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26~ "3~l~. -"......THEY SHALLBEPLAYTESTERSBy Mark C. NixonON THE BRINKOne of those dingy grey, midwest winter eveningswas encroaching upon the village ofPerrysburg, namesake of the famous Americannaval hero, Commodore Oliver Harmless Burg, asthe Wargamer kicked snow from his boots, slid thekey into an ice-encrusted lock and opened his doorto an evenings' delights of food and family. Homefrom the day's labors. Home from freeway driving.Home from petulant others of a demandingworld. Home for the weekend."You have a letter from 'That Place'," came afeeble response from the bedroom to his greeting.Of course. The empty ice bag box; the halfemptyice tray in the sink, several cubes lying ingrowing puddles around the kitchen in no certainpattern; the baby screaming in his crib; the sensationof impending doom in the air; perhaps theseshould have indicated something big was in theoffing. And yet all were pushed into the darkrecesses of his mind, banished beyond recall by therealization of what 'That Place' meant. He hadalmost given up hope during the past few months.His hands even trembled slightly as they toreopen the legal-sized envelope with familiarhexagonal pattern in its return address. Desperatenow, he whipped out the contents and read fromthe cover letter:Dear Squad Leader Enthusiast;It has been a long time since I last correspondedwith you in reference to your interestin participating in the GI playtest.The long wait was over. The playtest hadbegun!But wait. What did he read in the thirdparagraph? Three months to test 45 scenarios,handwritten rules, scenario cards in Sanskrit, informationfor the new counters to be found in theLibrary of Congress? How could they do this tohim? Not that these posed any insurmountableproblems in and of themselves; but, how best topresent this to the wife?How could he tell her she wouldn't be seeinghim for the next three months, except for occasionalmeals and the inevitable morning struggle towake up from two hours of a restless, revised ruleinfested sleep to shower, shave and do all the otherregrettably necessary things required by an 8 to 5job which he conceded would have to be keptdespite the inconvenience.Or, worse yet, suppose she jumps for joy at thepossibility of three glorious months of continuouslyknowing exactly where he would be, and her resultantfreedom to do as she pleased. She might actuallygrow accustomed to that and expect it tocontinue beyond the playtest. Yes, he would haveto take a serious look at the long-range implicationsof this whole undertaking.TAKING THE PLUNGEAfter lengthy consideration (about ten minuteswas all he could handle with GI hanging in thebalance), he opted for the only responsible solutionavailable. He would enlist the aide of his localcronies and ruin their marriages as well! Then,when the test was completed, they could wargameevery night instead of this once a week hooey. Nomore shopping trips and playing handymanaround the house. No more dirty diapers andwashing dishes. They would all eat out every dayon the money saved from not buying all thoseuseless homeowner knick-knacks and kitchengadgets, diapers and expensive 'cultural' outings(such as seeing every Alan AIda movie whichcrawled along), not to mention the savings fromnot remodeling some part of the house every year.But slowly, fears of alimony, eating stomachdefyingfast foods and, worst of all, moving intoan apartment and once again fequenting laundromatscrept into his thoughts and demanded thebattle plan be revised. Arranging a three monthbinge of wargaming without offending everyonewithin a hundred mile radius would require utilizinghis most persuasive diplomatic skills. He wouldlie!There was already one strike against him, theheadache he could actually feel pounding in awife's inner anti-wargame cranium, which hadbeen brought on by the mere sight of those littlehexagons in the return address of 'That Place'. Sheremembered the end of the last playtest, when insteadof his practiced, soothing voice walking herthrough a Lamaze delivery of their first-born shewas treated to a recitation of why British andFrench armor cannot breakthrough and exploit inconjuncture in 1939. He should have realized thatbreakthrough and exploitation were not exactlythe subjects she wanted to discuss at that sensitivetime. But his own senses were still reeling from thelabor room where she had floored him byspeculating that inclusion of the new IntelligenceRule might lead George Carlin to revise his'Mutually Exclusive' routine from MilitaryIntelligence to Wargame Intelligence.Later, in the recovery room, she claimed theexcitement in his voice hadn't really upset her thatmuch. But he remembered the scene in the deliveryroom, how she had almost become hysterical whenhe had pulled out a black magic marker, drawn ahex pattern on her exposed abdomen, and begunmoving those yellow and blue armored unitsaround to illustrate the point. His excitement hadbeen quenched only when the big nurse, they calledher 'Bomba', heisted the unsterilized objects,never to return them. The lesson continued to bedriven home every time the unfortunate wargamerplayed THIRD REICH with homemade Britishand French armor counters.With a second child on the way it was not difficultto imagine the nature of thoughts which hadgenerated today's headache. Nevertheless, thisthing had to be nipped in the bud; he ventured afew opening remarks."Sheesh, you can't imagine how much workthis playtest will be.""I can imagine, 1 can imagine.""I don't see any way it can be done, what withperiodic trips to the Library of Congress to checkarmor listings.""So don't do it."Obviously, this was not the correct approach."I wonder who will be willing to help? I canprobably get Pat, Tim, Russ and Ken at least."