NEXUS ISSUE 22 2014

N.22 / V.46

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nexus magazine
EDITOR
RACHAEL ELLIOTT
EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
DESIGN
HAYLIE GRAY
CONTENTS
MANAGING EDITOR
JAMES RAFFAN
CONTRIBUTORS
SPORTS GUY
DR RICHARD SWAINSON
HP
BEATS BY J
PETER DORNAUF
AUNTY SLUT
MELISA MARTIN
ALIX HIGBY
JESSICA WILSON
AMBER CARDALE
KARL GUETHERT
LOUISE HUTT
SWEET PAINTED LADY
LAURENCE MCLEAN
MATT HICKS
CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER
JULES CRAFT
SARA LEMME
DARCIE
TEE SHIP
ONYX LILY
TIM ELPHICK
ZAC LYON
COVER ARTWORK
MARY FABER
TYPOGRAPHER, WELLINGTON
WWW.MASHSTUDIO.CO.NZ
FACEBOOK.COM/MASHSTUDIO
PHOTOGRAPHY
LOUISE HUTT
JOHNNY RYAN
BECKI MOSS
ANDRE KONG
—
_03 Editorial
_04 Lettuce to the Editor
_05 News
_08 News from the University
_09 Sport
_10 Ridiculist & Vox Pops
_11 Reviews
_14 Honest Matt
_15 Horoscopes & Playlist
_16 Auteur
_17 Arts and Stuff
_18 C.V. Tips
_22 The BA Guide: What to do
When You've Got Bugger All
_26 D'you want a career with that?
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_29 Columns
_38 Blind Date
_39 Advice
_41 Recipe
_42 Puzzles
2 nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine
PHOTOGRAPH: JOHNNY RYAN
EDITORIAL
RACHAEL ELLIOTT
—
Here are the pros and Cons of various part-time jobs you
don’t want to turn into a career, tried and tested by yours
truly.
Lolly Girl at the Dairy Pros- This was actually a pretty sweet gig, if
your definition of ‘sweet gig’ is, I occasionally got to eat 5c lollies
without my boss knowing. Cons- one really huge arm from rolling
800 ice creams a day in summer, and standing there listening to
EVERY five year old child in town say “I’ll have 5c of gummy bears
and uhhhmmm….. 5c of….” Let’s just say, the instinctual urge to kill
small children on sight stays with me to this day.
Cow Milker Pros- Um… the majestic sight of the mist rising off the
paddocks in the morning? Cons- Watching the mist rise off the paddocks
knowing that it’s -4 degrees and you’re going to be very cold
very soon. Also covered in shit. Pretty much all over. Probably piss
too. And there’s always the possibility you’ll get kicked in the head.
Did I mention the 4am start time?
Goat Milker Pros- Goats are cleaner than cows (dry pellets instead
of sloppy pats) so if they shit on you it bounces off. Cons- They smell
like old piss and dirty socks. They chew everything, including your hair
if you’re not careful. They have sharp demon hooves to stomp you
when you’re not looking and they’re very clever escape artists. It’s as
if they’re TRYING to get you fired.
Foal Watch Pros- Watch the horses and help them have babies!
Cute baby horses! Cons- Standing in the rain and mud for 6pm to 6am
shifts. Getting absolutely covered in placenta. Sometimes, if you’re
really lucky, it goes in your mouth! Also, some of these horses are
worth millions of dollars. The first foal I helped deliver was insured
for $1.6million before it even stood up. That’s a lot of pressure at
4am. Then there’s knowing the cute baby horses are probably going
to be physically fucked up and put down before they’ve even finished
growing, because money.
Bartending on a charter ferry Pros- There was this one time I saw
dolphins and it was magical. Cons- People vomit on boats without
getting drunk. Drunk people vomit a lot. The combination can be truly
fucking spectacular. On a rough day you have to be kind to all the
people vomiting, and you must not vomit yourself. If you vomit, the
masses will lose all hope and you’ll have mutiny on your hands- and
mutiny never ends well. There is also the possibility you’ll lose half
your hand in a rope accident (not me, a friend) or an unexpected wave
will unbalance you as you try to tie the boat up and you will fall into
the water, convinced you’re about to be crushed between the ferry
and the wharf.
Nexus Editor Pros- Getting (sort of) paid to write things, laugh at
people’s poor grammar/spelling and then fixing it, working with awesome
people, scoring review tickets to rad gigs and getting to give
people free stuff. Cons- Wait, I DO want to turn this one into a career.
There are no cons! #pleasehireme
3

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LETTUCE
Cupcake
Disappointment
ANONYMOUS
I thought that the cupcakes could have been bigger at
the AGM, I am a hungry poor student - and I depend on
the goodwill of our student body to help us out in the
most practicable ways. They need to provide more, the
cupcakes just didn't cut it.
Event of the
Decade!
A STUDENT WHOSE VOTE WON'T BE BROUGHT BY A CUPCAKE.
take more than the temptation of cupcakes and coke to
get you to come and talk about your future as students.
Futhermore, the conduct displayed by some of the board
members was embarrassing. Actually, it was mainly just
Zanian Steele. Seriously dude, you were acting like a
child out there. We would have gotten more intelligence
out of the crying baby a few rows in front of me. Nice
jacket, by the way.
Anyway, we need fairer, more accurate means of determining
what the majority of students want because
these meetings aren't getting us anywhere. Maybe we
should look at online meetings where everyone has a
secure vote that can be easily counted. Or something
like that.
WSU AGM
SAM
Student politics came alive! Shit got real when every
motion at the AGM got shut down. Well over 150
students came to be heard and they were not happy,
especially with the WSU president. In the end the
meeting was adjoined. What a mess, almost the
entire audience and even some members of the board
opposed the motions! I hope the board actually listened
to those who were there and change their plan and budget
to cater to what students actually want. People love
to say students don't care, that they are apathetic. Well
not on that Wednesday.
Dearest Waikato
So I went along to the WSU AGM yesterday, mainly
because of the free beer and delicious looking cupcakes
(they were delicious, big ups to the chef!) But it was
evident that cupcakes couldn't quell the anger and frustration
of a broad range of students.
Students were angry that they hadn't been consulted
on decisions made that would impact their time at
university. What was interesting was how the WSU
Board dismissed these claims as unimportant. Board
members rolling their eyes at Maori representation and
a safe space for LGBT students isn't a laughing matter.
If I can see that as a straight, white first year student,
how come these 'experienced' board members can't?
Or is it that they just don't want to?
DISCLAIMER:
Letters published contain the opinion of
the writer and the writer alone. Nexus
publications take no responsibility for the
content or opinions so expressed. By submitting
your letter you give consent to its
publication in Nexus and subsequent public
scrutiny. Letters are the authors own
work and Nexus will not edit to compensate
for lack of intelligence or coherency.
Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse
to publish any letter which breaches any
law, is defamatory to any person, or contains
threats of violence or hate speech.
JUST-A-LITTLE-BIT-EMBARRASSED
When it takes an hour to move past something as trivial
as minutes of the last SGM, there's something seriously
wrong with our AGM. Words such as 'unconstitutional'
and 'no confidence' would actually mean something if
the majority of the meeting wasn't one crazy person's
personal crazy group. How can we say that our meetings
are a fair representation of Waikato students when
you've gone and asked all your mates to turn up and
agree with everything you say? The only thing that tells
us is that you have a lot of mates. Good for you.
The fault mostly lies with Waikato students, though. This
is important stuff we're talking about. You should care
more about this! Seriously, get involved. It shouldn't
Physic Link?
DEEPLY SPIRITUAL TELEPATHETIC PERSON
I'm afraid that the WSU president and quite frankly
the next President, seem to be sharing thoughts and
strategies together lol - not in word but by telepathic
communications and by that, they think they thought
stuff - the President described his record of certain
motions are correct by nature – that’s really really legal!
Got something to say? Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz
4 nexusmag.co.nz

NEWS
nexus magazine
LEADERSHIP CHALLENGES ARE CONTAGIOUS
JAMES RAFFAN
—
Last week’s WSU AGM had it all. There were big personalities, a clear show of dissent
from at least two board members, a ticking clock and a question about how to
vote ‘no confidence.’ For those of you that love this sort of thing, the good news is
that we will get to do it all again in a few weeks.
Due to lecture theatre bookings the AGM was under pressure to be done within
the hour. Unfortunately the events of the last few months (starting at the SGM and
continuing through the election) had set this up to be a conversation that was never
going to be contained in a fifty minute booking.
“It’s unfortunate that we were unable to discuss the substantive business of the
meeting because I’m certain that the large majority of students are supportive of
what we are doing in the clubs, lobbying and finance areas. The issue is that it
wasn’t these students sitting in our AGM and it was quite clear that we had a group
of students in front of us who were feeling disenfranchised. I’ll be working with
our Vice-President Maori to meet with the various Roopu over the coming week
to try and put forward a plan of action that we can all live with,” said President
Aaron Letcher.
Alvina Edwards who attended the meeting and has been vocal in recent criticisms
of the board said to Nexus following the meeting “I am horrified to think that
our current directorship in WSU [excluding a few] would consider any part of their
recent actions in the Elections, SGM, AGM and in their own meetings- is anything
near accountable or even being transparent. It all lacks good faith and fair consultation;
zero is culturally appropriate; and they make things up as they go,”
“I suggest that we all start asking some tough questions of our current WSU representation
- because they are only there because of us” she added.
