CONTENTS• Purpose• Islamic Values• Jama'at Process• Jama'at Support• Potential Issues• Resolution• Marriage Statistics• Guidance from Khulafa-e-Ahmadiyya• Advice• Conclusion
PURPOSE• “The ultimate purpose of marriage in Islam is to win the pleasure of Allah, throughchastity, fulfilment, contentment and continuation of the species.• In the Islamic system, marriage is a covenant of a civil nature involving a wholeset of mutual obligations.• In the divine scheme of regulation of the relationship between men and women,Islam has assigned a position of dignity and honour to women. Such beneficentregulation is essential for peace, comfort, happiness, continuation of species andprogress.
ISLAMIC VALUES• Holy Qur'an:“O mankind, be mindful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from asingle soul and from it created its mate and from the two created andspread many men and women” (4:2)“O ye who believe! fear Allah and say the straight forward word. He will setright your actions for you and forgive your sins. And whoso obeys Allah andHis Messenger shall, surely, attain a supreme triumph” (33:71-72)“O mankind, We have created you from a male and a female; and We havemade you tribes and sub-tribes that you may know one another. Verily, themost honourable among you, in the sight of Allah, is he who is the mostrighteous among you. Surely, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware. (49:14)
ISLAMIC VALUES• Holy Prophet :a) Choice in marriage.- A woman may be married for four reasons. She is either married for her riches andwealth or for her family’s higher rank or she is married for her beauty and charm orfor her piety and righteousness. A true believer must choose the one who ispious and righteous otherwise he will always be in trouble. (Bukhari and Muslim)- If you receive a message for marriage from a person whose religious and moralcondition is known to you as satisfactory then you must marry him. If you do not doso, distress will spread on this earth and wide-spread disorder will follow. (Tirmidhi)- No man should seek marriage to one who has already been sought by his brotheruntil he marries her or decides to leave her. (Muslim)- If a man marries a woman and he has no intention of paying her dowry and hedies, he would be deemed as one amongst adulterers.- Being married is our way of life, he who turns aside from our way is not oneof us.
ISLAMIC VALUES• ISTIKHARA PRAYERIstikhara Prayer must be offered. This should be continuously offered forseveral days/weeks as and when one starts looking for a life partner. This iscalled Istikhara Aam.Istikhara Special is offered when a suggestion of a specific name comes upfor consideration. This prayer must be before Nikah and can be offered bymen, women and guardians.The signs of the response of Istikhara Prayer may be visible in the form offavourable circumstances that are leading towards the goal as well aseasing of one’s apprehensions that might have existed earlier when theprayer was started for the specific purpose.
JAMA’AT PROCESSRishta Nata Department• Objectives1. To introduce the Department of Rishta Nata to members of the Jama'at.2. To help parents find suitable partners for their children of marriageableage by way of suggesting matches and introducing families to each other.3. To prepare a comprehensive list of all boys and girls in the UK Jama'atwho are eligible for marriage. This would include details of each individualtogether with a photograph.4. To keep Hadhrat Khalifatul Masih informed of thesituation of the UK Jama'at with regard to Rishta Nata and seek his adviceto solve problems, if any.
JAMA’AT SUPPORT• Registration with Rishta Nata Department:https://www.rishtanata.org.uk• Rishta Nata Department – Assist by suggesting suitable matches andfacilitate any help Jama'at members’ requirements.• Pre-Marital Counselling• Nikah Form Requirements• Solemnisation of Nikah
POTENTIAL ISSUES• Haq Mehr• Compatibility and Adaptability• Understanding varying environments, cultures, backgrounds, status,values, etc.• Living separately• Financial and Demanding Behaviour• In-Laws and Extended Family• Quality of Time Spent together• Involvement and Interference of others
RESOLUTION• Prayers, Taqwa and carry out obligations for sake of attaining pleasure ofAllah.• Connection to Khilafat.• Honesty, truthfulness and showing justice even if you have to testify againstyour near and dear ones• Steadfastness, Patience, Tolerance, Understanding, Realism and Livingwithin your Means.• Mutual Respect for each other and also for in-laws and relatives• Takes a second to break a marriage and a lifetime to build henceendurance and continuous improvement by working on weaknesses andfocusing on strengths.
