issue #07 pdf - Razorcake

60 freeway, right across thestreet from all the sports arenasin downtown Phoenix.It’s really cool. There’s anoutdoor stage where bandscan play, and the inside iskind of a Hard Rock Cafemeets the wall at Chicago’sWrigley field (brick). All overthe walls are signed rockparaphernalia, and there’ssome sports stuff hangingaround the register. The bestis the black walls around thebathrooms that are virtuallylittered with silver sharpiesignatures of rock personalities.I was going to try tosneak mine in and if theyasked, I was going to tellthem that I was the greatwriter of Razorcake, but I didn’tthink they would get thehumor. Hell, the food waseven good. It was a prettystraightforward menu withburgers and dogs, a littlespaghetti, appetizers, the regularstuff, but a lot of thethings had a story or personalitybehind it, and let’s just saydon’t get the hot dog unlessyou’re sure about it. Oh, and theservers have these black trianglespainted under their eyes, but Iwish he’d make em wear longblack wigs too. So next time yourtraveling through Phoenix, stopoff and check out the nightmarishgrill of ole Alice, and maybe youshould go at night. It might makethe experience that much truer.FRED THE CLOWN #2$2.95U.S., $4.45 CANWhat can I say? I’ve got aplace in my heart for a drunk anda clown puppet. That’s right,when I’m desperate for comicsI’ll usually pick it by the coverand something that I can relate to.This comic reads like a copy ofMad Magazine. Just look at it. It’sto damn hard to explain but you’llknow what I’m talking aboutwhen you read it. So movingon… At first I wasn’t sure whoFred was, but after the drunkloses the dummy, I found that thedrunk is Fred. After Fred loses thedummy, we find him doing aValentines Day dance that concludeswith a brick to the head.Next Fred is singing the blues. Gofigure. Okay, at this point, nothinghas made me laugh out loud,and I don’t know if it is becauseI’m used to seeing this kind ofbehavior or I’m reading too fast,but I will say that I’m not hating iteither. Then I turn the page and Ifind it: Fred is dressed like thepope and performing mass toducks on a bridge, and to top it offit takes twenty-seven cops tobring the mass to an end. Ohcome on, it’s religious humor,LAUGH! Now finally in the lastremaining stories, it seems ourboy Fred is having troublesromancing women so badly thatthey have to bring the cops backin. So, in short, this comicreminds me of a night inHollywood when some drunkclowns almost got taken in fordisorderly conduct. Wasn’t Bobfunny that night?! Ah, running inhandcuffs, funny how one lacksspeed when they can’t move theirarms. This one will grow on you,so go get a copy. (Hotel FredPress, 132 Park Road, Chiswick,London W4 3HP, UK;)SUPERNATURAL LAW#32$2.50 U.S.“Beware the Creatures ofthe Night – They have Lawyers.”You now know why I made thepurchase. Come on, a comicabout lawyers that represent thelikes of Dracula or the InvisibleMan. You know you would buy it.The basics are, there’s these twolawyers, Wolff & Byrd, yeah Iknow but there’s a lot of play onwords in this one. Anyway, it’sthis guy and this girl and, well,they basically represent the supernaturalrealm in the legal arena.The first case is that of Susan, theMuse of potboilers who is suing amortal because he dumped herafter he made millions off herwork. Of course, the book shewrote him was done by someoneelse and the whole thing winds upin court for plagiarism. The coolthing about this Muse is that shecurses way too frequently,which I guessis why she’s the Museof potboilers. Ofcourse, our Muse winsand soon the mortal isbeing chased for royaltiesby his ghostwriter. Remember theplay on words I wastalking about? Thenext case is representationof somethingcalled a Dybbuknamed Huberis. Doesanyone out there knowwhat kind of creaturea Dybbuk is? He’s thiskind of warthog lookingdude who can’twork with women. Ijust don’t know.Please enlighten me.Also in the office isPerry Otter, the youngsorcerer, but don’t gethim mixed up withHarry Potter, no, no.Young Perry suffersfrom Sorcerer’sPteriidae’s Syndrome.Yes, that’s right, uncontrollableincantations and profanity.Actually, in the closing of thisstory, little Perry transports Mr.Byrd and a secretary to whatlooks like Grand Central with oneof his outbursts. So let’s wrap thisup, shall we? The supernatural iscool. The law, interesting?Lawyers? Ehhh. But stir ‘em allup in a caldron and you’ve gotone great comic. All right! (Exhibit A Press, 4657 Cajon Way,San Diego, CA 92115; )SPIDDER#5$1 U.S.I don’t know what it is thismonth, but I’ve got a lot ofcomics with a supernatural theme.This one’s a home press withghost stories, comics, andreviews, none of which scare thefuck out me, but, hey, you’regonna have to pay more than abuck to have the fuck scared outof you. Got that one from a coolmovie. In a quick wrap, there’s acouple of werewolf stories, oneabout a turn of the century witchwho wants to kill newborn children,and a quick history of therailroad tramp. The cool parts arethe one-page comics of ScaredyCat, who seems to meet withdoomed fate in each, page.There’s a review of basic drinksfor your summertime pleasure,and they wrap it up their topmusic picks for this issue.Nutshell: not real scary stuff for aghost story read, but there’s someinteresting nuts to be found herein.(Spider, 125 Cedar CrestCircle, Auburn, AL 36830 or 223Ford Court, Auburn, AL 36830 )THE ASSASSIN AND THEWHINER #13$1 U.S.Keep your dollar on thisone. Maybe I’m heartless, but Ireally can’t get into a comic thatdeals with rape, alcoholism, and avague hint of lesbianism. Thetroubled mental state of the characteris just not enjoying to reador visualize. To call this a comicis an injustice. Do I want to helpthis person? No. Do I want to seethis person go away? Yes. Maybeit’s me, through all the dehumanizationof television and seeingthis topic almost daily, I just don’tgive a rat’s ass. There I said it.Blackball me if you will, but Ithink I’ve seen enough. (CarrieMcNinch, PO Box 481051, LA,CA 90048; )HEROBEAR AND THE KID#4$3.50 USAAhhh, if I could be a kidagain. Well, read this comic andback you go. It has Disney flairwithout the Disney byproducts.This one has a cool story line. TheKid is a dreamer, and hisGrandfather left him a stuffedbear that turns into a ten foot tallbear and a watch that tells goodand bad. It also had mysterioussecret passageways and all thatgood stuff that we wanted whenwe were kids. The art work onthis is awesome. It’s just roughpencil sketch with just the touchof red in the bear’s cape. The bulliesfrom school are drawn insuch a way that you believe theycould take the lug nuts off yourcar with their bare hands. This kideven has a love interest. At thebeginning we’re introduced to acharacter who knows about thebear and, well, I think he’s one ofthe bad guys. But hey, it’s almostcool the way this comic leavesyou hanging and wanting to knowthings. I think I’m gonna run thisone by my nephew and see whatthe kids perspective is on it.That’s right, I’m an old man but Ican still appreciate this comic.Hey, it’s better than staring atmuscle bound men in tights fortoo long. So I’m giving this booktwo hands up ‘cause that’s all I’vegot. If you’ve got free time and abig heart, go find a copy ofHerobear and the Kid, if not,well, find something to do andleave me alone. (AstonishComics, 10061 Riverside DriveSuite #785, Toluca Lake, CA91602; )–Gary Hornberger29