The issues that exist seem almost as much to be about the personalities involved
on both sides as they were about what was being discussed. In one corner there
was a board who feel that they have done significant work for students this year
and in the other corner there was a group who felt under-represented, unconsulted
and disenfranchised.
“It was a little disappointing as I feel this year’s team has achieved a lot for students
and we were hoping to put forward a plan for 2015 that would allow them
to build on that good work. Unfortunately we didn’t make it far enough through
the meeting to even discuss the annual plan or budget,” said President Letcher.
The Annual Report (which was passed) highlights what the board views as significant
work for students around extended library hours, swipe card access, vans,
and better internet access. However the majority in attendance at the AGM were of
the view that issues such as the SGM and the decision to remain outside of NZUSA
have not been properly considered or consulted on.
The meeting stalled over accepting the minutes of the SGM with a number of
members asking for amendments to the record and suggesting that the record was
inaccurate and did not reflect the members’ recollection of the events that transpired.
When it became clear that no agreement could be reached on the minutes
they were deferred for further discussion. There was not enough time to pass the
Annual Plan for 2015 and, more concerning, the budget.
“Constitutionally we need to schedule a second AGM in no more than 15 business
days. The budget and annual plan are the two most important documents
for our organisation so we will be working hard to get them across the line.” said
Aaron Letcher.
President Letcher was also asked to provide the meeting with the process for
removing him with a vote of no confidence. This would require a signed petition of
700 students to instigate an SGM and 250 students must vote on the motion. The
question led to a show of hands as to how many people would sign such a petition
(pictured above).
WSU Board member Zanian Steele was openly critical of the annual plan and
budget including the decision not to re-commit to the New Zealand Union of
Student Associations (an organisation the WSU was last part of in 2013 at a cost of
$20,000). Mr Steele felt membership to a wider network of student organisations
was an imperative function of the WSU and money should be set aside for the next
board to rejoin.
“It’s disappointing that some board members would rather voice their concern in
a public meeting than work through the issues constructively in the appropriate
manner but what’s done is done. This is now an internal matter that we will work
through.” said President Letcher.
Should the board carry the remaining motions at the second AGM, then it will
likely earn a brief respite until next year. A number of the key players in last week’s
events have been elected to serve on the board together in 2015.
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nexus magazine
"OBVIOUSLY, A
LOT OF STUFF
WENT WRONG." –
NO SHIT.
SARA LEMME
—
After barely a year in the position, Labour leader David
Cunliffe is already being blamed for Labour’s defeat. His
SEA CHANGE?
CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER
—
The post-election stocktakes and prognostications which temporarily blanketed New
Zealand's news media may have dampened the impact of the People's Climate March
on some news-watcher's psyches down here. Despite the inconsiderate timing on behalf
of the Yanks and the U.N., the rally which took place on September 21st to precede the
U.N. Climate Summit on the 23rd in New York City, is something that's probably worth
thinking about.
The Climate March, which was called for by the high-profile climate change activism
group 350.org in May, was announced by full page advertisements in the New York Times
and video advertisements in Times Square.
Estimates of the turnout range to around 400,000 participants of diverse backgrounds and
political affiliations gathering in New York City, as well as 2808 solidarity events in 166 other
“IT IS THE BIGGEST POLITICAL ACTION TO DRAW ATTENTION TO
THE ISSUE OF CLIMATE CHANGE IN HISTORY, AND ONE OF THE
BIGGEST PROTEST GATHERINGS IN RECENT HISTORY.”
countries. It is the biggest political action to draw attention to the issue of climate change
in history, and one of the biggest protest gatherings in recent history. Our own iteration
of the People's Climate March can stake the claim to being the first of the actions in the
world on the 21 st . It involved several hundred people from around the country meeting in
Auckland to march up Queen Street.
At the somewhat overshadowed Climate Summit, U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon
called for "bold pledges" from the assembled representatives, opening the proceedings by
saying "we are not here to talk, we are here to make history."
Vice-Premier of China, Zhang Gaoli announced in a long-anticipated move that China's
emissions would peak, aiming for deep emission cuts by 2020. For their part, the American's
most significant move is Obama's new executive order which will require federal agencies
to factor sustainability into their development programmes.
Time is running out to look serious for the Paris Climate Summit at the end of next year
which is supposed to yield the first universal and legally binding agreement on climate.
head is set to roll and his hissy fits are hopefully going
to continue.
In a seven hour caucus meeting last Tuesday, the Labour
MPs discussed the party’s future- and then wouldn’t tell
anyone what they talked about afterward. The meeting
came after Labour suffered the worst loss the party has had
since 1922 and Cunliffe, following standard procedure, came
out that morning and took full responsibility for it. Declaring
himself captain obvious, he acknowledged things didn’t go
to plan: "obviously, a lot of stuff went wrong."
Cunliffe was also quick to reprimand other senior MPs,
namely former leaders Phil Goff and David Shearer, who had
spoken to media following the election. Apparently all the
MPS had made a secret pact in a club called “Senior MPs
only - no media allowed” or something of the like. Shearer
said he was not aware of the agreement to not speak to
the media before the caucus meeting and didn’t feel he
had to stay quiet either. Shearer is wanting to see a proper
independent analysis as to what went wrong, before any
decision on whether leadership needs to change is made.
It seems as though the Labour caucus is yet again going
to be heading into a primary-style leadership contest before
Christmas- if Cunliffe has his way, though many within the
party believe this doesn’t leave contenders much time
to prepare.
Using the popular blame-the-leadership scapegoat, the
Labour caucus are following the recent trend of constant
power battles within the party. Goff stood down as leader
after one term in 2011, superseded by Shearer who lasted
until last year when he resigned and was replaced by
Cunliffe. National on the other hand, has had John Key
since 2006.
When Helen Clark became leader of the opposition for
Labour in 1993, she didn’t win the 1996 election, but she
wasn’t rolled by any power hungry, middle-aged white
males either. She went on to kick ass in the 1999 election
and continued to kick ass for the following two elections as
well, becoming the longest serving prime minister. Perhaps
Labour needs a history lesson- or maybe Cunliffe, is in fact,
not kick ass enough.
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FLAGGING
SUPPORT
RACHAEL ELLIOTT
—
Like all people who stay in a job too long, John Key is
determined to leave a lasting visual reminder of his tenure.
Selling off our assets is not enough- he wants to be
the PM who holds a referendum on our flag. But with the
debate over it spanning decades, whether he’ll get his wish
remains to be seen.
Despite the fact that in a March survey 52% of people
didn’t see a need for change, Key says a new flag is his
priority. (It’s not like he has enough to do, sorting out the
questionable behaviour of his party members after all.)
Flying since 1861 and official since 1902, critics describe
our current Union Jack/Southern Cross combo as a colonial
relic that is no longer representational of New Zealand. But
fans say that it’s disrespectful to all those who have died for
it to even consider a change.
Possible alternative flags range from the silver fern (that
anyone who has ever attended a sports event with recognise),
a hybrid silver fern/southern cross flag made popular
by a 2002 NZ Herald article or a slightly swastika-esque
design, featuring a tessellated ‘NZ’ in the place of the Union
Jack. Some are championing tino rangatiratanga (the official
Maori flag), while others think we should take Helen
Clarke’s lazy option of just blanking out the Union Jack
altogether and being done with it.
In March Key stated “The flag remains dominated by the
Union Jack in a way that we ourselves are no longer dominated
by the United Kingdom… I am proposing that we
take one more step in the evolution of modern New Zealand
by acknowledging our independence through a new flag.”
I’m not sure when we declared Independence from Great
Britain, but either way I think we could save a lot of time
and resources by just using a huge picture of John Key,
because I doubt anything less will shut him up.
TWO KIDS WORK TO CONNECT
EVERY UNIVERSITY IN
NEW ZEALAND.
PRESS RELEASE
—
Facebook bloggers Two Kids at University (TKAU) are
targeting every single university in New Zealand with
their new competition Camp Two Kids.
Louis Davis and Jules Craft are offering pairs of friends
from each University in New Zealand the opportunity
to win V.I.P passes to the Gisborne New Year’s music
festival Rhythm and Vines. As a package deal the pairs
selected will also be camping in a specifically reserved
spot within the sister BW summer festival camp grounds.
Two Kids are asking pairs of students all over the country
to prove why Rhythm and Vines, and BW summer
festival will be missing out if each pair’s respective university
is not represented by their duo at Camp Two Kids.
This idea must be represented in a video (or picture)
format no longer than 15 seconds and be posted on the
Two Kids at University Facebook wall with the hashtag
#CampTwoKids.
“This year we have been so humbled and grateful for
the constant support we have received from students
all over the country, organising this event is an amazing
opportunity to give back and also continue promoting
student culture.”
“Louis and I have always been about meeting and connecting
people, we want to offer and create events that
connect students from all the universities across the
country.” Added Jules
With Rhythm and Vines already being one of the
largest student attended events in the country Camp
Two Kids gives students the chance to make their trip
more affordable and also a completely new way to
experience it.
The Two Kids duo will be choosing University reps
based off of how creative the video content is, how
well the pairs represent their university, and the “social
butterfly factor.” Entries for the competition open today
however the first round of winners will not be announced
until the end of October.
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nexus magazine
NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY
CAREER WORKSHOPS IN
TAURANGA - 6 OCTOBER
—
Looking for advice with CV, cover letters, job search, career pathways or interview skills? Come along on
Monday 6 October to our workshops and/or book a one-on-one appointment in Tauranga. There is a cover
letter writing workshop at the Windermere campus from 10.30-11.30am in C12, and a CV preparation
workshop at the Bongard Centre from 10.30-11.30am in DT423.
