Her Umbrella Winter 2015 / Issue 2

In fact, I recently read an article completely bashing
those with hyphenated names and making a list of all the
reasons why having one is a ?complete nightmare.? Reasons
being that forms are never long enough and people ignore it
when addressing wedding invitations (which is, in fact, true).
Pardon me, but convenience of filling out a form is not and
would never be a valid reason to change my name and
essentially erase the first 23 years of my life as a Fleming. I
hyphenated to serve two purposes: to keep my individuality
but to also keep the ability to be recognized as a family unit
once we had a child.
One question that I?ve gotten plenty of times is,
?Doesn?t it hurt your husband?s feelings?? Well, even if it did
(which it doesn?t), what about my feelings? It?s not that I
don?t want to be his ?Mrs.? I mean, I sure as hell don?t want
anyone else to be. But, I have a bigger hunger to stay who
I?ve always been and a big part of that is my name. Erasing
that always felt wrong, it left a sour taste in my mouth to lose
that connection to my family that I?d had since birth. I realize
that may sound silly to some, but I think it sounds silly to be
a ?Mrs. {insert husband-to-be?s full name here},? it?s an
antiquated tradition. Wives are more than just their husband?s
wife.
Some close women in my life have divulged to me
that changing their name when they got married was just
what was ?supposed? to happen and afterward they felt like
they had lost a piece of themselves in the process. Others
had been so happy to rid themselves of their past that they
seemed to be giddier about their name change than the fact
that they were also gaining a husband in the process. These
two examples prove to me that women have the right to do
what they wish and there shouldn?t be any expectation or
judgment of what?s done afterward. We put names on things
to identify them and why after 23 years of being identified
as a Fleming I was expected to change to "Baxter" without a
blink of an eye seemed archaic. Telling me something is
tradition has never been enough for me to follow along,
especially if I don?t believe in it.
Wives are more than just their
husband's wife.
My daughter, Claire, may not have my Fleming name
on her birth certificate ? although she certainly has the
mouth and grin to match ? she does have Baxter. And my
hope is that when she walks down the aisle someday and
exchanges rings and vows that she walks away hyphenated
all on her own. When she adds that special, magical person to
her life, she?ll add that piece of the puzzle to her name
instead of getting rid of a piece that we gave her. And taking
away a piece that my parents gave me never felt right,
besides, Justin fell in love with Grace Lynne Fleming. And
Grace Baxter? Well, she doesn?t live here.
Always signing
as a Fleming.
Winter 2015 / Her Umbrella 35