“So I guess we’ll be seeing each other,” Chaya said stiffly. “GoodShabbos!”Chaya had preferred staying home on Shabbos morning sincethat dreadful Shabbos three months earlier, about three monthsafter she had lost the baby, when yet another tactless but wellmeaningacquaintance had come over to her in shul to expresscondolences and offer advice. Since then, she remained in acocoon from candle-lighting to Havdala, willing the hours to pass.Now it was winter, and the long Friday nights seemed to drag byendlessly.“You’re just hurting yourself,” Moishy admonished her. “You needto have company. Let’s invite some Shabbos guests.”“I’m not up to it,” she would say. “Maybe next week.”_________________________________The phone rang on a Wednesday evening.“Hello,” Chaya said.“Hi,” said a cheerful voice. “It’s Suri.”“Suri?”“From next door.”“Oh, hi,” Chaya replied. “How are you settling in?”“Getting there,” Suri answered. “At least I can now see most ofthe floor. Yitzchok and I were wondering if you and your husbandwould like to come to us for a seuda on Shabbos. We’re bothfrom outside New York, and we’re feeling a little out of things. Wethought a little friendly company would be a good idea.”“Oh, um, I don’t think we’ll be able to make it this week,” Chayasaid tensely.“Oh, that’s a pity,” Suri said, disappointment in her voice. “Maybeanother week then.”“Maybe.”Suri wouldn’t give up. She called cheerfully, persistently, politely,until Chaya could no longer refuse her invitations withoutappearing impossibly rude._____________________“So why did you move to Boro Park? It’s a hard place to livewithout family,” Chaya said to Suri, as her host dished out bowls ofchicken soup in the kitchen one Friday night.“A number of reasons,” Suri answered. “Mostly for medical care.”“What do you mean?”“Well, it’s a little painful to talk about,” Suri said, blushing slightly.“We’ve been married seven years, you see, and we exhausted allthe infertility options in our town. New York has the best doctors.It was simpler to just move here than commute every time weneeded to.”“Oh!” Chaya said, shocked at Suri’s frankness.“Actually,” Suri said, “I was hoping you could help me with that.Finding a good doctor, I mean.”“I don’t know what you’re talking about! Why would I be able tohelp you with that?” Chaya said as she walked out of the kitchen._____________________As soon as the door of their apartment closed behind them,Chaya turned to Moishy and said, “You’ll never believe what Suriasked me!”“What’s that?” Moishy asked, removing his tie with a sigh ofrelief.“She wanted me to recommend an infertility specialist! Thenerve! To bring up such a sensitive topic with someone you barelyknow!” She paced around the living room, twisting the tassel atthe end of her belt between shaking fingers.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200840rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4021/09/2008 7:02:05 PM

“They have been living here for three months,” countered Moishy.“Well, I don’t plan on returning the invitation, that’s for sure,”retorted Chaya. Moishy didn’t answer, but his blue eyes were sad._______________________“What are your plans for Sukkos?” Suri asked Chaya one day inthe elevator.“I’m not sure yet,” Chaya demurred, afraid of another invitation.“We usually go to my sister in Flatbush, but this year I’m really notsure.”Chaya didn’t add that she had been planning to stay home until itoccurred to her that she would have to host the Schwartzes, whohad no family and only a few acquaintances in Boro Park. Going toDevora was still painful. She had thought of going to a hotel, butMoishy loved Boro Park on Yom Tov, and with uncharacteristicstubbornness had firmly refused that suggestion.“We’ll see,” she said to Suri.“Maybe if we’re both home, we can help each other out with theseudos. I had a really close friend that I used to do that with backhome. It was great.”Chaya’s lack of enthusiasm didn’t even seem to register.Yom Tov grew near and Chaya was no closer to a decision. Devora,well meaning but tactless, refused to take no for an answer. Suripersisted in making joint plans, which Chaya couldn’t see a way toavoid. In desperation, she decided the lesser of the two evils wasto stay home.A frenzy of planning followed. Chaya searched all her cookbooksfor recipes appropriate for Sukkos. She settled on a gourmet menufeaturing seasonal foods. Before Yom Kippur, Moishy built a sukkaon the tiny porch off their kitchen. Chaya bought decorations,clusters of grapes and pomegranates and beautiful postersdepicting Yerushalayim; no tinselly non-Jewish decorations for hersukka!Resigned, she invited the Schwartzes to eat with them; Suriwould provide desserts and salads, while Chaya would cook therest. Where Suri came from, apple pie was considered gourmet,and coleslaw and potato salad were varied enough for side dishes,so Suri constantly consulted Chaya, whom she considered themore accomplished balebuste. Suri enthusiastically embracedthe opportunity to expand her repertoire. Her enthusiasm wasinfectious, and Chaya found herself looking forward to her newrole as hostess in her own sukka.The only sour note was her sister Devora’s disappointment.“But you always come to us on Yom Tov,” she had saidincredulously when Chaya finally allowed herself to be pinneddown to a definite refusal. “You’ve come here every Yom Tov sinceAbba and Imma were niftar. You never stay home.”“There’s always a first time,” Chaya said.“But why?” Devora persisted, the hurt evident in her tone. “Is itbecause our house is too cramped?”Chaya knew that Devora was self-conscious about her small,shabby house, which always seemed messy in comparison to theperfect elegance of Chaya’s condominium. With six children on arebbi’s salary, Binyamin and Devora just couldn’t afford much helpor home improvements.“No, no, it has nothing to do with that,” Chaya told her. “We justwant to stay home this Yom Tov.”“How about walking over for one seuda then?” Devora suggested.“I don’t know..” Chaya hesitated, longing to end the painfulconversation with her only sibling. “We’ll see.”“I think we should accept Devora’s invitation for at least oneseuda,” Moishy said later that night. “Binyamin told me thatDevora’s really hurt that we’re not coming for Yom Tov.”“She’s hurt? Is he serious? How can she be the one who’s hurt?She’s the one with the new baby; I’m the one with nothing.”“Am I nothing?” Moishy said. “And this?” He gestured around thebeautiful apartment. “How can you say that?”“I’m not ready to face them yet.”“You know what?” Moishy said with uncharacteristic annoyance.“I don’t think you’ll ever be ready.”“What?”“You heard me,” he cried. “You’re locking yourself up here in yourlittle cocoon.”Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200841rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4121/09/2008 7:02:12 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008“I am not,” Chaya sputtered.“You are,” he insisted. “When was the last time you spoke to afriend?”“This morning,” she retaliated triumphantly. “I spoke to Suri.”“Suri,” he said. “The only reason you speak to her is that shepursued you until you had no choice. When’s the last time youspoke to anyone besides Devora and Suri?”“It’s been some time,” she conceded.“Some time?” he retorted. “It’s beenmonths since I’ve seen anyone else’sphone number on the caller ID.”“It’s my prerogative to speak towhomever I want.”“And it’s mine to say what I think.”“You don’t understand,” Chayasaid sadly. She walked over to thewindow and lifted the gold brocadecurtain. It was raining outside, asteady downpour. It was only whenthe drops on the window blurredinto streaks that she realized she wascrying.“I don’t understand?” he repeated.Pain made his voice sound harsh.“Aren’t we in this situation together?”“Yes, but...”“You know the difference between you and me?” he asked withdifficulty. “I don’t have the luxury of a cocoon. I have to go out intothe world every day and see people. Whether I want to or not.Three times a day I have to sit in shul. Sometimes there’s a shalomzachor, sometimes a bris, or I see fathers learning with their sonsand I wonder if I’ll have a son to carry on my name. You’re lockingyourself up so tightly in your little cocoon that soon you won’tknow how to get out.”______________________________________Two days before Sukkos, Chaya woke to hear a commotion in thehallway. Peering through the peephole of her door, she saw twoHatzolah men carrying a stretcher. Suri was on it, covered with ablanket, her face white and pasty. By the time Chaya dressed andran downstairs, the ambulance had gone.“Why didn’t you call me?” she asked Suri the next day, when shehad come home from the hospital. Suri was calm, composed and“I once asked her howshe can be so happywhen she’s been throughso much. She told methat it was hard enoughnot to have children- she didn’t want to bemiserable too.”smiling, as if she had not gone through trauma the day before, asif her hopes had not been dashed yet again.“I know you don’t welcome discussions about these issues, so Ikept it to myself. The one time I mentioned something about it,you almost bit my head off.”Chaya thought for a moment and replied, “Am I thatintimidating?”“Yes, you are,” Suri said simply. “So I decided I’d rather have youfor a friend on your terms than not at all.”“It’s not that simple,” Chaya said.“I didn’t mean to be sounapproachable,” Chaya said, andpaused. “Actually, I guess I really did. It’sjust.. it’s been a hard year for me.“Actually,” she added, laughing for thefirst time in months, “it’s been a hardcouple of years. Miserable, in fact!”“It’s so much harder when you can’ttalk about it,” Suri replied. “Believe me,I know. I learned that from a cousin ofmine who doesn’t have children. I onceasked her how she can be so happywhen she’s been through so much.She told me that it was hard enoughnot to have children - she didn’t wantto be childless and miserable too.”“Of course it’s not,” Suri agreed serenely. “But Sukkos is a time forsimcha. I figure if it’s an obligation to be happy, then I can learnhow to do it.”“I’m not sure I know how to be happy anymore,” Chaya whispered,half to herself.“We’ll work on it together,” Suri said.The next morning Chaya called Devora. “We’ll be happy to comethe second day of Yom Tov, if that’s okay with you.”“Okay?” Devora said. “That’s great!” The relief in her voice wasalmost palpable. “I was beginning to think my only sister didn’tlike me anymore.”Looking out her kitchen window into the bright autumnsunshine, Chaya thought she saw the bright orange and blackwings of a butterfly flutter past.Going to Devora wouldn’t be easy, Chaya thought as she clickedthe phone off, but it would be worth it. STReprinted with permission from Hamodia.42rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4221/09/2008 7:02:14 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200843rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4321/09/2008 7:02:17 PM

Hoshana Rabba:The Call of the Yearning WillowBy Rabbi Yisroel GreenwaldShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008BREAKING THE BARRIERSHoshana Rabba, the seventh day of the Sukkosfestival, is distinguished by customs of bothbeauty and mystery. Though the Torah doesnot refer to it as a day of rest, the order ofprayer includes some of the passages reserved only for majorfestival days. This day also marks the climax of the ritual of thehoshana on each day of Sukkos.During the Temple period, large boughs of willow were leanedagainst the mizbei’ach, which the kohanim would encircle onceeach day. On the seventh day of Sukkos, the kohanim encircledthe willow-bedecked mizbei’ach not once but seven times. Thisgrand finale not only gave the day its name, Hoshana Rabba –The Great Day of the Willow – but as one early commentatorputs it, it represented tachlis hachag, the epitome of the festivalexperience.The Midrash finds a striking parallel to the hoshana procession.During Yehoshua’s conquest of the city of Yericho, the kohanimcircled the city once daily for six days. On the seventh day, theymarched around the city seven times, after which Yericho’s wallsmiraculously sunk into the ground. Similarly, Hoshana Rabbaculminates the period of judgment that began on Rosh Hashana.On this day, the last vestiges of sins that were not sufficientlyatoned for during Yom Kippur become totally eradicated; and theJewish people emerge triumphant. We proclaim our jubilation forthe elimination of the wall of sin that had weighed on our souls bywaving the lulav, much as victors in battle raise their spears upon44rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4421/09/2008 7:02:21 PM

conquest of their enemy, and by reciting the festival prayers.It would seem, however, that the hoshana possesses an inherentability to bring down the forces of evil. Rabbi Chaim of Volozhinpoints out that the seeds of the humble hoshana contain a tangiblereminder of its potent power. If one peels away the outer layer ofa willow bud, one will find the likeness of a skinned, decapitatedsnake. How fitting! The snake is a symbol of the forces of the evil;the hoshana robs it of its life force. Even in our present exile, theMidrash assures us, our modest reenactment of the hoshanaprocession retains a likeness to the original Beis Hamikdash service:The shul bima is transformed into the mizbei’ach, and the chazzanholding the sefer Torah is akin to a malach of Hashem.As Hoshana Rabba removes the barriers of evil, it simultaneouslyembraces purity and goodness. Rabbi Nosson Wachtfogel, zt”l, thelate Lakewood Mashgiach, explains that during Rosh Hashanah,we are granted access to the King’s palace. Beyond that portal, onecan behold the King’s majesty with striking clarity and splendor.Yom Kippur affords us an even closer proximity to the King’spresence, as the posuk says, “Before Hashem shall you be purified”(Vayikra 16: 30); we are permitted to stand directly before the KingHimself. Sukkos, says the Zohar, represents a still closer relationshipwith Hashem. The three walls of the sukka, corresponding to thehuman hand, arm and forearm, are a metaphor for the Divineembrace of His beloved.It is said that when a kalla encircles her chassan seven timesunder the chupa, she, in effect, is breaking all barriers. Just as thewalls of Yericho fell after being encircled seven times, so, too, maythe newlywed couple achieve a state of oneness, with no walls ofdivisiveness between them. In a spiritual sense, Hoshana Rabbasymbolizes this highest form of closeness between Hashem andthe Jewish nation. This ultimate state of connection paves the wayfor the holiday of Shemini Atzeres, which symbolized the personaland exclusive relationship between Hashem and His belovedpeople.THE BLEMISHED SERVICETo gain better insight into what gives Hoshana Rabbi itsremarkable strength, it is worth analyzing the components ofthe mitzva of hoshana. The Gemara states: The hoshana circuitswere performed by kohanim with blemishes – a group generallydisqualified from the Bais Hamikdash services. Why the Gemarasingles out blemished kohanim is strange, since other types ofdisqualified kohanim also took part in the ceremony. Furthermore,the simple reading of the text implies that the procession wascomposed exclusively of blemished kohanim, when in fact theywere only secondary to the fully qualified kohanim who servedregularly. There appears to be a link between the blemished kohenand his hoshana.The following story seems to bear this point:Each year, Rav Hai Goan would ascend from Bavel to Yerushalayimto spend Sukkos there. On Hoshana Rabba, he would encircle HarHazeisim seven times, and then those who accompanied himwould recite the songs that Rav Hai had prepared. Walking ahundred amos ahead of Rav Hai were kohanim dressed in capesand gold-embroidered silk tunics. The rest of the crowd followedbehind him at a distance of another one hundred amos. Duringthe procession, Rav Hai was seen laughing, and afterward, duringthe meal, he appeared in a joyous mood.Upon conclusion of the meal, a penitent murderer approachedRav Hai and asked him, “Rebbi, why did you walk alone when wewalked around Har Hazeisim?”Rav Hai replied, “Each year I come up from Bavel so that I shouldbe able to encircle Har Hazeisim on Sukkos. I purify myself for theoccasion, and on Hoshana Rabba, Eliyahu Hanavi accompaniesme and converses with me. That is why the assembly keeps adistance both before and after me.“I asked Eliyahu, ‘When will Moshiach come?’ and he responded,‘When you will encircle Har Hazeisim with the kohanim.’“So I gathered all the kohanim I was able to locate, to accompanyme as I go around; perhaps there will be one true kohen amongthem. [Later] Eliyahu said to me, ‘You see all the kohanim here,dressed in elegant garments and walking pridefully? None ofthem is from the seed of Aharon, save for one sole straggler whowalks behind the rest, who is looked upon with contempt by theothers, and is insignificant in his own eyes. He walks with tatteredclothing, seeks no honor, and walks in an unassuming manner. Heis lame in one leg, and on his other side he is blind in his eye… Thisis the true kohen from the seed of Aharon.’”Rav Hai then concluded, “By my life! This is why I laughed. Amongthe entire group there was not a single kohen, save for that onehandicapped man!”It is not clear whether the reason for Eliyahu’s refection of thephysically fit but haughty kohanim is to be taken in the literalsense or in a spiritual one; that is, they lacked the compassionand humility that were the hallmarks of Aharon. But one thingis certain. Through the handicapped kohen was unfit to doavoda, his role in the hoshana circuit held the key to the ultimateredemption. Had he not been scorned to the sidelines, butincluded in the procession, and had he not been viewed as anoutcast, but esteemed as a true seed of Aharon who in many wayswas superior to them, then Moshiach’s arrival would have beenimminent.THE WILLOW-WATER CONNECTIONAnother component of the hoshana mitzva is the hoshanaitself, which is also one of the arba minim, the four species usedon Sukkos. The Chachamim compare the four species to thevaried strata of the Jewish people. The esrog, which is endowedwith both taste and fragrance, represents the Jews who possessboth Torah and good deeds. The myrtle, which has only fragrance,and the lulav, which has no fragrance but bears flavorful fruit,represents Jews who possess only one of the two aforementionedqualities. The willow slumps at the bottom of the flora totemShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200845rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4521/09/2008 7:02:24 PM

pole; it possesses neither fragrance nor fruit. It symbolizes Jewswith neither Torah scholarship nor good deeds.Who are these hoshana Jews? Perhaps those who desire to serveHashem to the best of their abilities, but due to poverty, illness, orother debilitating circumstances, were not blessed with the talentsor abilities to accomplish as much as they would have liked. Whilethese people may consider themselves superfluous, the Midrashconcludes, “Says Hakadosh Baruch Hu, ‘Let all [the four species]be tied together in one bundle, to provide atonement for oneanother.’”No less than the species that yield fragrance and fruit, the willownot only receives, but also has an irreplaceable quality to offer hismore accomplished brethren.What is the unique quality of thehoshana? The hoshana is also known as“arava,” as in the verse “Arvei nachal,”“The willow of the river” (Vayikra23:40). While one fulfills the mitzvawith any willow branches, regardless ofwhere they grow, the Torah describesthe arava as the species with anunquenchable thirst for water thatthrives where water is abundant. Theconnection between hoshana andwater is further demonstrated onHoshana Rabba, when the rainy seasonis imminent due to the prayers werecite, which deal primarily with oururgent request for water.Early commentators write that man’s emotion of desire derivesfrom the primeval element of water. On a physical level, there is astrong association between water and desire; not only does manthirst for water, but water “desires” to bond with its own elements.From the microscopic level, where water molecules tend toattract each other, to the global scale, where “all the rivers flowinto the sea,” all moving bodies of water perpetually churn in anever-ending surge to unite as one. Even the inhabitants of waterpossess a greater degree of passion than creatures of dry land, asthe Chachamim say, “Fish are promiscuous.”Like the rush of running water, the pure human heart, whendenied access to areas of Divine service, also flows with a deeplonging to reach across that gapping void. No one personifiesthis yearning as much as the handicapped kohen. Kohanimforego financial security, receiving no share in the inheritance ofEretz Yisroel, so they can devote themselves exclusively to Divineservice. Imagine, then, the pain of an idealistic young kohen whohad always dreamed of performing the avoda, excelling in bothhis studies and his fear of Hashem, only to develop a disqualifyinghandicap upon reaching adulthood. He has renounced thephysical world, to find his spiritual world barred to him as well. Heis accurately represented not just by hoshana, but also by a beaten,“farklapta” hoshana, at that.Like the rush of runningwater, the pure humanheart, when deniedaccess to areas of Divineservice, also flows witha deep longing to reachacross that gapping void.The young kohen’s handicap may have deflated his confidenceand shattered his dreams, butone emotion is uncompromisedby his disability: his longing anddesire. Throughout the longcourse of the year, he eagerlyanticipates the Sukkos festival.Finally the moment arrives, andthe infirm kohen is permittedto join his physically fit brothersas they circle the mizbei’ach. Hecherishes that priceless momentfor the rest of the year, perhapsmore than anyone else. Theavodais his. Though the handicappedkohanim comprised but a smallminority, the Gemara rightfullycalls hoshana “the service of the handicapped kohen.”ON SEVENTH HEAVENOur earthly hoshana service mirrors a similar, but magnificentlymore exalted, enactment in heaven. The Avudraham writes thatthe seven circuits we make on Hoshana Rabba in shul correspondto the seven heavens. The Gemara also tells us that the highestheaven is named “Aravos” upon which resides Hashem’s throneof glory. Not surprisingly, the heaven Aravos is also a place of anabundance of water; stored there is the precious “liquid” thatHashem will use to resurrect the dead.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008THE SPIRITUAL DIMENSIONThe spiritual source of water’s insatiable desire derives, perhaps,from the second day of Creation, when Hashem separated “thewaters below the heavens and the waters above the heavens.” Fromthat time onward, the earthly waters have been possessed by anirrepressible urge to join with the upper waters, so that they maybask once again in close proximity to Hashem’s presence. As theMidrash says, when Hashem divided the upper and lower waters,the lower waters cried to Hashem, “Why are we different from ourcompanions, that we were distanced from Your heavenly throne?”Hashem promised them they would become elevated throughthe sacrificial offerings – that is, the water libation on Sukkos.The earthly inhabitants below long to be reunited with Hashem’sPresence above. Above, those same feelings are reciprocated. TheMishna states that when the kohanim circled the mizbei’achduring the hoshana procession, they would say, “Ani Vahu hoshi’ana,” “Ani Vahu bring salvation now!” Ani Vahu is part of one of themystical names of Hashem, and alludes to the verses, “And I (Ani)was in the Diaspora,” (Yechezkel 1:1) and He (Vahu) was boundin chains” (Yirmiyahu 40:1). The Midrash expounds the words Aniand Vahu as both referring to Hashem. The prayer, in effect, is forHashem, who Himself (so to speak) “requires salvation”!This Midrash is generally understood as expressing Hashem’s46rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4621/09/2008 7:02:25 PM

sharing in Israel’s suffering, for when the Yidden are in galus,Hashem also shares in their plight. The apparent difficulty withthis approach, however, is that this proclamation was recited aspart of the avoda. When the Jewish people resided peacefully intheir land, with the Bais Hamikdash in their midst, why shouldHashem express anguish? In that ideal state, what salvation doesHe still lack?Perhaps Hashem’s continuous longing is for the fulfillment ofmankind’s ultimate destiny, the era of the future redemption. Atthat time, Hashem will lavishly pour down the rain that will revivethe dead, and the earth will be filled with Divine knowledge “aswater covering the oceans.” Until that perfect state is realized,Hashem – metaphorically – feels bound and in exile. Theauspicious timing of the kohanim’s proclamation demonstratesthe integral role the hoshana plays in transforming that vision intoa reality.THE VERTICALLY INCLINED WILLOWThe willow tree is unique in that it does not branch outhorizontally as the branches of most trees do, but sends forthone single shoot, which extends outward. These branches alsotend to gravitate vertically. (Certain species of willow growvertical branches, which climb upward, while the branches of themature weeping willow grow downward, giving the impressionof a cascading waterfall.) If we are correct in our assertion thatthe willow is the physical equivalent of yearning, then its growthrepresents a direct reaching upward from earth to heaven.The willow’s growth parallels the yearning soul. Ramchal writesthat the Hebrew word for hope, kivuy, is derives from the wordkav, line. In a spiritual dimension, hope draws a line that connectsone to the object of one’s longing. Hashem’s Hand (so to speak)is always readily outstretched, awaiting man to reach toward Himas well. Just as the willow reaches out heavenward, the kohanim’syearning plea, “Hoshana – save us now!” has the potential tostretch forth with a force that can break through all barriers, uniteheaven and earth, and herald the final redemption.THE EXALTED ARAVAHashem is referred to as Yosheiv Tehillos Yisroel, enthroned uponthe praises of Yisroel. Similarly, Hashem is called Rocheiv Ba’aravos– His glory is upheld by the “arava Jews,” by those who lack thesatisfaction of positive accomplishment, but look up expectantlytoward Him.The verse says, “Not in the strength of the horse does He desire,nor in the loins of man does He favor. Hashem favors those whofear Him, those who hope for His kindness.” Rabbi TzaddokHakohen explains that a horse personifies work and action, andsymbolizes one who serves Hashem with valiant deeds and love,without respite. His level, although exalted, does not representHashem’s ultimate desire. “Not in the loins of man does he favor,”refers to one who serves Hashem utilizing the ultimate sign ofhuman strength, by conquering one’s evil inclination. Even thisdoes not represent the highest level of perfection sought byHashem.Rabbi Tzaddok Hakohen explains that every achievementcarries the risk of being tinged with a sense of ego-gratification.By contrast, lack of accomplishment, at times, is a purer form ofservice. As the verse concludes, “Hashem favors those who fearHim, those who hope for His kindness.” Although this person hasno personal achievement to show for himself, his relationship withhis Maker can still be on the highest level.Rav Dan Segal visited Rabbi Shneur Kotler, zt”l, when the latterwas seriously ill, shortly before his passing. Rav Dan shared withhim the following vort.In the beginnig of parshas Vayeishev, it says that “Yaakov settled.”Rashi cites a Midrash that says that this verse signifies that Yaakovsought to dwell in tranquility. Said the Holy One Blessed is He, “Ishe not content with what is awaiting the righteous in the World toCome, that he seeks to dwell in tranquility in this world as well?”Iimmediately afterward, he was faced with the ordeal of Yosef’skidnapping.Rav Dan asked, Hashem is so kind and generous. Can’t He fargin(tolerate) the righteous having a little pleasure in this world, aswell? Yaakov’s desire for tranquility was solely so he could serveHashem better, without distraction. Indeed, our sages say thatduring the years he mourned the absence of Yosef, his capacityfor prophecy left him and he was unable to realize his spiritualambitions.According to the Midrash, Hashem was telling Yaakov: “PerhapsI have more nachas from your struggles to live without the aidof prophecy, than I would derive from your sublime prayers andTorah study. The reduced levels of Torah and prayer under thoseconditions are dearer to me that all the sublime levels you wouldhave been able to attain with prophecy.Rabbi Kotler responded with another a story that he had onceheard:A chassid came before his Rebbe crying that he lived alone inthe forest, chopping wood for his livelihood, and as a result, hewas unable to pray with a minyan each day. He expressed tothe Rebbe how he wished for the opportunity to daven with aminyan. The Rebbe told him lovingly, “How do you know thatHashem want you to daven with a minyan? Perhaps He derivesmore satisfaction from your wanting to daven with a minyan,even though you are unable to do so.”This is the quality of the arava Jew.The four species of the lulav must unite, for each has a uniqueand irreplaceable quality to offer the Jewish people. Even thehumble willow. For while the willow appears lowly, it is truly quiteexalted. In this world, it is beaten to the ground, but in the Worldof Truth it ascends to the highest heaven. STShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200847rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4721/09/2008 7:02:27 PM

LETUSHELPYOUCONCEIVEYOURDREAMReproductive Medicine Associates of New York is committed to fulfilling your dreams of growing a family.Our world-renowned, award-winning fertility specialists and experienced team of embryologists, nurses andsupport staff offer you the most cutting-edge, scientifically-proven fertility treatments available today,administered in a compassionate, supportive setting. We provide a comprehensive list of services, frominitial consultations and second opinion consultations to in-vitro fertilization (IVF), intracytoplasmic sperminjection (ICSI) and pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD).Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York is a proud sponsor of ATIME, and works closely with theorganization to provide support for infertility services consistent with Halacha.For an appointment at any of RMA of New York’s locations, please call (212) 756-5777.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008ReproductiveMedicine Associatesof New Yorkwheremedicalexcellence andcompassionate careuniteWestchester15 North BroadwayGarden Level-Suite GWhite Plains, NY 10601914-997-6200Reproductive EndocrinologyAlan Copperman, MDLawrence Grunfeld, MDTanmoy Mukherjee, MDBenjamin Sandler, MDEric Flisser, MDJeffrey Klein, MDJane Ruman, MDwww.rmany.comMale Reproductive MedicineNatan Bar-Chama, MDPsychological ServicesGeorgia Witkin, PhDLisa Schuman, LCSWReproductive Medicine Associates of New York, LLP635 Madison Avenue, 10 th Floor New York, NY 10022 212-756-5777Long Island400 Garden City PlazaSuite 107Garden City, NY 11530516-746-363348rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4821/09/2008 7:02:35 PM