Our Career Development Advisors are also available for half-hour, one-on-one advice appointments. Bring
your CV and cover letter examples, have a mock interview, or get some other employment or scholarship
application-related advice. Appointments are at the Bongard Centre in DT132 (in the Atea) and Windermere
Campus in V3. You must register for an appointment. Email uwt@waikato.ac.nz or phone 571 0190 ext
7500 and advise your name, student ID and contact phone number.
NEW ART TO
CELEBRATE FIRST
HALF CENTURY
—
There’s a new sculpture on campus. It’s sitting on the grass area
between L Block and Te Manawa – the Student Centre. The work is to
celebrate the University’s first 50 years and will have its official unveiling
on Tuesday 7 October at sunrise (around about 6.30am). Students
are welcome to attend the unveiling but must email rsvp@waikato.
ac.nz before 2 October. The work’s creator is artist Sophie Hermann,
and it comprises six elements all in the shape of an “L”, the Roman
numeral 50. Five of the forms represent the past five decades of the
University and the sixth represents a portal to the future. A dance
performance for the new sculpture will take place on Wednesday 8
October during cultural hour (1-2pm).
B SEMESTER EXAM
TIMETABLES
—
The 2014 B Semester Examination Timetable is now available. Please
check the Examination Timetable carefully to make sure you have the
correct room, time and date for your exam. You can check the timetable
now by visiting timetable.waikato.ac.nz/exams. For further
enquiries please email exams@waikato.ac.nz or phone 07 838 4466
extn 8018.
Tauranga students – if you are enrolled in Bay of Plenty Polytechnic
papers and are worried about clashes with your University of Waikato
exams, please contact Anne-Marie Kell, DT419A, Level 4, Bongard
Centre or on 07 571 0190 extn 5158 or at amkell@waikato.ac.nz
CAMPUS FUN RUN SERIES
ON AGAIN IN HAMILTON
—
The Campus 5km Fun Run and Walk is returning to campus, starting Monday 6 October and running
every Monday night until 15 December and then again from early 2015. Registrations start at 5pm outside
Momento Café on the Village Green. Walkers start between 5pm and 6pm, while runners start at 6pm.
Registration is $6 which entitles participants to a free beer, cider or non-alcoholic drink at the end. Spot
prizes are also awarded on the night. The Campus 5km Fun Run and Walk is in association with the
Hamilton City Hawks running club, UniRec, Momento Café and Good George. For more information email
unipr@waikato.ac.nz
BLUES AWARDS THIS
WEEK
—
The University will be honouring more than 60 high-achieving students
who excel in sports and the creative and performing arts at the 2014
Wallace Corporation University of Waikato Blues Awards ceremony on
3 October at the Academy. Congratulations to all our Blues Awards
recipients. www.waikato.ac.nz/events/blues
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WHAT’S WRONG
WITH MANCHESTER
UNITED? (THE 2014/15
EDITION)
SPORTS GUY - OPINION
—
Some of you might remember last EPL season I wrote a piece about what
was wrong with United in which I defended David Moyes. He was fired at
the end of the season and now they’re doing even worse to start the new
season under a new manager. In the three games United have had against
the newly promoted teams, they have picked up just 4 of a possible 9 points;
drawing 0-0 with Burnley, beating QPR 4-0 and LOSING to Leicester 5-3.
This leaves the Red Devils sitting in 12 th position on the table with only 5
points after 5 rounds. So what’s wrong here?
I think the 5-3 result with Leicester tells the story. Their new manager spent
their entire off season signing midfielders and strikers, not defenders. It’s
no secret that Manchester United lack a decent and consistent centre back.
So instead of spending more on the signing of Di Maria than Burnley have
spent in the history of their club’s existence, they should have been looking
at CBs; and it’s not like they’d have had to shell out a bunch of cash to sign
someone who can play that role.
If I was the manager, I’d have been targeting Bacary Sagna. The French
defender was a free agent in the off season, meaning you don’t have to
pay a transfer fee for him. Why on Earth would you overlook someone who
would fill the giant flaw in your team, who you could get for free? It would
have been smart to try to sign him, and then go after the big money players.
All signing Sagna would have done is delay it, not reduce the available
money for transfers.
Oh well, I’m glad I’m not a Manchester United supporter at the moment.
Let’s see if they can turn the season around sometime soon.
WHY TAKE UP
A SPORT?
SPORTS GUY
—
It always baffles me when I hear people who don’t play
sport knocking it and questioning why anyone would want
to do such a thing. I’m not saying that everyone on the
planet should play some form of sport, but here are a few
reasons to give it a go if you’re considering it.
Wellbeing: Probably the most obvious reason to participate
in anything that requires the expending of energy. Most
sports require a lot of movement and will give you a massive
dose of your exercising needs. It’s a good way to get
to and/or maintain a certain fitness level, and pushes you
to not let that slip.
Discipline: I like to argue that playing a sport can teach
good discipline. There are a number of rules that must be
followed in each sport, but the focus and determination
required to train numerous times a week can also contribute
to this. Training is a great way to work on your goal setting
and self-motivation too.
Enjoyment: Playing sport is fun. Even if you have no idea
what you’re doing. Almost every club sport is divided into
leagues dependent on your skill level. So if you’ve never
played before, you can be put in a team with other beginners
and learn together. You won’t feel stupid because
everyone will be on the same level, and you’ll make some
new friends in the process.
So if you’ve ever considered trying out a sport, I highly recommend
it. It’s fun, keeps you healthy and is a great way
to stay in shape.
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nexus magazine
RIDICULIST
Part-time jobs you shouldn't tell Mum about.
VOX POPS
Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people.
1
Anything that involves a costume with a huge
cartoon head.
Small kids will punch you in the nads. Big kids
will tackle you. Your 21 st is coming, and there will
be pictures.
2
Sign Spinning.
Unless you have moves so rad people crash into each
other because they're too busy watching your genius,
you'll never live it down. Also, she will make you do
this for funsies whenever you go visit.
3
Call Center Work.
To your Mum, this means that you're always available
to chat. Your workmates will get sick of her asking for
you, and it's only a matter of time before your boss
finds out.
4
Sperm/Egg Donation.
Whatever else she says, she doesn't want a grandchild
that badly.
5
Pizza Delivery Person.
Your mum hasn't forgotten those people who were
lured to a fake address and beaten with a baseball bat.
She worries, you know.
6
Any job that requires you to be topless.
No matter how legit it is, she's just going to think
you're on drugs.
7
Drug Trials.
No matter how legit it is, she's just going to think
you're on drugs.
Rebecca, Psych and Management.
If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Join the police
or the army. If you could have any job in the world - what would it
be? Professional snowboarder. Best life lesson you've learnt so far?
Be nice to people.
Matt, Accounting.
If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Working in some
retail store. If you could have any job in the world - what would it be?
Hunting guide in the states or CEO of sports team in America. Best
life lesson you've learnt so far? If you have the right mental approach
then you'll be sweet.
Jessica, Psychology.
If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? I don't think
there'd be another option. If you could have any job in the world
- what would it be? Always wanted to be a cat - sitting in the sun
all day! Best life lesson you've learnt so far? Just do it - no matter
how hard it is.
Amy, Screen and Media.
If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Working fulltime.
If you could have any job in the world - what would it be? Listen
to music professionally. Best life lesson you've learnt so far? Don't
sweat the small stuff.
Ashleigh, BCGD.
If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Snowboarding.
If you could have any job in the world - what would it be? Owner of
Redbull. Best life lesson you've learnt so far? #freespirit.
Ashlee, Chemistry.
If you hadn't gone to uni, what would you be doing? Mountain
biking. If you could have any job in the world - what would it be?
CEO of Bongo Sushi. Best life lesson you've learnt so far? "Together
everyone achieves more" - Karon Brown.
10 nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine
Magic In The
Moonlight
The Maze Runner
FILM REVIEW BY DARCIE
FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON
Blue Jasmine, Woody Allen's 2013 hit, took its lead from Tennessee
Williams' A Streetcar Named Desire. Magic in the Moonlight, this
year's effort from Allen, would seem to be equally inspired by George
Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion and/or its musical adaptation, My Fair
Lady. Set in Germany and in the south of France during the summer
of 1928, Moonlight is a romantic comedy, the tale of a relationship
between Stanley, a middle-aged illusionist and Sophie, a 20 something
spiritual medium whose psychic powers he sets out to debunk.
Both characters are well cast. Colin Firth is particularly impressive as
the curmudgeonly rationalist, imbuing Stanley with the ranting anger
of a John Cleese character and the insufferable arrogance and condescension
of Rex Harrison's Henry Higgins. The continental backdrops
are both beautiful and atmospheric, Allen's recreation of the sound
and aesthetics of the Jazz Age reflecting his usual craft and attention
to detail and personal enthusiasm for the music of the era.
For all the surface charms though, this is mid-range Allen. His
dialogue often sounds forced, if not mannered and the thematic oppositions
rapidly become one note. A science versus spirituality debate
is laboured at the expense of developing an emotionally credible
connection between Stanley and Sophie and his unrelenting smugness
challenges audience sympathy. The last scene - clearly lifted
from My Fair Lady - has its own satisfaction but mostly the magic is
missing. Also, for those who care about such things, the plot twist
is rather predictable.