("And drag them down with me!")"What about your cousin Chuck in Cincinnati?Why don't you just send the whole mess to him?""But he's in law school. I doubt he'd haveenough time.""Why not? You're always saying that all theworld needs is more rules lawyers."It was one thing when she outmaneuvered him.Being outwitted literally drove him berserk. Heavyartillery time!"Okay, if you really don't want me to do this; ifyou want me to spend the next three months inagony knowing someone else is using what shouldhave been our playtest materials; if you wanteveryone else to hate me for working them up withall the big talk of a playtest and then finking out atthe last minute; if you want me to hold this overyour head for the rest of what will become yourunnatural life, I won't do the playtest. "
Had he gone too far? That last bit was perhapstoo much, but he was on a roll and couldn't stop."Alright, have it your way. I didn't want to stopyou, and probably couldn't anyway. But how aboutif this time we don't play the game in the deliveryroom?"He had won! The playtest would go on."Certainly. I won't do that again. That wasonly because it was my first playtest and time wasrunning out. There will be no time crunch with thisone because I'll have lots of people helping me."To himself, he began calculating what kind ofmonster paperwork would be required to get hisplaytest team into the labor room. Would atypewriter exceed hospital noise limits?WHO ARE THESE CRAZIES?"Hello, Pat?""Yeah.""Are you ready to start the playtest? ""Sure. Did you get the stuff?""Yes and no. I got 45 scenarios and handwrittenrules. ""What about the counters?""Pat, how soon can you pack for a few days inWashington? ""Washington? What do you mean?""That's where the Library of Congress is. Iknow. I looked up their street address for you. Yourflight leaves Toledo Express Airport at fiveo'clock. ""Hello, Russ?""Oh no! What do you want?""It's time for the GJ playtest. ""But I just finished two weeks of vacation. Whydidn't you call me then?""Well, I didn't have the materials until today.Anyway, how did you spend your vacation?""Oh, mostly playing golf and pondering theexistence of the universe.""What about your Sanskrit? Surely you spent agreat deal of time brushing up on your Sanskrit.""What in hell are you babbling about?""Hello, Ken?""Yes?""Are you ready to start the playtest? ""You have got to be kidding! I've been laid offfor eight months.""So?""So yesterday I found a new job. Where haveyou been for eight months?""Well, it's not entirely my fault. We can pinsome of the blame on the postal department and ourfriends in the Ivory Tower in Baltimore, and a greatdeal on all the Squad Leader fans who haven'twritten abusive letters to the editor in the past twoyears. After all, they are the ones who didn't putenough pressure on Baltimore to move faster.""No, it's easier to just blame you.""Thanks.""Hello, Tim?""Hi Mark.. What's up?""I have the materials for GJ. Are you ready tostart?""Sure. How about Wednesday?""Great, but everybody else wants you topromise you'll lose a few games.""Ah, come on!""I'm serious. How will it look if one member ofour group wins every game he plays? The rest of uswill look like ninnies. We'll be submitting analysissuch as 'Tim played the Allies in scenario 48, so theyare favored to win 95070 of the time'. I'm talkingeither throw a few games or you're out.""Well, it goes against my ethics, but I'll do youthis favor and lose a game.""Only one?""Well, after all, with only three months I'llprobably only get to play about 50 games at themost. ""Heaven help us!"GEARING UPFive. That made five dedicated players. It wasthe perfect number. Four at home constantly playingand one in Washington researching ArmorListings. There would have to be a shuttle arrangementto and from Washington to prevent anyonetester from contracting researchaphobia due to thetorrid pace of information requests, microscopictypeface of the United Counter andArmorListingsfor Wargames Compendium which contained mostof the information used to make all wargames, andthe guaranteed hassles with representatives fromother playtest groups who would be there researchingthe same data. The shuttle could fly at night,permitting sleep during flight to maximize time. Hecould anticipate the accusation this would drawfrom his wife that he was running a 'fly-by-night'outfit. But it didn't bother him. He deplored theobvious.The Sanskrit dilemma might have been a verylarge problem. In fact, since Russ had wasted hisvacation chasing golf balls in the rough and doinga 'Carl Sagan' with his psyche (Russ had billionsand billions of mind-blowing ideas), there wasdanger the translation would have to be jobbed outto the university and actually paid for! But Russbooked through and declined offers from asummer bowling league and two golf leagues so hecould catch up on his Sanskrit between 7:00Thursday night softball and 9:00 euchre. It wasoften difficult to ascertain whether Russ wascoming or going.SCENARIO #33FRANCE: "Where do You Go When You'reAlready in Paris?""Your turn to move, Mark.""I'm thinking.""We're doomed!""No, really, I can't decide whether to roll forentrenchments or wait to try setting some fires,whether to Prep Fire, charge your positions, or runaway, or maybe everybody should just sit and gainconcealment. ""You really