DancingWith the RebbeBy: Yerachmiel MilsteinNineteen years ago, my 64-year-old father, ofblessed memory, passed away rather suddenlyjust before the High Holidays. Needless to say,it was difficult for me to concentrate on myprayers appropriately. When Simchas Torah came, I couldn't bringmyself to join the others in my synagogue who were dancing withthe holy Torah scrolls. So there I stood in a corner, feeling sorry formyself, and then I remembered the following incredible story.One of the many great heroic personalities to emerge from theHolocaust was Rabbi Yekusiel Yehuda Halberstam, the ChassidicRebbe of Klausenberg, Romania. Before, after and even during themost hellish experiences he suffered at the hands of the Nazis, theKlausenberger Rebbe was loved and revered for his sheer genius,his selfless devotion to the welfare of the most unfortunate, hispiety and his courageous leadership.Due to his prewar reputation as a great rabbi, people wereattracted to the Rebbe and sought his advice and guidance evenwithin the camps. This was not lost on the Germans, and theytreated the Rebbe with special beatings and particular cruelty.The Rebbe risked his precarious health by not eating any foodthat wasn't kosher, or which may have been prepared togetherwith non-kosher food. He would regularly use his tiny allotmentof drinking water to wash his hands before eating bread, all thewhile urging others to preserve their own lives by eating anythingthey could get their unwashed hands on, kosher or otherwise. Hisadmirers and followers sought to protect the Rebbe and wouldrisk their lives to help him in any way that they could. They wouldoften make it possible for him to keep Shabbos and Jewish holidaysby taking on his workload in addition to their own.It once happened that the Rebbe was able to avoid working onthe last days of the Sukkos holiday due to the creative designsof his devoted bunkmates. But somehow the Germans got wordof the ruse and forced his followers to watch as they proceededto administer a savage beating so violent that no one thoughtthe Rebbe could survive its ferocity. The Nazis would not allowanyone to go to Rabbi Halberstam's assistance, even after theywere done with him. They marched everyone out to work, leavingthe Rebbe in a broken heap on the barracks floor.As night fell, the Jewish prisoners were marched back into theirbarracks expecting to mourn the Rebbe's untimely passing.Instead, they found that their Rebbe had miraculously draggedhimself over to a post, clawed his way up until he was nearlystanding and was swaying back and forth while moving his lips inthe hoarsest of whispers."Rebbe what are you doing?!" his followers exclaimed. "Let us helpyou down so you can rest!"The Rebbe waved them off. "Children, tonight is Simchas Torah,"he murmured. "Come dance with me."I waded into the revolving circle of men who were clutching theTorah to their hearts, and on that particular Simchas Torah night,I walked round and round, while in my mind I danced with theRebbe. STReprinted with permission from Aish.comShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200849rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 4921/09/2008 7:02:38 PM

A Visitor tothe InnShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200850The Alter of Kelm, zt”l, taught that anything mostneeded to live in this physical world is mostavailable to us, and is also easy to obtain. Theclassic examples are, of course, air and water. Thesame is true for spiritual matters, the Alter taught. Emuna is themost necessary element of spiritual life, for it is the foundationof everything. One need only read the pesukim of bitachon thatwe have previously distributed, or reflect upon the Thirteen AniMa’amin of the Rambam, or study the miracles around him, ornote the incredible hashgacha pratis which he, each member ofhis family, and all of his friends are blessed with every day. Each ofthese connects us swiftly and directly to emuna in Hashem.If we take the analogy of the Alter of Kelm to its conclusion, thereare times when even items typically abundant in this physicalworld are difficult to come by. On a mountaintop or in the sea, airis in short supply or nonexistent, so one’s breathing may be a bitmore difficult, or he may need assistance. Similarly, in the desertor in land-locked areas, water may be scarce. What does one doto help himself in these situations? Where air is limited, he bringsalong oxygen tanks. In the desert, he will bring along sufficientcontainers of water to get him through the desert trek.In these times, when we are faced with personal and communaltribulations of such great and diverse magnitude, we owe it toourselves to begin an emuna-strengthening process now – tobuild our emuna to optimum levels so that it is readily availablewhen needed. What a beautiful goal it would be to study andcomplete the Sha’ar HaBitachon of the Chovos HaLevavos(Duties of the Heart) between now and Rosh Hashanah. TheChovos HaLevavos is available with an English translation (even inpocket-size) by Feldheim Publishers. At the very least, one shouldattempt to reflect more deeply upon at least one of the thirteenAni Ma’amin every day. It is safe to say that the amount of emunaand bitachon that one really has is directly proportionate to theamount of time and effort one puts into what the Alter of Kelmcalls the “Yesod Hakol,” “The basis of everything!”* * *In Parshas Eikev, the Torah writes that Hashem wants us “l’dovkaBo,” “To cling to Him.” The Chofetz Chaim teaches that the reasonHashem asks this of us now is because a person can get only asclose to Hashem in the Next World as he gets to Hashem in ThisWorld. It is up to each and every one of us to get as close as wecan.This can be compared to the owner of an inn who is falselyaccused of a crime against the government, and who realizes thathis only hope is to plead for mercy before the King. He plans tomake a trip to the palace before sentencing, but realizes that thetask is an almost impossible one, because of the King’s schedule,all of the palace guards, his status, etc.One day, he is astonished to hear that just the day before theKing had made a trip through his city dressed as a commoner.He is understandably even more shocked when he is advised thathe had actually had the King as a guest in his inn, and that hehad even served him dinner. What an incomparable opportunityhe had to plead for clemency, for mercy – what an irreplaceableevent. What a lost opportunity!We must make sure that we recognize the King with us here inour inn, and that we appreciate – and make the most out of – ouraudience with Him, getting as close as possible to Him as we can.We can do so – each and every one of us – through our sinceretefillos, through our enthusiastic Torah study, and through ourdemonstrably special dedication to mitzvos and ma’asim tovim– each person in accordance with his own inn!Reprinted with permission from Hakhel.rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5021/09/2008 7:02:46 PM

““Every human beinghas a great, yet oftenunknown gift . . . to care,to be compassionate, tobecome present to theother, to listen, to hear,and to receive.””Author: Henri NouwenShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200851rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5121/09/2008 7:02:49 PM

No, I’m Not a Mommy (Yet)By: Lisa CompartShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200852Yet another friend is pregnant. I had promisedmyself I would always be happy about thegood news of friends. I swore I would neverwant to look away when I saw a baby. I lovebabies. I love my preschoolers, my twelve children “all the sameage,” as I love to say kissing the tops of their heads fills me. Theysit on my lap, warming my outsides and insides simultaneously.Rubbing their backs calms me. I intentionally call them the wrongname just to hear them giggle. I get on my knees to speak to themeye-to-eye, gently but firmly, with a sense of peacefulness andpurpose.But babies are too close. And pregnancy is even closer. Myemotions feel poked and scraped by every new announcement,every round belly. Others’ joy used to bring me joy. It’s crazy, too,how I have a relative-envy meter. The woman who waited over tenyears to be married deserves her baby right away. My friend, whotraversed this infertility minefield herself for over five years beforehaving her first, deserves her second. For them, I can be warm andexcited (most of the time).I can even handle a few of those regular-folk pregnancies. Rightnow, though, they have me surrounded. Up the hill and to theright, two babes are on their way in a matter of months. Up thehill in the opposite direction, another one’s brewing. Down the hilljust announced it over Shabbos, and one block away is due in sixweeks. It’s a good thing there’s a parking lot behind our apartmentbuilding, or they would truly have me on all sides.In my classroom, the outside world disappears. We rush fromsnack serving to potty training to coat zipping – thanking Hashemrosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5221/09/2008 7:02:55 PM

for the “yummy crackers” with a bracha, congratulating a littleone on her first success on the toilet, giving a hug along with thecoat. I am a conflict-resolution expert, cuddler, nurse, waitress andactress. My day is a whirlwind of caretaking and loving, wonderfullydistracting. Their toddlerhood in my classroom is a safe distancefrom the babyhood I long for in my home.My work life and my home life feel like such opposites. Teachingbrings forth potential. Infertility is potential thwarted. It’s a flowertrying to sprout with a rock on top of it, a bunch of ingredientstrying to will themselves into a cake. The classroom has hopeand growth and change, moment by moment. My life feels stuck.Hope is scary because disappointment hurts too much. But lackof hope hurts more. Seeing babies or moms-to-be smacks mewith the reality of still-broken dreams.During the first year or two of trying, other peoples’ joy didn’thurt very much. Maybe because I wasn’t yet so obviously anobject of pity. Now there’s no doubt. I see people adjust theirbalance as our conversation unfolds. “Do you have children?’ theyinnocently ask. “No, not yet,” I respond as nonchalantly as possible.“How long are you married?” “Three years,” I answer, musteringup even more nonchalance. Then it happens. The slight momentof computation of years and emotions. I’m convinced I knowtheir thoughts. The dramatic “Oh,” followed by, “There must be aproblem.” Luckily, they wouldn’t ask my age, and my appearancedenies my forty years, or their thoughts would be more like “Poorthing.” Yet the responses come almost immediately, “Everythingin the right time,” or “Hashem should bless you soon,” or otherplastic-sounding responses.I don’t blame them. In their shoes, my reaction would be identical.But since I repeatedly view the same scene, the tone is different. It’slike watching and re-watching the same scene of a movie, or whenyou try to spell a word like “from” and all of a sudden, it looksweird. If you saw the scene once, or spelled the word withoutthinking about it, all seems normal. I want normal back. I don’twant people to have to contemplate a response when hearingabout my life. I don’t want my reproduction to involve a doctor’soffice. And I don’t want to feel like I’m hearing fingernails on ablackboard whenever I hear that a woman is expecting a baby.I want to cry and cry and crawl into Hashem and be comforted. Iwant to throw the pain into my prayers and beg Hashem to havemercy on us – to bless us with a child when He knows the timeis right. And until then, I’ll keep kissing heads of fluffy curls andteaching tiny neshamos to be kind and listen and hug. I’ll helpmake towers from primary-colored plastic blocks and shapechallah from bright orange play-dough on Friday mornings. Thewonder in my little ones’ eyes will continue to fill my spirit.Pregnancy announcements and double strollers will still jar myinsides. But until that time comes when Hashem kisses our dreamsand sends them to us in tiny bundles, I will continue to love myborrowed neshamos, rehearsing the role of full-time guide andcuddler. Practicing, and praying, to be called Mommy. STPostscript: Shortly after Lisa composed this article, it appeared onthe Aish HaTorah website, aish.com, and close to seventy peoplewrote in their responses, offering their heartfelt prayers and goodwishes. Ten months later, Lisa gave birth to a baby son.Reprinted with permission from Judaica Press, 718-972-6200,www.judaicapress.com 53Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5321/09/2008 7:03:04 PM

28 years of painWhy?Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008The whole Yerushalayim was in an uproar. A wellknownman, a Belzer Chassid, and his wife hadjust given birth to their first child - a boy - afterbeing childless for twenty-eight years! The ShalomZachor that Friday night was the event of the year. Well overone thousand people came to wish Mazel Tov to the proud andexhausted father. The food supply ran out in short order, as didthe drinks, but no one seemed to mind. At the height of thecelebration, the crowd quieted down as the father indicated thathe would like to say a few words."Morei V'Rabbosai,” he began in a loud voice, "thank you all forcoming and sharing in the simcha. Although I have no more foodto offer, let me at least share with you a story that I'm sure you'llappreciate.”The emotional new father composed himself and continued."When I was a bochur learning in the Belzer Yeshiva, there was acleaning lady who came every day to tidy up and scrub the BeisMedrash and adjoining rooms. She was a fixture in the yeshivaand devoted her life to maintaining the yeshiva building. She wasnot, however, a wealthy person by any stretch of the imagination,and as her own family grew, she had no choice but to bring alongher children to work. As she cleaned and mopped in one areaof the building, the young children would run amuck, screaming,crying and generally causing quite a commotion in the rest of theyeshiva.“At first, we put up with it; we even thought it was cute for atime. But after a while, the kids really began to shter us in ourlearning and davening.Try as we might to control them, theywouldn't listen and continued on in their childish games andnoise. A number of younger bochurim asked me, as one of theoldest in the chabura, to ask her not to bring her children to theyeshiva anymore."I agreed to talk to her. I brazenly walked up to her and told herthat her children were disturbing everyone in yeshiva, and sheshould please find some sort of alternative method of childcarefor them.“I'll never forget how she looked at me with tired eyes and said,“Bochur, you should never have the pain and anguish that onegoes through when raising children!”The crowd gasped."As many of you know," continued the father, "my wife and Ihave been to countless doctors who've recommended every sortof treatment. We even moved abroad for a while to be near an'expert,' but that proved to be fruitless. Then they offered us onelast radical treatment. But that, too, failed. We felt doomed to alife without the pleasure of raising a Yiddishe family.“After that last attempt, as we walked back into the apartmentthat we had lived in for the last twenty-eight years, our entire sadsituation hit us full force, like a ton of bricks. Together, we brokedown crying and asked for forgiveness.”“One night, I was thinking to myself, what have I been donewrong that I’m receiving such a painful punishment? All of thesudden, I remembered that cleaning lady. Maybe she is the answerto all this, I thought to myself.“I made phone call after phone call until I located her address. Iimmediately ran to her home. Not surprisingly, she didn’t recognizeme, but when I told her the story, I noticed a spark of recognitionflicker in her eyes. I tearfully apologized for my harsh words, andshe graciously forgave me with her whole heart.”Beaming from ear to ear, the father concluded, "Rabbosai, thattook place exactly nine months ago!" ST54rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5421/09/2008 7:03:11 PM

The Five FriendsBy: Dare2DreamOK, I admit, this article should really havebeen called: “The Four and the One.” Butfour plus one is five, and “The Five Friends”has a much better ring to it.My journey through infertility has led me to believe that I cancategorize my friends into five different groups. While I agree thatit’s never really nice to categorize, I can’t help but do so here. Readon and see if you don’t agree.I preface this by stating that it is always best to judge favorably,and to believe that no matter which “type” of friend you arespeaking to, she has your best interests in mind.These five types of friends have distinct responses to a personin a difficult situation. For the purpose of clarity in the article, Ichose the difficult situation to be (surprise!) infertility, but I amsure you will be able to adapt these five types of friends – andtheir responses – to any hard situation.The first type of friend is the “Pretend Nothing is Wrong Friend”(PNIWF). Conversation with PNIWF leaves you feeling invalidatedand hurt.Conversation with PNIWF goes something like this:PNIWF: [A few days before Pesach.] Hi, are you also exhaustedfrom cleaning?Me: A little, but probably not as much as you are. I mean, I don’thave kids running in and out of every cleaned room with cookies.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200855rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5521/09/2008 7:03:15 PM

PNIWF: Oh, nah, it’s not the kids. It’s the rooms – just cleaningthem exhausts me. The kids don’t really make it harder; I think wehave it the same hard.Me: Really? Oh, wow, I thought it gets harder after kids.PNIWF: No, we are just the same. Anyway, will I see you in thepark on Shabbos?Me: Um, no, I don’t think I’ll be going this week.PNIWF: Again? Why not?Me: Because I don’t really have kids yet.PNIWF: So what? You don’t need kids to go to the park! We’ll alljust hang out together. I see plenty of ladies without kids in thepark. It totally doesn’t have to do with kids.Me: Um, I’ll think about it. Bye.This friend thinks that by brushing aside anything that lookslike pain or feels uncomfortable, she will make you feel that youare just like her and everything is okay. This hurts because realitystares you in the face and screams loud and clear, “Everything isNOT okay. We are NOT the same: you have kids and I DON’T.”The next type of friend is the “Never Mention The Word Baby/Kids (In Front Of You) Friend” (NMTWB/KF). This type of friendleaves you feeling hurt and uncomfortable.Conversation with NMTWB/KF goes something like this:frustrated and upset.Conversation with TYDHKOPF goes something like this:TYDHKOPF: Hi, I’m so glad you’re here! My baby was calling you.Me: Really, I thought she doesn’t speak yet!?!TYDHKOPF: “Oh, she doesn’t, but I know that look in her eyemeans I want to be picked up by you!Me: Oh, I’m happy to hold her. [Take the baby.]TYDHKOPF: Oh, she looks so good on you. You know youshould get one of those for yourself.Me: Oh, thanks. I can just borrow yours, though.TYDHKOPF: Oh, but you can’t imagine the difference, the zechusof being a mother, it’s so special and so rewarding … Really, youshould try it.Me: Thanks for the advice. Look, I think she wants you now. Bye.Conversation with this type of friend leaves you feeling like youwant to scream at the TOP of your lungs: “I WANT children. Doyou want to see my medical files?” It makes you feel angry thatpeople can honestly believe you don’t have children because youdon’t want them. (These types of people also say things like, “Oh,you are so smart not to have kids right away. Enjoy your time, butdon’t wait too long.”) And then they make you hold their kids, etc.Again, this feels very wrong.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008NMTWB/KF: Oy, I’m so tired.Me: I’m sorry to hear that. Any special reason?NMTWB/KF: Yes, I was up the whole night with the ba… uh,baking.Me: Oh, why were you baking all night?NMTWB/KF: Because the Kiddush, um… you know that a shuldonated um… a sefer Torah, so there is a Kiddush.Me: Oh, I didn’t hear about that.NMTWB/KF: Oh, it’s a far-out shul. Anyway, I need to go. My dau– uh, my dog alarm clock – is ringing. Bye.Me: Bye.This friend usually keeps conversation short, is afraid of saying thewrong thing, keeps her kids away from you and will do her bestto leave any kid/child/baby-related thing out of the conversation.This feels uncomfortable because it isn’t natural. People want tobe treated normal and regular. Just like no one else falls apart atthe mere word “baby,” neither will the infertile person.The next type of friend is the “Thinks You Don’t Have KidsOn Purpose (And Thinks It’s Her Job To Convince You To HaveThem) Friend” (TYDHKOPF). This type of friend leaves you feelingThe fourth type of friend is the “Overly Sympathetic, OfferingSegulos and Bad Advice Friend” (OSOSABAF). This type of friendleaves you feeling unsure if you should laugh or cry, and eat/drink/wear what she gave you or throw it far, far away.Conversation with OSOSABAF goes something like this:OSOSABAF: Oy, I feel so bad for you. I was davening for you allmonth, and you know I arranged a tefilla group in my house foryou. We are trying to reach 40 days.Me: Thank you. [Embarrassed.]OSOSABAF: Oh, don’t thank me. It must be so hard for you allthis time with no baby yet; my heart breaks for you. Here, I broughtsome pomegranate juice. I heard it’s good to drink.Me: Oh, um, thank you.OSOSABAF: Don’t mention it. Also, I went to this segula lady andshe gave me some red strings, and you should wear them always– even in the shower.Me: Oh, I really don’t…OSOSABAF: Don’t know how to thank me? Well, don’t mentionit. I wish it wasn’t so hard for you, and before I go, here is somecough medicine.56rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5621/09/2008 7:03:16 PM

Me: But I don’t have a cough.OSOSABAF: No, it’s not for a cough. It’s supposed to help you,you know…Me. Oh. Well, I need to go. Thank you for your concern.OSOSABAF: Yes, I really worry about you. You know, I heardabout a girl who was married for twelve years, and then she waskvatter for the one-hundredth time, and ten months later shehad a baby. You know I could arrange for you to be kvatter onehundred times before you need to wait twelve years.Me: Bye.This type of friend makes you feel embarrassed and insulted, asif all you were missing to make it work was some segula, challahand cough medicine. You wonder why she needs to wish youall those brachos at the TOP of her lungs, and why her storiesand pomegranate juice are meant to be helpful, and why yoursituation is a free-for-all.And then there is the fifth type of friend. This friend, like thewise son on Pesach, is the good one. Rare and special. It is hard toacquire a friend like this, but my advice to you is, if you have one,hold onto her and don’t let go. They are VERY hard to come by.This type of friend is simply the “Right Friend” (RF). This type offriend takes time to get to know you well, to listen and care. I can’tgive an example of what conversation with her is like, becauseto each person, RF will be something else. But RF takes time andworks hard to deserve the title “Right Friend.”She cares about you and lets you know quietly. She doesn’t hideher kids from you, nor does she shove them in you face. She neveroffers things like pomegranate juice (unless she davka knowsyou’d appreciate it.) She understands when you can’t attendsomething. She let’s you know when she is expecting as soon asshe lets everyone else know, and not a day later. She hears you outand nods when you state, “It’s hard.” She doesn’t look for waysto make your situation “okay” – or worse than it is. She acceptsyou for who you are, completely. She knows that your situationis not by choice, and never offers unwanted advice or comments.She davens for you, but doesn’t announce it. She shares her ownhardships with you, and above all, doesn’t pity you for yours.The list goes on, but as I said before, it is very individual, this RightFriend. If you think it’s impossible to have one, I know for a fact it’snot. I have one or two myself, and I treasure them. I also work hardto be this type of friend. I encourage you all to work hard as wellto be this type of friend. Then the world will definitely begin to fillup with the Right Friends at last.I want to end off by saying that RF may also say the wrong thingsat times, and offer unwanted advice. But overall, she acts as theRight Friend should, and if she makes a mistake, you forgive herbecause you know and believe she meant well, and it was comingfrom a good place.Oh, I need to run. I see an OSOSABAF headed this way. She isholding a can of something that looks dangerous. I better runbefore she makes me taste it! STShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200857rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5721/09/2008 7:03:18 PM

APPLESAUCE CAKEShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200858Sugar-FreeSweet NewYearBy Naomi MullerOn Rosh Hashanah most Jews indulge in sweetfoods that symbolize their desire for a sweetyear. Problems arise when someone is unableto tolerate sugar or honey for either medical ordietary reasons. Obviously, we all desire a yearfilled with sweetness and all manner of deliciousblessings, even if we have to watch our sugarintake. The question is how to substitute for sugarand honey and still have those sweet delicacies atour holiday tables.The answer to this culinary dilemma is tosubstitute fruit and fruit juices. I have creatednumerous recipes that are just perfect for RoshHashanah, as well as any time throughout theyear. Yes, they may be a break from our traditionalways, but we are commanded to guard our health.So if you can't dip your apple in honey, how aboutsome all-fruit preserves instead?I wish everyone a sweet and healthy New Year!Reprinted with permission from Aish.comA great substitute for honey cake.• 1 cup Earth Balance non-hydrogenated margarine,softened• 1 jar banana baby food• 2 eggs• 32 oz. jar natural applesauce• 4 cups whole wheat pastry flour• 1 Tbsp. baking soda• 2 tsp. cinnamon• 1 tsp. ground cloves• 1/2 tsp. salt• 1 cup finely chopped walnutsPreheat oven to 325 degrees. Cream margarine andbananas. Add eggs and mix well. Pour in applesauce, beatingwell, then add dry ingredients. Fold in nuts.Pour batter into a greased 9" x 13" pan and bake for about1 hour or until toothpick inserted into middle comes outclean.Note: You may substitute almonds or coconut for thewalnuts or omit them entirely.APPLE KUGELApples are another symbolic Rosh Hashanah food, andin this kugel, they are absolutely sweet and outstanding.Cake:• 3 cups whole wheat pastry flour• 1 jar banana baby food• 1 cup light tasting olive oil• 4 eggs• 1 1/4 tsp. baking powder• 1/2 cup orange juiceMix all ingredients together really well.Filling:• 10 Cortland apples, grated, with peel left on• 1/2 tsp. cinnamon• 1 tsp. vanillaSpread half the cake mixture into a greased 9" x 13" pan.Spread the apple filling over it. Pour remaining cake mixtureover apple filling and spread evenly. Bake at 350 degrees for1 hour and 15 minutes.Optional: Place half of the cake mixture in the bottomof the pan, 3/4 of apple filling, remaining cake mixture andthen the remaining 1/4 of apple mixture on top.rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5821/09/2008 7:04:06 PM

SWEET BAKED CHICKENHere is another sweet chicken recipe. It reminds me ofthe honey-baked chicken that I used to make for RoshHashanah.• 2 - 3 lb. chickens, cut into eighths•2 eggs, beaten• 2 Tbsp. water• 1 cup whole wheat matzo meal• 1 tsp. salt• 1/8 tsp. pepper• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder• 1/2 cup light olive oil• 1/2 cup hot water•1/4 cup unsweetened apple butter• 1 cup orange juiceRemove chicken skin. Trim pieces of all excess fat and patdry. In a shallow bowl, combine eggs and water. Beat well.In another shallow bowl, combine matzo meal, salt, pepperand garlic. Dip chicken in egg mixture, then roll in matzomeal.Fry chicken in oil over medium heat until golden brown,approximately 5 minutes per side. Remove chicken to aDutch oven or covered roasting pan (do not grease thepan).In a small bowl combine hot water, apple butter andorange juice. Pour over chicken and cover. Bake in preheated325-degree oven for 45 minutes or until tender. Basteoccasionally.APRICOT CHICKENHere is a sweet chicken recipe.• 3 lbs chicken, cut into quarters or eighths• 2 Tbsp. fruit-sweetened apricot preserves• 2 Tbsp. mayonnaise• 2 Tbsp. sugar-free ketchup (or tomato sauce)• 2 Tbsp. dried chopped onion• 1 Tbsp. sea saltMix all ingredients (except chicken). Spread the sauce overthe chicken and cover. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hr and 10minutes. Uncover and bake an additional 20 minutes.Note: If you want to cut down on the fat, you can reducethe mayonnaise to 1 Tbsp. and remove the skin from thechicken. Just be sure to keep the chicken completely coveredso it does not dry out.MAPLE ORANGE GLAZED CARROTSThis recipe is my take on the traditional glazed sweetcarrots.• 12 medium carrots• 2 Tbsp. light olive oil• 2 Tbsp. orange juice• Grated zest from one small orange• 1 tsp. sea salt• 2 tsp. nutmeg• 2 Tbsp. apple juice concentrate• 1 Tbsp. alcohol-free, sugar-free maple extractPeel carrots and then slice into ¼-inch pieces. Placecarrots in a covered vegetable steamer over boiling waterfor 10 minutes or until tender. Remove from heat and setaside. Heat the oil in a large saucepan. Add orange juice,orange zest, steamed carrots, salt, nutmeg and apple juiceconcentrate. Stir to coat and cook until heated through.Remove from heat and add maple extract, mixing well.Serve immediately.Note: When grating citrus fruits for zest, be sure to use onlythe colored part, avoiding the bitter white part.STUFFED ACORN SQUASHThis is not a traditional dish, but it is sweet andbeautiful.• 2 acorn squash, halved, seeds and strings removed• 2 cups water• 3/4 cup walnuts, chopped• 1/2 cup red apples with peel left on, chopped• 1 Tbsp. cinnamon•2 Tbsp. light olive oilPlace squash halves cut sides down on cutting board.Trim 1/4 inch from the rounded top of each squash so thatthey will stand level when filled. Arrange squash hollowsides down in an oblong microwave-safe baking dish. Addwater. Cover dish with plastic wrap, leaving one corner opento vent. Microwave on high until almost cooked through(about 10-12 minutes). Meanwhile, combine nuts, apples,cinnamon and oil in a bowl. Pour off water from baking dishand turn squash over. Divide nut mixture evenly amongsquash halves. Microwave on high, covered and vented,about 4 minutes. Serve warm.Note: If it is your tradition not to eat nuts during RoshHashana, then either substitute the walnuts for coconut (oralmonds if your tradition allows) or omit them altogether.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200859rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 5921/09/2008 7:05:01 PM

Reproductive MedicineAssociates of ConnecticutNorwalk and Danbury800-865-5431www.rmact.comFairfield CountyRichard T. Scott, Jr., md, facog, hcldMark P. Leondires, md, facogSpencer S. Richlin, md, facogJoshua M. Hurwitz, md, facogCynthia Murdock, md, facogWestchester CountyJohn J. Stangel, md, facogThe most advanced infertility treatments.Physicians that always have time.An occasional hug.And most importantly…Hope.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200860rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6021/09/2008 7:05:13 PM