The maze runner is another attempt to bring a YA book series to the
big screen. These often turn out average at best, but on a rare occasion
morph into something big, like Harry Potter and The Hunger
Games. Whether or not the latter is the case with The Maze Runner
is undecided at this stage – but probably not.
Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) finds himself ascended into a strange
closed field, surrounded by about a dozen other boys, and the field
itself is surrounded by The Maze. Like the others, Thomas’ memory is
kind of kaput, save for his name. He learns what little is known about
their situation – they are surrounded by a maze, they don’t know
why, don’t know who put them there and don’t know how to get
out. Being the curious one, Thomas wants to know more, and tries
to insert himself into the role of ‘runners’ who are those who explore
the maze to find a way out.
This movie actually wasn’t too bad, it didn’t linger unnecessarily,
it had its moments of suspense, and the actors were well picked.
Although the actual characters mainly seemed so-so, Will Poulter,
Thomas Brodie-Sangster, and obviously Dylan O’Brien in lead were
good. Ki Hong Lee was one who I was impressed with acting and
character, as well as Aml Ameen. The diversity of the characters in
regards to ethnic backgrounds was awesome to see, but the main
thing was that I was constantly intrigued about the purpose of
the maze.
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FVEY
ALBUM REVIEW BY JAMES RAFFAN
Deep Fantasy
ALBUM REVIEW BY HP
I used to wonder if James Reed from the Feelers lay awake in his
Christchurch flat wondering why his music was commercial and soulless
when compared with John Toogood’s Shihad. I thought Shihad
could do no wrong. Then they changed their name to Pacifier and
seemingly spent the majority of the next decade producing shit music
and hiding behind hackish clichés like “We are discovering a new
sound.” And just like that I was done with Shihad.
After 2010’s “Ignite” it seemed even Shihad was done with
Shihad. And it seems weird to be writing the next part but it
feels like the band was reawakened after the tragic events of the
Christchurch earthquake.
FVEY doesn’t just sound like a love letter to Christchurch, it sounds
like a desire to return back to their roots and to rediscover what made
them great. Toogood is back to his “General Electric” best and, unlike
the upcoming Brooke Fraser album, they haven’t tried to ride the
Lorde wave and create a derivative new sound. Shihad are just back to
what made them fucking great to begin with. Hard driving guitar riffs
and vocals that make you want to lose your shit and throw yourself
around. This isn’t just rock for the sake of rock though. Shihad has
something to say. Songs like “The Big Lie,” “Think You’re So Free,”
and the slightly punk (at least in chord progression) “Model Citizen”
let you know that Shihad are angry. And let’s face it- angry has always
worked best for Shihad.
Feminist Punk Rock holds a sweet spot in my heart I have to admit. It
reminds me of my sweet lady friend ranting and raving. It reminds me
of bands I used to play in. It reminds me of getting angry. So Canadian
quartet, White Lung was probably a band I was always going to have a
predisposition to enjoy. Their third album, however, might be as close
to perfect as anyone could hope for.
At 22 minutes, there is a lot to love in not a lot of time. The band
flies along at breakneck pace. Opener, Down with the Monster, is
a microcosm of the album. It screeches and smashes with heavy
cymbals while singer Mish Way chants rhythmic mission statements.
Then the band hurtles into standout track, Down it Goes, with its
pop-hook-laden chorus and frantic guitars. The energy of this band
is infectious; soon feet are tapping, heads nodding and if you’re not
careful, a mosh pit is bound to break out in your kitchen.
The word feminist can put people off. For one reason or another,
some have interpreted that word as man-hating fascists, but that’s not
the essence of this band or their message at all. It’s about a woman
(or women) holding their own. Lyrics like “I'm not as strong as you/
But I am everywhere” are throughout. But hey, if you don’t want to
get too deep, just get this record cos it kicks serious ass.
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White Is For Witching
BOOK REVIEW BY RACHAEL ELLIOTT
Lollipop Chainsaw
GAME REVIEW BY KARL GUETHERT
Helen Oyeyemi knows that it isn’t just children who like ghost stories
with a gothic vibe, and in amongst the strangeness of White is For
Witching (WIFW), I’m still not entirely sure what the hell happened.
But I do know that I loved it.
At first a bit confusing, I eventually figured out that WIFW is narrated
by Eliot (Miri’s twin), Ore (Miri’s lover), an omniscient third
persona (Miri? Her Great Grandmother? I still don’t know) and the
menacing presence of the house itself. It took me a few chapters to
figure out who was speaking and when, but instead of being distracting,
it added to the creepy vibe.
WIFW follows the story of Miri, who, devastated by the loss of her
mother, develops an eating disorder and begins to fade away. At first
this seems a reasonable explanation for Miri’s weight loss and general
degeneration. But it’s not that simple- because Miri’s family live in
their ancestral house, which her father is determined to turn into a
bed and breakfast. But the house, xenophobic, predatory and eerie as
hell, isn’t having a bar of it. WIFW uses the house to comment on the
racist, homophobic tendencies of the British: the house is pissed for
several reasons but especially because Miri is having the sexy time
with a Nigerian woman. In amongst the multitudes of fucked up shit,
the house seems determined to consume Miri herself.
A book that doesn’t require drugs to trip you out- WIFW is a mustread.
Maybe not at home by yourself though (just in case it eats you).
Cheerleaders, zombies and the disembodied head of a boyfriend.
What more could you ask for? Lollipop Chainsaw certainly has all
those, alongside lashings of action, brutality and some big name 70’s
and 80’s musical hits. In this fluoro-coloured zombie slaying gore-fest,
you take on the role of Juliet – chainsaw wielding high school cheerleader
and expert on the occult. Think Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets
any of the Bring It On movies, and you’re probably halfway there.
Lollipop Chainsaw never takes itself seriously at all. You’ll find
almost every cliché thrown in – Undead Elvis, Rockstar Daddy on a
motorbike, dimwitted yet talented kid sister, and more, but that’s the
point. When the musical line-up includes Cherry Bomb, You Spin Me
Right Round and a lovely ditty titled Zombie Vikings Sail On Lightning
Seas you’ll know you’re in for a good romp.
Each Zombie kill will give you coins to spend on unlocking things –
skills, upgrades, costumes and game extras. The more kills you get
at once will give you more coins. Combo-skills are great for this, and
some of these are both brutal and hilarious. However, despite the
gore, the game has an achievement for looking up the main character’s
skirt, so, well, you know ‘mature’ doesn’t factor into the make-up
of the target audience. Many of the jokes have more cheese than
a plain cheese pizza (and will make you groan just as much). Much
of the fighting can get repetitive. But, for mindless fun, this game’s
pretty great.
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HØNEST MATT MEETS TWO KIDS AT UNI
Honest Matt Matt Hicks
You guys are both pretty cool dudes. If you had to pick one who would
you say is cooler (and why)? Louis: That’s dude voice is way too loud, he
needs to shut up ae. I can hear his annoying as shit voice all over the campus.
In regards to who is “cooler?” depends if you like tie-dye shirted hippies with
ball-heads or normal people? Hahahaha
Jules: Aw I believe in equality I’d say we are both as shit as one another,
however while I’m on equality I feel like it’s unfair that Louis is allowed to
have so much more space in the world to fit his head, it kinda reminds me
of the age old argument where fat people should have to pay for two seats
on an aeroplane because they’re taking up more space and oxygen. You
guys are pretty famous now. Have you ever pulled the “do you know
who I am card?” Louis: I don’t think I do? But my friends do to take the piss
out of me. They always give me shit saying “you’ve changed”, “the internet
made you a dick” and “the old Louis would of ...”. To that I say, I love my bro’s
hahahahaha – safe answer.
Jules: Hahahaha Only if I’ve got too horsed and literally can’t remember my
name. I feel like in this context it’s a fair card to pull. Shoot! Root! Marry!
- John Key, David Cunliffe, Kim Dotcom (please provide reasons why)
Louis: Marry Kim Dotcom then live it up on his money. Shoot DC, and root
J… ~error478{unknown}..
Jules: I’m a sucker for a chubby bunny. Marry Dotcom, Root David and make
a private sex tape, shoot John Key when he sniffs through my meta-data like
a predator in an undies draw to find our private love film.
Have either of you ever got a sexual disease? Louis: Nah but I got a
pimple there when I was like 13 and I thought I was gonna die of AIDS.
Jules: Went and got a check last Monday for only my second time, I’m clear
bitches! Na but on a serious note I think the stigma around getting check-ups
needs to be abolished, it’s ridiculous that guys and girls would risk harming
themselves and others because they’re too scared to piss in a cup, I mean
it’s basically just a really small toilet. What are your favourite piss/drugs
combinations? Louis: Education and hard work…
Jules: I’ve been getting into my wine, it makes me all warm and giggly.
Say you were dual Prime Ministers for the day- what would be some
changes you’d make to the country? Louis: Crucify all paedophiles in the
park and let wife-beaters go smash them to blow off steam.
Jules: Compulsory life swaps so everyone understands what it’s like to stand
in someone else’s shoes. Finish this sentence. Hamilton would be better
if… Louis: They realised that nothing is going on here without students, give
students more awesome stuff. Grow the uni and the city will grow.
Jules: If every single student took pride in where they are and every single
person frothed out at the mouth to participate in live acts, D.Js, and
university events. EVERYONE SHOULD COME TO “FUCK OFF FRIDAY”
Everyone is shit at something. What are you guys most shit at? Louis:
Following the plan. I’m chasing every dream other than the one the people
paying for it want. Salute to my family, scholarship panels and overly zealous
lecturers who have a vision for me. I appreciate it but I have to do this
adventure myself.
