QC Family Focus: October 2014

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Putting a Stop to Teen Dating Violence According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 21 percent of adults and 20 percent of teens living in the U.S. have experienced dating or domestic violence. Verizon Wireless has long been a strong corporate advocate for domestic violence awareness and prevention through the HopeLine® program, but data we’re seeing in the teen age group calls for additional action at the community level, and shows us where we can all do our part to help. Here are a few ways that we can work together to combat teen dating violence in our communities: Get Involved, Make a Donation Making a donation is as easy as locating your no-longer-used wireless device and dropping it off at the HopeLine box at any Verizon Wireless store. Donated phones will be refurbished and sold, with the proceeds used to provide grants to support area domestic violence shelters and organizations. Phones that can’t be refurbished will be recycled in an environmentally sound way. Parents, Take Note Much like bullying and other issues that plague this age group, parents should make an effort to talk to their children about the issue and pay attention to changes in behavior or visible signs of withdrawal. Whether the child is male or female, open the door to honest communication and work to shift this statistic in the opposite direction. Education is Key Teen dating violence is more prevalent than most believe, and knowing the facts can help bring further attention to the issue. • The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that one in 11 adolescents say they have been victims of physical dating violence. • One in four teens self report physical, emotional, verbal or sexual violence each year. • Approximately 72% of eighth and ninth grade students report “dating,” and by the time these students move into high school, more than half of them report dating violence among their peers. Encourage Healthy Relationships Be a positive role model. You can encourage healthy relationships with teens in your area by getting involved through community, church and youth programs or centers. Volunteering gives individuals the opportunity to be mentors, counselors and trusted allies. Teen dating violence is a reality, and the victims shouldn’t carry the burden alone. By doing our part to work with teens in our own communities, we can all work to combat violence one role model at a time. From the Smithsonian & Illinois Humanities Council Details: 309-732-READ www.rockislandlibrary.org Moline High School Students won a contest earlier this year sponsored by Verizon Wireless. Students across the country were asked to create a compelling public service announcement warning against teen dating violence. Scan the QR code or go to the link to watch the psa. https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=GnO8CRNU4vU 26 October 2014 - QC Family Focus
Bullying: A Fundamental Cause of Substance Abuse! Where do our thoughts and feelings come from? Joseph P. Cowley, Ph.D. Center for Alcohol and Drug Services Much of our young people’s time and energy is spent on academics and very little on their emotional growth. A lot of focus is on the assessment of and whittling away at their academic deficiencies and not enough energy is spent to help address far more erosive self-esteem issues. The concern is not missing from our approach but the skills that the youth need is not always a primary focus. We think that if we try to fix things for them or contriving events so that they would experience success, validation, love, by manipulating events so they would not have to experience pain, all will be alright. However well-meaning on our part, and however effective in gaining short-term results, these efforts reinforce the belief that both good days and bad days are somehow tied to the power of external events. The young person attributes the quality of their day to an external factor and they remain blind to their role in creating their day, and thus are powerless to make changes in it. Their belief is that they have to feel a certain way about what has happened. In reality self-esteem must come from within each person, so with that thought in mind we help our children by helping them to learn the knowledge and skills and allowing them to take control of their inner environment. As parents we try to guide them into the realization that they have some power over the quality of their own day, it means we best help them by letting go of the power we once had over them. That can be very scary, because it may mean that they will no longer need us to feel good about themselves. Or it can be a relief. The approach to Beliefs, Replace, and Readjusting is a fairly radical approach. We are asking our youth to take a good look at their thoughts, language and belief systems. How do they get the “Good Stuff” in their lives and examine if what they are doing is working for them. If not, what can they do differently? Most importantly are the people they are trying to get the good stuff from, capable of giving it to them or are they lacking the competencies as well? This is very different from manufacturing outcomes for our youth but, but teaching them skills to a higher self-esteem. The main focus here is to help our youth realize that no one event defines them. The event has little power over them emotionally. The power lies in the thoughts and beliefs we have about those events. Then, those emotions will tend to follow thoughts (positive thinking leads to emotional well-being, “negative-thoughts” leads to emotional pain). And lastly, understand that a change in thinking will bring about a change in feelings and perceptions. I want to emphasis that this approach is a skillapproach. We must help our youth learn the difference between beliefs and facts. Many times the reaction and pain that our youth are experiencing is based on beliefs and not on facts. We need to help them change their language to new language that is free of pain. Looking behind emotional pain and we usually find a belief masking as a fact. Living as if beliefs were facts can be disillusioning if not downright frustrating. How does all this fit into bullying and substance use? Many youth start to use substances or alcohol as a way of fitting in and or dealing with their low selfesteem issues. As the father of two girls, I have found that no matter how they were parented, they both had different perceptions and developmental issues. My oldest was what I referred to as our microwave child, she was always in a hurry and fast and furious in her developmental process. My youngest was the slow cooker child. She always needed prodding and encouragement. She sometimes believes that she doesn’t measure up. This not because my wife and I did not encouraged her same as we did with our eldest child. We encouraged both children to look at their mistakes as learning opportunities and not as defining who they are at their core as a person. Alternatively, believing that you’re a generally good person who makes mistakes helps you to accept your flaws and work on them. Thus, adjusting a distorted perspective is crucial in working through self-esteem issues. When people can take a non-distorted look at themselves, they’ll see they’re like everyone else, with strengths and weaknesses. QC Family Focus - October 2014 27
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QC Family Focus: October 2014

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