Nexus 24 2015

NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment
HOROSCOPES – WHAKAKITENGA
Capricorn (December 22 — January 19)
Don’t you go out in the rain. Don’t go out in the pouring
rain. Because there won’t be any — summer is officially
on its way and if Nexus Horoscopes say it then it must be
true. Unless it’s Tuesday in which case it might be raining.
Cancer (June 21 — July 22)
Let sleeping dogs lie. If they still want you in their life they
will overlook your shortcomings and dumb ass decisions.
Unless you keep wanking on about how “sorry” you are —
nobody wanna spend a summer with a guilty fool.
Aquarius (January 20 — February 18)
Treat others how you like to be treated. Smile at everyone
you see because exam time is going to be hard on all.
Group members of course are excluded, those garden
slugs have slowed you down too many times this semester.
Leo (July 23 — August 22)
What will 2016 bring? LOL WE DON’T KNOW. Tune in
next year for more thrilling fortune-telling and shittalking,
but until then — many, many computer-bound
days are in your future. Stay hydrated.
Pisces (February 19 — March 20)
If you ever needed a reason to follow your dreams, this is
it. THIS IS YOUR SIGN. Cut it out and hang it above your
bed because you’re headed to the top baby... As soon as
you finish this breakfast burrito of last night’s leftovers.
Virgo (August 23 — September 22)
Wondering where to go from here? Aren’t we all. Our
summer mission is a tropical beach with palm trees
and tokenist tourism. Beyond that, it’s up to you. Take a
breather and read a good, intellectual book.
Aries (March 21 — April 19)
Some people don’t know how shit they really are. Does this
mean it’s not their fault that they’re shit? No. Ignorance is
never an excuse for poor behaviour. Educate the halfwits:
“I think you should know, that you’re a piece of shit.”
Libra (September 23 — October 22)
Don’t worry about your perpetually single status. It
doesn’t mean you can’t still score with models, you just
might need to start caring about something other than
yourself, like endangered animals or LGBT rights.
Taurus (April 20 — May 20)
It’s that time of semester. While it will be tempting to slack
off on all responsibilities, at least attempt to maintain a
moderately healthy diet. Dry flavourless noodles are for
4am my-card-declined-at-Subway emergencies only.
Scorpio (October 23 — November 21)
What a cracker of a day. Such a pity you have to spend it
inside staring out the Level 3 windows wondering how
people still manage to put on pants. If these people are
your friends you have permission to kind of hate them.
Gemini (May 21 — June 20)
You’ve taken a lot of time off for yourself lately, which is
good. But too much of a good thing can be dangerously
self indulgent. Delay that gratification and treat yo’self,
but only once you’ve written another 400 words, plz.
Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21)
You may think you’re stressed and tired, but try finding
time to do all the regular things as well as looking to
the stars each week for Nexus horoscopes. Could you
handle that too?
WHAT’S HOT, WHAT’S NOT – NGA MEA PAI, ME NGA MEA KINO
WHAT’S HOT
1. The Sun (lol)
2. 10 weeks until Christmas
3. Genuine compliments (hint: the
compliment-giver could be you)
WHAT’S NOT
1. Locking yourself up inside bingewatching
2. Sweating your life away at 12pm
only to freeze at 8pm
3. 10 weeks until Boxing Day Sales,
have fun sales staff
12 N.24 / V.47 SUMMER