Jules: Pulling girls without my long luscious locks.
More at sounzgood.co.nz
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Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You know that thing you can’t get over? Well this week you’ve at least
got to stop talking about it. The important sky people are reacting to your
repetitive tirades like everyone who's been confronted by Kim Kardashian-
West crying. First they were amused, and now they’re exasperated.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Yo. Don’t fuss. Go with the flow, man. Wanking on about every little hurdle
will only irritate those who care about you and you will be left with no one.
NO ONE. Not even the happy little spring Tuis in the Kowhai trees can deal
with that brand of shit right now.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Your happiness level is about to skyrocket – there is love in the air. Now,
don’t get ahead of yourself, the love pollution is not necessarily in the
romance department, it could just be that Whittakers comes out with
another novelty way for you to eat your feelings.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Cheer up Charlie; it’s not so bad. You may not have the golden ticket this
week, but in the lottery of life you usually get second chances. The chocolate
factory will only lead you to a high caloric intake and diabetes anyway,
particularly with the state of mind you’re in at present.
Motivate
BEATS BY J
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
“Destiny is for losers” – Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl. This week’s mantra comes
from just another unrealistic TV show full of cattiness, backstabbing, and everyone
sleeping with everyone… hmm actually, if they lost all their money and
moved to the suburbs it could almost be set in Hamilton.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
What’s the big deal now? Take a step back, meditate on it for a minute,
take another step back, and then realise you’ve just taken two steps back
and achieved nothing so maybe you should just get on with it and stop
reading horoscopes looking for advice.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
This week is a struggle. The cosmos will use every trick in the book to test
your limits. Beware of friendly strangers and seemingly safe neighbourhoods,
the gods are gonna mess with you so bad you won’t trust your
own judgement on which ice cream flavour will truly satisfy your cravings.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is something you just
made up in your head to get you through an ordeal. Cling to this reason
and remind yourself that impenetrably strong individuals are defined by
these trials, or are just really, really stupid. Take your pick.
Girl On Fire - Inferno Version
Alicia Keys / Nicki Minaj
Run the World (Girls)
Beyoncé / 4
Titanium
David Guetta / Sia
Good Feeling
Flo Rida / Good Feeling
The Fighter
Gym Class Heroes / The Papercut Chronicles II
Touch The Sky
Kanye West / Lupe Fiasco / Late Registration
Can't Hold Us
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis / The Heist
Live While We're Young
One Direction / Take Me Home: Yearbook Edition
HOROSCOPES
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different
results – so maybe if the same shit keeps happening, and you’re the common
denominator… you’re what needs to change… Like, maybe it’s you
in the same way maybe Taylor Swift is her own problem?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Before you viciously attack someone, take a moment to re-organise your
room, make a new playlist, take a bubble bath and think about what
brought you to this point. We all make bad choices, but an assault charge
is something you’ll have to live with forever.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Quality over quantity, my dear. Who actually feels their existence is justified
by a fuck ton of loose acquaintances or social media followers?
Please, for the love of humankind in the 21st century, aim for something
higher than a contrived popularity contest. Emma Watson should deliver
a speech on this.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Holy shit this is going to be a great week for you. You should take advantage
of what the gods have planned for you - why not start planning a
post-exam holiday to Fiji. No, I don’t care if you can’t afford it, when we
say great week, we mean a great week.
Galvanise
The Chemical Brothers / Push The Button
All I Do Is Win
DJ Khaled / All I Do Is Win
The Edge Of Glory
Lady Gaga / Born This Way
Stronger
Kelly Clarkson / Stronger
Good Life
Kanye West / T-Pain / Graduation
Follow nexusmagazine on Spotifiy.
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nexus magazine
AUTEUR HOUSE PRESENTS FILM FEST
Auteur Dr Richard Swainson
The annual International Film Festival wrapped up a fortnight ago.
Whilst it will be some time before any of the festival movies come out on
DVD, Auteur House has the earlier work of many of their directors. The following
list takes some of the better titles from the festival and details the
back catalogue of the respective auteur.
1. Winter Sleep - for me this 3 1/4 hour epic from Turkey, this year's Palme
d'Or winner at Cannes, was the pick of the litter. Comparisons to Chekov and
Bergman were not misplaced. Co-writer/director Nuri Bilge Ceylan's previous
films are even slower and a lot less dialogue heavy but offer rich rewards for
the patient viewer. We stock Uzak (2002), Three Monkeys (2008) and Once
Upon a Time in Anatolia (2011).
2. Under the Skin - more abstract and art house than mainstream science
fiction, this intriguing puzzler saw Scarlett Johansson as an alien seducing
lonely hearts in coastal Scotland. Director Jonathan Glazer is as well known
for his music videos as his features. We have a collection of the former as
well as Birth (2004) and his stunning debut, Sexy Beast (2000).
3. Maps to the Stars - a pitch black, corrosive comedy about contemporary
Hollywood that made The Player look like Mary Poppins. A real return to
form for veteran Canadian horror specialist David Cronenberg. We have all of
Cronenberg's previous features, the best of which are The Fly (1986), Dead
Ringers (1988), Crash (1996) and A History of Violence (2005).
4. Leviathan - life in Putin's Russia involves drinking yourself senseless
with vodka, paying off politicians and mouthing platitudes in the Orthodox
Church... or at least that's what this wrenching drama suggested. Earlier
films by director Andrei Zvyagintsev include The Return (2003) and Elena
(2011).
5. Is the Man Who is Tall Happy? - a stylised rendering of a series of
conversations between French director and animator Michel Gondry and
the iconic political activist and ground-breaking linguist Noam Chomsky.
Gondry's best work includes Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
and Science of Sleep (2006). Chomsky has previously been profiled in the
classic Manufacturing Consent (1992).
6. Two Days, One Night - this harrowing tale of a Belgian mother who is
forced to beg her work mates for the right to keep her job whilst simultaneously
battling depression should be compulsory viewing for any fuckwits
who voted for the National party. The hand-held camerawork and cinema
verite style is very much in keeping with earlier masterpieces by two-time
Cannes winners the Dardennes brothers. The Son (2002), The Child (2005)
and The Kid With a Bike (2011) are all essential works.
7. Charlie's Country - a third teaming of writer/director Rolf de Heer and
actor David Gulpilil, based in part on the latter's own life. A beautifully shot
and told tale of the contemporary Aboriginal experience. Auteur House has
both The Tracker (2002) and Ten Canoes (2006) as well as the cult Bad Boy
Bubby (1993) and many other films by the prolific Mr de Heer.
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DEATH DOCUMENTARY AND STILL LIFE
Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf
Woody Allen once quipped that he was not afraid of death, he just
didn’t want to be there when it happened. Comedian and now cancer
sufferer, Billy Connolly, has also declared his fearlessness of death, but,
according to the man, he’s not too worried about being present at the event.
He has just completed a TV series on the dark subject which has recently
been showing on TV One. Fronting the programme, he looked a little wan
and washed out, but like his friend and Monty Python member, Eric Idle, he
always tried to look on the bright side with touches of levity along the way.
The doco was a fascinating personal examination of everything from the
bizarre to the banal and back again on matters to do with dying and the
deceased: funerals, mortuaries, cemeteries, rituals, coffins, the whole nine
yards. There are no taboos when it comes to Connolly. From bodies carved
up and devoted to science to burning banknotes to buy off evil spirits, it’s all
there in unexpurgated grisly and sometime macabre detail.
But the most poignant part he touched on in the series would have to
be a short reference made, almost in passing, to the fate of the homeless
when they die, as they do in large numbers, swelling exponentially during
the downturn in the economy, an event that seems to happen with greater
frequency these days. At this point, the State simply takes matters in hand.
The bodies, which number in the thousands each year in Glasgow alone, are
burnt, efficiently cremated and the ashes disposed of. Not mourned, not
farewelled, not remembered – vanished as if they’d never existed, swept up
and discarded like so much accumulated detritus.
It immediately called to mind a movie I’d recently seen at the Hamilton
Film Festival, a wonderful production by Italian director, Uberto Passolini,
called ‘Still Life’. I am hard man to please when it comes to the film medium
and it takes a lot to prompt effusive praise for anything on celluloid, but this
was one of the best films by far I’ve seen in my life. A perfectly weighted,
understated, controlled and deeply affecting drama about a very ordinary
humble but devoted minor bureaucrat working in some London borough
Council. His job was to administer to the fate of the very people Connolly
spoke of – all the unloved, forgotten, overlooked and forsaken people living
and dying in bedsits and worse. And doing it with dignity.
Thinking about the very end of the film still has the capacity to move me. In
the darkened theatre at the time, as the ending of the narrative played itself
out, my chest heaved and suddenly there were tears rolling down my face.
This was not mawkish sentimentality the film was indulging in, but rather
the starkest look at the human condition shot through with the spectre of
reciprocal humanity that can well up spontaneously at times to meet and
challenge the darkest shape of despair.
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C.V. Tips
LOUISE HUTT
Too scared to look at the clusterfuck of your old CV, or don't have one
yet? Louise has all the info you need to create an amazing resumé!
I’ve been applying for lots of scholarships recently
and almost every single scholarship I am applying
for requires me to submit a CV or résumé with
the application. I’m fortunate enough to be currently
working for the university, who hired me because of
my grades, as well as a freelance photographer, where
I’m usually hired via word of mouth or my portfolio.
Résumés are not something I have to deal with regularly
and mine hasn’t really been updated since first
year (I shudder to look back on it). It’s basically the
template they give you at careers.govt.nz with some
fancy fonts thrown in there for good measure.