MARRIAGE STATS• 2011 Khuddam of marriageable age are married• Roughly 280 marriages took place 2010-2011• 95% of these marriages are for Khuddam• Roughly 20% of marriages are resulting in divorce
GUIDANCE FROM KHULAFA-E-AHMADIYYA• Huzur said it is the responsibility of the entire society to payattention to the marriage of those who are marriageable. With reference tothe writings of the Promised Messiah , Huzurexplained the significance of arranging marriages within the Community. Hesaid it promotes unity and ensures that the next generation is raised in apious environment.• Huzur urged all to co-operate with the ‘rishta nata’department within the administrative system of the Community. Inconclusion Huzurprayed that may we be enabled to arrangemarriages of those who are orphaned and of widows in accordance withthe Qur'anic injunction and may Allah alleviate the anxiety of those parentsof marriageable girls who are anxious.
GUIDANCE FROM KHULAFA-E-AHMADIYYA• Hadhrat Khalifatul Masih II has elaborated the role of marriage in fulfillingour obligations to our fellow beings which are next only to our relations to God. Heemphasised:• "It is our duty to see that it is duly respected and adhered to faithfully. It entails aheavy responsibility for both man and woman, but I find very few people realise it.When it is attempted, it is done on a very inadequate scale. The Islamic law has onlydistinguished between two sets of rules. One pertains to God Himself, and the otherto our fellow beings. Marriage therefore falls into the second category and may beconsidered to be its chief proponent. The Islamic law has made the most of it, butthere are many people that do not seem to understand [the law] fully. Neither do theytry to benefit themselves by it. Their case is like that of a baby who would be quitewilling to barter a precious diamond for a base coin. I wish people could only realisethe importance of marriage."• As you can see, marriage is a very serious undertaking for a Muslim. However, youwill discover a feast of intellectual, emotional and spiritual fulfilment as you findguidance from Allah and His Propheton marital/family relations, fromproper mate selection to marital problem resolution. You will see an operationalsystem where viable structure, clear responsibilities, roles and goals guide you;where checks and balances provide a safety net for all parties in a family. Of course,Islam presents the ideal. Its realisation depends on the actions of each familymember.
ADVICE• USEFUL ADVICEParents start looking for life partners for their children with a set ideal in their minds andthey stick to it. This attitude sometimes creates problems in finding suitable partners.Parents should have some flexibility in this regard as otherwise they will find it very difficultto find a match who will fit all their expectations.• PREMARITAL CONDUCTIt should be perfectly clear by now that Islam does not permit sexual relations, evenpreliminary acts of physical love, outside of marriage. To remain sexually inactive andchaste before marriage is an extremely important injunction in the Holy Qur'an. Adultery,fornication and having secret relationships with the opposite sex is a heinous moral lapsewhich is categorically condemned in the strongest terms by Islam. This prohibition includesdating, secret paramours and experimental living together. As these are regarded asheavy sins, they carry severe penalties. (See Holy Qur'an, 24:3-4).As you have already read in Chapter 2, the Holy Qur'an has provided the means formaintaining chastity. It directs believing men and women to restrain themselves fromlooking at each so openly as to be sexually excited by them. It further directs them torestrain their ears from listening to flirtatious and tempting talk and to avoid occasionswhich might lead to temptation. Fasting, dieting and exercise also help to control passionsand maintain chastity.
ADVICE• Divorce is permitted in Islam, but the Prophet has said that of allthings permitted, the most obnoxious in the sight of God is divorce.• The Qur'an says that a wife is raiment for the husband, and the husband israiment for the wife (2:188).• Men are exhorted to consort with their wives in kindness and are reminded:“If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something wherein Allah hasplaced much good” (4:20).• The Holy Prophet said: “The best among you is he who treats themembers of his family best.” (Tirmidhi)
CONCLUSION• The Holy Prophet said:"When a man has married, hehas completed one half of hisreligion." (Bayhaqi)