have a problem.""Yes, these all seem like good options.""No, I mean a mental problem. And I have atime problem. Are you going to move or stake ahomesteading claim? I have to get up at 6:00 AMto got to work.""Well, that's only four hours away, so whydon't you just stick around? I'll concede thisgame; we can switch sides and play it again."''I'll meet you halfway. You concede and I'llgo home.""Alright. I'll roll for entrenchments. Whereare those TI counters?""You're using them for Concealment countersfor your troops on board 3.""Oh. So then I'll Prep Fire.""No. Here, you can switch these CE's for theTI's and roll for your entrenchments.""Why do you want me to roll for entrenchments?""You wanted to. I'm just trying to help out.You obviously need help.""Now you've done it. I'm sending my boysover the top. They'll probably sweep you right outof that chateau. Where are those CE counters?""You just exchanged them for the TI's onboard 3. I can't take any more of this! You win.I'm going home.""HA! And I thought I had lost. But now I seethe strength of my position. Yes, I'll have to revise27my analysis of this scenario to consider the implicationsof the TI-CE Counter Offensive."It would not be until much later, after thisanalysis had been consumed at the Ivory Towerand the new game released with additional TI andCE counters specifically to preclude the CounterOffensive, that he would conclude the whole thinghad only been counter-productive.SCENARIO #34NORTH AFRICA: "Battle Beneath the Dust""Whose turn is it?""I can't remember, and the turn marker isburied in dust.""In that case you have to roll a 4 or less withtwo dice in order to move next.""You mean . .. ?""Yes, rule 634.9285 on page 473.""What are the modifiers?""You get a -I because the dust is blowing fromthe East and you're using Muslim troops, a -2since your 10-3 leader has successfully emplacedhis handkerchief (it would have been a -4 withoutthe handkerchief because then everybody within 5hexes would have known he was a 10-3 and notjust a common 9-1 or 10-2, but of course he wouldhave had to pass a CDC [Choke DeterminationCheck) every turn), a + I because you used the lastof your water counters on turn 4, a + I for movingwith open umbrellas in a crosswind, and a + Ibecause you rolled a '12' on your last Well Diggingattempt and malfunctioned your shovels.But ... ""But?""But first you have to roll four dice and applythe cumulative difference between the white andred ones and the red and blue ones as a negativenumber to your PDQ (Pre-Dust Quality) roll,using any available leader modifier as a positivenumber on the index chart on the back of the PDQmarker, provided it is not also buried in dust. Anddon't forget ...""Gh no!""The green die has to be higher.""AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! !"LAYING THE BIG ONE ON THEMWith two scenarios completed, the Wargamercompiled a 49-page typed report, single-spaced,and sent these first playtest results to the IvoryTower in Baltimore. Let them chew on that, hethought. Now they'll see how SL is really supposedto be played, how it's played in the Midwest!His excitement only increased when he arrivedhome that evening to find a package from theIvory Tower itself waiting for his eager hands torip open. Probably an offer to fly in and assumecontrol of the company, his rather large headsurmised.But it wasn't. It was something called'ERRATA #1', several pages containing new andrevised items and rules to be put into immediateeffect. Well, that should be no problem. He woulduse red ink to note all the changes in the rulebook,run copies of the ERRATA for everyone else to dothe same, and they'd be in business again.But what are these changes? There will nolonger be a -I for Muslim troops attacking fromthe East? The new umbrella section has been droppedcompletely? And even more changes! How canthis be? He just sent in 49 pages of analysis basedon everything this ERRATA #1 monstrosity haschanged. Forty-nine pages wasted! All thisERRATA to go into immediate effect!"GAK!" He realized his only chance forredemption was to waylay the UPS overnight vancarrying his 49 pages of garbage somewhere alongthe Pennsylvania Turnpike. Who could he dragout of bed for a midnight raid across the state line?
Page 3: 3•It is December, 1941; Europe la
Page 6 and 7: 6which depend on what his opponents
Page 8 and 9: 8equal to his skill (when using COC
Page 10 and 11: 10SHOWDOWN T6:HIGH-STAKES POKER GAM
Page 12 and 13: 12CRITTERSGuns Versus Fang and Claw
Page 14 and 15: 14GUNSLINGER SERIES REPLAYShowdown
Page 16 and 17: 16Innocente: Setting up in H5 or D5
Page 18 and 19: 18Fourth Turn:Segment 0K: Reveal B2
Page 20 and 21: 20Seventh Turn:Segment 0K: Reveal B
Page 22 and 23: 22SO THAT'S WHATYOU'VE BEEN PLAYING
Page 24 and 25: 24RICKENBACKER'SWAR Scenario #3BASI
Page 29 and 30: 29he probably knew a great deal abo
Page 31 and 32: 31Note that any attacking unit occu
Page 33 and 34: THE YOM·KIPPUR WAR:THE POLITICS, T
Page 35 and 36: 35LINCOLN'S SOUTHERNCAMPAIGN-1779AT
Page 37 and 38: combining fire of different units o
Page 39 and 40: There were other comments about tho
Page 41 and 42: wiping them out), he reveals his po
Page 43 and 44: mans in Close Combat (worse). Secon
Page 45 and 46: Dear Sirs:I am annoyed by the disco
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Page 49 and 50: ••••••••••as- r
Page 51 and 52: THE GENERALGUNSLINGERAdditional Cou
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Page 55 and 56: To use the artillery effectively, i

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