Because I know that there could be hundreds of
other applicants, the need to be brief but memorable
is important. I’m definitely a believer in a one-page
CV, (because if you have more information than that,
you’re probably waffling) and also because it produces
an excellent design and writing challenge.
I checked out some design templates over at The
Design Blog [thedsgnblog.com/post/92874184096/
freebies] and they really made me re-evaluate how I
was presenting my information. No more word documents
for me!
However, I’m using them as inspiration; taking
elements and creating a SUPER-CV! For example, I
like Ayoob Ullah’s best, but it doesn’t have a spot for
awards and achievements, which I definitely want to
include. I’m also not super keen on including a photograph
of myself (ironically, as I’m a photographer) even
though several of them have a spot for that.
But that’s what good design is when it comes to
personal branding; making something which fits your
needs and communicates your “you-ness” best.
CV Do's
1. Use positive language. Presumably you should be
wanting to show you’re passionate and keeping a positive
tone is a key way of conveying that.
2. Regularly update your CV.
3. Tailor the CV to the job: have one for your shitty
part-time jobs, talking about your retail or hospo skills,
then have one with your actual industry experiences for
the field you are studying in.
4. SPELLCHECK! And get at least two other people
to read over it.
5. If you’re also hosting your CV online, somewhere
like LinkedIn, make sure both the one you send to
scholarships or employers and the one they can see
online are the same. It shows consistency and that you
are definitely the person you say you are.
CV Don'ts
1. Unless they ask for a photograph, don’t include one.
They can probably find that online if they want to and
it’s just taking up space where you could be otherwise
talking about how great you are!
2. Don’t waffle. You should be able to summarise
everything you need to say on one page, because
you’re less likely to be memorable if it’s longer and
they’ll probably skim it anyway.
3. Include what sells you the best. If it’s not relevant
to what you’re applying for, get rid of it. It’s not about
filling the whole page, but communicating what skills
you have that make you the best candidate.
Sven Kaiser 7/10
Pros: Experience focused, which is great if
you’ve done lots of stuff. Not so much if you’re just
starting out.
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Has a space for clients you’ve worked with, which
makes it more creative but could also be adapted to
other industries.
Uses colour, which is great if you’re physically sending
it to them but if they have to print it out, it’s pretty
likely they’ll make it grey scale but it would probably
still look okay.
Cons: Two page template, which means the content
is spread over two pages (experience and education on
one, and skills on the other) but that could mean that
the second page could very easily be ignored.
Ayoob Ullah 9/10
Pros: One page! But the design is not so complete
that you couldn’t add more pages if you needed to.
Will work for any industry and you can always add in
more sections (e.g. awards, personal skills) because
the layout is so flexible
Not douchey, it’s not over-designed, it’s clean and
simple but also has space for some details.
Cons: Probably more text based than the other templates
(but gives you the ability to give more details
without overwhelming with text).
Also uses colour but I think this will also work fine if
converted to grey scale.
John Doe (Abdullah Al Mamun) 6/10
Pros: One page
Gives you a lot of freedom on the left hand side, lots
of opportunities to discuss in detail.
Cons: Page looks very full from their use of coloured
sections and includes a lot of information.
Uses a lot of space giving links, which I feel is a bit
of a waste of space.
You would want to get it printed professionally if you
were giving it to someone because of the coloured
backgrounds (they’ll look terrible printed cheaply).
Hadi Reda 6/10
Pros: One page
Ultra-minimal, so it forces you to be concise and to
the point. This would work the best for creatives who
also have an online portfolio available.
Cons: You really need to have experience and an
education which will speak for itself for this to work
because it may not supply enough information for
some employers (or supply further information online)
It’s in black and white, but like the John Doe template,
it would be best printed professionally because of the
coloured background.
No name (Jonny Evans) 4/10
Pros: One page.
Lots of space for details.
Although it uses colour, it would also look okay in
grey scale.
Probably more suitable for professionals who are
looking for something more exciting than a word document,
rather than creatives.
Cons: This would be my least favourite because of
the weird layout. The most important information is at
the bottom of the page and while they’ve used a grid to
align sections, they haven’t used a grid over the whole
page so the information is difficult to skim-read.
I cannot tell from a glance whose CV this is, which I
feel shows a poor hierarchy of information.
Georgian-Sorin Maxim 6/10
Pros: One page.
Minimal but with sections for more details if you
want to include them.
Use of graphics and text means that the reader
can quickly absorb information, making reading time
quicker
You tend to be drawn to the black items on the page.
You would need to make sure that they’re your selling
points
Cons: A lot of white space, which can make it seem
quite empty at first glance.
I’m not 100% sold on the name font but that could
be easily changed and I would increase the body font
size.
Nice colour scheme but I would make the blue a little
darker in case it is printed in grey scale.
Fernando Baez 7/10
Pros: One page and black and white.
Stands out through its mixture of clean graphics and
text.
Has lots of sections available.
Cons: Harder to customise because of the hobbies
sections (finding icons to suit yours).
Very small text.
I dislike the way they’ve shown work experience, at
a glance it’s not clear what it’s trying to communicate.
Might not work for every industry.
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21

PHOTOGRAPH: BECKI MOSS

nexus magazine
The BA Guide: What to
do When You’ve Got
Bugger All
RACHAEL ELLIOTT
The BA is not-so-affectionately known as the Bugger All degree. You
do bugger all and get a piece of paper that is worth bugger all, or so
they say. So what exactly are your options? Our cynical correspondent
from the other side has the answers. Or at least the right questions. Or
maybe just bacon. (We’re not sure anymore.)
It’s intimidating as all hell finishing uni with a BA.
Everyone tells you that there’s no way you’ll turn it into
a career. Your student loan, overdraft and credit card
debt looms over you. The government treats you like
you’re a piece of scum if you fail to miraculously land
the well paid job you envisioned at high school and
everyone wants to know just how much money you’re
going to earn now that you’re ‘qualified’.
Want to know a dirty secret? I have a Bachelor of
Arts. For those of you thinking that isn’t too bad- I have
a Bachelor of Arts- majoring in Japanese.
So you’ve got an Arts degree, now what? And how
the hell do you silence the nay-saying bastards who
think you’ve wasted three years of your life? To quote
Tim Minchin, “Arts degrees help you find meaning
where there is none. And let me assure you, there
is none.” So tell the next douchebag who gets in your
face about your employment prospects to take a flying
leap. Money isn’t everything.
“Yes!” I hear you say. “But it helps!”
To that end, here are my BA do’s and don’ts that will
(hopefully) leave you employed, successful and most
of all- HAPPY.
Do- Apply for everything
Set your CV up, write yourself a cover letter template
that can be tweaked for each position and settle in for
the long haul. We are facing the toughest economy
in our lifetimes (hopefully, because if it gets much
worse, we’ll never recover). We have ludicrously high
unemployment rates, increasing competition for the
few jobs available and mounting debt from the cost of
uni (and lack of support available). Anything is better
than WINZ (trust me) so apply for everything. Apply
for things you know you’ll hate! Agree to go full time
with your current shitty hospo or retail job so you
can earn some coin while you hunt for the right job.
After I graduated I worked at Cambridge Stud doing
foal watch (in some ways the best job ever- all the tiny
baby horses!) while I job hunted. I eventually landed a
translation job, but it was part time, so stayed on at the
stud too. I kept myself afloat while getting the post-uni
CV holy grail- experience.
Don’t- get a teaching degree
If you’re only going teaching because you think
you’re more likely to get a job, DON’T DO IT. Become
a teacher because you’re passionate about educating
kids. Become a teacher because you love learning and
want to share your experiences. Become a teacher
because you don’t care about being poor, having no
free time and spending your days reciting a litany of
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“sit down. Be quiet. Do your work” to assure the little
shits respect you enough to actually learn. But don’t
do it because you think you’ll get a job because you
won’t. I wanted to be a teacher from the time I was 14.
I wanted to teach Japanese and English and I chose my
subjects and degree accordingly. When choosing the
pre-reqs for my senior subjects, business with Japan
was booming and the industry was crying out for people
who spoke more than one language. Hindsight has
taught me to go more carefully when I see industries
‘crying out’ for certain skills. Because with those cries
comes the inevitable oversupply, the kind of oversupply
that creates the clusterfuckery our teaching industry is
currently experiencing. Just because 50% of teachers
are over the age of 50 doesn’t mean we need 300+
teaching graduates coming out of our School of Ed
each year (to say nothing of the other institutions)
especially since they now don’t forecast any kind of job
breakdown and buy a sports car that just cannot fill the
empty void of their souls when they turn 40. Buy the
fucking sports car now!
Do- more study if you want to
I know, I know. Post-grad funding is slashed. Postgrad
study is expensive, and may not help you get a job.
But what if we did some learning just because… we
love learning? After three years of smashing my head
against the wall that was secondary teaching, I decided
to come back to uni and pick up some papers so I could
teach another senior subject. Long story short(ish), I
selfishly and with much forethought, decided to complete
my first piece of tertiary education, not to get a
job, but just because I wanted to. Just because I loved
it. Just because it turned me on, and it made me happy.
So I started my Masters in Creative writing- and if
anything is less likely to get you a job than a BA in
Japanese, it’s that, right?
“...HOW THE HELL DO YOU SILENCE THE NAY-SAYING BASTARDS WHO THINK YOU’VE
WASTED THREE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE?”
market until 2020. People passionate about teaching
are destroyed by people who do it just because they
need a job. And on that note…
Do- Follow your dreams
No matter how many voices tell you you’ll never
make it, to give up and accept that your future only
holds a series of administration or labouring jobs- do
not listen! Do the thing that makes you happy. Do the
thing that gets you excited. Do the thing you’re passionate
about, because while a job isn’t guaranteed,
if you’re doing something you love, you’re winning.
Sometimes life is not about having the career that
makes you happy- sometimes life is about having a
job that allows you to do the things that make you
happy. Find a balance you can work with, and conquer
the world.
Don’t- panic
Don’t be in a rush to land your ‘forever’ job, because
there’s no such thing. Apparently we change career
three times over during our lives, but I’d say it’s a lot
more than that. People that are sure of their career
path at the age of 21 are the same people that have a
But want to know a secret?
Since I made that selfish decision, I’ve been
employed- and I’ve even been employed to teach
people things! I’m employed to teach creative writing.
I’m employed to edit Nexus. I’m employed by a
business chain to help them make the written content
of their website sexier. I’m making money doing the
things that make me happy above all others. And no,
it’s not heaps of money. And no, it’s not always a cushy
gig. But I’m happy.
And that’s the point, isn’t it?
My final advice to you, fellow BA sufferers is: never,
ever, under any circumstances, give up. Because as
Karl Vonnegut says “Go into the arts. The arts are a very
human way of making life more bearable. Practicing
an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make
your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower.
Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend,
even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can.
You will get an enormous reward. You will have created
something.” And if you’re really lucky, you might make
a little coin doing it.
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D’you want a career
with that?
ONYX LILY
How to translate your fancy piece of paper into a job that doesn't involve
a deep fryer... hopefully.
We all know one of them. Those smug gits who
cruise through their uni studies with minimal effort
and maximum beer, crowing “Cs get degrees baby!”
whenever their attitude is questioned. And they’re right
– all you have to do to get an undergraduate degree is
pass. But the good news for those of us who grit our
teeth and head back to the library for the fourth Friday
night in a row (until it closes at freakin 6pm anyway) is
that Cs may get degrees, but unless you fancy a job
a lot of people do very badly. If you can write well, in
general people are more likely to give you what you
want, because they can figure out what the hell you
want. There are a bunch of writing papers you can
take at Uni, like MCOM292 Business Communication
(most faculties have one), plus about a million online
resources you can use to improve your grammar, sentence
construction, and spelling, (as well as millions
of online commenters ready to mock you if you do it
“CS MAY GET DEGREES, BUT UNLESS YOU FANCY A JOB THAT INVOLVES ASKING
PEOPLE WHETHER THEY’D LIKE FRIES WITH THAT, CS AREN’T GOING TO GET YOU A
FANCY CAREER.”
that involves asking people whether they’d like fries
with that, Cs aren’t going to get you a fancy career. The
bad news is, a transcript of A’s might not either.
Employers these days are looking for a bit more from
a prospective employee, especially one straight out of
tertiary education, than just a handful of grades on a
transcript. So if you want to find work you love, and
hopefully make enough dosh to pay back your student
loan before you retire, here are some things you might
like to consider.
Communication skills. Pretty much every study of
the employment market concludes that the number
one thing employers are looking for is the ability to
communicate clearly and effectively. Written communication
is particularly important and is something that
wrong) so no excuses! Or you could just listen to Weird
Al Yankovich’s “Word Crimes” on repeat until it burns
itself into your skull.
Work experience. Going out into the cold, unfriendly
job market with nothing but a page full of qualifications
and a dream in your shiny little eyes is likely going
to win you nothing but a pile of rejection letters with
which to kindle your shopping cart fire. OK, that’s a
little bleak, but basically, without some kind of employment
experience it’s going to be hard to convince a
graduate employer to take you on. Any kind of work
experience helps, whether you’ve done your time
in retail during Uni holidays, can shake the meanest
mojito this side of the Bombays, or spent your summer
wrestling little Von Trapp children into their curtain-suits
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and romping all over the Austrian hillside. So it’s really
quite thoughtful of MoBIE to have ensured that you
couldn’t live on your student loan payments and had to
get work while you were studying...
Having said that, if your pre-graduation job(s) are in a
completely different field from where you’re heading,
you’re going to have to work a little harder to convince
your prospective employer of your transferable skills.
Another way to get relevant work experience on your
CV is...
Volunteering. Giving your time for free may seem
like a hard sell when you have rent to pay and beer to
drink, but can be all important when you’re out in the
big bad job market. If you’re interested in, say, marketing,
and you get a stint helping the Cancer Foundation
promote Daffodil Day, or the local Saturday farmers’
market promote its big annual event, then you will have
some really valuable stuff for your CV, some real life
experience to draw on in the future, the beginnings of
get chatting. This is harder than it sounds and will take
some practice, but if you do make an awesome contact,
get their business card and follow up with them
in a week or two.
Internship. Another great way to get a foot in the
door is to include an internship as part of your study. If
you search for ‘work placement’ on the website, you’ll
find a link to the section of the catalogue of papers
that lists all the current work placement papers. Or ask
your Faculty student advisors for advice. Internships
can often lead to a job offer, or at least to some very
valuable networking.
The University of Waikato Careers office has been
through a recent revamp and is in the process of moving
to awesome new and easier-to-find quarters in
the Student Centre. If you’re keen as, bruh, but not
sure where to start, give them a buzz and they’ll sort
you out.
Having said all of that, the great news for those of
“IGOING OUT INTO THE COLD, UNFRIENDLY JOB MARKET WITH NOTHING BUT A
PAGE FULL OF QUALIFICATIONS AND A DREAM IN YOUR SHINY LITTLE EYES IS
LIKELY GOING TO WIN YOU NOTHING BUT A PILE OF REJECTION LETTERS WITH
WHICH TO KINDLE YOUR SHOPPING CART FIRE.”
a network (see below) and a warm glow in your heart.
There are loads of different volunteering opportunities
and a good place to start is by registering with
Volunteering Waikato at www.volwai.org.nz.
Networking. You’ve no doubt heard the statistic that
only X percentage of jobs are advertised, the rest are
found through word of mouth, filled internally, etc? If
you want you a piece of that action, you’re going to
have to make some contacts. There are a few ways
to go about this, depending on your areas of interest,
and the University organises a bunch of networking
events you can attend. But if you want more ways to
get your name out there, you can check out some of
the Chamber of Commerce networking events, attend
relevant public lectures on campus, events in the city
and so on. Once you’re there, make sure you’ve prepared
yourself with some interesting, relevant things
to say, then sidle your way into a circle of likelies and
you at the tail end of Generation Y, is that in the next
10-15 years all of the Baby Boomers currently clogging
up the top end of the job market are going to have to
retire (or, y’know, die), leaving a gap in the employment
market. So if you’ve cruised through Uni with the bare
minimum so far, and can’t be arsed with any of the
stuff I’ve mentioned, just bide your time. Ten years of
flipping burgers can’t be that bad…
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ROCK THAT THREESOME
Aunty Slut
Dear Aunty Slut,
My girlfriend is kinda interested in girls and sometimes kisses them at
parties (I don't mind really). She mentioned last week about maybe having
a threesome with one of her friends. Obviously this is every guy’s fantasy
but I got kinda nervous about it. I don't know her friend that well and I think
it might be super awkward and not sure if turning it down is wise. Some
advice would great?
-2 girls 1 guy
Dear 2 girls 1 guy,
While I’m sure most men would down on you for being nervous about
a threesome (probably the same men who have never had one), I’m glad
you’re nervous- it means you have something to lose. You’re inviting someone
into your relationship, however briefly. And when you’re dealing with
multiple partners, communication issues get magnified. You need to talk to
each other and figure out who is comfortable fucking who’s what and how,
before anyone gets naked.
It’s important that everyone present is really into it, and possible jealousies
have been worked out previously, or someone’s going to get their feelings
hurt. Do not expect that this will be like porn. You’re not playing some starring
role just because your sexy bits stand up and theirs don’t. You will not
be laying back and enjoying two chicks at once (well, not the whole time
at least). Equal opportunity orgasms! Everyone having fun- no one feeling
left out! And I’m hearing that you’re concerned about getting left out while
some girl gives your woman the kind of cunnilingus you can’t even imagine.
She’s ‘kind of into girls’ as in she’s bi or bi-curious? Have you talked about
the fact that she kisses girls at parties and are you sure you don’t really
mind? It winds me up when girls treat kissing their friends as a lark, but
wouldn’t be okay with their man doing the same. It’s a double standard
based on body parts and genitalia is not an instant excuse for stepping over
your partner’s boundaries. Not feeling threatened because the person your
partner is engaging with doesn’t have a cock is stupid, so it’s reasonable to
be uncomfortable with it. Talk it out with her.
In a threesome situation no one should feel pressured to share their body
in a way they aren’t comfortable with. Tailor your threesome to suit everyone.
Maybe your threesome doesn’t involve penetration. Maybe it has lots of oral
sex. Maybe it doesn’t involve penile penetration with the third party. Maybe
you’re keen for a threesome but not keen for it to be with that particular
friend. (The only thing your threesome really SHOULD have is condoms.
Change condoms every time you swap positions.)
“YOU NEED TO TALK TO EACH OTHER AND
FIGURE OUT WHO IS COMFORTABLE FUCKING
WHO’S WHAT AND HOW, BEFORE ANYONE
GETS NAKED.”
Threesomes can be fun. I’ve had great ones and terrible ones. Without fail
the great ones were the ones where we talked about it a lot beforehand, and
everyone felt comfortable saying ‘no’ if something happened they weren’t
cool with.
Regarding “not sure if turning it down is wise”: do not do this just because
your partner wants to. Do it because you want to, or not all. If her love for you
is contingent on a threesome, then you are better off without it.
Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!!
Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz
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OFFENSE - IN A
ROUNDIE-BOUT
KINDA WAY
Give a Shit Tee Ship
Here’s the thing, at some point we’re going to have to grow the fuck up as a society.
This year’s “RoUndie 500” hosted by the lovely (and not in any way, shape or form inbred,
redneck or hickish) folks at Canterbury University, and successor to the throne of douchebaggery
held for years by the infamous “Undie 500”—a student car rally in which teams
decorate their vehicles in a theme of their choice and just drive… for an extended period
of time—has been responsible for exposing the inherent racism, misogyny and ignorance
that plagues New Zealand society, lurking behind the every pithy “I’m not racist but…” and
that old proverb “I’m just saying that if you move to somebody else’s country at least learn
the language.”
During this rally hosted by ESOC (the Engineering Society of Canterbury, whom it is
rumoured receive more funding every year than other UoC clubs), the predominantly white
contestants (this may not necessarily be the case but Jesus ESOC, if you want to come
across multi-cultural, post some pictures with a little goddamn diversity in them) were
encouraged to decorate their vehicles in the most offensive way possible, with cash prizes
for the most offensive.
One of the teams, that I really want us to get behind next year as a nation, was the ‘Gaza
Strippers.’ These rambunctious young tykes took it upon themselves to paint their van with
the Palestinian flag and dress as strippers in turbans and burqas. I can only assume that
they also stripped down at some point because… without that the ingenious punchline is
just lost… Of course this is mimicking this year’s hilarious Gaza Strip conflict in which 2,104
Palestinians were killed between the 8th of July and the 27th of August, 1,462 of these being
civilians, 495 of which were children, murderous murderous children...
Oh and then hahahaha, get this, and then some super radical brothers, and I mean that in
the whitest way possible, dressed as chicks, and decorated their car with some like porn and
shit and like totally named their team FemSoc after the University’s newly formed feminist
club. Now that’s funny as shit, stupid femmy bitches will love that aye? Fuck women’s rights
right?
No, not fuck women’s rights, don’t make fun of the Gaza crisis, don’t take the piss about
the Taliban beheading people, don’t dress your car up as Malaysian Airline’s flight MH370 and
then have a bunch of dudes dressed as Saudis lean up against it for a photo (certainly don’t
dress the drivers as Saudis because if that is the case then I literally have missed the point
of the joke…) This is not shit that doesn’t offend people, and the sooner we stop encouraging
shit like this, especially in places like Universities, the sooner our society can grow into
something that is accepting of different cultures instead of fucked in the head.
LOVELY LASHES
Sweet Tips Sweet Painted Lady
Thicker lashes! Bold Lashes! Long’n ‘lush! Hypercurl! Sound familiar?
The many promises of the seemingly endless varieties of mascara
you can find on the market. While mascara is great you can use these
simple tips to create long lovely lashes.
1. Invest in a lash curler – Create a beautiful upward curl by using
a gentle pumping motion at the base of the lash line to create an
upward curl that will open up your eye.
2. Comb between coats of mascara to avoid clumping and “spider
lashes” Apply your coat, wait a few seconds and then comb through,
apply another coat of mascara.
3. Brush translucent powder between coats of mascara to create
thicker, longer lashes.
4. Condition your lashes to keep them at their best – Coconut oil and
Almond oil have been said to promote healthy, strong lash growth.
sweetpaintedladynz.com
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TRIP TIP: GET INTO IT
Carnage Jules Craft
PHOTOGRAPH: ANDRE KONG
Well after a few visits this year I have come to realise that
Wellington has to be the second best W crowned geographical
point in New Zealand. Over the last two semesters I have been
lucky enough to be on board a few missions of debauchery down
in the windy capital. In my experience with Victoria I’ve learnt a few
things:
1) The top floor at Joan-Stevens is smaller than all the other ones,
up there even a midget could feel like Roald Dahl’s protagonist in
the B.F.G
2) When carpooling, choose to drive on the way there so you avoid
the return shift hung over on Sunday.
3) Don’t try hit on girls waiting at the waffle truck, they’ll literally
run away from you.
I’ve actually learnt of shit load of semi-irrelevant information all relating
in some way to nights out on the horse or causing mischief within
flats but last Wednesday I figured out that although I would definitely
recommend sculling wine like a desperate housewife, there are few
other dope things to do in a new place too.
The first thing I’d recommend is just taking a stroll through the
place with no general direction or idea, just kind of follow the flow of
traffic and people. As I walked through the streets I started noticing
little things like styley burger stalls, this dope as hell beat boxer, and
the sickest street art out; my favourite two being a big yellow “Young
Gifted and Broke!” and a massive portrait of the one and only B.I.G !
The second thing I’d recommend is try to do all the “cultured”
things your mum made you go to when you were young. As young
gremlins we all hated being dragged to things that were “good for
us” however I’ve found that when you arrive at those sort of places
on your own accord it’s much more enjoyable. For example: Te Papa
museum is dope as hell!!! Have you been there? There’s like 5 different
levels of all this crazy old shit. I know that’s the point but this
was the first time I’d ever really engaged myself properly when I
had the opportunity to look at live history. I found out the Rata tree’s
actually a parasite, learnt about a giant squid, and also got a bit more
of a taste for the Maori culture which is something that I have always
been really interested in. I don’t just recommend museums either,
take a sniff at some live music, a musical, some theatre, and even
the Dr. Seuss art gallery. Visiting a new place should never mean only
at looking at one aspect, it should mean fitting every single square
inch of new experience into your timeline while you are there. Travel
broadens the mind but only if you allow it to. So go get artsy.
“VISITING A NEW PLACE SHOULD NEVER MEAN ONLY AT
LOOKING AT ONE ASPECT, IT SHOULD MEAN FITTING EVERY
SINGLE SQUARE INCH OF NEW EXPERIENCE INTO YOUR
TIMELINE WHILE YOU ARE THERE.”
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CHEAP SUBSTITUTES
Cash Hacks Alix Higby
Any carb for Toast. Generally, most carbs are cheap. But if you’re
stuck and desperate for dinner and Studylink has worn through your
patience; toast, a meal doth make. Particularly handy when you’re
craving pizza but don’t have the dough (sorry). Throw whatever you
have left in the fridge on some bread and toast it. Pizza a la tight ass.
Food for Water. Sometimes you’re not really hungry, you’re just
thirsty. Sometimes you are actually hungry, and you only have $2 in
your bank account. When you’re at uni and you’re abstaining from
food purchases this is the dice you roll. Either way, make sure to sip
on that H2O, that liquid gold, and pray it’s the former.
Cleaning products for White Vinegar and Baking Soda. No one wants
to break the bank over keeping the flat clean. Should you be lucky
enough to live with people who aren’t neat freaks with borderline
personality disorders perhaps you could broach the topic of cleaning
on the cheap. Vinegar is a great fabric softener too. If your flat is the
type that lets leftover pizza conduct its own science experiments
however, you’re already too advanced in saving at this level. Although,
try explaining first class honours in ‘chore avoidance’ to your landlord.
Pallets and recycled materials for furniture. You’re a uni student who
don’t need no fancy things – aside from the new iphone 6 and a
Macbook Pro. Use your eagle eye to scout out other people’s trash
and turn it into a piece of functioning furniture. But please ascertain
that its former owner does indeed not want the material before you
start tearing it to pieces and remodelling your house to suit this new
hipster vibe. No, you can’t save money with a lava lamp.
Sleep for coffee. Calm down calm down. I don’t mean give it up for
reals. Just ease up eh. I realise things are getting hectic and 3 oclock
is a hard time for everybody. Just hear me out for a sec – if you time
manage a little tighter you can swing those 8 hours and cut back on
at least one coffee a day. Just don’t stay up so late – and get up a
little bit earlier. 11am starts are basically a write-off anyway. So get off
facebook and go to SLEEP.
“YOU’RE A UNI STUDENT WHO DON’T NEED
NO FANCY THINGS – ASIDE FROM THE
NEW IPHONE 6 AND A MACBOOK PRO.”
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LONDON FASHION WEEK
A Fashionable Lifestyle Jessica Wilson
I’m taking a break from listening to my incredible, ground-breaking,
amazing, AND free U2 album (thanks Apple!) to inform you,
the 6 people of Waikato University who actually bother reading
my articles, about London Fashion Week.
Meadham Kirchhoff. Rad as fuck. The collection was unmistakably
punk, but also very reminiscent of a fucked up teenage girl with
a stolen childhood (holla). There were “blood” soaked tampons in
the decor and the casting included normal sized models. So edgy.
Someone grab a sander, I don’t want anyone getting cut on Meadham
Kirchhoff’s edges.
House of Holland. Style.com said the collection was too literal, however
I disagree. The collection was satirising clichè collections being
inspired by 20-century time periods. If you look closely, you will notice
how poorly designed and referenced the outfits are. It’s a joke guys.
It has to be. Please be a joke.
Christopher Kane. Kane was more lux than usual, there were no
plastic buckles, patched jeans or fluoro colours. Breasts (or lack
thereof) were a focal point in Kane’s Spring 2015 collection. Exposed
breasts, dresses structured around breasts, and nipples. