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Take a Look, It’s in a BookBy Esther Meroño • esther@slugmag.comWhen I was in third grade, I had threecareer paths in mind for my future: tobe a writer like Barbara Park, to bea ballerina so I could wear tutus all dayor to be a dinosaur-hunting version ofIndiana Jones. This column is no Skinnybonesor Kid in the Red Jacket, but Isquirt soy milk out of my nose at leastonce every couple of months thinkingabout my jokes. I also volunteered atthe old Natural History Museum for alittle while scraping dirt off dinosaurbones, and I bet you wouldn’t knowfrom looking at me that I swap mypants for a fluffy pink skirt every nightwhen I’m home alone. So, I’d say I’vefulfilled all of my childhood dreamsin some form or another (though itturns out that all the guys who looklike Disney princes are assholes). Ofcourse, unless I wanted to stay in aperpetual state of “undeclared,” orspend my 20s racking up a varietyof useless undergrad degrees, I hadto pick one direction to really focuson, so being an astute (and sociallyanxious) 8-year-old, I picked writing. Inorder to become a good writer, in mostprofessionals’ opinions, you have tobe a good reader––and reading everysingle Goosebumps book doesn’t count.I read A LOT as a kid. Probably halfof my friends at that age were bribedby my mother to get me outside toplay, ‘cause if I had it my way, I’d stayinside and read (and snack #fbg4lyfe)all day.The thing about … well, anything … isthat once people start telling you thatyou’ve been doing it wrong, that youhave to do it their way and you HAVEto do it or you’re not gonna pass, youdon’t really want to do it anymore. Istopped reading for fun about a yearinto my English bachelor’s. Oddlyenough, it wasn’t until I started bikingthat I felt OK enough with reading inmy free time to drop the TV remoteand run my eyes through a couple ofparagraphs here and there. It all beganwith the Bike Snob NYC blog. I wasworking as the door girl at Brewvies––which essentially meant I’d stare downmy nose at kids my age and demand tosee their IDs in between writing collegepapers––and picked up on readingthe latest Bike Snob post during myshift. He was the main influence of thiscolumn, obviously, though I only chose“Beautiful Godzilla” as the title because“Feminist Bicycle Rants” was alreadytaken by some anarchists in Brooklyn.At the time, the man behind the snarky,lighthearted posts was a mystery toall, but he became my top “celebrity”to run into one day, followed closelybehind by Tina Fey and the blondedistrict attorney in Law and Order: SVU.Fortunately for both parts of my fantasy,Bike Snob wrote one of the mostforthright and comprehensive guides tocycling, a self-titled book that combinesthe wit and cynicism of his blog (andall the best references and inside jokes)with a really down-to-earth approachon bikes and bicycling. As a result ofthis piece of literature, the identity ofBike Snob was released (How else washe going to tour and sign autographs?)and Eben Weiss was uncovered asthe man behind the curtain. This willmake it so much easier to stalk him.Bike Snob still writes a daily blogpost, and though I don’t follow it asreligiously as I did a few years ago,it still holds up. He has also sincewritten another book, The EnlightenedCyclist, which delves into more of thephilosophy and spirituality of cycling.You’d think he’d juiced cycling culturecompletely dry at this point––I definitelystruggle to find content, and I onlyhave to write this once a month––butit’s fresh and funny as ever. Even ifyou’re not THAT into bikes, and someof the references go over your head, Idefinitely recommend checking it out atbikesnobnyc.blogspot.com (You knowit’s gonna be good ‘cause he hasn’teven bothered to purchase a domain).I’ve read a handful of bike books sincethen, and though they’re informative,they’re pretty lackluster when comparedto Bike Snob. I suggest buyingboth books, whether you’re thinkingabout purchasing a bike, or have beenhustling on two wheels all your life. Youcan order both over at chroniclebooks.com/bikesnob. The weather should benice enough by now that you can fill abackpack full of snacks and books, andride your bike to the park to camp outfor an afternoon. I’m looking to starta new chapter of the Pagemasterzbook club, so hit me up if you wantto read.50 SaltLakeUnderGround slugmag.com 51Illustration: Ryan Perkins