issue #07 pdf - Razorcake

plaints against each band member and theirlack of hygiene – on the Kill Rock Starsweb page: )Quitty: No, not this one.Nam: Was there just too much internal conflictafter the last tour diary, because someof that stuff was just so personally insulting.Quitty: No, this is a five and a half weektour – nothing major. It’s hard to be in a vanwith five people…Nat: Because we’re so easygoing, it’s notthat big of a deal.Quitty: I’m amazed because we all havesuch strong personalities, but we’re justkeeping our shit in check. It’s nutty – likethe last tour diary; we didn’t really mean tomake it public. We just kept it for our entertainment,and it was so good and it was sovile that we just had to make it public. If wehad done it again, it wouldn’t have been asgenuine because it would have been solelyfor the public’s consumption.We try to keep a logof backhanded complimentsthis time, but it reallywasn’t going so good, sowe scrapped it.Nam: No euphemism log?Quitty: Hey that’s a goodidea. You know we have alot of good euphemisms.Nam: “You Guys AreReally Loud.”Quitty: Yeah, that’s classic.Hey, you’re holdingthat thing towards me formy response (the taperecorder).Nam: What’s the worst compliment you’veever heard?Quitty: “You’re just like the MC5.” Youknow this guy last night kept on saying,“MC Bros., MC Bros.!” and I think it’sbecause Jared has his new huge hair. (Yes,Jared sports the almighty whitey aphro.Angela Davis, eat your heart out. Better yet,kung fu aphro master, Jim Kelly.) His hairreally does look like Rob Tyner’s hair andit’s like, “Yeah, I heard you the first coupleof times,” and after the first five times, it’sfunny. But saying you sound like the bandfrom thirty years ago may be his opinion,but it’s not a compliment. I don’t just sitthere and yell at him like I’m really supposedto. I just fucking play.Nam: So is there a stigma attached to beingthe only balls-out rocking band on KillRock Stars?Quitty: No, we don’t run into that ever. Ithink we get that just a little bit of yourOlympia hipster contingency that come tosee us, but not much. Our audience is a littlebit of everybody. You’re here, everyone’shere to have a good time, young people, oldpeople… We’re like an anomaly on thelabel and so is C Average so…Nam: It’s good to be the anomaly.Quitty: I couldn’t agree more. I wouldn’twant to be something that fits into a boxlike, “Hey a Kill Rock Stars band.” No,we’re a band with our own identity. Itshouldn’t matter what label you’re on, aslong as you’re fucking out there.Nam: I am not neglecting you (to Nat).Quitty: Oh, he’s only the drummer… and“he drives really well.” [profusely reekingsarcasm]Kathy [(from The Pinkz) interjects]:Drummers are the backbone of the band!Nam: That’s very true. I know becauseKathy is. [to Nat] Now tell me your nameand everything about you Mr. Drummer.Quitty: I’ve always held it against the band,like they’ve got some nerve letting me notdrive and they’re not good drivers, but youknow what, Nat? You made it on my gooddriver’s list. Jared and you are good drivers.Dave and Sean are bad drivers! They havesome fuckin’ nerve!Nam: Okay, now tell me everything aboutyou.Quitty: Don’t listen to her.Nam: Okay, don’t listen to me but answermy question.Nat: My name is Nat Damm and I’m twentyand I’m self-employed.Nam: You’re twenty? Oh my god, you aresoooo young. I am so old.Nat: How old are you? Twenty-five?Nam: (real shock and amazement herefolks) How did you know?Nat: You’re not so old anyways.Nam: Ahhhh, fuck you. So how did youhook up with the Tight Bros.?Nat: I used to book shows in Seattle and Iknew Quitty from dealing with them andbooking and then I saw Dave on the streetthree times in a row and asked him aboutthe band and he said they were looking for adrummer and I gave them my number and Iauditioned.Nam: You auditioned? What was that like?Nat: It was like taking a test. It wasn’t veryfun at all.Nam: I guess you passed. So have you beengetting laid?Nat: I have a girlfriend at home. I’ve beenwaiting five weeks. (What a fucking trooperthis guy is! Man, more rock men should beas loyal and trustworthy as this dude. Rightfucking on! – from the girlfriends of rockmen everywhere)Nam: And you love her very much!Nat: I love her dearly.Nam: Okay, then I guess I’m done withyou. Ohhhh! Just kidding! So, what’s thecraziest thing a fan has done on this tour?Nat: In Tucson, Arizona we were playingand WASP showed up and they wanted tojam with us!Nam: No way! Blackie Lawless?Nat: Yeah them, and we said, “No!” Theygot really mad!Nam: You know, that’s cool, ‘cause they’rea bunch of racist fucks.Nat: Yes, they are. They are cocks.Nam: That’s why I hate them.Nat: Yeah, and they told us that, becausewe would not let them play with us, wewould never play anywhere larger than abar.Nam: Well, that’s very PC and awesome ofyou guys.Nat: We don’t want to taint our reputation.Nam: What is your reputation?Nat: Good times androck’n’roll.Nam: That’s right that’swhat we need especiallyat this point. Tell mesomething else you wantto say because I’mspilling beer on yourfoot. Can you hold this?My fur is coming off. Idon’t wanna lose thefox. I take it you are theyoungest guy in theband. Are they treatingyou like shit?Nat: No. They treat Quitty like shit.Nam: Come on, spill it! It’s because Quittyhas the worst personal habits right?Nat: It’s true, unfortunately.Nam: The farting, the burping, the stinking…Nat: No, that’s Dave, but as far as personalhabits like covering his own chest in crumbswhen he eats anything, that’s Quitty. It’scomical. I’m beyond disgust. I just laugh.You can’t take it too seriously.Nam: I think he needs a bib.Nat: We should make him a Quitty bib. Hisbirthday is coming up so I’ll make him one.[Nam saunters outside of Spaceland whereshe corners Dave for the one pivotal questionthat was on everyone’s minds thatnight. She’s very drunk and very tipsy.]Nam: (whispers) Excuse me, why did yourcut your hair?Dave: Because I just kind of do that once ayear when I feel that I am getting too scummyand I think, gosh this hair is all over myface and it’s makin’ me feel all greasy, Ineed to feel clean. And also, I’m going bald.I think it’s kind of ridiculous to have longhair when you’re going bald, so I dyed itkind of a silver gray which is faded now,but I’m trying to go for the old man lookwith the silver gray thing. When I get homeI will dye it again then I really will look likean old man.43