Book ReviewBy Shaindy BlauThe Empty Picture FrameBy Jenna Currier Nadeau“Everyone has them. Theyarethegiftswereceiveforahousewarming,or wedding, birthday, or other holiday. They come as silver, gold,wooden, painted, embellished, and engraved. Picture frames. Theysit in the closet carefully wrapped in tissue paper until we have justthe right photo to match the size and style of the frame.And then there is the wall. You know the one. The wall in thehallway or in the bedroom, or going up the stairs. It is the showplacefor those carefully selected frames. The wall becomes a museum; aplace to pay tribute to our loved ones. It is a conversation piece forvisitors and a prompt to initiate stories of years ago.There are delicately selected photos to place in these frames onthese walls. Some from long past, of people we may never have met,but whose legacy is firmly carved in our family storyboard. Others,the newest members of our clans, more recent photos, to coverthe existing ones, to show the passing of time in steady one-yearincrements. And still there are others, the most treasured of all; theones that are neither premeditated nor of time long past. They arethe candid photos that capture the essence and spirit of a momentthat cannot be retold successfully in a conversation. They are thepictures that truly speak thousands of words.Empty frames await other things, too. Pressed flowers and birthannouncements create shadow boxes filled with memories of themost sacred experiences. Carefully preserved in clay, handprints andfootprints forever freeze an age that will never be forgotten. Otherframes hold pieces of blankets frayed and faded, once believed tohold magical powers to usurp the demon under a bed or hiding inthe closet.I have these frames, and the walls to hold them. I do not have thepictures or pieces of memorabilia. My frames wait for a day whena tiny, innocent face will smile or laugh in a camera’s lens. They areheld in a closet for the perfect candid photo of a father adoring hisnewborn baby and a grandparent sleeping lazily on the couch witha miniaturized version snuggled on top. These photos do not exist.Not yet. And so I have the story, carefully and intricately imaginedin my heart. I see black and white photos in these frames, andothers containing colorful illustrations of “our family” or handmadeMother’s Day cards with lopsided hearts. Today, I see a wall withoutthese memories in a home craving the experiences to capture inthose empty frames.”In this poignant memoir of their journey, Jenna and Mike Nadeaurecall their experience together. In an honest and empathetic seriesof journal entries and vignettes, this piece of writing paints theunmistakable face of infertility. More than this, they offer somepointed suggestions from their journey to help the loved onesof those struggling with infertility provide support and comfortalong the way.The above is an excerpt from the book’s introduction which Ihave included as I feel it illustrates what this book is all about. Ihave read the book and was greatly inspired by the attitude thatcomes across so forcefully throughout.Read it and enjoy.ShaindyShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200861rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6121/09/2008 7:08:04 PM

CyclingThroughBy: Tamar L. Goulet, Ph.D.You may think there’s just one cycle controlling whether ornot you conceive every month, but there are actually three– all doing their part to help you get pregnant.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008If you’ve ever spent any time thinking about your menstrualcycle, chances are you think of it as one system with a single cleargoal every month: a successful pregnancy. But if you focus in moreclosely on what actually happens in a woman’s body, you’ll seethere are three different cycles at play, all working – ideally – intandem to meet this one aim. In order for the winning trifectaof ovulation, fertilization, and implantation to happen, the cyclesthat control the ovaries, uterus, and brain (hormones) all need toproceed in a predictable, intertwined fashion.The Ovarian cycleThink of the ovaries as the part of your body that kicks thingoff as soon as they get the hormonal signal from the brain. Theirfirst job: gearing up to release an egg. “It’s as if there’s a call for an62rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6221/09/2008 7:08:07 PM

audition for a show,” says Katherine O’Connell, M.D., an assistantclinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at ColumbiaUniversity in New York City. “Multiple small follicles, each ofwhich contains an egg precursor, respond to the call and auditionfor the starring role,” which is to be the one dominant follicle thatwill release an egg that month. (There is an exception to this rule,though: Sometimes two eggs are released, which is how fraternaltwins are conceived.) Depending on the woman, the “auditions”can last from seven to 21 days, as one follicle continues to growand the rest fall behind. “Only onefollicle gets the part and becomesdominant,” Dr. O’Connell confirms.“The ‘star’ then prepares foropening night,” or ovulation – therelease of the egg from the follicle.Typically ovulation occurs 14days before your next period. Afterthe egg is released, the tissue thatencased the egg turns into thecorpus luteum (or yellow body),which releases progesterone sothe uterine lining can sustain anembryo. “If there’s no pregnancy,all this churning out of hormonesstops and the corpus luteumis reabsorbed,” Dr. O’Connellexplains. She adds that manyfertility problems are the result of a woman either not being awareof when she’s ovulating or not ovulating regularly; the latter canhappen when hormonal signals from the brain are off.The Uterine CycleDuring the audition phase, if the follicles have been doing theirwork well, progesterone is helping the uterus to get ready to receivean embryo and give it a good home for the next nine months.“The uterine lining, or endometruim, starts out relatively thin, butthickens over roughly the second two weeks of a woman’s cycle,”Dr. O’Connell notes.If fertilization occurs, the embryo needs to next nestle into theendometruim; with the support of the corpus luteum, and laterthe placenta, it will thrive and grow. But, adds Dr. O’Connell, “If“Multiple small follicles,each of which contains anegg precursor, respond tothe call and audition forthe starring role,” whichis to be the one dominantfollicle that will releasean egg that month.there’s no embryo, the lining starts to break down, which leadsto your period.” (Menstrual blood is, in fact, the shedding of thatbuild-up of the uterine lining)The Hormonal CycleAll the actions in the ovaries and uterus are triggered andcoordinated by hormones sent from the pituitary gland in thebrain and from the ovaries themselves. Beyond estrogen andprogesterone, there are two morekey hormones: follicle-stimulatinghormone (FSH) and lutenisinghormone (LH). Follicle stimulatinghormone, as its name implies,stimulates follicles to start to grow.Luteinizing hormone, meanwhile,“is the one that spikes and triggersovulation,” Dr. O’Connell says. “ThisLH surge is the spike we can test forin order to know when ovulationis going to happen. We don’t testdirectly for ovulation, but for thehormone that causes it.” (As notedabove, the interplay of the threecycles continues when the corpusluteum puts out progesteroneto tell the uterus to thicken. If nofertilized egg tries to embed intothe uterus, the corpus luteum disintegrates and hormone levelsdrop back down and menstruation begins again.) In order for awoman to have regular periods and the best odds at conceptionmonth in and month out, all three of the cycles need to dotheir work, maintaining a delicate balance of synchronization inthis triumvirate. If there’s a glitch in even one cycle, a successfulpregnancy could be in jeopardy.Luckily, fertility specialist are getting better at figuring out whenhormone levels are off, how well your ovaries are functioning, andwhether your uterine lining is the welcoming environment neededto nourish an embryo – and they’re offering more options to helpovercome these glitches and improve your chance of getting allyour cycles working flawlessly with one another. STConceive MagazineShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200863rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6321/09/2008 7:08:08 PM

Diabetes, Weight Tied toMale InfertilityDiabetes and being overweight or underweight can have anegative effect on male fertility.The researchers plan to now determine how AGEs cause andcontribute to DNA damage.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008That's the conclusion of two reports that were presented July 9,2008, at the annual conference of the European Society of HumanReproduction & Embryology, in Barcelona, Spain.While semen samples from diabetics look normal under themicroscope, a closer examination revealed DNA damage, Dr. ConMallidis, of Queen's University in Belfast, Northern Ireland, said ina news release issued by the conference sponsors."Sperm RNA was significantly altered, and many of the changeswe observed are in RNA transcripts involved in DNA repair," hesaid. "And comparison with a database of men of proven fertilityconfirmed our findings. Diabetics have a significant decrease intheir ability to repair sperm DNA, and once this is damaged, itcannot be restored."Sperm DNA quality is known to be tied to decreased embryoquality, low embryo implantation rates, higher miscarriage ratesand some serious childhood diseases, including cancers."We found a class of compounds known as advanced glycationend products (AGEs) in the male reproductive tract. Theseare formed as the result of glycation (the addition of sugar)and accumulate during normal aging,” Mallidis said. “They aredependent on lifestyle, diet, smoking, etc., and in many diabeticcomplications are centrally implicated in DNA damage. We believethat they play a similar role in the male reproductive system."Obesity, which often plays a factor in diabetes, and being toothin, was also found to cause problems with sperm. In a separatestudy, scientists found that men with a higher body mass index(BMI, a ratio of weight to height) had less seminal fluid and moreabnormal sperm.The findings showed that men with an optimal BMI of 20 to 25had higher levels of normal sperm than those who were eitheroverweight or underweight. They also had higher semen volume.The researchers did not look at DNA damage in the sperm,though."Our findings were quite independent of any other factors,"scheduled presenter A. Ghiyath Shayeb, from the University ofAberdeen, Scotland, said in the news release from the conference,"and seem to suggest that men who are trying for a baby withtheir partners should first try to achieve an ideal body weight.""Adopting a healthy lifestyle, a balanced diet, and regular exercisewill, in the vast majority of cases, lead to a normal BMI," he said."We are pleased to be able to add improved semen quality tothe long list of benefits that we know are the result of an optimalbody weight." STSOURCE: HealthDay News, European Society for Human Reproduction &Embryology, news release, July 9, 2008.64rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6421/09/2008 7:08:15 PM

From Devastation toTriumphAs a teenager, Aviva’s dream was to become an electrologist. Tomany people, this sounded strange. Most young women aspireto become teachers, nurses, social workers, physical therapists.The really ambitious ones, especially in the secular world, maycontemplate becoming doctors or lawyers. But who dreams ofbecoming an electrologist?week, Aviva began attending appointments, traveling an houreach way. The treatments were one-and-a-half hours long, andwere painful and very inconvenient. The worst part was that theydid not help much. The hair grew back as fast and as thick as ever.During a three-day Yom Tov, Aviva was uncomfortable leaving herhome because the hair growth was so obvious and so unsightly.Aviva’s story is quite extraordinary. As a young girl, she noticedthat she was growing facial hair in a male pattern. It was quitenoticeable, but it did not bother Aviva too much because she wasblessed with a sunny personality. With her outgoing, kind, andwarmhearted nature, she had many friends and enjoyed a busysocial life.This curious pattern, however, did disturb Aviva’s parents. It wasrecommended that Aviva see an electrologist. And so, week afterIn those days, people were not particularly medically savvy.Today, there is more information available and accessible onvarious medical conditions, and the typical layperson is quitefamiliar with many different medical situations. Today, we areaware that a woman exhibiting unusual hair growth, especially ina male growth pattern, should consult with an endocrinologist, adoctor who specializes in the treatment of hormonal imbalances.While the excessive facial hair can be viewed as a cosmetic issue orShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200865rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6521/09/2008 7:08:17 PM

making dreams cometrue one miracleat a time888-770-9080Peter McGovern, M.D. • Gerson Weiss, M.D. • Jacquelyn Loughlin, M.D.Michael Cho, M.D. • Aimee Seungdamrong, M.D.www.uranj.comMONDAYS PREGNANCY LOSSAPRIL 30MAY 28MAY 16For Phone Access Number and Passcodes:A Time Office (718) 686-8912Helpline: (718) 437-7110E-Mail: admin@atime.org.comJoin us for these wonderful sessionsfrom the privacy of your home.Let’s work through our challengestogether,Myriam and WendyOur Offices inNew JerseyHasbrouckHeightsWEDNESDAYSGENERAL Montclair INFERTILITYMARCH 28APRIL 18MAY 2Hoboken(openingfall 2008)Expert IVF andInfertility CareShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200866rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6621/09/2008 7:08:39 PM

an aesthetic problem, there is a possibility that it could also signifyadditional problems, which are more serious and can affect one’shealth and fertility.After sixteen months of treatment, the electrologist realized thatAviva was struggling with a serious issue. The hair growth was notresponding to the treatment as expected. This electrologist turnedout to be the shaliach who informed Aviva’s parents that CornellMedical Center had received a special grant to conduct researchdealing with just such cases. A select group of endocrinologistswould evaluate a group of patients, sharing their observations andrecommendations.And so, before she knew it, Aviva was enrolled in a 10-day researchstudy. She was only 16 at the time, and was the only OrthodoxJew participating in the study. Her blood was drawn regularly, andother diagnostic medical exams were conducted to ascertain theexact nature of her problem. After those 10 days came a twoweekperiod during which Aviva returned to the hospital twicea week as an outpatient, continuing with the blood work andstrictly monitoring her glucose and insulin levels. Throughoutthese weeks, her food was strictly regimented so that the doctorscould monitor her body’s reaction to various food substances.The study was draining for Aviva, both physically and emotionally.However, she blesses the medical team that accurately diagnosedher problem and which, through medication and diet, helpedalleviate her symptoms.Aviva was suffering from hirsutism (excessive facial hair). Hirsutismcan result from a lack of estrogen, from the malfunctioning of theadrenal gland, or from the malfunctioning of the thyroid gland.The tests resulted in a diagnosis of PCOS, polycystic ovariansyndrome. PCOS and hirsutism, which is often a symptom ofPCOS, can generally be controlled through medication, along witha specialized diet and exercise. With vigilance and determination,this challenge, in many cases, can be overcome.PCOS must be taken very seriously. Those struggling with PCOSshould be seen and treated by a highly competent ReproductiveEndocrinologist, not by an OB/GYN. All treatment andpregnancies must be monitored very carefully. The sooner onebegins treatment with a highly motivated, disciplined approach— even while still in one's teens, prior to marriage — the betteroff one is.The team of specialists that evaluated Aviva recommended acourse of treatment that she was hesitant to follow. While thediagnosis was painful, her distress deepened during one particularincident that is etched in her memory. While Aviva lay on a tableundergoing a sonogram, an intern remarked, “Most likely you’llnever be able to bear children, not with cysts like that.” Aviva wasdevastated beyond words.Traumatized, she took a trip to Eretz Yisrael, where she visited hergrandparents’ burial site. There, she poured out her heart, beggingher grandparents to intercede on her behalf before the HeavenlyThrone, for her overall health and for a yeshua.In Eretz Yisrael, Aviva also received a blessing from an AdamGadol that she would have children. From that moment on,her mind was at rest. She firmly believed that that would be thecase. She returned to America and continued with electrolysis tocontrol her hirsutism. Within a few years, she became engagedand subsequently married a fine young man.A few months after her wedding, Aviva began to seek medicaltreatment that she hoped would help her fulfill her dream ofhaving a child. Baruch Hashem, she was fortunate to eventuallyfind a doctor who was able to help her. On her second weddinganniversary, Aviva gave birth to twins. Today, she and her husbandhave a beautiful family, k”h.As a result of her own traumatic experiences with hirsutismand her subsequent diagnosis and treatments, Aviva decided tospecialize in this field.AttendingtheNewYorkSchoolofElectrolysis,she diligently studied all the different illnesses that could lead tohirsutism, completing an intensive six-month program of classesfollowed by three months of clinical work. Today, thank G-d, Aviva is busy raising her family, involved in community work,and working professionally as an electrologist, thereby helpingspread awareness and chizuk about the medical conditions thatmay be associated with atypical hair growth.In her practice, Aviva often treats young girls who exhibit the samesigns she did as a young girl. In such cases, she takes the motheraside and gently advises her to seek medical help for her daughter.When treating young married women who are unfortunatelyexperiencing difficulty in building their families, Aviva is able toreassure them that their time will come. Thank G-d, with today’smedical advances, the great majority of couples struggling in thisarea will successfully be able to bear children. Aviva encourages allto be proactive, maintaining that if a couple becomes aware ofa problem, they should not wait to address it, but should see anendocrinologist immediately.There are many who warmly think of Aviva today as they cradletheir babies and count their blessings. They see Aviva as theshaliach sent from Above to guide and encourage them on theirjourney toward motherhood. And Aviva, in turn, is grateful thather choice of occupation allows her to be helpful to others andmake a difference in their lives.May all our dreams come true! STReprinted with permission from Binah Magazine.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200867rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6721/09/2008 7:08:43 PM

OrganicOptionsBy: Phyllis McintoshA Healthy diet can help contribute to a healthy conceprion,but does it matter if the milk you drink or the veggies you eatare organic? Sometimes it does...Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008There’s no shortage of advice on what you should eat whentrying to get pregnant. Much less is known about how food– or more precisely the preservatives, hormones, pesticides, andother toxic chemicals lurking there – could interfere with yourability to conceive. To be on the safe side, some experts thinknow may be the time to go organic with at least some of thefoods you consume. “The science is still inconclusive, but thereis some suggestion that women exposed to persistent organicpollutants have more reproductive health problems that can leadto problems with fertility,” says Tracey Woodruff, Ph.D., directorof the Program for Reproductive Health and Environment at theUniversity of California at San Francisco.One of the proponents of going green is Robert Greene, M.D.,medical director of the Sher Institutes for Reproductive Medicineof Northern California. In his new book, Perfect Hormone Balance68rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6821/09/2008 7:08:52 PM

for Fertility (Three Rivers Press, 2008), Dr. Greene notes that about90 percent of out total intake of pesticides, fungicides, herbicides,preservatives, additives, and antibiotics comes from the foods weeat. Most of these chemicals, he adds, are hormone disrupters,which interfere with the body’s hormone balance and can reducefertility or lead to miscarriage.While organic foods are becoming more widely available, theystill tend to be more expensive. If cost is an issue, Dr. Greenerecommends focusing organic purchases on animal products(meat and dairy), which he says are likely to contain the highestlevels of hormone disrupter chemicals. Dr. Greene also writes,“The most harmful BioMutagens are contained in the fat of meatand fish, so always buy lean and low-fat products.” Another goodstrategy is to take a good look at your daily diet, and then buyorganic versions of the foods you eat most frequently.Among fruits and vegetables, levels of pesticide residues canvary significantly, according to the Institute for Agriculture andTrade Policy (IATP). Opt to go green at least with the fruits andvegetables that are most likely to be contaminated (see chartbelow).The IATP also advises that consumers buy produce from small,local farmers whenever possible. Not only is this produce generallyfresher and more flavorful, but it also tends to harbor fewerchemicals than foods grown on large industrial farms. Whatevertheir source, fruits and vegetables should be thoroughly washedin cold water before being eaten. Washing can remove at leasthalf of pesticide residues, as well as pathogens such as E.coli andsalmonella, which can cause illness.Through the foods you choose, as in all things, the goal is tomaintain optimum health when you’re trying to conceive.“Anything you can do to improve overall health is likely tomaximize your fertility and ensure a healthy pregnancy and ahealthy baby,” says Lous DePaolo, M.D., chief of the ReproductiveSciences Branch at the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Instituteof Child Health and Human Development. STChoose the Right FoodsHIGHEST PESTICIDE RESIDUESFRUITSVEGETABLESApplesBell peppersGrapes(imported) CarrotsNectarinesCeleryPeachesGreen beansPearsHot peppersRed raspberries PotatoesStrawberries SpinachMODERATE PESTICIDERESIDUESFRUITSVEGETABLESApricotsCollard greensBlueberries CucumbersCantaloupe KaleGrapefruit LettuceGrapes(domestic) MushroomsHoneydew Sweet potatoesOrangesTomatoesTurnip greensWinter squashLOWEST PESTICIDE RESIDUESFRUITSVEGETABLESApple juice AsparagusBananaAvacodoKiwifruitBroccoliMangoesCabbageOrange Juice CauliflowerPapayaOnionPeaches(canned) Sweet CornPineapplesSweet peasPlumsTangerinesWatermelonShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200869rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 6921/09/2008 7:08:54 PM

FertileEnvironmentBy: Shari SimsA half-century ago, few people realized the major impact thenew field of “plastics” would have on our society. This incrediblearray of chemical creations would revolutionize and simplifymuch of modern life. Forty-plus years later, it turns out, scientistsare learning that all those undeniable benefits have not comewithout risks — to the environment, the planet, and, in whatmay be the most shockingly personal risk of all, to our and ourchildren’s ability to start healthy families of our own.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008Scientists have discovered that the thousands of chemicalsthat have enabled many of life’s conveniences may have beenrobbing us, slowly but surely, of our most precious necessity forfuture survival: our fertility. The concerns are undeniable for thosewhose jobs involve exposure to industrial-strength chemicals.But now there’s increasing evidence that long-term, low-levelexposure to a mixture of seemingly benign substances that arepart of the everyday environment may produce fertility hazards aswell, ranging from impaired egg production to repeat miscarriage,sperm abnormalities, and decreased sperm counts.The most startling finding of all is that some of these effects,on women and men, may literally begin within the womb, helpingto explain why a growing group of public health experts believes70rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7021/09/2008 7:08:58 PM

that infertility is rising not only among the population as a whole,but specifically among couples in their 20s. Their problems, itturns out, may have begun before they were even born.of health issues, including reproduction—and to reevaluate whatconstitutes safe exposure to the thousands of chemicals all of usencounter every day.“Often fertility problems, like many health conditions, are whatscientists call multi-factorial, meaningthat there is no one single cause tobe identified,” explains Ted Schettler,M.D., M.P.H., science director of theScience & Environmental HealthNetwork. “Everything from geneticsto lifestyles to environmentalexposures may play a part. And formany of these exposures, it may beimpossible to determine preciselythe amount that will endanger anyindividual at a particular stage oflife.”Each of us, in essence, may have ourown fertility “tipping point.”Just as companieswere forced to get thelead out of gasoline,they can be requiredto reengineer certainproducts to removechemicals.The most worrisome of these environmental chemicals are whatexperts classify as hormone-disrupters, meaning they either block,mimic, or upset the usual pattern of hormonal action withinthe body. Some chemicals can literally masquerade as naturalestrogens. These may pose the biggest risk to conception, fetaldevelopment, and maternal and paternal health. Some endocrinedisruptersmay interfere with the complex genetic instructions thatInsurance Questions?guide development of the male or female reproductive organswithin a developing fetus, for example. Others may nudge a youngwoman into earlier puberty, which in turn can increase her risk offertility-damaging conditions, such as endometriosis or polycysticovarian syndrome (PCOS). The effects may be completely “silent”until she attempts to have a baby herself.Denied Claims?A TIMECAN HELP!“Humans are exposed to very low doses of biologicallyPlease active call chemicals Zissyall the time. Some of these may be harmless ontheir own but could mix with other chemicals to interfere withfor all yourconception and fertility,” says Tracey Woodruff, Ph.D., M.P.H.,insurance associate professor needs. and director, Program on Reproductive HealthP. and 845.781.7325 the Environment, University of California San Francisco.F. 845.781.6578One problem is that the way chemicals were looked at in theE. help@aadvocacy.compast was in terms of a single toxic dose — and environmentalYour agents membership aren’t even number considered in the etiology of infertility byis most needed practitioners, for the notes epidemiologist Shanna H. Swan, Ph.D.,denied of the servicewhose claims. groundbreaking work in the field first led many of herUniversity of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry,colleagues to sit up and take notice. Increasingly, she and othersare urging medical experts to consider the overall “body burden”of particular substances in terms of the impact on a whole rangeThis program is sposored by A TIME and Doros.Someday, people may be able to take their own “chemicaltemperature” to assess whichcontaminants are in their body andhow they are responding to them. Thatinformation could help people to makebetter choices about the food they eat,the water they drink, and the productsthey use every day.Waiting for the U.S. government toprotect us may not come soon enougheither, maintains Woodruff, a former staffscientist at the Environmental ProtectionAgency. “Americans need to let thegovernment know that this is somethingthey care about intensely,” she says. “Justas companies were forced to get the leadout of gasoline, they can be required toreengineer certain products to remove chemicals that can harmhealth and fertility. This has already begun in Europe and Japan. Ifthey can do it, why can’t we?” STShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200871rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7121/09/2008 7:09:05 PM

Green CleanBy: Alyson McNutt EnglishThe chemicals in some household cleaners may pose a fertilityrisk. But there are ways to preserve your reproductive healthand get your house clean.If you’re looking for a reason to skip household cleaning, how’sthis: The chemicals in many common cleaners many have toxiceffects on fertility. “The science isn’t black and white, but there’senough evidence out there for us to be really concerned aboutthe effect those chemicals are having on our reproductiveprocesses,” says Alexandra Gorman Scranton, director of science,Montana., and author of the group’s report Household Hazards:Reproductive harm and household cleaning products (available atwww.womenandenvironment.org).Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008Compounding the problem is the lack of labeling standards. “Justbecause a product says ‘all natural’ or ‘biodegradable’ doesn’tmeant it’s safe,” Scranton says. Here are some tips on what tochoose and what to avoid.FragrancesSynthetic fragrances in cleaning products, such as laundrydetergents, are often bonded by chemicals called phthalates.72rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7221/09/2008 7:09:09 PM

“The manufacturers want you to smell the fragrance when youopen the box, when you use the product, and then later whenyou smell the clothes,” says Martin Wolf, director of products andenvironmental technology at Seventh Generation, a company thatcreates nontoxic and earth-friendly cleansers. “Fragrances in naturedisperse quickly; phthalates bond the fragrance to the clothing soyou keep smelling it. Wolf adds that air freshening products of allvarieties are also worth avoiding. Natural odor removers such asbaking soda and fresh air are good alternatives.Petroleum Based SurfactantsAnother group of chemicals, alkyl phenoxy ethoxylates (APEs)are lesser known, but still quite suspicious. There are surfactants,or agents that cause water surface tension to break more easily,and they’re common in laundry detergents and fabric softeners.In animal studies, APEs have been associated with reducedsperm count and testicular size. Because they’re not readilybiodegradable, APEs enter the water system after they’re washedout of your laundry. And while the effect on humans is not yetproven, it’s worth noting that one member of the APE family ofchemicals, nonoxyl 9, is used as a spermicide.SolventsThe solvents found in many glass cleaners, carpet cleaners,hard surface cleaners and oven cleaners contain EGBE, or 2-butoxyethanol, which evidence links to fertility problems in labanimals. “What people don’t consider is, that a solvent that tells youit cuts through grease is also something that easily gets throughthe skin and into the body,” says D. Lee Davis, M.P.M., directorof the Center for Environmental Oncology at the University ofPittsburgh Cancer Institute, and professor of epidemiology atthe Graduate School of Public Health. “Studies in China, wherefertility is very closely monitored, show links to decreased fertilityin women with high exposure to these chemicals.”Making safer choicesThe safest choice for anyone hoping to have children is toexercise caution. “Reproduction is an exquisitely sensitive andcomplicated process,” Davis says. “And chemicals are all tested oneat a time, but we’re not exposed one at a time. We’re really limitedin our capacity to understand the effect these mixtures are havingon the body.”Part of what makes choosing safe cleaners so difficult, is thislack of clear labeling. Check the manufacturers website and lookup the Material Safety Data Sheets (MSDS) to find out what’sin that bottle (even thought the MSDS don’t typically list allingredients – just those the manufacturers deems hazardous).For more information, contact the customer service number onthe packaging and ask what’s in the product. “Any company thatwon’t say anything is a company you should not trust,” SevenGeneration’s Wolf says.Three Ways to Clean Green:Seventh GenerationOne of the first companies to take on conventional cleaners,Seventh Generation readily discloses what’s inside their products.There’s a functional ingredient list on the back of each bottle, and acomplete ingredient list on the website (www.seventhgeneration.com). All of the cleaners (with the exception of the automaticdishwasher detergents) are produced without petroleum-basedingredients and are biodegradable and nontoxic. Looking fora truly unscented and dye-free alternative? Try the new “Free &Clear” Line.Holy CowThe gimmick may be candy-colored bottles and a happy cow,but these products are the real deal when it comes to safe,effective cleaning. Holy cow (www.holycowproducts.com) offersnontoxic glass, all-purpose, and concentrated cleaners that thecompany claims are strong enough to degrease a car engine, butgentle enough to use on your dishes.Make-It-Yourself CleanersIf you’re feeling industrious you can mix your own products.Women’s Voice For the Earth (www.womenandenvironment.org) has a link to several recipes for different nontoxic cleaners.Try this all-purpose cleaner: Mix two cups of white vinegar andtwo cups of water. Add a few drops of essential oil for fragrance ifyou like. To boost the cleaning power for tough jobs, microwavethe mixture in a glass container until barely hot.Pitch The PlasticizersBisphenol-A (BPA)What it is:A common chemical compound that forms the building blocksof polycarbonate (hard) plastics and epoxy resins.Where it’s found:Plastic food containers, water bottles, baby bottles, the liningof many metal food cans, CD cases, eyeglasses, some dentalsealants.Why it’s worrisome:Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200873rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7321/09/2008 7:09:09 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008BPA binds to estrogen receptors and has been implicated(in animal studies) in accelerating puberty and raising therisk of miscarriage, as well as having adverse effects on malereproductive development. According to the National Institute ofEnvironmental Health Science (part of the NIH), “For more thansixty years, scientists have postulated that male fetuses exposed toelevated levels may be at risk for enlarged prostate glands muchlater in life.” In one study, researchers at the Centers of DiseaseControl and Prevention found bisphenol-A in the urine of 93percent of people tested.How to minimize your exposureWhenever possible opt for glass, porcelain, or stainless steelfood containers, especially for hot foods or liquid. Reduce youruse of canned foods in favor of fresh. Since BPA leaches out ofhard plastics especially when heated, avoid microwaving in plasticcontainers and wash plastic dinnerware and utensils in warm water(not in the dishwasher) and discard those that become cloudy orworn. Avoid plastic bottles and containers labeled 7 (most plasticcontainers are printed on the bottom with a number from 1 to7 in a triangle; this helps sort the plastic for recycling) in favorof lower number (1 and 2 are best, 4 and 5 next best) and don’trinse/reuse water bottles.The Greenest Clinic:Even fertility clinics – the actual buildings – can go green.The Wisconsin Fertility Institutes, near Madison, Wisconsin,was recently recognized by the Green Building Initiative for itsenvironmentally friendly construction. The green features gobeyond just energy efficiency to include the choice of sustainablebuilding materials and the methods of constructions. The result,which includes improved indoor air quality, isn’t just good for theplanet, but also for the health of the clinic’s patients and staff.5 Simple StepsEven experts in the environmental reproductive field recognizethat trying to remake one’s life to safeguard fertility man bechallenging. “It’s hard to shop your way out of this,” says one expert,who adds that people need to get more involved. “Advocating forpublic policy change is really a personal health issue right now.”We asked Tracey Woodruff, Ph.d., N.P.H., a former EnvironmentalProtection Agency staffer and current University of California atSan Fransisco associate professor, what she considers the mostimportant health – and fertitliy – friendly changes she has madein her own life.“I don’t microwave in plastic. I used to.”“I try to wrap fatty foods like cheeses in waxed paper beforethey’re put in plastic bags.”“I try to eat a balanced diet to help counteract what I’m exposedto beyond my control.”“I don’t buy lotions and shampoos that contain fragrance andcertain chemicals like phthalates and parabens.”“I’ve gone old-fashioned, replacing plastic water bottles with tinones, and Teflon cooking pans with good old cast iron.”PhthalatesWhat it is:Ingredients used to soften plastics, hold scent or color in personalcare and cosmetic products, and make creams creamier.Where it’s found:Vinyl flooring, plastic shower curtains, cosmetics and fragrances,shampoos and lotions, pharmaceutical and herbal pill coatings,medical equipment such as IV bags and tubing.Why it’s worrisome:Even at low levels, phthalates seem to affect estrogen andtestosterone. In animal studies, researchers have observedovulatory irregularities and impaired fecundity (increased timeto pregnancy). When a male fetus is exposed, malformations ofthe reproductive tract and decreased semen quality have beendocumented in humans as well as animal reports.How to minimize your exposureDon’t allow plastic cling wrap to come into contact with hotor high fat food. Use glass or ceramic (not plastic) to store ormicrowave food. When shopping for personal care productssuch as shampoos or makeup, you won’t always find phthalateslisted on the labels. Fragrance-free products are a good bet, as arethose made by companies including L’Oreal, Revlon, Aveda, andthe Body Shop. And since phthalates are banned in the EuropeanUnion (EU), products made in or for those countries will bephthalate free.De-Coat and Perc (Perchloroethylene)What it is:The main chemical used in dry cleaningWhere it‘s found:Dry cleaning solvent; it remains on clothes that are broughthome from the cleanersWhy it’s worrisome:Studies have shown that men and women who work in or livenear dry cleaning businesses take longer to conceive and reportmuch higher rates of miscarriages. PERC is now believed to be aspermato and ovotoxicant (a sperm and egg poison).How to minimize your exposure:74rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7421/09/2008 7:09:09 PM

Air out all dry-cleaned clothes thoroughly before bringing themindoors or wearing them. Seek out “green” cleaners that usecarbon-dioxide based solutions instead of PERC. Or choose towear clothes that don’t need to be dry-cleaned.PBDES AND PFOSWhat it is:Polybrominated diphenyl ether (PBDEs) are flame retardantsin furniture foam and carpet paddings. Perfluorinate chemicals(PFOs or PFCs) are used as stain/water/grease repellants.Where it’s foundTreated furnishings, floor paddings, and clothing, as well as thecoating of cooking pots and floor polishes.Why it’s worrisome:PBDEs have been linked to reduced sperm production andtesticular size in adult men, and altered brain development indeveloping fetuses. PFCs are potential hormone disrupters.How to minimize your exposure:If buying furnishings or carpets, seek out those that use newer,less volatile coatings; all wool carpets may be less likely to havesurface treatments, while tile and natural wood floors may be themost fertility friendly. Skip Teflon and Scotchgard, which are bothbased on PFCs.Natural Cycle IVFSounds like a contradiction, but there actually is a “natural”version of in vitro fertilization (IVF). While almost every IVFprogram uses powerful hormones and medications to stimulatethe ovaries, natural-cycle IVF (NICIVF) is used specifically forwomen who can’t (for instance, because they’ve been treated forbreast cancer) or don’t want to take fertility drugs.In NCIVF, a woman’s body is left alone to ripen the usual one egga month, which is then harvested to be fertilized with sperm. Theresulting embryo is implanted in the uterus a few days later (orcan be frozen).Somewhere in between the customary IVF protocols and NCIVFis mini-IVF, also called minimal-stimulation IVF or MS-IVF. In mini-IVF, doctors use only the oral drug clomiphene citrate (Clomid) –and no injections to stimulate the ovaries. Instead of suppressinga woman’s natural cycle, the way most IVF procedures do, miniIVF, takes advantage of a woman’s own cycle, with the result beingovulation induction with fewer drugs.In fact, the very first IVF cycles back in 1970’s were drug free, but asthe technique evolved, doctors discovered they had better successrates when stimulating the ovaries to produce more tha one eggeach month, and implanting multiple embryos in the uterus witheach cycle. Now, with doctors trying to reduce the number ofmultiple births, and with techniques improving to select embryoswith the best chance of success (so that eventually doctors willtypically only implant one embryo at a time), procedures likenatural-cycle IVF and mini-IVF are gaining new proponents.Say No to Heavy MetalsMercuryWhat it is:A highly volatile chemicalWhere it’s found:Not just in old dental fillings and thimerosol preservatives(which have gotten much of the press attention) but throughoutair, water, soil, and in many types of fish.Why it’s worrisome:Even at relatively low levels, it may disrupt menstrual cycles,cause egg and sperm damage, and effect a growing fetus’ brainand nervous system development.How to minimize your exposure:At the dentist’s office, request nonmetal fillings, but beware ofhaving older ones removed as the process can actually releasemore mercury into the body. Eat low on the food chain. Restrictor avoid tuna, instead opt for safer salmon, tilapia, perch, troutand sole. Look for preservative-free personal care and eye careproducts.LeadWhat it is:The same metal now banned from gasoline and paintWhere it’s found:Recent reports of high lead levels in bright red lipsticks came as ashocker to many women, but in fact this info had been around foryears. Lead paint is often revealed when paints are stripped; leadsolder may also be found in hot water pipes of older houses.Why it’s worrisome:Lead is incredibly persistent in human tissue and is associatedwith early onset or delayed puberty in girls. High blood and semenlead levels in men have been associated with decreased spermfertility potential, whether through natural conception, artificialinsemination, and/or in vitro fertilization.How to minimize your exposure:Beware of home renovation projects that may release lead intothe air, whether from paint or outdoors, contaminated soil. If indoubt, call in a professional. STConceiveonline.comShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200875rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7521/09/2008 7:09:10 PM

Baby BoostBy: Lorie ParchCould fertility supplements boost your chances for a baby?The jury’s still out.If you’re trying to get pregnant, you’ve probably wondered iftaking one of the many fertility supplements on the market couldhelp. Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer to that question.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008One difficulty is that there are so many variables. Not all womenneed the same fertility help… and not all fertility supplements arethe same. There are two basic categories of supplements: thosethat contains single ingredients (such as vitamin C, zinc, or theherb chasteberry), and combination products like Conception XR,FertilityBlend, ProXeed plus, FertilAid, and Fertili-T, which blendtheir own mixtures of vitamins and minerals, and sometimesother compounds (usually herbs).To date, most of the research on supplements that mightimprover fertility has focused on the first group: individualingredients. For instance, the antioxidants vitamin C, vitamin Eand selenium have been found to prevent free radical damageto the DNA of eggs, sperm and reproductive organs, says Lynn76rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7621/09/2008 7:09:16 PM

M. Westphal, M.D., associate professor in the department ofobstetrics and gynecology at Stanford University School ofMedicine in California, and a researcher whose led two studies ofFertilityBlend for Women.General recommendations are that men should get at least90 milligrams (mg) of vitamin C daily, and women need 75 mg;both should get 15 milligrams of vitamin E and 55 micrograms ofselenium every day as well. But if you’re trying to optimize yourchances for pregnancy, your doctor or a qualified naturopathmay suggest a much higher dose. In most cases you don’t needto worry about taking too much; the tolerable upper limit forvitamin C is 2,000 mg a day for men and women; 1,000 mg forvitamin E; and 400 micrograms for selenium.Blue Pills, Pink PillsIf antioxidants have demonstrated some of the best evidence aspotential fertility enhancers – who doesn’t want healthy DNA as abuilding block for a baby, after all? – not far behind is zinc, whichmay improve sperm quality. Backing up considerable researchalready, a 2007 study of over 1,000 Chinese men, conducted byresearchers at the Shanghai Institute of Planned ParenthoodResearch, found that men who had enough zinc in their bodieswere likelier to have normal sperm levels, and sperm that lookedand moved normally. Men should be sure to get at least therecommended 11 milligrams a day of the mineral; women need8 milligrams. The amino acids L-caritine and L-arginine, whichmay improve sperm motility and overall circulations, respectively,can help a man’s odds of becoming a dad by increasing themotion, shape, and number of sperm, as a 2004 study of 325 menshowed.There are women-only options, too. The herb chasteberry, orvitex, is a favorite for women trying to conceive, and Dr. Westphalbelieves there’s good reason for that. “I think it’s the most powerfulingredient [in FertilityBlend for Women],” she says, noting thather research found improvements in progesterone levels and inregulating menstrual cycles in the women who took this. Afterthree months on FertilityBlend, 26 percent of the women in Dr.Westphal’s 2006 study were pregnant, compared with 10 percentof those who got a placebo. If you do decide to try a supplementcontaining chasteberry, be sure to talk to your doctor first. Thisherb shouldn’t be taken in combination with hormones or otherdrugs (including fertility drugs), and it should definitely not betaken during pregnancy.Today, the data on another supplement, dehydroepiandrosterone(DHEA), is too limited to recommend as a safe, effective optionfor boosting a woman’s ovarian reserve and functions, says Dr.Westphal.If you and/or your spouse opt to take a supplement, you’ll neverreally know whether that was tipping point to conceive. “Peopleare getting a lot of other things in their diets, and they’re takingother supplements. So to actually separate all of these things outtends to be pretty difficult,” expands Dr. Westphal.We do know, though, that certain nutrients are especiallyimportant before pregnancy. Folic acid has long been toutedas important before pregnancy to reduce the chance of neuraltube (spinal) injuries. Now new research finds that womenwho took a folic acid supplement for at least a year before theyconceived reduced their risk of a premature birth by 50 to 70percent. (For those reasons, folic acid tends to show up in a lotof combination supplements.) Similarly, omega-3 fatty acids maymake for healthier cell membranes in women and men hoping tobecome mothers and fathers. (What’s more certain is that once awoman is pregnant, omega 3s are important for the fetus’ braindevelopments.)Winning Combinations?Even though we don’t know as much about fertility supplementfeaturing a variety of ingredients, it’s safe to say that mostmanufacturers base their own blends on the research doneon single supplements, trying to create a product that bringstogether everything that could be helpful into one pill. Whethercombining supplements is better isn’t clear yet, but there’s littlereason to think any of the products are harmful – at least not toanything other than your wallet, since prices for a 30-day supplyrange from about $25 to $179.Some doctors think your money might be better spent atthe grocery store, ensuring that you get the nutrients you needfrom food. “A supplement is used to correct a deficiency in animperfect diet,” explains Robert A. Greene, M.D., author of PerfectHormone Balance for Fertility: The Ultimate Guide to GettingPregnant (Three Rivers Press, 2008), and medical director of theSher Institute for Reproductive Medicine in Northern California.“If you eat a lot of organic foods and brightly colored foods, youcould minimize the need for supplements.”If the truth is that you’re a lot more likely to take a pill everyday than get enough servings of fruits and vegetables in you diet,consider a high quality prenatal vitamin, Dr. Greene suggests,since many contain similar ingredients in comparable doses.(Dr. Westphal says an exception may be women with irregularmenstrual cycles, who could benefit from a supplement containingchasteberry.)On the other hand, if you find supplements appealing becausethey’re natural and a reasonably inexpensive way to help you startor add to your family, then by all means try them. But rememberthat other lifestyle changes – such as getting down to a healthyweight, stopping smoking, reducing stress, and eating a balanceddiet – are likely to have an even bigger impact on your conceptionodds. So don’t forget to make the important lifestyle changes, andthen if you want to take a fertility supplement as a little extrainsurance…pop away! STConceiveonline.comShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200877rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7721/09/2008 7:09:17 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200878rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7821/09/2008 7:09:18 PM

FORUMWhy we Have TroubleDaveningMindySeptember 30, 2003, 10:58 AMI finally figured out why we, as a group with a particular tzara,might have more trouble davening than the regular people inshul.There are basically two ways to deal with infertility: Grief/hopeand acceptance/denial. The first is usually how we feel whenwe are cycling. Nervous. Hopeful. Longing. Yearning. Emotional.Crying. We pick up a Tehillim and pour our hearts out more whenwe know there is a pregnancy test waiting at the end. I have verylittle problem connecting to Hashem while I cycle. The downsideof that, however, is depression. While hoping and praying so hardfor the yeshua, inevitably I think and ponder my existence or lackthereof, which leads to some down thoughts.Therefore, the rest of the year, when I'm not cycling, I work veryhard not to feel any form of despair. I am accepting. I accept thereality that right now is not the time for me to be a mother. WhichShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200879rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 7921/09/2008 7:09:23 PM

is why I have such a hard time davening all year, and even moreso on Rosh Hashanah. Because I am fighting so hard to combatthose feelings of depression and grief by covering my heart withlayers of apathy, when it comes to davening, I can't muster enoughdesperation and sadness to really beseech Hashem for children.And don't tell me that not feeling sadness but davening well cango hand it hand. It just doesn't, to me. If I am feeling happy withmy lot right now, I can't cry. If I want to cry, I have to feel a certainsadness in my heart, which I am valiantly fighting, in order not tofall into a pit of despair.Which is why I can't daven.I think many others will agree that this summarizes their feelingson the Yomim Noraim as well.LawmanSeptember 30, 2003, 11:10 AMI understand what you're saying. I think that the trick is, somehow,to some way take the negative emotions and find a way to changethem into positive ones. The problem, of course, is how to do that.I'm not sure how to really to do that.I do think that you should not attempt to “cover your feelings withapathies,” as you put it. By doing that you're denying/suppressingyour feelings/emotions, which you have a right to express. I thinkyou SHOULD let those tears out on Rosh Hashanah. Be in despairon Rosh Hashanah, and come to Hashem crying and in sadness.Quite frankly, I think it's the best way to come before the King,crying, head in hand with a "torn heart.”I just saw in a sefer I have, that the mechaber asks why a lot ofmeforshim who discuss the inyan of teshuva don't bring downfasting and yissurim as being parts of teshuva. They bring downtefillos, charata, and changing behavior, but NOT fasting/yissurim.And he answers that it appears to him that fasting/yissurim areonly given in order to bring us to a broken heart so we can doteshuva, and bring us to the point where we have a “leiv nishbar,”a broken heart. (I think he also says that yissurim are given as akapara for those who are chayav kareis/arba misos beis din).So I would say that my problem, and I assume others here as well,is that we DON'T let ourselves cry, which is thus not allowing us tocome before Hamelech with a truly broken heart.Mindy, let yourself cry. Don't cover it up.because the singing is beautiful. Or maybe because everyonedownstairs is wearing a white kittel. Whatever the reason, that'sthe time I look forward to letting go.FraidySeptember 30, 2003, 11:33 AMMindy, I totally understand what you're saying, although here aremy thoughts.When I first started out, I would think that all I need is Clomidand "puff," I'm pregnant. Then came injectibles. This will for suredo it. Cycle #1, Cycle #2.... (I don't wanna make too many dots!) Ihad such emuna in these cycles.As time went on and I saw no results, I learned Who's really incharge. I saw that no cycle will get me pregnant, only Hashem.When I think of that, I break down and just cry to Him and askHim. He's the One that could make my year easier. He's the Onethat could do anything even without a cycle. So Hashem, makethis be the year!!!LawmanSeptember 30, 2003, 11:39 AMYou wrote: “It doesn’t happen overnight. Months of covering upgrief in order to feel happy, makes it impossible to summon thegrief feelings from one minute to the next. It's too late now.”Anyway, Kol Nidrei night is the only time when I really, reallyfeel inspired. Maybe because I'm not tired, or hungry, or nervous.Or maybe because the singing is beautiful. Or maybe becauseeveryone downstairs is wearing a white kittel. Whatever thereason, that's the time I look forward to letting go.”Yes, it's very hard to turn on and off the grief at will. All I'm sayingis that while there are appropriate times to cover it up, I don'tthink you ALWAYS have to do so.Me TooSeptember 30, 2003, 02:51 PMMindy, I'm with you a million percent on this one!! (For a change,eh? ) It's not only "covering it up with apathy," though. It's anytime that we are "fine" with something, it's virtually impossible tobreak down in tearful tefilla to change it!Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008MindySeptember 30, 2003, 11:26 AMIt doesn’t happen overnight. Months of covering up grief in orderto feel happy, makes it impossible to summon the grief feelingsfrom one minute to the next. It's too late now.Anyway, Kol Nidrei night is the only time when I really feel inspired.Maybe because I'm not tired, or hungry, or nervous. Or maybeI personally am not a high-and-low person. I tend to have "okay"days more often than awesome days or awful days. I don't getmad, sad, ecstatic, terrified, etc., easily. In this IF parsha as well, Isuppose you'd say I'm pretty leveled. I hardly let my hopes soar,and I try not to get crushed when they crash.I usually coast along on "acceptance" mode, which is essentiallythe easiest one to pull through any hardship.BUT, while accepting and cruising is generally a great way to80rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8021/09/2008 7:09:26 PM

sail through nisyonos, it is unbearably difficult when you WANTTO open the floodgates. Like at a time when your intellectKNOWS that tears hold the key to changing your matzav, butyour acceptance forbids and restrains them from putting in anappearance.I had come home, I was crying.MindySeptember 30, 2003, 03:15 PMTake my last year's Yom Kippur, for example. I stood in shulall day and night, mouthing the same words as everyone else,concentrating on the same kavanos as the rest of the tzibur. Why,then, was I the only one without tears coursing down my cheeks?I certainly had as much, if not more, painful reason to cry out intefilla than the most of them... So why, then, was my heart carvedfrom marble?!To tell you the truth, the NOT being able to cry was agonizinglydifficult. Fine, I'm glad I've reached the level of acceptance andun-emotionalness (my contribution to Webster’s) that makesthis whole nisayon so much easier. But to be SOOOOOOOOhardened as not to shed a single tear on the most awesome andfearful day of the year??????Yom Kippur came and went, the tefillos were there, the kavanoswere there, the appropriate entreaties were there. But thedespondency was not. The heartache was missing. The tear ductswere sealed tight.This is what you were referring to, Mindy, am I right? This heartwrenchinginability to cry, due to our own "categorization" of ournisayon. Well, read on and see what I learned about the flip sideof this stoicism...Yom Kippur was over, and I was feeling wholly inadequate andunaccomplished. I was a failure; my day was a zero. I hated myinability to FEEL. I hated my inability to be NORMAL, on this oneday when it was easiest for my pain to blend in with normalcy. Iwas completely and wholesomely miserable.And then, Havdala was barely underway (with an out-of-townguest at our table, of course...) when something broke inside ofme, and the tears began to stream. And pour. And gush. They fellin torrents, and once they started, there was no stopping them.It was a losing battle, and I had no strength nor will to fight it. Istumbled outdoors, hailed a cab, and through my sobs I eked outone little word, "L'Kotel."I approached the Wall and for the first time ever, I felt like Iwas finally and truly coming home. I'd been a stranger in anunfriendly land, and now I was once again in G-d's embrace. Therewas no clock, no noise, no people, no ringing cell phones. I wastransformed. I was at peace with myself; I was whole with myCreator. I had a relationship with the Almighty once again; I spokeand He listened.I wanted to build a family, and I now knew that He'd be there tobuild it for me. I was no longer alone in my world of acceptance. Ipoured out my heart, and He held my hand.I was a child in the lap of my Father, and I couldn't have beenhappier.Beautifully written, and thanks so much. By the way, I find thatI cry the most during the final tefillos of Neila... Hashem HuHaElokim, the last Kaddish...Me TooSeptember 30, 2003, 03:47 PMSo, Mindy, I've basically agreed with your theory. It's somethingthat had been bothering me for a while, and it peaked last YomKippur. On that Motzaei Yom Kippur, I would've given just aboutanything for that emotional connection to Hashem all year long. Iwould've taken the wet pillows, the streams of tears at every bris,and all the other emotional outpourings that are the norm formost IFers.As hard as it is for "them" to sob at the drop of a pin, it's just ashard (if not harder) for "us" to be locked out of tearland.But honestly, I now don't feel that I have a choice in thematter. My nature is not that of a crier, I am not naturally givento frequent emotional outbursts, and I don't suppose I can everbe. My emotions peaked on that evening by the Kosel, but thensubsequently went into cruise control where they've more or lessremained. I'm back into acceptance mode, without the dramatichighs and lows that are constantly being discussed here.That's the way I've been, and I believe that that's the way I'llalways be. I CAN be moved to tears, but it is not a frequent oran easy accomplishment. And while I am certainly hoping fora meaningful Yom Kippur davening this year, and I will put mykochos into achieving it, if it doesn't come I no longer hate myselffor it.I've expanded my "acceptance" policy to include acceptance ofmy under-emotional self.And I have learned to express my connection to HakadoshBaruch Hu in other ways; my Avodas Hashem is being tailored tomy specific set of strengths.Mindy, tefilla is a personal expression. Perhaps our unemotionalmission on these Yomim Noraim is rather to express ouracceptance of all that Hashem has placed on our plates? Andmaybe we should focus on the meaning of ALL the requests anddeclarations included in our composed tefillos, so long as we arenot completely enveloped in a singular request/despondency?This year, instead of saying, "I can't daven," I am trying instead tothink that "I can daven, in my own unique way!" Hakadosh BaruchHu does not need piles of crumpled-up tissues at the end of YomKippur. He wants to see US in OUR INDIVIDUAL EXPRESSIONSOF CONNECTION.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200881rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8121/09/2008 7:09:28 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008Let me know what YOU think of this sub-theory to your theory...and Yehi ratzon she'yimalei Hashem KOL mish'aloseinu l'tova!Gemar Chasima Tova and a meaningful Yom Kippur to all!life'sgreatSeptember 30, 2003, 06:56 PMMe Too- On the button!!! Took the words outta my mouth!!For years, I was very despondent by the fact that as much as I dohave the “highs and lows,” I can't really connect at will, and daven,and cry to Hashem. Oh, yes, I've had my holy sem years where Ibawled through the two years. I've had my high times where themost hurtful thing did nothing to me, and then I had times whenthe smallest thing would set me off.Yet, Me Too, the worst still was when I was numb. When nothingand no one could induce me to tears. I could have been hurt tothe core, sad, and angry, but my tear ducts were closed. I foundthose times worse than the “crying times”! I don't know how yousurvive without crying. Nothing is as good as a heartfelt cry toHashem.With time, I learnt how to navigate it. I would also be standing inshul on Yom Kippur, and not shed a tear. I would really try to get tothe point where I want to beg and plead, but am apathetic. UntilI've learnt not to push it. If you feel that you can't daven withkavana, or heartfelt prayers, don't! Do the best that you arecapable of at that time. Hashem wants our tefillos, not yenem’s! Iwould always tell Hashem that You gave me this lack of emotions,and that is all I could do for now. I tried my best.But the interesting part is, that usually when I was mashlim withthe matzav that this is what Hashem wants, I found myself intears. Usually, as soon as I gave up trying to “induce” the tears, ithappened on its own!This past Pesach, (or was it Succos?) we went to Meiron on CholHamoed. We went with a tour, and there were tons of people.I had a very hard time davening. I'd been numb for a very longtime, and felt very disconnected from the words and tefillos. Afterhaving been to Teveria and Tzfas, I was fed up. I tried so hard tobe there, have kavana, and cry, beg. But nothing came up. I justdecided to be mashlim with the situation. I said, "Hashem, Youcould do anything. It hurts me that You don't want me to REALLYdaven!! It hurts me that You don't let me feel connected. I'll do thebest I can, and please, accept my poor tefillos, they are heartfelt!!"I just stood there, feeling like a pilot on remote... I simply mouthedthe words, and davened Shemonei Esrei. After I finished, I knew wehave only about five minutes left until we’d have to get back tothe bus. I decided to just try to get to the actual kever, and justbeseech one more time.Lo and behold, I let go!!! I've never before in my life cried like thatin public!! I was not shedding tears, I was heaving with sobs. Myjacket was wet. I cried, and cried, and cried. I don't even rememberwhat I was saying, but all the pain from the past while cameup, and I had a real heart-to-heart talk with my Father... I couldnot stop it; it flowed, and flowed as if it had a life of its own! Myneighbors next to me were even able to listen to all my tzaros, ‘cuzI was talking a bit above a whisper (to put it mildly!) Yes, if you sawthat meshugena talking to herself, and crying, it was me !!All of a sudden, I felt someone tap my shoulder: "Excuse me,are you Mrs. Life'sgreat? Mr. Life'sgreat is waiting for you." I leftthat place puffy and red-eyed. My jacket was soaked and wasvery visibly wet! Tear-streaked and heaving, I found my husbandoutside looking as if he was about to call the police. The entirebus was waiting for close to a half-hour for me!! My, how time flieswhen you don't want it to! I wanted to hold on to that momentforever! I was bracing myself for a real psak! DH told me to just saysorry, because they were all fuming! I walked onto that bus andsaw a bunch of stern-faced Israelis. But one look at my face madethem bite their tongues!! I sat down and continued crying for thenext hour or so!But that sure taught me a lesson. Don't think Hashem alwayswants the tears! He knows how we really feel. The tears are tomake you feel good! He knows when you have the proper kavana.Not to say that tears don't make you sadder, and the tefilla moreheartfelt, but I basically learnt to take it as it comes. It's alwaysworkedMindy, a person can learn to have control over his emotions. Ilook at it as a pot with a lid, or a drawer. When I feel ready, andup to it, I can take off the lid, or open the drawer, and let go. Feel,think, cry, grieve, pity yourself... And then, when life has to go on,just cover the pot, or close the drawer. It takes practice, but youcan definitely learn to do it!LawmanSeptember 30, 2003, 07:36 PMMe Too - that was beautiful. Thanx for posting.I will ask then the next logical question. For those of us whoWANT to shed tears and are not, by nature, “criers,” how do youbring them about? How do you force tears to the surface? I mean,even in those moments when I felt depressed and that it washopeless, I could not, and I tried to, bring myself to shed tears.srrlSeptember 30, 2003, 11:33 PMOne of you said you're not a high-low person. I am. I hit extremes,and b"h for the most part I am extremely happy and all. "Joie devivre," as my mother calls it; literally, “joy for life” in French.I feel like I’m turning to stone inside. I can't feel anything anymore.I used to feel pain if I read a name for Tehillim. I used to cry at alevaya, even for someone I didn't know so well. I feel like my veinsare filled with cement instead of blood. I haven't davened well inthe longest time.82rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8221/09/2008 7:09:29 PM

So the Avos had to give Hashem their heartfelt prayers to havechildren. But I have none to give. What does that do for me?Although to be honest, I prefer this to the emotional wreck thatI can be....rfOctober 01, 2003, 12:44 AMI was actually so excited reading this post; I finally feel that I’mnot alone in the dry land. I am not a crier, to such an extremethat I only cry when something really penetrated my heart, andthat really happens rarely. I always felt alone. Thank you ATIME forgiving me the opportunity of finding myself normal.I never used to shed a tear. I went to shul since about the ageof 14, and everyone used to cry and I was the only one different.I hated it, felt stupid and ashamed. I even remember one year, allYom Kippur, only thinking, “Hashem, please give me some tears. Ialso want to be able to cry to you.”I got married and dh’s family is sooo sensitive and emotional thatmy sister-in-law cries every single week. She just sits down criesand then feels better; she claims it’s the best feeling. Believe me,after all these years, I still can’t understand how someone can dothat; I, for one, can’t.I always had such harsh thoughts about myself for not beingable to cry like everyone, (not every week) but at least twice ayear on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. Until I finally realized thattears don’t matter, it’s kavanos that matter most. I repeated itconstantly until it didn’t bother me much if I did or didn’t cry, aslong as my kavanos were good. The more it didn’t bother me, themore I found myself being able to shed at least a few tears. By theway, it is VERY hard. People that cry easily can’t understand it.One more thing that helps me, is to know the meaning of everyword I daven, and to understand the holiness of davening as muchas possible. All ATIME articles before Yom Tov were of great help.This year was something special. I finally reached the point whichI was trying to reach for so many years. It actually happened thefirst day of Rosh Hashanah by Shacharis. I don’t remember exactlyat what part it happened (not at any special tefilla). The men weresinging, and I just started shedding tears for a few minutes andthen it stopped. I felt this was the time I was probably on the scaletrying to weigh over the good side, and I just needed some tears. Ifelt I accomplished my goal; for once, I was able to cry to Hashemin my high thoughts.October 01, 2003, 02:04 AMI'm going to give a more or less humorous answer to forcingtears: CUT UP ONIONS ! Honestly though, tears come only whenour bodies allow them to come (with Hashem's help, that is). Mytheory on this is that the more we try to force our selves, the lesscontrol we have.As an easy crier, I find that my tears are a hindrance to davening.If I'm crying I can't get deep into myself and daven with properkavana. I may look the part, but it's only looks, and I leave with thefeeling that I'm still lacking in something.Mindy, you mentioned, "If I want to cry, I have to feel a certainsadness in my heart, which I am valiantly fighting, in order not tofall into a pit of despair." Is there some other method you can useto avoid the pit of despair you talk about? Maybe making sureyou are with someone who can comfort you right after daveningand help you avoid the pit. This way you could avoid sealing offparts of you at the time you desperately want to make use of thatpart.Our matzav has brought us together as one, to cheer each otherup like the rays of the sun.SSKOctober 01, 2003, 10:59 PMI've noticed a very interesting thing this year. It is much easier tocry for someone else's pain than my own.I never cry, I don't know what a "good cry" means, and I don't feelbetter after those very rare instances when it does happen. Onoccasion my eyes could cloud over, but something very sad andintense has to occur for this to happen. Davening for me is justsaying the words. I don't understand much of what I say, but try toread the Yiddish translation on the bottom of the page.This year, my neighbor in shul was a young lady (she's around 30with 5-6 little kids) that lost her husband this summer. He drownedin a pool where he went to toivel for Shabbos. When we got toUnesaneh Tokef, “mi ba'mayim...” I started crying. It was so sad tosee this young almana standing there and davening to Hashem. Itwas easier for me to cry for her pain than for my own. My own???I never felt pain. I don't allow myself to feel it. Therefore, when Idaven, say Tehillim, bentch licht or take challah, it is never intense...I think it's because I have so many untouched emotions lyingthere, that starting the flow would create a royal mess which Iwould like to avoid.I hope I will feel the same at least for a few minutes on YomKippur.May Hashem answer all our tefillos and grant us all our wishes.A Gemar Chasima TovMitapeletDunno... in any case, I'm fine as is... No one can say that what I'mmissing in life is a "good cry"...Anonymous AtimerSeptember 19, 2007, 04:56 AMWow! This really struck a cord!Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200883rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8321/09/2008 7:09:32 PM

I definitely have the same feeling of numbing myself to getthrough, as ironic as it sounds. As soon as I knew I wouldn't begetting pregnant, I became much calmer whenever I got myperiod. Now is has once again just reverted to being a fact oflife as opposed to dashed hopes (since I no longer expect to getpregnant).This obviously impacts my davening. While I know that onlyHashem can make me pregnant, b’derech hateva, right now thatisn't possible! Since I know that I'm not on the level to be zoche toa neis, I feel like, why bother asking?Any suggestions?OptimisticSeptember 19, 2007, 11:23 AMWow, this is what I needed to hear. As much as I figured thismust be the reason behind that so-called wall. Hearing it or seeingit from others makes me realize I’m so very normal...Well, it still would be nice to know that I can select those handfulof times that I can get that cleansing cry. On the other hand, Ipride myself in the fact that I’m not that teary-eyed little someoneon a daily basis...While we struggle with the fact that now is the time to reallyaccomplish and beg for all we need, and are so desperate to reallyget to the bottom of that hurt, we need to bear in mind that abroken heart actually accomplishes a lot, too. On one hand, wewould feel good, closing the siddur, walking away, and knowingwe left a bag full of tissues behind. But on the other hand, withouthaving shed tears we walk around knowing that we really needto, and dwell on that a lot. So you tell me, aren’t we way moreengrossed and trying to connect?Either way, may all our tefillos be answered b’karov, and may wemerit to actually see the beauty we so wish for.KayzaSeptember 20, 2007, 12:11 AMI'm not coming to this from the point of view of childlessness, as IB"H do have a beautiful family, so take it from where it comes.Getting to this is not easy, and it needs a lot of siyata d’Shemaya,especially when faced with such a bleak prognosis.Then there are the other things in your life - your husband, familyand other relationships, health, parnasa (and it's not just abouthow much, but how) and other needs and possibly talents andtendencies that you need to express and/or develop. As much aswe can do for ourselves, a dose of siyata d’Shemaya is crucial here.And, although it's easy to dismiss these things as inconsequentialwhen thinking about the "big" issue, it really is not the only issuein life, despite its importance. But, people need to focus on thisreality - and daven for a little help in really "getting" it.And you could always daven for an undreamed of medicaladvance that could help your case; that's a neis nistar, and no oneneeds to feel that "that won't happen to me."GZLTSeptember 20, 2007, 10:54 AMI got this in an e-mail and thought it would help inspire us:JUST A GOOD THOUGHT TO HAVE BEFORE THE YAMIMNORAIMDear Year 5767,Just yesterday we stood at your entrance without any ideas as towhat your days would bring - all 365 of them.Now another 365 days are standing lined up one after the other,behind locked doors. We tried peeking in but failed; even thesmallest speck was hidden from us. And now as I write to you,year 5767, I am shaking with awesome fright.Would I have ever imagined what you would have looked like asI stood before Hashem last Rosh Hashanah?I was full of wishes and hopes ... and wondering: would you bringhappiness, growth and success - or disappointment and failure?Would you be filled with good times, good friendships?With what would you fill up your hours and minutes?How would your newspaper headlines appear?Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008I think that there is much to ask for, even if you don't expect aneis. For starters, reaching a point of real acceptance rather thanapathy or low-level depression is a huge issue. Sometimes justreaching a point where something doesn't shadow everything elseand keep you from enjoying or appreciating things, or even ruinthe good things in your life, can be a big deal. And then there isfinding something to somewhat fill that hole left by childlessness.It's not just a matter of filling time, but someplace healthy to usethe emotional, mental, and hopefully physical, energy that wouldotherwise have been spent, rather than letting it go to waste, or,worse, letting it feed on you and wearing you down.Would they be filled with excitement and good news or C"V...the opposite.What was in store for the peoples of the world - would majorcrucial changes take place? In my family? Or maybe around me...or within me?Everything... everything was written and signed alreadythen from Rosh Hashanah till Yom Kippur of 5767.If I could have just known then what I know now.If only I would have just imagined, that within your days veryprecious souls would be taken away from this world - our great84rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8421/09/2008 7:09:34 PM

leaders – and even, woe to us our very own friends... would I notraised my voice and intensified my kavana?I am convinced that had I sweated a bit more, investedsome more strength in the words "Hafer atzas oiveinu."I'm convinced that I could have destroyed a fewmore Arab terrorist groups - before their explosion destroyed us.I am sure things would have been different if I would have takenadvantage of those hours of rachamim.How many measures of emotional strength and how manytears I would have invested in the words "Aveinu malkeinu na altishe’veinu rei’kam milfanecha," had I seen then as I see now rightin front of my eyes, the people who so desperately await their ownyeshuos; but yet another year just passed them by unanswered,another 365 days. The days, hours and minutes they containedwere all full with their suffering – yet with their hope. If only I hadbegged a bit more before Hashem stamped his final signature onthat day! I have no doubt in me that had I seen it all before me, Iwould have invested every last effort and intensified my kavanato no endSadly, it was davka then that my desperation and imaginationdecided to stall.Davka then, when every hour, every minute was so crucial...When the knock is heard and the knock departs - those crucialmoments of "Kol dodi dofek, pesach li...!""Mi bekitzo u’mi lo bekitzo...""Mi yichyeh u mi yamus…"Where was my imagination? Where was I when I had the powerin my hand to correct, to erase, to sweeten my fate and that ofothers?When I flash in front of me the year that just passed, an accusingfinger screams at me: "WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY HARDER?"This time I know. This time I'll try. This time I won't hesitate tolet the tears fall. I won’t hesitate to beg. This time I'll put in everydrop of energy that I have. I know not what was yesterday, but Ido know that everything from the simple to the most complex willbe decided upon and written...EVERYTHING.FrumWithPCOSSeptember 20, 2007, 11:10 AMThat wall, that horrible wall. What to do about it?I'm so glad that I saw this post yesterday. It's something that hadbeen bothering me for a while. I cried so much at the beginning ofthis journey. At one point I was bawling my eyes out because of anegative test, and my dh just let me cry and cry and tried to help...but I just felt so helpless. And then - I don't know if it was his ideaor mine - but somehow I said, "If I'm crying, maybe it's becauseright now I'm supposed to pour out my heart to Hashem. Maybenow is the time to ask Him."So I did. Right then and there, sprawled out on the couch inagony, I said, "Hashem, please, please help us to build a beautifulfamily...help them to go in Your ways, to love Your Torah, help usto be mechanech them correctly, help them to be healthy andhappy and to make kiddush Hashem after kiddush Hashem...Hashem, we want this because we want to raise the kind of familythat would make You proud of us!...Please, please Hashem...”But now... now I don't cry any more. I've hardened myself. Andit hurts that I can't cry like that, because I've come to the pointwhere I've been trying so hard to force myself to be content withwhere I am right now, happy that right now I have my husband,my health, my family, and so much else that is so good. I've evengone so far as to try to appreciate that now I have time, time tovolunteer for things, time to go to shiurim, time to just sit aroundand talk with my husband...So now...I can't cry like that anymore. But I try. On Rosh Hashanah,finally, at Avinu Malkeinu, I started crying. And Rosh Hashanahisn't really a day for crying for US - it's a day for being mamlichHashem. But right then, I was just so happy that I could cry. Andyet it made my negative test this morning so much harder. So wasit worth it? I don't know.Nemo409September 21, 2007, 09:53 AMHere in Israel Yom Kippur is about to begin, but I just wanted toshare a parting thought with everyone as we go into the solemnday. I asked my husband what he thought of the question ofcrying and whether or not our tefillos are complete if they are notaccompanied by tears.Daven as if you were in the middle of the sea, stormy wavestowering above you angrily.Daven as if you were hanging there by the nearest hair...Because dear friend...YOU ARE!!His response was twofold: Like the cry of the shofar, thetrue primordial cry is the cry of the heart - whether that cry isexpressed on the outside or not is not what defines our trueexpression of prayer. Secondly, all the tears we shed throughouta year of treatments, disappointments, and emotions, are caughtand stored by Hashem - who takes each "bottle of tears" out onYom Kippur and credits those cries to our merit.Wishing the whole ATIME family a Gemar Chasima Tova inwhich (to quote my sister), “What we receive is always sweet.”Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200885rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8521/09/2008 7:09:36 PM

Roads and InroadsBy: Tziporah ShulmanShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200886rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8621/09/2008 7:09:40 PM

I stand at the intersectionGripped by a senseOf déjà vu.I’ve been here recently.Same placeSame time.I must choose wiselyTo reachThe ultimate destination.Think,I whisper.Think deeply.The goals are clearThe methods precise.I must choose the pathOf life.And yet,As the hours tick byI find myself strollingAlong a familiar roadA road I wished to avoid.A road strewn withpitfallsdisappointmentswrong turns.Once againI’ve fallen preyTo habit.The start of another year.We stand at thethresholdOf opportunity.Same placeSame time.Our goals are clearThe methods well-known.Yet as days melt intoweeks,We find ourselvestrudgingIn the wrong direction.The force of habitProclaims supremacy.Think,We whisper.Think deeply.Act upon yourconvictions!One miniscule stepIn the proper direction.One molecularimprovementSteers usAlong the path of choice.Thoughts translate intoactions,Small yet significant,Shattering the illusionOf habit’s reign.The path of lifeBeckons with promise.Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200887rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8721/09/2008 7:09:44 PM

Membership FormNAMEADDRESSCITY/STATE/ZIPTELEPHONE■ Basic Primary $36 Infertility- No Fee ■ Secondary Contributing Infertility $54 $36 ■ Basic Supporting Membership $70■ International $55 ■ Complimentary Two year basic Contributing $65 $72■ Professional — $125 (entitles physicians to be placed on the “Friends of A TIME“ list)Please make check payable to A TIME Or charge to ■ Mastercard ■ Visa ■ American ExpressCard number ____________________________________________________Expiration Date ____/____/____Name as it appears on card _________________________________________Mail to: A TIME 1310 48th Street, Suite 406 Brooklyn, NY 11219 Or fax to 718-686-8927Discounted Memberships available for qualified individuals.Reprints Order FormNAMEADDRESSCITY/STATE/ZIPTELEPHONE■ I would like to order reprints of A TIME issue(s) #_______________________ 1 Issue/$5 3 Issues/$10 5 Issues/$15Please make check payable to A TIMEContribution FormI wish to make a tax-deductible contribution to A TIME Enclosed is $ _________________________________________Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008Please make check payable to A TIME and send it to: A TIME, 1310 48th St., Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219, Tel: (718) 686-8912Do you wish to honor someone through this donation? If so, please indicate the name of the honoree:___________________________________________________________________________Do you wish to make this donation in memory of a dear one? If so, please indicate the name of the individual:___________________________________________________________________________88rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8821/09/2008 7:10:13 PM

Tape ListTape ListTAPE DESCRIPTIONTAPE DESCRIPTION SPEAKERS DATESPEAKERS DATE1 Community Awareness 1 Community Richard Awareness Grazi, MD R’ Aron Twerski Sara Barris, Psy.D Richard Grazi, Feb-98 MD R’ Aron Twerski set of Sara twoBarris, Psy.D Feb-982 Community Awareness 2 Community R’ Ezra Awareness Labaton Richard Grazi, MD Marc Goldstein, MD Gloria R’ Ezra Demby, Labaton CSW Richard R’ Shlomo Grazi, Gissinger MD Marc Goldstein, MD Gloria Demby, CSW R’ ShlomJul-98 set of twoJul-983 Community Awareness 3 Community Marcel Awareness Biberfeld. DSW Richard Grazi, MD R’ Moshe Weinberger Marcel Biberfeld. 11/11/01 DSW Richard set Grazi, of two MD R’ Moshe Weinberger 11/11/014 Community Awareness 4 Community R’ Naftoli Awareness Weiss R’ Shmuel Kaminetsky Richard Grazi, MD Benyomin R’ Naftoli Feit Weiss 1/13/04 R’ Shmuel Kaminetsky Richard Grazi, MD Benyomin Feit 1/13/045 Community Awareness The Deal Community Event 5 Community R’ Ezra Awareness labaton Douglas The Deal Rabin, Community MD Freeda Event Braha R’ Ezra labaton Jul-04 Douglas Rabin, MD Freeda Braha Jul-046 Inspirtation # 1Infertility & the Jewish Couple 6 Inspirtation R’ Matisyahu # 1Infertility Salomon & the Jewish Couple R’ Matisyahu Salomon 11/19/20011/19/2007 Inspirtation # 2 Infertility & the Jewish Couple 7 Inspirtation R’ Efraim # 2 Wachsman Infertility & the Jewish Couple R’ Efraim Wachsman December ‘04December8 Inspirtation # 3 Infertility & the Jewish Couple 8 Inspirtation R’ Naftoli # 3 Infertility Weiss & the Jewish Couple R’ Naftoli Weiss December ‘06December9 Inspiration # 4 The Power of Tefilah & Choices 9 Inspiration R’ Moshe # 4 The Young Power R’ Naftoli of Tefilah Weiss & Choices R’ Moshe Young 5/22/01 R’ Naftoli 3/16/02 Weiss 5/22/01 3/110 Inspiration # 5 10 Inspiration R’ Zecharia # 5 Gelley R’ Yosef Viener R’ Zecharia Gelley February R’ Yosef ‘03Viener February ‘011 Inspiration # 6 Tell Me Why 11 Inspiration R’ Mordechai # 6 Tell Me Becher Why R’ Mordechai Becher February ‘02February ‘012 Inspiration # 7 Looking Beyond 12 Inspiration R’ Shmuel # 7 Looking Dishon Beyond R’ Dovid Zweibel R’ Shmuel Dishon April R’ ‘02 Dovid March Zweibel “03April ‘02 M13 Inspiration # 8 Tough Choices 13 Inspiration R’ Yisroel # 8 Tough Dov Webster Choices R’ Yisroel Dov Webster14 Inspirtation # 9 Getting Your Tefilah Answered 14 Inspirtation R’ Naftoli # 9 Getting Weiss Your Tefilah Answered R’ Naftoli Weiss15 Inspiration # 10 Ground Breaking Achievments 15 Inspiration R’ Jonathan # 10 Ground Rietti Breaking Achievments R’ Jonathan Rietti16 Now What Men Only Part 1 16 Now What R’ Aron Men Twersky, Only Esq Part Shaya 1 Ostov, CSW Dan Goldschlag, MD Nachum R’ Katlowitz, Aron Twersky, MD 4/17/02 Esq Shaya Ostov, CSW Dan Goldschlag, MD Nachum Katlowitz, MD 4/17/0217 Now What Men Only Part 2 17 Now What R’ Aron Men Twersky, Only Part Esq 2 Dan Goldschlag, MD Nachum Katlowitz, R’ Aron MD Twersky, 8/7/02 Esq Dan Goldschlag, MD Nachum Katlowitz, MD 8/7/0218 Shushan Purim 18 Shushan R’ Yaakov Purim Reisman R’ Shulem Kessler Hilly Hill R’ Yaakov Reisman 3/19/03 R’ Shulem Kessler Hilly Hill 3/19/0319 Lag B’Omer 19 Lag B’Omer R’ Fishel Schecter Eli Maron Tzali Gold R’ Fishel Schecter 3-May Eli Maron Tzali Gold 3-May20 Beginnings in Israel 20 Beginnings R’ Naftoli in Israel Weiss R’ Zev Leff R’ ShlesingerR’ Naftoli Weiss R’ Zev Leff R’ Shlesinger21 Stamping Out Missconceptions 21 Stamping R’ Aron Out Twersky, Missconceptions Esq R’ Aron Twersky, December Esq ‘03December22 A TIME Canada 22 A TIME R’ Canada Fishel SchecterR’ Fishel Schecter23 Secondary Infertility 23 Secondary Daniel Infertility Stein, MD Wendy Wasserman MSWDaniel Stein, MD Wendy Wasserman MSW24 When Time is of the Essense Mini Conference 24 When Alan Time Berkeley, is of the MD Essense Jerome Mini Check, Conference MD Gad Lavy, MD Geoffrey Sher, MD Alan R’ Berkeley, Gissinger MD June Jerome “04Check, MD Gad Lavy, MD Geoffrey Sher, MD R’ Gissinger June “0425 Making the Most of the Summer Season 25 Making Barouch the Most Brooks, of the MD Summer R’ Dovid Season OrlofskyBarouch Brooks, MD R’ Dovid Orlofsky26 From Heartache to Hope 26 From Heartache R’ Dr. Zalmen to Hope Levine R’ Pinchos Jung R’ Dr. Zalmen Levine September R’ Pinchos ‘04 Jung September27 Accuppunture for Infertility 27 Accuppunture Mike Berkley, for Infertility Lac R’ Yehonason Alpern Mike Berkley, Lac September R’ Yehonason ‘04 Alpern September28 Israeli Summer Getaway 28 Israeli Mrs. Summer Ahuva Getaway Grey Mrs. Ahuva Grey August ‘04August ‘0429 Conference Infertility & the Jewish Couple December 2004 29 Conference Infertility & the Jewish Couple December 2004A Keynote Address IVF present Aspects & future Promise A Keynote Zev Rosenwaks, Address MD IVF present Aspects & future Promise Zev Rosenwaks, MDB What to do About Pregnancy Loss B What Jonathon to do Scher, About MD Pregnancy R’ Aaron Loss D. MehlmanJonathon Scher, MD R’ Aaron D. MehlmanC High Protocols for PCOS C High Gregory Protocols Zapanthis, for PCOS MD R’ Yisroel D. WebsterGregory Zapanthis, MD R’ Yisroel D. WebsterD ART Now A Step by Step guide to High Technology D ART Joel Now Bartzofin, A Step MD by R’ Step Avrohom guide to Blumenkrantz High Technology Joel Bartzofin, MD R’ Avrohom BlumenkrantzE Surgery for Infertility E Surgery Steven Spansdorfer, for Infertility MD R’ Yisroel BelskySteven Spansdorfer, MD R’ Yisroel BelskyF Success With IVF F Success Daniel Goldschlag, With IVF MDDaniel Goldschlag, MDG The Future: Research and Future Hopes G The Lewis Future: Krey, Research MD R’ Tzvi and Flaum Future Hopes Lewis Krey, MD R’ Tzvi FlaumH Advances in the Treatment of Pregnancy Loss H Advances Andrei Rebarber, in the Treatment MD Jonathan of Pregnancy Scher, MD Loss Daniel Salzman, MD Andrei Rebarber, MD Jonathan Scher, MD Daniel Salzman, MDI For the Experienced Patient I For Lawrence the Experienced Grunfeld, Patient MD Alan Berkeley, MDLawrence Grunfeld, MD Alan Berkeley, MDJ Marriage: Fostering Great Communication Skills J Marriage: Sara Barris, Fostering PhD Myriam Great Kalchstein, Communication CSW Skills Joy Stimmel, CSW Sara Barris, PhD Myriam Kalchstein, CSW Joy Stimmel, CSWK Male Factor Infertility: More Answers K Male Marc Factor Goldstein, Infertility: MD Nachum More Answers Katlowitz, MD Natan Bar-Chama, Marc MDGoldstein, MD Nachum Katlowitz, MD Natan Bar-Chama, MDL Understanding and Succeeding with ART L Understanding Ellyn Modell, MD and Daniel Succeeding Stein, MD with Andrei ART Vidali, MD Ellyn Modell, MD Daniel Stein, MD Andrei Vidali, MDM The Adoption Option M The Alan Adoption Britvan, ESQ Option Dina Rosenfeld, CSW Alter Katz Alan Britvan, ESQ Dina Rosenfeld, CSW Alter KatzN Alternative-Complimentary Medicine N Alternative-Complimentary Mike Berkley, Lac Jennifer Wallach Medicine Mike Berkley, Lac Jennifer WallachO Gold note Individualizing IVF a Critical Factoer in Determining Outcome O Gold Geoffrey note Individualizing Sher, MD IVF a Critical Factoer in Determining Outcome Geoffrey Sher, MDP Silver note Overcoming Obstacles to Expert Fertility Care P Silver Richard note Grazi, Overcoming MD Obstacles to Expert Fertility Care Richard Grazi, MD30 The Right Approach 30 The Right Mathew Approach Cohen, MD R’ Moshe SheinermanMathew Cohen, MD R’ Moshe Sheinerman31 A TIME London 31 A TIME R’ London Naftoli Weiss R’ Shaul Rosen Y. SternR’ Naftoli Weiss R’ Shaul Rosen Y. Stern32 A TIME Weekend Melava Malka/Siyum Hashas 32 A TIME R’ Weekend Benyomin Melava Feit Malka/Siyum Hashas R’ Benyomin Feit Febuary 2005Febuary 2033 A TIME fundraiser 33 A TIME Reb. fundraiser Zahava Braunstein Mrs. Brenda Katina Reb. Zahava Braunstein May-05 Mrs. Brenda Katina May-0534 When Life Takes you to Plan B 34 When Steven Life Takes Palter, you MD to Plan R’ Yaakov B Salomon Steven Palter, MD Apr-05 R’ Yaakov Salomon Apr-05Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200889rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 8921/09/2008 7:10:14 PM

Tape ListShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200835 The Missing Piece Andrei Rebarber, MD R’ Yaakov Horowitz Jun-0536 Seasons Five Towns Chinese Auction R’ Jonathan Rietti September ‘0537 Reflections Ehud Margolioth, MD R’ Avigdor Brazil September ‘0538 Breakfast with the Medical Board September ‘0539 Exploring the Latest Research Sherman Silber, MD December ‘0540 Does Diet Make a Difference My Journey becoming Jewish Cynthia Stadd, HHC Yael Quittner December ‘0541 East Meets West Joel Bartzofin, MD Mike Berkley, Lac Feb-0642 Weekend Retreat/Music Michoel Shnitzler Avrohom Fried Feb-0643 Hachnosas Sefer Torah 2006 R Avrohom Shorr R Shmuel Dishon R Moshe Meir Weiss R Binyomin Landau R Tzvi Ausch44 Purim Celebration 200645 Advances in Male and Female Infertility & What Makes the Difference in the Embryology LaboratoryPeter Schlegel, MD Dan Goldschlag, MD Robert Clarke, PhD R’ Allen Schwartz May 3 200646 Delightful Insights Pesach R’ Ezriel Tauber Mar-0647 Understanding PGD Mysteries Unsolved James A. Grifo, MD Jun-0648 Emunah and Tefilah R’ Avrohom Shor Sep-0649. Conference December 17, 2006Keynote Address IVF; present aspects and future promise Dan Goldschlag, MDSpecial Presentation – GeneticsEdwin Kolodny, MDA. IVF; the Next Level Richard Grazi, MDB. Latest Research in Treating Pregnancy Loss Joseph Hill, MD, R’ Yisroel D. WebsterC. High Tech Protocols for PCOS Nanette Santoro, MDD. Understanding assisted Reproductive Technologies Alan Berkeley, MD R’ Aron S. JacobowitzE. Exploring Reproductive Surgery Glen L. Schattman, MDF. Everything You Need to Know About Adoption Douglas H. Reiniger, ESQ, Kathleen Brodsky, LCSW,Alter Katz, Adoptive Parent AdvocateG. How the Lab Makes the Difference Alexis Adler, PhDH. Low Tech IVF John Zhang, MDI. New Ideas for IVF Success Alan Copperman, MD Daniel Levine, MD, Gad Lavy, MDJ. A Glance at the Future Lewis C. Krey, MDK. Exploring ART for the Beginner Nabil Husami, MD, Joshua M. Hurwitz, MDL. Marriage Fostering Great Communication Skills Sara Barris, PHD, Myriam Kalchstein, CSW, Wendy Wasserman, CSWM. Complimentary Medicine: East Meets West Mike Berkley, LAC, D.A., Jennifer Wallace, RN, HNPN. Advances in Male Infertility Jonathan Schiff, MD, Natan Bar-Chama, MD, Darius Paduch, MDO. Getting Answers for Repeated Pregnancy Loss Andrei Rebarber, MD, Victor Grazi, MD, Sanford Lederman, MDP. Fertility Preservation: Hope for the Future Guiseppe Del Priore, MD, Kutlak Oktay, MDQ. Everything you Need to Know on Treating PCOS Jessica Brown, MD Shani Goldner, MS, RDOverview of Advances in ART MaleR. The Latest Technology in Male InfertilityS. Exploring Surgery for Male Infertility Marc Goldstein, MDOverview in Advances in ART FemaleT. Testing Embryos to Maximize IVF Success Lawrence Grunfeld, MDU. Succeeding With ART After Repeated Failure Steven Palter, MDClosing RemarksR’ Aron Shmuel Jacobowitz, Rabbinical Keynote Speaker: R’ Naftoli Weiss50. Weekend Retreat 2007 Motzei Shabbos CD only50 Weekend Retreat/Music 200751 Chinese Auction Boro Park 2007 R’ Yechiel SperoChinese Auction Monsey 2007Mrs. Sara Yoheved RiglerChinese Auction Lakewood 2007Reb. Esther JungreisChinese Auction Flatbush 2007R’ Jonathan Rietti52 Appreciation Dinner Professor Lunenfeld David Stern EMD Serono Jun-0753 Volunteer Appreciation Breakfast Richard Grazi, MD Mrs. Brany Rosen Jun-0754 This Is It Richard Grazi, MD R’ Yisroel Reisman Jun-0755 Male Factor Infertility: Update 2007 Natan Bar-Chama, MD Dr. Neil Goldberg July 18 200756 Treatment Options PCOS & Treating Male Infertility Eric Flisser, MD Natan Bar-Chama July 31 200757 New Beginnings New Hope R’ Naftulie Weiss and Eric Flisser, MD90rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9021/09/2008 7:10:15 PM

Tape List35 58 The A TIME Missing Medical PieceBreakfast Andrei Rebarber, MD R’ Yaakov Horowitz Jun-05 Oct. 31, 0736 59 Seasons A TIME Chanuka Five Towns Event Chinese Inspiration Auctionthrough Song (women only) R’ Jonathan Ilana Farbstein Rietti September Nov. 28, ‘05 0837 Reflections Ehud Margolioth, MD R’ Avigdor Brazil September ‘0560 A TIME Annual Dinner Jan. 21, 0838 Breakfast with the Medical Board September ‘0561 The Whys and Wherefores of Gynecological Surgery Tamer Seckin, MD Jan. 29, 0839 Exploring the Latest Research Sherman Silber, MD December ‘0540 62 Does Polycystic Diet Make Ovarian a Difference Syndrome My and Journey Insulin becoming Resistance Jewish Cynthia Walter Stadd, Futterweit, HHC Yael MDQuittner December Feb. 26, ‘05 0841 63 East A TIME Meets Shabbaton West Joel R’ Bartzofin, WachsmanMD Mike Berkley, Lac Feb-06 Feb. 0842 64 Weekend Purim in Retreat/Music Israel Finding Joy and Inspiration in Song (women only) Michoel Miri Israeli Shnitzler Avrohom Fried Feb-06 16-Mar-0843 Hachnosas Sefer Torah 2006 R Avrohom Shorr R Shmuel Dishon R Moshe Meir Weiss R Binyomin Landau R Tzvi Ausch65 A TIME Chinese Auction: May 11-13, 0844 Purim Celebration 2006A. Boro Park R’ Ephraim Eliyahu Shapiro45 Advances in Male and Female Infertility & What Makes the Difference in the Embryology LaboratoryB. Flatbush Peter Mrs. Schlegel, Chani MD Juravel Dan Goldschlag, MD Robert Clarke, PhD R’ Allen Schwartz May 3 200646 Delightful C. Lakewood Insights Pesach R’ Ezriel R’ Yecheil Tauber SperoMar-0647 Understanding D. Monsey PGD Mysteries Unsolved James Mrs. A. Brany Grifo, Rosen MD Jun-064866Emunah and TefilahMale Fertility Update 2008R’ Avrohom ShorJonathan Schiff, MD, Neal Goldberg, PhdSep-0615-Jun-0849. Conference December 17, 200667 The Latest Treatment for Pregnancy Loss Victor Grazi, MDKeynote Address IVF; present aspects and future promise Dan Goldschlag, MDSpecial Presentation – GeneticsEdwin Kolodny, MDA. IVF; the Next Level Richard Grazi, MDB. Latest Research in Treating Pregnancy Loss Joseph Hill, MD, R’ Yisroel D. WebsterC. High Tech Protocols for PCOS Nanette Santoro, MDD. Understanding assisted Reproductive Technologies Alan Berkeley, MD R’ Aron S. JacobowitzE. Exploring Reproductive Surgery Glen L. Schattman, MDF. Everything You Need to Know About Adoption Douglas H. Reiniger, ESQ, Kathleen Brodsky, LCSW,Alter Katz, Adoptive Parent AdvocateG. How the Lab Makes the Difference Alexis Adler, PhDH. Low Tech IVF John Zhang, MDI. New Ideas for IVF Success Alan Copperman, MD Daniel Levine, MD, Gad Lavy, MDTapeJ. A GlanceOrderat the FutureFormLewis C. Krey, MDK. Exploring ART for the Beginner Nabil Husami, MD, Joshua M. Hurwitz, MDL. Marriage Fostering Great Communication Skills Sara Barris, PHD, Myriam Kalchstein, CSW, Wendy Wasserman, CSWNAMEM. Complimentary Medicine: East Meets West Mike Berkley, LAC, D.A., Jennifer Wallace, RN, HNPN. Advances in Male Infertility Jonathan Schiff, MD, Natan Bar-Chama, MD, Darius Paduch, MDADDRESSO. Getting Answers for Repeated Pregnancy Loss Andrei Rebarber, MD, Victor Grazi, MD, Sanford Lederman, MDP. Fertility Preservation: Hope for the Future Guiseppe Del Priore, MD, Kutlak Oktay, MDCITY/STATE/ZIPQ. Everything you Need to Know on Treating PCOS Jessica Brown, MD Shani Goldner, MS, RDOverview of Advances in ART MaleTELEPHONER. The Latest Technology in Male Infertilityvailable on loan from our library S. at Exploring no charge. Surgery for Male Infertility Marc Goldstein, MDOverview in Advances in ART Femalepe#’s________________________________ Please T. Testing Note: Embryos All our Total to tapes Maximize $_____________are IVF available Successon loan from Lawrence our library Grunfeld, at no charge. MDU. Succeeding With ART After Repeated Failure Steven Palter, MDTIME Or charge to ■ Mastercard $5 per tape ■ Visa or $7 ■ American per set of Express 2 Tape#’s________________________________ Total $_____________Closing RemarksR’ Aron Shmuel Jacobowitz, Rabbinical Keynote Speaker: R’ Naftoli Weiss_______________ Exp. 50. ____/____/____Weekend Please Retreat make check 2007 Motzei payable Shabbos to A CD TIME onlyOr charge to ■ Mastercard ■ Visa ■ American Express50 Weekend Retreat/Music 2007__________________________________Card number______________________________ Exp. ____/____/____51 Chinese Auction Boro Park 2007 R’ Yechiel SperoChinese Name Auction as it appears Monsey 2007 on card______________________________________Mrs. Sara Yoheved RiglerChinese Auction Lakewood 2007Reb. Esther JungreisChinese Auction Flatbush 2007R’ Jonathan Rietti52 Appreciation Dinner Professor Lunenfeld David Stern EMD Serono Jun-0753 Volunteer Appreciation Breakfast Richard Grazi, MD Mrs. Brany Rosen Jun-0754 This Is It Richard Grazi, MD R’ Yisroel Reisman Jun-0755 Male Factor Infertility: Update 2007 Natan Bar-Chama, MD Dr. Neil Goldberg July 18 200756 Treatment Options PCOS & Treating Male Infertility Eric Flisser, MD Natan Bar-Chama July 31 200757 New Beginnings New Hope R’ Naftulie Weiss and Eric Flisser, MDShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200891rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9121/09/2008 7:10:20 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008 92rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9221/09/2008 7:10:21 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200893rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9321/09/2008 7:10:22 PM

נתן קרפל בן משולם ע“הShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200894rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9421/09/2008 7:10:29 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200895rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9521/09/2008 7:10:33 PM

Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008ELKY MILLER 917-971-811996rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9621/09/2008 7:10:41 PM

און אויף דריי פיס איז אויסגעקריצט אברהם,‏ יצחק,‏ יעקב.‏האט דוד המלך געבעטן ביי הקב“ה,‏ איך וויל זיין דער פערטערפוס.‏ האט הקב“ה אים אוועק געמאכט,‏ ס‘איז אוממעגליך.‏אפילו משה רבינו,‏ שמואל הנביא,‏ און שאול בחיר ד‘,‏ האט צודעם נישט זוכה געווען,‏ ווי פאלט דיר אפילו איין אזוינס?‏אבער דוד המלך האט גארנישט אינטערעסירט,‏ נאר ואני.‏עס אינטערסירט מיך נישט וואס קיינער זאגט.‏ גארנישט,‏נאר קרבת אלקים,‏ נאר דאס איז לי טוב!‏אבער השי“ת האט דאך פארט געזאגט,‏ אז ס‘איזאוממעגליך.‏ אבער דוד המלך האט געלערנט פון משה רבינו,‏ווען השי“ת האט אים געזאגט ‏”הרף ממנו“‏ האט משה רבינונישט מוותר געווען אויף זיין ‏”בחירה“‏ פון תפלה,‏ און האטאויסגע‘פועל‘ט א ישועה!‏ ווען משה רבינו האט געוואלטאריינגיין אין א“י,‏ האט אים השי“ת ‏”געווארנט“‏ נאך אייןתפלה און די פועל‘סט!‏ האט דוד המלך באשלאסן אז‏”נודזשענען“‏ ביי השי“ת העלפט יא און מיר אינטערעסירטגארנישט עפעס אנדערש ווי ‏”קרבת אלקים“‏ דערפאר וועלאיך טאג און נאכט וויינען און בעטן,‏ ביז איך וועל פועל‘ן!‏פארפאלן אין דבר העומד בפני התפלה,‏ שערי דמעות לאננעלו,‏ אז מען ‏”נודזשעט“‏ מיט אן ערנסקייט ‏”מוז“‏ מעןבאקומען!‏ האט הקב“ה ‏”מזכה“‏ געווען דוד המלך מיט אזון אבשלום.‏ אבשלום האט געמאכט אן אויפשטאנד אוןגעוואלט ח“ו הרג‘ענען דוד המלך.‏ דוד המלך איז קוים מיט‘ןלעבן אנטלאפן פון ירושלים,‏ מיט א ענגע צאל באגלייטער.‏די גאנצע וועלט איז געווארן פארלוירן,‏ א טיפן אנטוישונג.‏כלל ישראל האט צוזאם געבראכן אין געוויין.‏ אוי וויי,‏ אזאגעטרייע פאסטוך האט זיך פארטוישט פאר א קינד אן עזותפנים?‏להבדיל די גוי‘שע וועלט,‏ האט זיך אויך נישט געקענטגלייבן,‏ אז די מעכטיגע קעניג,‏ וואס האט שוין גאר יונגערהייטגע‘הרג‘עט די וועלט‘ס גיבור גלית,‏ איז אנטלאפן פון זייןאייגן קינד אין שאנדע!‏אבער דוד המלך האט זיך נישט פארלוירן.‏ ער האט זיךגעהאלטן פעלזן פעסט קעגן די גאנצע וועלט איך האבנאר איין טאטע , און מיין טאטע האט נאר מיר זייער ליב,‏און ער איז דער כל יכול ומסבב כל הסיבות,‏ און אז עס איזאזוי געשען,‏ האט דאס מיין טאטע אזוי אנגעדרייט,‏ און מייןטאטע האט דאס אזוי געמאכט,‏ ווייל ער ווייסט אז אזוי איזגוט פאר מיר!‏אזוי קלאר איז דוד המלך געווען ביי זיך,‏ אז אנטלויפנדיג,‏ווען איינע פון די גדולי ישראל ‏(שמעי‘‏ בו גרא)‏ איז אים קעגןגעלאפןמיט מיאוס‘ע באליידיגונגען,‏ און געווארפן אויף איםזאמד,‏ האט אבישי בן צרוי‘‏ - דוד המלך‘ס באגלייטער– ארויסגענומען זיין שווערד,‏ און געוויזן פאר דוד המלך ארמב“ם הלכות מלכים,‏ אז שמעי ב“ג איז מחיוב מיתה.‏ האטדוד המלך געזאגט:‏ אמת,‏ עס קומט אים מיתה,‏ אבער אז ערהאט מיר פארשעמט,‏ מוז זיין אז מיין טאטע,‏ דער מסבבכל הסיבות האט דאס אזוי געפירט פאר מיין טובה וועגן,‏אלוקים אמר לו קלל!‏ דאן ווי אזוי קען איך הרג‘ענען איינעם,‏וואס האט מיר אקארשט א טובה געטוען?‏ דער רמב“ם וועלןמיר יוצא זיין א שפעטערע געלעגנהייט.‏טאקע דאן,‏ ווען ער האט שוין געהאלטן ביי אזא מדריגה,‏ונעשה רגל רביעי למרכבה!‏ האט אים דער באשעפערגענומען פאר די פערטע פוס!‏מיט די כח התפלה ודמעות,‏ האט דוד המלך אויסגע‘פועל‘טא זון אבשלום,און דורך דעם זוכה געווען צו ‏”דאסאוממעגליכע“‏ קרבת אלקים,‏ א פערדע פוס!‏אט דאס מיינט ראש השנה!‏ אבינו מלכינו!‏ ואמונה כל זאתוקים עלינו,‏ מיט א פעסטע קלארקייט!‏ אין יעדן מצב!‏ אפילוקעגן די גאנצע וועלט.‏ כי הוא ד‘‏ א-לוקינו,‏ ואין זולתו,‏ ואנחנוישראל עמו!‏ביי א יעדע מצב פון א אידיש קינד אפילו ווען איך שפירמיר אנגעווייטאגט,‏ צו ח“ו קערפערליך,‏ צו ווייל עס פעלטמיר עפעס,‏ צו ווייל א צווייטער האט מיר וויי געטון.‏ וועלאיך שטענדיג געדענקן:‏ איך האב נאר איין טאטע,‏ און מייןטאטע האט נאר מיר זייער ליב און ער איז כל-יכול ומסבב כלהסיבות,‏ און אז עס איז אזוי געשען האט דאס מיין טאטעאזוי אנגעדרייט,‏ און מיין טאטע האט דאס אזוי געמאכט,‏ווייל ער ווייסט אז אזוי איז גוט פאר מיר!‏ מעגליך אז איךווארט שוין אויף די ‏”סיבה“‏ יארן לאנג!‏יא טאטע,‏ דערפאר האב איך דיר אזוי ליב!‏ליינענדיג די לעצטע פאר שורות,‏ האבן שוין טרערןגעשטערט צו זען די ווערטער.‏ ווישענדיג זיך די אויגן,‏ האבאיך געטראכט צו מיר,‏ איך בין טאקע נישט אין די מדריגהצו זיין א פיסל פונעם בענקל פון השי“ת,‏ אבער צו ‏”קרבתאלקים“‏ האב איך זיכער זוכה געווען.‏ איך האב זיך דערמאנטפון די שווערע צייטן פון א דורכפאל.‏ וואס מיט אלע כוחות,‏האב איך זיך געשטארקט און געזאגט:‏ גם זו לטובה.‏ כל מהדעביד רחמנא לטב עביד.‏ די נאנטקייט צו הקב“ה,‏ וואס איךהאב דאן קונה געווען,‏ איז דאך אומבאשרייבליך!‏ פארדעםאליין האט זיך אלעס געלוינט.‏ביי מיר ווערט דאס טאקע אסאך מאל פארגעסן,‏ אבעראויף יענע וועלט איז עס געבליבן א נצחיות,‏ וואס וועט מירשטענדיג באגלייטן בזה ובבא.‏ יא,‏ אלעס אין זכות פון מיינעתפלות!‏ווען איך האב זיך נאכדעם געשטעלט דאווענען מנחה זענעןדי טרערן נישט גערינען ביי ראה נא בענינו...‏ נאר ביי מודיםאנחנו לך ...!יא טאטע,‏ דערפאר האב איך דיר אזוי ליב !יא ‏!מיינע תפילות האבן יא גע‘פועל‘ט.‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200897rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9721/09/2008 7:10:45 PM

יא!‏ מיינע תפילות האבןגע‘פועל‘טצ..א.יאקאבShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200898‏(מעשה שהי‘‏ מיט מינדערוויכטיגע שינוים)‏רבוש“ע איך האב דאך שוין אזוי פיל געבעטן,‏ שוין אזויפילטרערן פארגאסן,‏ וואו זענען מיינע תפלות?‏ זענען טאקעמיינע חברים ‏(וואס האבן שוין מער ווי איין קינד,‏ און גייעןנישט דורך די אלע שוועריקייטן)‏ מער חשוב‘ער בייםבאשעפער ווי מיר?‏ענליכע מחשבות האבן שטורעמיש געקלאפט אין מיין מח,‏אין די טעג פון חודש אלול,‏ גרייטנדיג זיך צו די קומענדיגעראש השנה,‏ ווען מען גייט נאכאמאל דן זיין די וועלט.‏ ‏”כמהיבראון“‏ וויפיל זאלן באשאפן ווערן.‏ און דער עיקר פראגע,‏ בייוועמען?!‏מיין הארץ איז געווארן פארקלעמט,‏ דערמאנענדיג זיך ווישטארק איך האב מתפלל געווען ר“ה און יום כיפור פון דיפאריגע יארן.‏ פאר מיינע אויגן טוען ארויפשווימען מיין יוםהחופה,‏ ווי איך זיץ שעות איבער‘ן תהלימ‘ל.‏ מיט טייכן טרערןפון טיפן הארץ האב איך געבעטן צו השי“ת,‏ אז איך זאל זוכהזיין צו א גליקליך לעבן,‏ און אויף צו שטעלן ערליכע אידישעדורות.‏ אוי עס איז שוין דורך א לאנגע צייט זייט יענעם טאג.‏אוי באשעפער!‏ זענען מיינע תפלות ח“ו פארלוירן געגאנגען?‏צו זענען זיי נישט אנגעקומען פאר דיר צום כסא הכבוד?‏ איזדען אזוי שווער פאר דיר מיר צו העלפן?!‏אזוי בין איך ארום געגאנגען זייער צובראכן אן חשק,‏ צו דיקומענדיגע טעג,‏ ווען מען גייט שרייען אבינו מלכינו הצמחלנו ישועה בקרוב.‏ ביז...‏ הקב“ה האט האט אבער רחמנותגעהאט אויף מיר,‏ און איך האב מיר געטראפן ליינען א בלעטלפון א שמועס איבער ראש השנה,‏ געבויעט אויף די ווערטערפון רבי אביגדור מיללער זצ“ל.‏ראש השנה ביי די סעודה האב איך אויסגעשמועסטעטליכע פראגעס.‏א)‏ ווי שטארק איז די כח פון תפילה און פון טרערן.‏ב)‏ וואס איז געווען דוד המלך‘ס שטערקסטע ווילן \שטרעבונג ‏(שאיפה)‏ אין זיין גאנצן לעבן?‏ האט ער עסבאקומען?‏ פארוואס?‏ ווי אזוי?‏ג)‏ איז אבשלום מיט זיין מרידה,‏ געווען א שטראף\שלעכטספאר דוד המלך?‏ אדער גאר א טובה?‏ד)‏ און וואס שייכות האט דאס צו ראש השנה און צו אונזהיינט תשס“ט?‏דוד המלך האט געזען הקב“ה זיצט כביכול אויף א בענקל,‏rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9821/09/2008 7:10:56 PM

שואל כעניןומשיב כהלכהשאלה:‏מעג א פרוי מעסטן איר טעמפראטור,‏ כדי צו וויסן אויב זי ‏”אוויולעיט“‏ און עס איזדא א שאנס טראגעדיג צו ווערן?‏תירוץ:‏אויב איר כוונה איז טראגעדיג צו ווערן,‏ מעג מען.‏ אויב אבער וויל זי וויסן,‏ כדי נישטטראגעדיג צו ווערן טאר מען נישט.‏ ‏(אויב עס איז נישט געקומען פון א דאקטערסבאפעל).‏די סיבה פארוואס מען מעג,‏ ווייל עס ווערט גערעכנט ווי א וואג פון א מצוה,‏ וואסדאס מעג מען רעכענען שבת.‏ אבער אויב איז עס נישט צו ווערן טראגעדיג איז עסנישט קיין שום מצוה,‏ דאן איז אזוי ווי סתם מעסטן , וואס דאס טאר מען נישט טוןאין שבת.‏ אבער אויב די דאקטער האט איר אנגעווארנט אז זי זאל מעסטן ווייל זיטאר נישט ווערן טראגעדיג,‏ איז עס שוין אויך א מצוה,‏ ווייל עס איז אן עונג שבת,‏ אוןזי וויל חלילה נישט קראנק ווערן דערפון.‏אבער מען דארף זיין געווארנט,‏ נאר צו נוצן א פיבער מעסטער וואס איז געמאכטפון רויע זילבער.‏ אבער בשום אופן מיט אן עלעקעטראנישער פיבער מעסטער.‏ אויךנישט מיט קיין קאלירטע,‏ ווייל עס איז אסור משום צובע.‏ ‏(פארבן).‏אין יעדנס פאל איז כדאי עס דורכצורעדן מיט א מורה הוראה.‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 200899rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 9921/09/2008 7:11:08 PM

א לעבעדיגע לווי‘‏וויפיל מאל קען מען הערן צווישן אונזערע ליינער,‏ אז מעןוויל זיך אויס‘פלאגן‘‏ פון די ‏”אינפערטילעטי“‏ וועלט,‏ און ווילןנעמען א שטיקל ‏’ברעיק‘.‏ נישט אלץ דארף מען זיין פארנומעןדערמיט,‏ איז א באקאנטע לאזונג.‏ דערפאר וועלן מיר ברענגןפאר אייך אן אינטערעסאנטע ארטיקל,‏ וואס האט נישט קייןשום שייכות מיט ‏”אינפערטילעטי“‏ אדער איר‘ס גלייכן,‏ נארעס ברענגט ארויס א שמייכל.‏עס איז מיר געווען צו הייסע סחורה,‏ אז איך זאל עס לאזןאומבאשריבן,‏ און מהנה זיין דערמיט אונזערע ‏”עי.‏ טיים“‏פריינט.‏ווען איר הערט פון דאס ווארט לווי‘‏ איז עס עפעס וואס איזנישטגעשמאק צוהערן.א לווי‘באדייט אזמעןאיז איינגעהילטאין א טרויער.‏ דא וועלן מיר אייך ברענגן אן עפיזאד,‏ וואס אלווי‘‏ איז פארוואנדלט געווארן אין א פאראדע...‏אלץ א פאסיגע צוגלייך,‏ וואלט כדאי געווען צו שרייבן וואס אבעל תשובה,‏ וואס איז געווען פון די גרעסטע קונצען מאכעראין די גוי‘שע וועלט,‏ זיך איינשטעלענדיג דאס לעבן ביים ווייזןזיינע קונצן.‏ נאכ‘ן תשובה טון,‏ איינזעענדיג די אמת‘דיקייטפונעם אידישען לעבן,‏ האט ער געזאגט אז ער פלעגט זיךאיינשטעלן דאס לעבן,‏ ווייל ער האט נישט געשפירט קייןשום חיות,‏ האט ער געוואלט זיכער מאכן אז ער לעבט...‏דאס זעלבע קען געזאגט ווערן אויף ‏”ארנאלד פעננער“‏ אפרייער איד,‏ א פילאנטראפ וואס געלט גיסט זיך ביי אים וויוואסער,‏ וואס האט נישט זוכה געווען צו שפירן א גליקליכקייטפון א אידישן לעבן,‏ און זיך שפירנדיג לער און פוסט,‏ האט ערבאשלאסן צו נוצן זיין רייכטום מיט וואס ער איז באשאנקןגעווארן,‏ צו פראווענען זיין באגרעבעניש צערמאניע...‏פעננער האט געזאגט:‏ ‏”איך וועל דיך נישט זיין ביי מייןבאגרעבעניש,‏ איך וויל אבער וויסן ווי אזוי עס גייט אויסקוקן“.‏איר לאכט?‏ זיין טענה איז געווען,‏ אז פארוואס זאל מען איםמספיד זיין ווען ער קען שוין נישט הערן וואס מען זאגט אויףאים,‏ עס איז יושר אז ער זאל אלעס מיטהאלטן...‏פעננער האט באשלאסן צו פארוואנדלן זיין זיבציגסטערגעבורטס טאג,‏ צו פראווענען דאן זיין באגרעבענישעקיבא שטייןצעראמאניע.‏ און אז מען פראוועט עס שוין,‏ זאל שוין זיין.‏מען האט אראנדזשירט א טייערן פארטי פלענער,‏ מען האטארויסגענומען אן עלעגאנטע זאל,‏ מיט טייערע מאכלים.‏הערליכעטייערעאינוויטעשענסאיזארויסגעשיקטגעווארן,‏צוגעשריבן,‏ אז מען זאל קומען אין שווארצן געקליידט.‏בייגעלייגט צום אינוויטעישן איז געווען א קאפי כאילו פןוןניו יארק טיימס,‏ אן אפשאצונוג איבער‘ן געשטארבענעם...‏צום באשטימטן טאג זענען אלע געלאדענטע געקומעןצום לעבעדיגן באגרעבעניש צערמאניע.‏ די זאל איז געוועןדעקארירט מיט איידיעס,‏ וואס האט יעדן דערמאנט,‏ אז דאדארף פארקומען א באגרעבעניש.‏די ‏”זיץ קארטלעך“‏ איז געווען אויסגעקריצט אויף שטיין...‏‏(מכלומר‘שט מצבה...)‏ אנשטאט אויף פאפיר.‏ די ‏”סענטערפיס“‏ קעיק איז געווען א קעיק אין פארעם פון א אפענערלאך,‏ מיט א שאוועל אין די זייט...‏פענער האט יעדן אויפגענומען זיצנדיג אונעם אפענעםארון...‏די רעדעס זענען געווען ווי געוואונטשן,‏ ער האט הנאהגעהאט ווי אזוי מען האט אים אויסגערימט.‏ ער האט זיךאויסגעדריקט:‏ אז עס האט זיך אויסגעצאלט.‏צום שלוס,‏ מיין מגיד שיעור אין ישיבה קטנה,‏ האט אמאל איןא מוסר שמועס ארומגערעדט,‏ אז א מענטש דארף געדענקןאז מען לעבט נישט אייביג.‏ ער האט פארציילט אז ער האטאמאל געהערט,‏ אז זיך אריינלייגן אין אן אפענעם לאך,‏ וואסמען האט געעפענט אריינצולייגן דארט א נפטר,‏ איז א סגולהאויף אריכות ימים.‏ האט מיין מגיד שיעור אויסגעפירט,‏ אזער האט עס שוין געטון.‏ אויב עס איז א סגולה פאר אריכותימים ווייסט ער נאכנישט,‏ אבער דאס ווייסט ער,‏ אז דאסאיז געווען א סגולה אז ער זאל נישט טון קיין עבירה פאר דיקומענדיגע שטיק צייט.‏לאמיר האפן אז דער ‏”פעננער“‏ שמעקענדיג דער ערד,‏ וועטער איינזען אז א מענטש לעבט נישט אייביג,‏ און צוריקקערןצום שורש.‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008ליגענדיג אינעם ארון ביים אויסהערן די הספדיםדי ‏”סענטער פיס“‏ קעיק.‏די פלעיס קארדס אויסגעקריצט אויף שטיינערrosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10021/09/2008 7:11:12 PM

עס קומט זיךמיר א מזל טובזיך קוים געלייגט שלאפן,‏ מיין יונגסטע ברודער האט נעכטןנאכט חתונה געהאט.‏ עס איז נאך 8:00 צופרי,‏ אבער מייןטעלעפאן קלינגט שוין.‏ מיין מאן קאלט מיר אויפצווועקן,‏ אזאיך זאל זיין גרייט אין א האלבע שעה,‏ ווייל די חסד דרייווערוועט אונז קומען אפנעמען.‏איך גלייב אז דאס איז ליידער א רוטינע זאך ביי אסאך פוןאונזערע ליינער.‏ דער באשעפער האט אונז באשאנקן מיטנסיונות,‏ וואס מיר פארשטייען נישט.‏ איינע דערפון איז,‏דאס אויפשטיין פרי און לויפן צו דאקטוירים.‏ דאס גאנצעפארן האט שטענדיג אירע סייד עפעקטס.‏ ווי צ.ב.ש.‏ מעןדארף פעלן פון דשאב,‏ ווי אזוי זאג איך פאר מיין בעל הבית?‏איך וויל נישט אז מיין שוועסטער זאל וויסן אז איך ביןערגעץ געגאנגען,‏ און איבערהויפט אויב עס וועט דאסמאלגעלונגען.‏אזא טאג איז דאס געווען.‏ נאך א חתונה,‏ געלאפן צוםדאקטער,‏ עס איז געווען א שווערע טאג,‏ גוט איבערגעמידעט,‏געכאפט שטעכערייען,‏ ארויף און אראפ.‏ מיין מוהט איזגעווען מער גענויגט צו תשעה באב.‏ אזוי פארצווייפלטערהייטקום איך אן אינדערהיים,‏ נישט האבענדיג קיין נערווען צוגארנישט,‏ גיב איך מיך א זעץ צו צום קאמפיוטער,‏ און איךהאב באשלאסן אויסצוגיסן מיין שווערע הארץ אויפ‘ן עי.‏טיים סייט.‏ לאמיך זיך אויסרעדן צו די וואס געפונען זיך איןמיינע שיך.‏מיינע הענט האבן מיר געטראגן צום ‏’קיבאורד‘,‏אריינקלאפענדיג מיינע נויטיגע שליסלען אז די טויערן זאלןזיך עפענען פאר מיר.‏ איך ווייס נישט ווי אזוי,‏ אבער איךהאב מיך דערזען אינעם ‏”מזל טוב סעקשאן“.‏ א פארום וואסאיך האב כמעט קיימאל נישט באזוכט.‏ עס איז אבער נישטגעווען א צופאל,‏ איך הייב אן אריינצוגיין אין איין מזל טובנאך דער צווייטע,‏ מיין הארץ פרייט זיך מיט איין ברכה נאך דיצווייטע.‏ עס איז זייער געשמאק צו זען די וואונטשן וואס מעןוואונטשט זיך.‏ פאר די אויגן קומען ארויף,‏ ווען וועט מען שויןהאבן די זכי‘‏ צו זיין פון די וואס באקומען די ברכות.‏פלוצלונג האט אויפגעשיינט אין מיין קאפ א געדאנק.‏ ווערזאגט אז נאר ווער עס האט א בעבי,‏ און איז זוכה געשטערטצו ווערן פון שלאף ביינאכט,‏ קומט זיך א מזל טוב.‏ פאר מירקומט זיך אויך איינס.‏ טאקע נישט פאר קיין בעבי,‏ אבערא בעבי איז איינע פון די מזל טובס וואס וועט אי“ה קומען,‏אבער יעצט קומט זיך מיר אויך א מזל טוב.‏ יעדע זאך וואסגייט דורך,‏ און די רעזולטאטן איז פאזיטיוו,‏ קומט זיך מיר אמזל טוב.‏ בין איך דען נישט גערעכט?‏איז עס אזוי,‏ רבותי,‏ שטעלט ענק אין די רייע,‏ איך נעם אפמיין מזל טוב.‏איך בין דורכגעגאנגען א פי.‏ סי.‏ טי.‏ און די רעזולטאטן זענעןצוריק געקומען פאזיטיוו.‏ שרייטס אלע מזל טוב.‏איך בין דורכגעגאנגען א עיטש.‏ עס.‏ דשזי.‏ און די רעזולטאטןדערפון,‏ פארלאנגען לויב צום באשעפער.‏ זאגט מיר אלע מזלטוב.‏א ‏’סימען אנאלאסיז‘,‏ האט געוויזן א פאזיטיווע שטריך.‏ מזלטוב.‏פי.‏ סי.‏ או.‏ האט מען ב“ה נישט געפונען אין מיין קערפער,‏גיטס מיר אלע מזל טוב.‏די אינשורענס האט ב“ה געדעקט,‏ דאס וואס איך האבגעציטערט אז עס גייט נישט דעקן.‏ רבותי,‏ עס קומט זיך מירא מזל טוב.‏אזוי קען מען אויסרעכענען,‏ יעדע גוטע זאך וואס פאסירטאין לעבן.‏ אנגעהויבן פון די טעג וואס איך האב יא א גוטעמוהט,‏ ביז‘ן געלונגענעם נאכטמאל,‏ וואס מיין מאן האט מירקאפלימענטירט.‏ אויף יעדע גוטע זאך קומט זיך מיר א מזלטוב.‏ מען דארף געדענקן און טראכטן פאזיטיוו,‏ אזוי קעןמען גרינגער ווארטן צו דערגרייכן צום מזל טוב וואס מעןוואונטשט ווען א נייע נשמה‘לע וועט באצירן אונזער הויז.‏אויף יעצט נעם איך מזל טוב,‏ פאר‘ן האבן די קוראזש צושרייבן אזא ארטיקל וואס האט געהויבן מיין מוהט.‏מזל טוב!‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008101 ליגענדיrosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10121/09/2008 7:11:17 PM

• נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • געשריבן דורך:‏ עקיבא שטייןShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008מענער מיט אינפערטילעטיפראבלעמען ליידן מער פוןגאם אינפעקשענסירושלים.‏ - אן איזרעילישע שטודיע,‏האט געפונען פארבינדונגען צווישןמענער אינפערטילעטי און גאםאינפעקשען.‏פארשער פון די ‏"ביקור חולים"‏שפיטאל אין ירושלים און פון די היבראאינווערסעטי ‏"הדסה"‏ סקול אף דענטלמעדצין,‏ האט געפונען אז מענער מיטאינפערטילעטי פראבלעמען,‏ זענעןמער אויסגעשטעלט צו ליידן פון גאםאינפעקשענס.‏דר.אסראטשאהנבערגער,דירעקטערפון די פערטילעטי קליניק אינעםשפיטאל,‏ און דר.‏ אביגדור קלינגער,‏זענען אנגעקומען צו דעם אויספירנאכ'ן שטודירן 56 מענער אין עלטערצווישן 23 און 52, וואס זענען געקומעןאינעם פערטילעטי לאבארטאריע,‏פאר א ספערם אנאליז.‏בערך 13 פראצענט אין די דריייאר פיילאט שטודיע,‏ האבן געהאטגעזונטע גאם,‏ און די איבריגע 87פראצענט האבן געהאט פראבלעמעןמיט די גאם.‏וואס איז זיכער,‏ אז די שטודיע וועטפירן צו מער א גרונטליכע איבערזיכט,‏אויףא גרעסערעאוןבעסערע פארנעם,‏צו זען אויב עס איז ליגט טאקע עפעסאונטער דעם.‏פערפיומס און דאס גלייכןקען זיין שעדליך פאר פרויעןאין אומשטענדןפרויען אין די אומשטענדן ווערןגעראטן צו פארמיידן פערפיומס אדערקערפער שמירכטץ,‏ נאך א שטודיעוואס איז פארעפנטליכט געווארן,‏ אזעס קען שאטן פאר'ן קינד צו ליידןפון אינפערטילעטי אדער די ביטערעמעשה ל"ע.‏די שטודיע האט געוויזן,‏ אז עס קעןהאבן אן אפעקט אזוי פרי ווי אין דיערשטע אכט-צוועלף וואכן.‏פארשונגען אויף ראטן,‏ אנגעפירטדורך פראפעסער ריטשארד שעריפי,‏האט געפונען,‏ אז די ריפראדאקטיווביי מענער,‏ קען געשעדיגט ווערן איןדי אומשטעדנדן דורך די קעמיקעלס,‏וואס מען נוצט אין פערפיומס אדעראיר גלייכן.‏פראפעסער שערפי האט דאסגעמאלדן היינט זונטאג פאר דיסקאטלאנד מידיא.‏ ער האט געזאגט אזעס קען זיין אז נישט אלע קעמיקלעסוואס מען נוצט אין קאסמעטיקס,‏ מוזזיין אז זיי זענען שעדליך,‏ אבער ווילאנג מען שטעלט עס נישט קלאר,‏ איזכדי זיך צוריק צוהאלטן דערפון.‏אינפערטילעטי פרויעןפאציענטן האבן געטראפן אגוטע פריינד אין קאורטשיקאגא - גוטע נייעס האט זיךאנטוויקלט פאר פרויען וואס גייעןדורך ‏"אינפערטילעטי"‏ טריטמענטס.‏עס איז שוין אן אלטער פראבלעם,‏אז פרויען וואס מוטשענען זיךמיט ‏"אינפערטילעטי"‏ האבן נאךא פראבלעם,‏ אז זייערע ארבייטסגעבער,‏ ווילן זיי נישט געבן צופילאורלויב,‏ וואס עס פעלט אויס,‏ כדי צוקענען דורכגיין די טריטמענטס.‏ אבערלעצטענס האט א פעדעראלע אפיעלסקאורט געקומען צו די זייט פון דיפרויען,‏ וואס פארטיידיגט זיי,‏ אז זייזאלן נישט פארלירן זייער דזשאב.‏די ערשטע מאל אין אזא פאל,‏ האטא פעדעראלע אפיעלס קאורט,‏ דורךא דריי ריכטער פאנעל אין שיקאגאגע'פסק'נט,‏ אז פרויען וואס ברויכןאורלויב פון זייער ארבייט,‏ אין צייט פון‏"אינפערטילעטי"‏ טריטמענטס,‏ זענעןגעשטיצט צו באקומען באצאלט,‏דורכאויס זייער אפוועזנהייט פון דיארבייט,‏ אונטער אן אלטן געזעץ וואסשיצט פרויען אין אומשטענדן פוןדיסקרימענאציע דורך זייער ארבייטסגעבער.‏די פסק איז געקומען אין די קעיס פוןטשערי האלל,‏ א סעקרעטערי וואסמען האט אפגעזאגט פון איר ארבייט,‏נאכ'ן וועלן נעמען אורלויב דורכצוגייןאיי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏ צום צווייטן מאל.‏ביים ערשטן מאל איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏ וועןזי איז דורכגעפאלן,‏ האט האללסדאקטער איר געהייסן בלייבן איןבעט פאר אפאר טאג,‏ נאכ'ן עמבריעטרענספער.‏ זי האט גענומען דאן בערך20 טעג אורלויב.‏ די איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף איזדאן דורכגעפאלן,‏ און זי איז געווארןאפראווד פאר נאך איינס.‏ אבער אירסופערווייזער האט איר אפגעזאגטפון איר דשאב,‏ ווייל זי פעלט צו סאךצוליב אירע טריטמענטס.‏מיין באס האט געוואוסט פונקטליךוואס עס גייט פאר מיט מיר,‏ אוןפארוואס איך פעל.‏ ער האט אבערבאשלאסן מיך אפצוזאגן פאר דיצווייטע איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏ פראצעדור,‏ זאגטהאלל.‏זי איז אריין אין קאורט,‏ און האטגעוואונען איר פארלאנג,‏ אז זי איז מיטאומרעכט אפגעזאגט געווארן פון אירדזשאב.‏מיט די נייע פסק,‏ אז פרויען וואסדארפן דורכגיין אינפערטילעטיטריטמענטס זענען געשיצט אונטערדי זעלבע געזעץ וו פרויען איןאומשטענדן,‏ האט די קאורט געגעבן אגרין לייט פאר האלל צו אנקלאגן אירגעוועזענע באס,‏ פאר'ן דיסקרימינירןקעגן איר.‏ביי אנדערע טריטמענטס,‏ האבןגעריכטן ארויסגעווארפן די קלאגעס,‏אבער דא ווי באלד עס איז איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏וואס נעמט היבש לענגער ווי אנדערעטריטמענטס,‏ איז דא א רעכט צו זייןבאשיצט,‏ ווען מען פעלט פון די ארבייטפאר א לענגערע צייט.‏א ווארטזאגער פאר האללסגעוועזענע ארבייטס געבער האטאנטזאגט צו קאמאנטירן דערויף,‏אבער האט געזאגט אז זיין קאמפאניאיז פארפליכטעט צו דינען אלע זייערעארבייטערס אייניג.‏די קאמפאני וועט פארלאנגן א פרישעאיבערזיכט פאר אן 11 ריכטער פאנעלאין קאורט.‏102rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10221/09/2008 7:11:30 PM

• נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • געשריבן דורך:‏ עקיבא שטייןטאג אויף א באשיידנעם אופן.‏זי וואוינט היינט אין ענגלאנד,‏ און זידרייט זיך ארום,‏ שטופנדיג א קערידש‏(נישט קלאר אויב עס איז א באגי באו...)‏מיט איר 18 מאנאטיגן קינד,‏ וואס דאסאיז א געווען א חלום פון אירע עלטערן,‏אז זיי וועלן נאך זען אייניקלעך.‏איר סוקסעפולע געבורט פאר דרייסיגיאר צוריק,‏ האט געעפענט א נייעוועלט פאר קינדערלאזע פארפעלקער.‏עס האט געעפענט א טיר פון האפענוג,‏אז מיט איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף קען מען מיט'ןאייבערשטנס הילף געהאלפן ווערן.‏בראון איז געבוירן געווארן יולי 25יאר 1978 אין אלדהעם – נארטוועסט ענגלאנד,‏ אינעם דיסטריקטס‏"דשענראל האספיטאל"‏ מיט א וואגפון 2.6 קילא.‏ אין פונט איז דאס 5.7.אירע עלטערן האבן פרובירט פארניין יאר געהאלפן צו ווערן,‏ אבער אןדערפאלג,‏ ווי באלד איר מוטערסגעוועןזענען טובס"‏ ‏"פאלאפיען געבלאקט.‏די דורכברוך איז געקומען,‏ ווען זייהאבן געהערט איבער די שטודיעסוואס ווערן דורכגעפירט דורךקאמברידש יונווערסעטי,‏ דורךדי גיינאקאלאדזשיסטן,‏ ראבערטעדווארדס און פעטריק סטעפטא.‏פאמליע בראון האט זיך איינגעשריבןפאר די פערטילעטי טריטמענטס.‏ אזויזענען זיי דורכגעגאנגען די ערשטעאיי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏ פראצעדור.‏דאס קינד לואיסי בראון איז געבוירןגעווארן א געזונטע קינד.‏ אירע עלטערןהאבן איר פארציילט איבער דעם,‏ ביידי פיר יאר.‏ זי זאגט אז די קינדעראין סקול האבן געוואוסט דערפון,‏און געווענדליך פלעגן זיי נישט רעדןדערפוןץזי זאגט אז זי האט געהאט נארמאלעקינדער יארן,‏ פונקט ווי אלע קינדערץזי איז נישט די איינציגסטע קינד בייאירע עלטערן.‏ איר יונגערע שוועסטעראיז געבוירן געווארן פיר יאר שפעטער,‏אויך דורך איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏ איר שוועסטעראיז געווען די פערציגסטע קינד אויףדי וועלט,‏ געבוירן צו ווערן דורך איי.‏ ווי.‏עף.‏צו זיין די ערשטעאיי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.פאציענטצו געבוירן קינדער,‏ איז די יונגערעשוועסטער געווען,‏ וואס האט דאס דיערשטע באוויזן.‏ זי האט געבוירן אויףא נאטורליכן וועג אין יאר 1999 אגעזונט קינד.‏ איר שוועסטער לואיסיאיז איר נאכגעקומען 7 יאר שפעטער,‏מיט'ן געבוירן א געזונט קינד אויפ'ןנאטורליכן וועג,‏ אין יאר 2006.זייענדיג די ערשטע איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏בעבי,‏ איז זי געבליבן נאנט פארבינדןמיט עדווארדס,‏ וואס האט געהאלפןצושטאנד ברענגן איר געבורט.‏ זייןשותף סטעפטא,‏ איז געשטראבן איןיאר 1988.עס איז דא פלענער אפצוצייכנען דיגעעשעניש,‏ אבער דעטאלן זענען נישטבאקאנט.‏עלטסטע מאמע אין דיוועלט איז 70 יאראינדיע.‏ - ביי אונז אידן איז עס נישטקיין חידוש,‏ אונזער הייליגע באבע שרהאמנו,‏ האט געהאט איר איינציגסטןקינד ביי די 99 יאר,‏ יצחק אבינו,‏ וואספון אים האט זיך אויפגעבויט דאסהייליג פאלק.‏אין די גוי'שע גאס האט דיפארגאנגענע וואכן גערוישט מיט דינייעס,‏ אז אן אינדיאנער פאר פאלק,‏דער מאן אין עלטער פון 77 און די פרויאין עלטער פון 70 יאר זענען געווארןעלטערן צו א צווילינג,‏ א יונגעל און אמיידל.‏דאס פאר פאלק,‏ וואס האט שויןצוויי טעכטער אין זייערע דרייסיגערעיארן,‏ און האבן שוין 5 אייניקלעך,‏האבן דורכגעמאכט די איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏פראצעדור,‏ ווייל זיי האבן געוואלטאיבערלאזן א זון.‏ ווייל די געזעצן איןאינדיע לאזט נישט נישט איבער קייןירושה,‏ נאר פאר זון און נישט פארטעכטער.‏די צווילינג קינדער זענען געבוירןגעווארן מיט א וואג פון נאנט צו צווייפונט.‏ אבער יעצט וועגן זיי שוין 4 פונט,‏און זענען אין א סטאבילן צושטאנד.‏זי קען אבער נישט אריין גיין אין די‏"ווארלד גינעס בוק אף רעקאדר"‏ווי באלד זי האט נישט קיין ‏”בורדסערפיטיקעט“‏ צו באשטעטיגן אירפונטקליכער געבורטס טאג.‏די פריערדיגע וועלטס עלטסטעפרוי צו געבוירן א קינד,‏ איז געווען ארומענישע פרוי,‏ וואס האט געהאטא טאכטער אין עלטער פון 66 יארמיט 320 טעג אין מאי 2005, און אשפאנישע פרוי וואס האט געהאט אצווילינג אין עלטער פון 66 יאר און 358טעג אין דעצמ.‏ 2006.שטודיע צייגט:‏קינדער פון פי.סי.או.‏ זענעןזיסער ווי אנדערע...‏צומאל קען איין ליכט,‏ אריינווארפןא לעכטיגקייט,‏ וואו עס הערשטא טונקלקייט.‏ אט דאס האט אונזאנטפלעקט די נייע שטודיע,‏ וואס איזנארוואס פארעפנטליכט געווארן,‏ אזקינדער וואס ווערן געבוירן פון עלטערןוואס האבן פי.‏ סי.‏ או.‏ - א שטארקעגורם פאר פרויען אינפערטילעטיפראבלעמען - אז זייערע קינדער זענעןזיסער ‏(קיוט אויף מאמע לשון...)‏ וויקינדער וואס ווערן געבוירן פון עלטערןאן דעם פראבלעם.‏דאס איז יעדער מודה,‏ אז אלעקינדער זענען זיס,‏ און יעדע קליינענשמה'לע פארלאנגט א קניפ אין זיינעקליינטשיגע בעקעלעך...‏ וואו איזדא א זיסערע זאך ווי א קינד.‏ נישטאומזינסט זאגט מען,‏ אז יעדע מאמעמיינט אז איר קינד איז דאס זיסטע.‏מיט די שטודיע - אן קיין ערקלערנוגוואס איז דער סיבה דערפאר - איזגעקומען צום אויספיר,‏ אז קינדער פוןפי.סי.או.‏ עלטערן,‏ זענען טאקע זיסערפון אנדערע קינדער,‏ און אז זייערעמאמעס פאפן זיך נישט,‏ ווען זייערקלערן ביים ווארטן אויפ'ן באס,‏ אזמיין משה'לע איז דאך אזוי זיס קע"ה.‏כל ישראל ערבים,‏ אלע אידן זענעןזיס,‏ איז א באקאנטע פאלקס ווערטל.‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008103rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10321/09/2008 7:11:45 PM

• נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • נייעס • געשריבן דורך:‏ עקיבא שטייןוואס איז נייעס?‏אידישע פערטילעטי צענטערגעעפענט אין מאנטריאלמאנטריאל,‏ קאנאדא.‏ - דינסטאגמאי.‏ דעם פופצנטן,‏ וועט זיין א טאגצום געדענקן,‏ אין די היסטאריעפון די אידישע באפעלקערונג איןמאנטריאל.‏די ‏"רויעל וויקטערי פערטילטיקליניק"‏ האט געעעפנט אן אפטיילונג,‏וואס וועט שטיין צום דינסט פאר דיאידישע באפעלקערונג,‏ וואס דארפןצוקומען צו פערטילטי סערוויסעס.‏ספעציעלע מענטשן האבן אין דיפארלאפנע חדשים זיך טרענירט אין‏"רויעל וויקטערי",‏ זיך באקענעדיגגרונטליך מיט אלע פראצעדורן,‏ פוןאלע הלכה'דיגע אספעקטן,‏ וואסעס פעלט אויס צו קענען אין אזאצענטער.‏ביי א באשיידענע צערעמאניע מיטדאקטוירים,לאבראטאריסטעקנישעסאוןרבנים,‏ האטדר.האלסערבאדאנקטאלע וואס האבן ארויסגעהאלפן אז דיזאך זאל צושטאנד קומען.‏ ער האטפארגעשטעלט דאקטאר טאן,‏ דערטשיף עמבריוליגסט,‏ וואס פירט אןדעם דעפארטמענט.‏ דאקטאר טאן,‏האט זיך באדאנקט פאר דר.‏ האלסעראון פאר זיין גאנצע סטעף,‏ און האטאויסגעדרוקט לויב ווערטער,‏ אויף דיוועג וואס ער ארבייט,‏ כדי נאכצוקומעןדי פארלאנגען פון די פאציענטן.‏ספעציעלע דאנק אויסדרוקן האטמען אויסגעדרוקט פאר די ‏"דאננלדבערמאן פאנדעישאן"‏ אנגעפירטדורך ר'‏ דוד מילער הי"ו וואס האטזיך באטייליגט ביים צערמאניע,‏ פארערמעגליכן מיט זיין ברייטע נדבהאז די קליניק זאל קענען צושטאנדקומען.‏די הלכה'דיגע חלק פון די קליניק וועטשטיין אונטער די אויפזיכט פון הרה"גר'‏ יונתן בנימין ווייס שליט"א,‏ רב איןמאנטריאל.‏ הרב ווייס שליט"א איזברייט באקאנט,‏ אלץ א ספעציאליסטאין מעדיקל אישוס אריינגערעכנטאינפערטילעטי,‏ און אלע דאקטויריםזענען אונטערגעווארפן זיינעפארשריפטן אין לויף פון א פראצעדור.‏מיט הרב ווייס שליט"א אין שפיץ,‏וועט אי"ה אלעס קלאפן אויפ'ן בעסטןאופן.‏איינע פון די לעצטיגע אויפטועןפון הרב ווייס שליט"א,‏ איז דאסגעבן רעדעס פאר דאקטוירים פוןמאנטריאלער אומגעגנט,‏ אז זיי זאלןזיין באהאוונט מיט אלע הלכה'דיגעשאלות וואס קומען כסדר אונטער.‏‏"לאמיר שניידן פרוכט פון אונזערארבייט"‏ איז געווען די לאזונג פון דר.‏האלסער איבער'ן גאנצן אווענט.‏ראביי שאול עמנואל האט באדאנקטפאר די אלע וואס האבן ארויס געהאלפןאז דאס זאל צושטאנד קומען.‏עס איז צום האפן,‏ אז די קליניקוועט האבן א שטארקע סוקסעס,‏ארויסצוהעלפן די וואס דארפן עס נוצן,‏און יעדער זאל זוכה זיין צו די ריכטיגעישועה.‏ערשטע איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏ בעביפראוועט דרייסיגסטן געבורטסטאגענגלאנד.‏ - דאס געבורט פון לואיסיבראון,‏ די ערשטע איי.‏ ווי.‏ עף.‏ בעביאין די וועלט,‏ האט געמאכט העדליינסאיבער די וועלט דרייסיג יאר צוריק.‏ דיהעדליינס האבן דאן גע'רעש'ט מיט דיטעכלענאגיע,‏ וואס איז געלונגען מיטא שטארקע סוקסעס,‏ ווען לואיסיבראון איז געבוירן געווארן געזונט אוןשטארק.‏בראון האט טאקע געמאכט העדליינסדרייסיג יאר צוריק,‏ אבער זי האטגעפראוועט איר דרייסיגסטן געבורטסShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008104דר,‏ טאן באקומט א טשעק פון ר'‏ דוד מילער הי"ודאקטאר טאן לינקס,‏ הרב ווייס אין צענטער,‏דר.‏ האלסער רעכטסrosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10421/09/2008 7:11:54 PM

למה?‏יאמרו הגוים:‏פארוואס?‏זאגן גויםזייענדיג ביי א דאקטער ביי איינע פון די באזוכן,‏ האט דערדאקטאר אונז געלאזט וויסן נישט קיין בא‘טעמ‘טע נייעס.‏זעהענדיג ווי גרינג מיר האבן דאס אנגענומען ב“ה,‏ האט ערזיך אננגערופן:‏ ‏”יו נאוי יו אר לאקי יו אר עי דשוי“‏ ‏(דו ביסטמזל‘דיג אז עטץ זענטס אידן(‏ ווייל אנדערע מענטשן פרעגןפארוואס פונקט איך ? פארוואס פונקט ביי מיר?‏ אבער בייאייך זעה איך,‏ אז איר נעמסט עס אזוי רואיג.‏עס האט מיר דערמאנט א מעשה,‏ וואס איך האב אמאלגעהערט פון מיינ‘ס א באקאנטן,‏ וואס איז געווען דערביי.‏אמאל ביי א הספד פון א קינד,‏ וועלכע איז ל“ע אומגקעקומעןאויף א טראגישן אופן.‏ דער עולם איז געווען איינגעהילט איןגרויס טרויער,‏ ובפרט די קינדער וואס מ‘האט געדארפטבארואיגן.‏ אבער איינע פון די מספידים האט אבער פרובירטצו טון דאס פארקערטע,‏ און געהאלטן און איין ארויסברענגעןאין זיינע ווערטער ווי ביטער די אומגליק איז.‏ער האט געשריגן מיט יאמערליכע קולות למה ‏(פארוואס)‏אזא יונג קינד.‏ למה ‏(פארוואס)‏ אויף אזא שווערן אופן.‏ אזויהאט ער געהאלטן אין איין אויפטרייסלן דעם ציבור מיט אהויפן קשיות למה ??? למה???‏א קלוגער רב,‏ וועלכע איז געווען נישט ווייט פון בימה,‏ אוןאיז ממילא געווען אויפ‘ן ליסט פון די בעלי מספידים,‏ האטנישט געווארט אויף קיין כבוד,‏ און איז תיכף צוגעגאנגעןצום מייקראפאון און אנגעהויבן זיינע ווערטער למה???‏‏(פארוואס)‏ יאמרו הגוים ‏(דאס זאגן די גוים)‏ א איד פרעגטנישט פארוואס,‏ דאס איז די רצון השם,‏ און מיר דארפן דאסמקבל זיין באהבה.‏מיר קענען מיט א שטאלץ זאגן יעדן צופרי,‏ די ברכה,‏ אשרבחר בנו מכל העמים.‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008105rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10521/09/2008 7:12:00 PM

אפילו עס קומט אן שווערShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008אפילו עס קומט אן שווערזייער זיייער שווענישט אלעס גייט אזויווי מען האט געמיינט גענויטוה געדענקען אלעמאלס‘איז דא א טאטע אין הימלער ווייסט וואס ער טוטאלעס אלעס איז גוטווען דיין הערצעלע איז פארקלעמטטרויער ארום דיך נעמטאשמייכל טוה געבןעס וועט טוישן דיין לעבןא צווייטן געבא גוט ווארטטוה א טובה סיי וועלכע סארטטראכט און פריי זיך אזוישלא עשני גויאוי עס רינט אטרער נאך א טרערמען שפירט מען האלט נישט אויס מערהאסט פארגעסן א וויכטיגע זאךדער באשעפער פרואווט נישט צו סאךדו אליין האסט מסכים געוועןווייל אין הימל האסטו געטוען זעהןאז נאר אזוי קען א איד שטייגןאון זיך העכער דערהייבןשטארק דיין הערצעלעזינג זיך אונטער א לידעלעטאטע איך טוה גלייבןאז דו טוסט מיר ליב האבןאפילו א נסיון עס קומטבין איך ווייטער דיין קינדמיט אמונה און שמחה פעסט שטייןעס טוט דאך פאר מיין טובה זייןא איד איז קיינמאל אלייןאויך אנדערע טוען עס דורכגייןגוטע צייטן וועלן קומען צוגיין...‏ח.מ.י.‏106rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10621/09/2008 7:12:09 PM

איך האב צובאקומען אסאך נייע חבירים.‏ ‏(א חסידי‘שעיונגערמאן).‏אן אונטערגעהערטער שמועס ביים מחיצהעי.‏ טיימער 1: מיין נעפיו האט מיר נישט לאנג צוריק געזאגט,‏אז עס מוז זיין אז איך בין א כלה און מיין מאן א חתן,‏ ווייל מירהאבן נישט קיין קינדער...‏ אויב עס איז אזוי,‏ איז די צוזאמקוםאונזער חתונה...‏עי.‏ טיימער 2: דאס איז פונקט וואס איך האב געטראכט,‏פארוואס טאנצן יעצט אלע מענער?‏ און דאס זעלבע פארוואסטאנצן די פרויען?‏ עס קוקט אויס פונקט ווי ביי א חתונה.‏ דאסאיינציגסטע צווישנשייד איז,‏ אז עס איז נישט צוויי מענטשנ‘סשמחה און מען קומט זיך פרייען מיט זיי,‏ נאר עס איז די שמחהפון יעדן איינעם פערזענדליך.‏ מיר פרייען זיך אינאינעם זייענדיגאין באשפערס וויגעלע.‏ ‏(אזוי ווי ראביי ענגל האט געזאגט)‏ אוןיעדער איז דא פאר‘ן אנדערן,‏ זיך צוזאמען מחזק צו זיין.‏א ספעציעלע אויסגעוועדליכער הערליכער אווענט.‏ ‏(הרבשאול ראזן שליט“א).‏איך האב א זכי‘‏ צו זיין א חלק פון אזא הערליכער אווענט.‏ ‏(הרבנפתלי ווייס שליט“א).‏איך האב געפילט אז דא איז געווען עפעס עקסטערע סייעתאדשמיא,‏ וואס האט פארזיכערט א סוקסעספולער אווענט.‏‏(איינע פון די ארגאנעזירערס).‏מיר מוזן זאגן אז מיר האב ריכטיג הנאה געהאט נעכטן נאכט,‏באמת שיין געווען.‏ וועלן מיר קענען באקומען א סי.די.‏ פונעםאווענט?‏ ‏(א ערשטע מאל עי.‏ טיים קאפל).‏איך דאנק אייך נאכאמאל פאר אזא שיינע אווענט.‏ געדאנקןפונעם אווענט האבן ריכטיג באלאכטן מיין טאג.‏ עס האט מירמודיע געווען,‏ אז עס איז דא מענטשן וואס העלפן זייער ארויסאנדערע.‏ ‏(אן אנדערער ערשטע מאל באטייליגטער).‏מיר האבן אייביג געהאט חשק צו זיין אנוועזנד ביי א צוזאמקוםפון עי.‏ טיים,‏ אבער עס האט זיך קיינמאל נישט געמאכט ביזיעצט.‏ איך האב נישט קיין ווערטער אין מיין ווערטער בוך,‏וואס זאל מעגליך זיין צו אראפצולייגן דער וואונדערליכעראווענט וואס מיר האבן פארברענגט אין לאנדאן.‏ ‏(א קאפל פוןמאנטשעסטער).‏מיר זענען קוים אהיימגעקומען פונעם געשמאקע ספעציעלעהערליכער שיינער בא‘טעמ‘טער אווענט,‏ פילנדיג זייערבאגייסטערט און פרייליך,‏ אז איך בין געווארן איינגעלאדענטצו פארברענגן מיט אזא געשמאקע פאמליע.‏ אפילו עסאיז שוין אינמיטן דער נאכט,‏ ווילן מיר אויסדרוקן אונזערדאנקבארשאפט פאר אלע וואס האבן ערמעגליכט אזא אווענט,‏וואס זיי האבן אויסגערעכנט יעדע קליינקייט,‏ אז עס זאל קלאפןצו פארזיכערן א געשמאקע אטמאספערע.‏ ישר כח איז צוקליין זיך אויסצודריקן אונזערע געדאנקן פאר‘ן אונז אזוי שייןאויפנעמען פונקט אין די ריכטיגע צייט,‏ ווען מיר האבן איינגעזעןדאס ווירקליכקייט אז מיר צוויי שפילן א ווארטן געים,‏ וואסוואלט געווען אסאך שווערער,‏ אן דאס חיזוק וואס מיר האבןבאקומען.‏ ‏(א מאנטשעסטער קאפל).‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008107rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10721/09/2008 7:12:16 PM

לאנדאן צוזאמקוםגעדאנקן פון די באטייליגטע ביים צוזאמקום אין לאנדאן ר“ח ניסן.‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008108ווען עס וועט מיר גיין שווער,‏ וועל איך האבן עפעס פון וואס צוטראכטן.‏ ‏(א באגייסטערטער פונעם אווענט).‏עס איז געווען ווי א קליינע ‏”שבתון“...‏ יעצט פיל איך מירשטרעקער מיט דער פאקט,‏ אז מיר מוזן האבן א עכטע ‏”שבתון“‏אין ענגלאנד.‏ ‏(פון א מאנטשעסטער עי.‏ טיימער).‏איך בין אהערגעקומען נישט קענעדיג קיינעם,‏ אבער יעצט קעןאיך אזוי סאך מענטשן,‏ און דאס זענען מענטשן וואס זענען איןדי זעלבע שיך ווי מיר.‏ ‏(א באטייליגטער).‏אפילו נאך פאר די פארגראם האט זיך אנגעהויבן,‏ האט איך שויןגעשפירט א געפיל פון רוהיגקייט,‏ נאר פון די אויפנאמע בייםוואסער.‏ ‏(א לאנדאנער עי.‏ טיימער).‏איך קען פילן אז דאס איז א מורא‘דיגע געהויבענע צוזאמקום.‏ )איינע פון די קעטערינג סטעף).‏עס איז באמת געווען א לאנגע וועג מיט שווערע טרעפיק,‏ אבערעס איז ווערד געווען יעדע מינוט.‏ ‏(מאנטשעסטער אנוועזענדע).‏אסאך מאל ווען איך באטייליג זיך אין א שיעור ווען מען רעדטפון די נסיון,‏ מאכט מיר עס פילן זייער איבערגענומען אוןעמאצאניאל.‏ אבער די דרשות היינט ביינאכט איז געווען זייערפאזיטיוו און אינהאלטסרייך.‏ ) א עמאנאצניאל פערזאן).‏עס איז מיר געווען אינטערסאנט צו באטראכטן מיין מאן,‏ צוזען ווי רוהיג ער איז געזיצן און גוט פארברענגט מיט אנדערעמענער.‏ ‏(א ווייבל).‏rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10821/09/2008 7:12:19 PM

איז אשטודיעקראנט?‏א שטודיע איז זייער א געשמאקער ווארט צו נוצן אויפ‘ן פאפיר.‏פאר‘ן שרייבער מאכט עס גרינגער,‏ ווייל ער קען צולייגן וויפילספייסעס ער וויל,‏ עס דארף דאך נישט זיין אזוי קראנט,‏ עס איזדאך פארט א שטודיע.‏ פאר‘ן ליינער איז עס זיכער געשמאק,‏ווייל ער זוכט דאך די עיקר צו ליינען סענזאציאלע נייעס,‏ וואסדאס איז געווענליך וואס א שטודיע ברענגט מיט זיך.‏אבער יעדע שטודיע קומט אמאל אן צו א ‏”דעד ענד“.‏פון אויפגעבלאזענע שטודיעס,‏ קומען נאך שטודיעס פוןשפיטעלער,‏ יוניווערסיטעטן,‏ וואס פירן עס דורך מער גרונטליך,‏און די פונקטליכע אופן ווי אזוי מען האט גענומען די שטודיע,‏ווערט פארעפנטליכט פאר‘ן פאבליק.‏צומאל איז א שטודיע וואס ווערט געשריבן,‏ טאקע אמת.‏ אבערכדי צו מאכן א גוטן העדליין נייעס דערפון,‏ שרייבט מען אינעםקעפל בלויז א חלק וואס מאכט עס אויפרייסעריש,‏ כאילו מעןהאט אויפגעריסן אן אטאם באמבע אין טיימס סקווער.‏זייענדיג אינעם ליין פון שרייבן,‏ קומט אונטער אונזער הענט,‏זייער אסאך שטודיעס.‏ עס איז זייער שווער צו מאכן א חילוק ביןטוב לרעה.‏ יעדע שרייבער וויל דעקן די אינטערעסאנסטע נייעס.‏אויב וועט ער עס נישט דעקן,‏ וועט דאך אבער זיין קאלעגע עס יאדעקן,‏ און קיינער וויל דאך אבער נישט בלייבן הינטערשטעליג.‏מיר וועלן אייך ברענגן אפאר משלים,‏ און איר וועט פארשטייןפון וואס מיר רעדן,‏ און עס זאל אייך דינען פאר א לעקציע,‏ אזנישט אלע שטודיעס וואס איר ליינט און זעט,‏ איז קודש קדשים,‏מען דארף זיך נאכפרעגן דערויף געהעריג.‏געציילטע חדשים צוריק,‏ האבן כמעט אלע צייטונגען געהאטא העדליין נייעס,‏ מיט שרייענדיגע אותיות,‏ אז א שטודיע האטגעפונען,‏ אז נוצן ‏”לעפטאפס“‏ איז זייער שעדליך,‏ עס איז אשטארקע גורם פאר מענער אינערפערטילעטי.‏די שטודיע האט יעדן געכאפט אין סורפרייז.‏ איך האב גלייךגעוואלט נעמען מיין אזוי באליבטע ‏”לעפטאפ“‏ מיט וואסאיך בין מהנה אונזערע ליינערס,‏ און עס אריינשליידערן איןמיסט קאסטן.‏ ווי אזוי קען מען האלטן אזא שעדליכע וואפןאינדערהיים.‏ א בפירוש‘ער טיימס.‏דאס זענען געווען מיינע מחשבות אין די ערשטע מינוט,‏ ביז‘ןענדיגן דורך ליינען דאס גאנצע שטודיע.‏ די קעפל איז טאקעגעווען אמת,‏ אז ‏”לעפטאפס“‏ זענען שעדליך און קענען גורם זייןמענער אינערפעטילעטי.‏ אבער עס קומט מיט א גרויסע אבער.‏נאר ווען מען נוצט עס אויף א ‏”לעפ טאפ“‏ פאזיציע.‏ דאס הייסטווען מען זיצט דערמיט אויפ‘ן ריקליינער,‏ און עס ליגט אויף דיפיס,‏ ווייל דאן איז זייער שעדליך די ראדיאציע וואס קומט ארויסדערפון,‏ וואס גייט גלייך אריין אינעם קערפער.‏ אבער זיצנדיגמיט א ‏”לעפטאפ“‏ ביי א שרייב טישל,‏ זיך קראצנדיג דאס קעפל,‏אהערצושטעלן דאס בעסטע ארטיקל וואס איז שייך,‏ דאן קומטדי שטודיע,‏ גענוי וואו איך האב געוואלט לייגן מיין ‏”לעפטאפ“.‏א פרישע שטודיע,‏ וואס איז ארויס געקומען דריי וואכןצוריק,‏ האט ערקעלערט,‏ אז ‏”קלאמיד“‏ איז גארנישט ווערד.‏זיי האבן געשריבן אז עס ברענגט נישט קיין שום רעזולטאטפאר אינפערטילעטי.‏ איך האב געפרעגט א גרויסן דאקטאר,‏וואס דאס מיינט,‏ האט ער מיר ערקלערט דאס וואס איך שרייבפאר אייך יעצט.‏ אז שטודיעס איז פונקט גוט אנצופילן צייטונגבלעטער און עד כאן.‏ א שפאן ווייטער,‏ באלאנגען זיי דארט וואואיר ‏’דאמפט‘‏ די שווארצע בלעטער.‏ער זאגט מיר:‏ קלאמיד העלפט טאקע נישט,‏ פאר רובפראבלעמען פון אינפערטילעטי,‏ פונקט ווי עס העלפט נישטפאר קאפ ווייטאג.‏ אבער עס איז דא פאר א סארט פאציענט,‏וואס נאר דאס איז זיין גוטע רפואה בעזה‘‘שת.‏נאך א שטודיע,‏ וואס האט א צייט צוריק געגעבן א שאקל דיוועלט,‏ אז ‏”גרעניט קאנטער טאפס“‏ די חלום פאר פרויען איןזייער קיטשענס,‏ איז זייער שעדליך,‏ און עס קען צוברענגןשעדליכע מחלות רח“ל.‏ עס איז פונקט גענוג געווען אנצוווארפןא פאניק אינעם ‏”גרעניט“‏ מארקעט,‏ אז די סטאקס דערפוןזאלן פאלן.‏ פרויען האבן זיך דערשראקן.‏ קיינער וויל דאך נישטהאלטן דעם מלאך המוות ביי זיך אין קיך.‏ אבער נאך א וויילע,‏איז אויך קלאר געווארן,‏ אז נאר ביי געציילטע קען מען טרעפן דישעדליכע,‏ אבער רוב זענען זויבער דערפון.‏ צו מאכן א ראדיאציעטעסט אויף די ‏”גרעניט“‏ איז אין פלאץ,‏ אבער עס אויסרייסן מיטא ווילדקייט,‏ איז אן אומזינסטיגער געברויך.‏זאל מען ארויסקומען מיט א שטודיע אויב אלע שטודיעסזענען ריכטיג?‏ די שטודיע אליין וועט דאך זיין אונטער א פראגעצייכן...‏איין שטודיע וואס איז הונדערט פראצענט קראנט אוןפארלעסליך.‏ דאס איז א שטודיע וואס גייט שוין אן טויזענטעריארן.‏ עס ווערט אלץ מער און מער קלארער.‏ דאס איז תפילה!‏תפילה האט אלץ געהאלפן און וועט אלץ העלפן!‏Shaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008109rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 10921/09/2008 7:12:24 PM

עס איז דא נשמות,‏און עס איז דא נשמותנשמות פון אונטערן כסא הכבודקומען אלע אייניג,‏אבער זייער תפקיד,‏פארשידענארטיג,‏מיר קענען נישט פארשטיין,‏מיר קענען נישט דערגיין.‏נשמות פארהאן,‏וואס באקומען א תיקון נאר דאן,‏נאכן זיך אויסלעבן לאנגע יארן אויף די וועלט,‏אנדערע באשערט צוריק צו גיין פריער ווי נארמאלאויסגעשטעלט.‏נשמות גרויסע הייליגע,‏האבן א זכי‘,‏צו באקומען שנעל אן עלי‘,‏אן דארפן דורכמאכן די נסיונות פון די וועלט,‏אן זיין צו צרות און יסורים אויסגעשטעלט,‏די סארט נשמות,‏האבן די געוואלדיגע געלעגנהייט,‏גלייך אין גן עדן אריין זי גייט!‏כאטש עס טוט טאקע שטארק שטארק וויי,‏פארשטיי...‏עס וועט אי“ה דורכגיין שנעל,‏מיר שטייען שוין סיי ווי ביים גלות שוועל,‏פאר אונז טיט עס זיין נאר א צייטווייליגע שוועריגקייט,‏אבער טוה וויסן...‏די הייליגע נשמה האט דורך דיר זוכה געווען,‏צו אייביגקייט אייביגקייט!‏דערפאר...‏טוה זיך פרייען,‏נעם אן די נסיון באהבה,‏ווייל...‏מיר האבן א גוטע טאטע,‏ער ווייסט וואס ער טוט,‏ער האט אונז באמת ליב,‏אלעס פון אים איז בלויז גוט!‏שטארק זיך...‏זיי זיך מחזק,‏און געדענק...‏אז דו וועסט אויפנעמען די מצב מיט שטארקייט...‏וועסטו דערנענטערן די גאולה,‏און דאן ...וועלן מיר בקרוב זוכה זיין,‏צו אייביקייט אייביקייט!‏לעד ולעולמי עולמים!‏במהרה בימינו אמן!!‏געשריבן דורךא מאמע פון א נשמה‘לעShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008110rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 11021/09/2008 7:12:30 PM

כדי אייך צו שטארקן,‏ און אפשר נאך אנדערע,‏ שיק איך איךענק דא אזוי ווי אן ‏”ענטפער“‏ אויפ‘ן ארטיקל,‏ צו העלפן טרעפןאיר געדולד.‏איך דאנק אייך זייער,‏ און פאר די חשוב‘ע ארגאניזאציע.‏ השי“תזאל שטיין צו אייער רעכטע זייט,‏ צו באלייכטן אייערע היימעןמיט ערליכע אידישע דורות.‏מיט פיל שעצונג.‏פ.מ.‏אייראפעבאמערקונג פון די רעדקאציע:‏ מיר האבן אריינגעלייגט איר ענטפער,‏געשריבן מיט גראמען,‏ אינעם ארטיקל,‏ אונטער‘ן נאמען השבת אבידה.‏ אגרויסן דאנק פאר‘ן עס אריינשיקן.‏לכבוד די אנפירעס פון עי.‏ טיים.‏איך האב אייך שוין לאנג געוואלט שרייבן,‏ אבער עס נעמט דאךאייביג ביז מען האט די פאר מינוט.‏מיין ווייב גייט כמעט יעדע חודש צו די צוזאמקום וואס איזאראנדשירט יעדן חודש דא אין וויליאמסבורג.‏ עס גיט פאר מייןחשוב‘ע ווייב כח און מוהט פאר‘ן גאנצן חודש.‏אבער וואס טוט זיך מיט מיר?‏ איך דארף אויך אביסעלע חיזוק.‏מיין גייסט איז אויך היבש דורשטיג פאר אזא סארט צוזאמקום.‏איך וואלט אייך זייער דאנקבאר געווען אויב איר קענט עפעסצושטעלן פאר מענער אויך.‏לכבוד מערכת שערי תקוה.‏נאכאמאל א גרויסן ישר כח.‏א.ה.‏וויליאמסבורגאיך האב שוין אפאר מאל געהערט,‏ אז גיין אין אן הייסעמקוה,‏ איז זייער נישט ראטזאם,‏ עס קען גורם זיין מענעראינפערטילעטי.‏ איך האב געפרעגט שוין אפאר מענטשן,‏ קיינערהאט מיר עס נישט געקענט פעסטשטעלן.‏אויב איר ווייסט דערפון,‏ אדער איינע פון די חשוב‘ע ליינערהאט אן אהנוג אויב עס איז טאקע אזוי,‏ צו עס איז בכלל געוועןא שטודיע אויף דעם,‏ וואלט איך געווען דאנקבאר פאר א קלארןענטפער.‏ איך גלייך זייער צו גיין אין אן הייסן בור,‏ אבער אויב איזעס שעדליך,‏ איז דאס פאר אלעמען.‏א גרויסן ישר כח פאר די ארבייט וואס איר לייגט אריין אינעםמאגאזין,‏ עס איז אן וואונדערבארער ארבייט.‏הצלחה רבה.‏י.י.ג.‏מאנסיחשוב‘ע שערי תקוה ארויסגעבערס.‏אייער שכר אין הימל,‏ איז זיכער אומשאצבאר.‏ די חיזוק וואסמיר באקומען,‏ און איך שטעל מיך פאר אנדערע אויך,‏ איזגעוואלדיג,‏ זאל אייך הקב“ה באצאלן בכפל כפלים.‏איך האב געוואלט שרייבן אן אינטערעסאנטע זאך,‏ וואסאיר קענט אריינלייגן,‏ אויב ס‘איז מעגליך,‏ אינעם קומעדיגןאויסגאבע.‏מיר און איך גלייב אז כמעט יעדער,‏ פראבירט סגולות.‏ אסאךסגולות זענען הייליגע סגולות וואס קומט פון הייליגע מקורות.‏מען שרייבט אסאך מאל,‏ אז אפילו א סגולה העלפט נישט אויףדי מינוט,‏ קען מען אבער נישט וויסן,‏ ווען די סגולה וועט צונוץקומען.‏ קיין שום תפילה,‏ אדער גוטע זאך גייט נישט פארפאלן,‏דער אייבערשטער באצאלט.‏אסאך מאל טראכט מען,‏ ווען מען וויל טון א סגולה,‏ אז ווערזאגט עס איז גוט צו שטיפן,‏ אפשר דארף מען ווארטן ביז דערבאשעפער וועט העלפן?‏ איך האב אבער געהאט זייער אןאינטערסאנטער עפזיאד,‏ וואס איך האב פון דעם ארויסגענומען,‏אז אויב איז נאכנישט די צייט,‏ געהאלפן צו ווערן,‏ וועט דערבאשעפער מאכן אז דו זאלסט נישט טון די סגולה.‏איך מיט מיין חבר האט זיך אונטערגענומען צו צינדן ליכט לעילונשמת רבי מענדלע מרימנוב זי“ע.‏ מיר האבן זיך אפגעשמועסטאז איך וועל צינדן פאר אים און ער פאר מיר,‏ אין דעם זכות וועלןמיר אי“ה געהאלפן ווערן.‏איך האב אנגעצינדן ליכט פארבערך 20 טעג.‏ איין טאג האבאיך פארגעסן,‏ און איך האב אינגאנצן אויפגעהערט.‏ איך האבגעטראכט אז מיין חבר האט שוין אויך פארגעסן דערפון.‏עס איז אריבער דריי וואכן,‏ און מיין חבר רופט מיך אין די זייט,‏און זאגט מיר אז די סגולה האט געהאלפן.‏ ער זאגט מיר אז ער איזגעהאלפן געווארן אין די פערציגסטע טאג!‏ איך האב געמיינט אזדי הימל פאלט אראפ אויף מיר!‏ פארוואס האב איך אויפגעהערטצו צינדן.‏ מיינע מחשבות האבן מיך שוין געטראגן אז איך וואלטשוין געווען א געהאלפענער.‏שפעטער האב איך אבער געטראכט,‏ אז אויב איך וולט שויןגעדארפט געהאלפן ווערן,‏ און די סגולה וואלט געווען די שליסלדערצו,‏ וואלט דער באשעפער זיכער געמאכט אז איך זאלנישט פארגעסן.‏ פאר מיין חבר איז שוין קוקט אויס יא געווען דיבאשערטע צייט.‏עס איז געווען פאר מיר זייער א גוטע לעקציע.‏ איך האב יעצטנאכאמאל אנגעהויבן צו צינדן,‏ לאמיר האפן אז יעצט איז יא דיבאשערטע צייט.‏הצלחה רבהמ.מ.‏קרית יואלShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008111rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 11121/09/2008 7:12:33 PM

בריוון פוןליינערלכבוד די חשוב‘ע ארגענעזאציע ‏”דורות ישרים ומבורכים“.‏צום ערשט וויל איך אייך באדאנקן פאר די אויסנאם געשמאקעצוזאמקום,‏ וואס איר האט צוגעשטעלט פאר אונז וויבעלעך דאאין קרית יואל.‏עס איז געווען אזא אנגענעמע געפיל צו טרעפן נאך אזאלעכעוואס גייען אין די זעלבע שיך.‏ מען האט זיך געטראפן טעלפאוןפרענדס,‏ מיט וועמען צו פארברענגן אין די לאנגע ליידיגע נעכט.‏מיר האבן זיך געטראפן שותפים מיט וועמען צוגיין צו די הערליכעעי.‏ טיים שבת.‏ ‏(וואס עס איז נישט דא די ווערטער צו באשרייבןווי אינהאלטספול עס איז געווען)‏ מען איז געזיצן און געשמועסטאון גערעדט,‏ און זיך נישט געקענט געזעגענען,‏ בקיצור עס איזגעווען פיל מיט הנאה.‏א יעדע נייע חודש וואס קומט אן,‏ פרעגן מיר זיך איינעם דעםאנדערן,‏ ‏”נו,‏ די חודש גייט זיין עפעס א צוזאמקום?“‏ מיר ווארטןאון קוקן ארויס אויך נאך.‏מיט פיל הארציגן דאנקןווי עס וואונטשט פ.א.‏אין נאמען פון אלעא גרויסן ישר כח טייערע עי.‏ טיים.‏השי“ת זאל אייך באצאלן פאר אלעם וואס איר טוט,‏ איר זאלטזוכה זיין צו אלעם גוטן.‏בקרוב זאלן מיר שוין זוכה זיין צום שופר של משיח.‏ישר כחש.פ.‏ ה.‏חשוב‘ע רעדאקציע פון ‏”שערי תקוה“‏ הי“וShaarei Tikvah Issue 57/ Rosh Hashana 2008עס איז צו מיר אנגעקומען אייער חשוב‘ע בראשור,‏ און מיטפרייד האב איך געזען ווי שטארק איר טוט מחזק זיין די קאפעלס.‏זאל ענק ביישטיין די גרויסע זכותים.‏דער ערשטער ארטיקל פון חודש ניסן(השבת אבידה,‏ צו טרעפןאיר געדולד)‏ האט מיר ספעציעל בארירט.‏ איך בין א נוגע בדבר,‏געוואיר ווערנדיג אז דאס האט מיין טייערע חשוב‘ע טאכטערתחי‘‏ אריינגעשיקט,‏ און יעדע ווארט איז ליידער די ריכטיגעמציאות.‏112rosh hashana_magazine2.indd 11221/09/2008 7:12:34 PM