11-06-1959 - E-Research

Family ClinicHow Can I Pick An Ideal Mate?'By FATHER JOHN L. THOMASJudging from the current divorce rate,modern marriage seems to be pretty much ofa gamble. I'm 20 and I feel I'm a fair judge ofcharacter, but then, so were some of the fellowsnow T getting divorces. How does a man goabout sizing up a future mate?• * •Of course as long as we are dealing with weak, changeablehuman beings like ourselves, Bill, there'll always be an elementof chance in falling in love and choosing a partner. However,there are several areas of knowledge that will help you reacha reasonably prudent judgment in selecting a mate.In the first place, you can look at your partner's familybackground. Does she come from a stable, happy home?Are the other members of the family fairly successful,balanced and healthy? What ideals and attitudes does herfamily cherish? Although we're not wholly determined byour family backgrounds, we are all products of our familyto some extent and tend to be influenced by the emotionalclimate, ideals and attitudes of our homes.What is your partner's outlook on life? What life-goals andaspirations does she have? To what social standards does sheconform? Is she honest and fair in dealing with you and others?Basic personality traits aren't greatly altered by marriage.- People tend to be the same after marriage as before — onlymore so because of familiarity and intimacy.Partner's Attitudes Are ImportantWhat is your partner's attitude toward religion and the moralvalues related to chastity, marriage and the family? There aremany different kinds of Catholics. Some are such only in name,some fulfill the external forms as long as it isn't too inconvenient,and some are sincere and serious in the practice of theirfaith. Since marriage partners are supposed to aid each otherin leading a good life, if you marry a lukewarm or indifferentCatholic^ religion isn't likely to increase your sense of unity.What are your partner's ideals related to marriage andthe family? Are children wanted? How many — or better,perhaps, what are her views in regard to family planning?What ideals concerning chastity are revealed during thedating situation? Persons who display no self-control andlittle respect for chastity before marriage will show littlerespect for God's laws in this area after marriage.Does she have an adequate sense of responsibility? You canjudge this by her attitudes toward money, spending and saving,and so on. Some girls show little awareness of the facts of lifein this regard. They have always had everything they desiredSpace Age Education NeedsSeen Unchanged From PastPAXTON, Mass. (NO — Educationin the space age is nodifferent from that in any otherage, Bishop John J. Wright ofPittsburgh said at Anna MariaCollege for women which hefounded in 1952.The prelate said the functionof education in any agewas to provide human beingswith the "inner island" theyneed to remain human intimes of stress.Discussing "Education for theSpace Age," the Bishop saidthatdespite constant changes inexternal and environmentalthings, people themselves donot change from age to age.He commented on an articlein which writer Ben Hechthad predicted that the spaceage would spell the doom oftwo ideas: the idea of Godand the idea of the sanctityof human life."This would be very depressingindeed," the Bishop said,• "if it weren't for two thingswhich your education and minetaught us from the beginning— two things which provide theconstantly needed supplement ofwisdom to the knowledge ofscience."Knowledge comes fromscience," the bishop said;"wisdom comes from quiteother sources — from experience,from meditation, frompoetry and philosophy andtheology. And your educationand mine have taught us theaccumulated experience ofmankind by means of historyand they have taught us meditationby means of poetry andphilosophy and music and allthe liberal arts."These things constantly remindus of something the superficialfears of writers such asBen Hecht forget, — that whilecommunications change andconventions change and externalsystems change, people don'tchange.because their parents were generous, and they consequentlyare little inclined to think seriously about saving, shopping intelligently,er curbing their desire for new things.Is She Moody, Jealous?Your partner's dispositions and traits of character shouldbe studied carefully. Does she tend to be moody, jealous, selfcentered,domineering? Are there frequent outbursts of temper,childish pouting, or constant insistence on having one's ownway? How does she react to failure, frustration, and ordinarydisappointments? Does she blame others at such times, or doesshe display some insight and self-knowledge? Is she tolerant of•» others — of parents, different national or racial groups, the weakor handicapped, and so forth?Remember that the trip to the altar won't modify hercharacter, and what changes may occur later will be gradualand relatively minor. Since she will obviously be on hergood behavior while dating, weaknesses and defects revealedthen will become more apparent in the intimacy and familiar*ity of marriage. If some trait of hers irritates you on a date,it will surely become even more difficult to bear in marriage.Do you and your partner share roughly similar interests andbackgrounds? It isn't necessary to have the same likes anddislikes in all things, but some community of interests andaspirations is necessary if you hope to spend your lives togetherhappily and successfully. Too great a difference in theseareas may easily become a barrier between you in marriagesince you will have little basis for conversation or companionship,and you will not be striving for similar goals.These are some of the points to consider in selecting "a mate.Of course, Bill, if you insist on finding a mate that is absolutelyperfect, you'll probably remain single. Study your partner tolearn both her perfections and imperfections. If you find yourselfsaying "I like her except for this trait," you should start lookingfor another partner. Either you love her with her little faultsand failures — for she has some and they are a part of her— or you don't love her enough to spend your life with her inmarriage. •(It will be impossible for Fr. Thomas to answerpersonal letters.)LithFUNERALCENTERSPHONE FORPRICES-DETAILSPLaza 7-5544QUALITY — SERVICE . . . LOWEST PRICE!The Christian Brothers Novitiate at Mont La Salic isin California's Napa Valley. 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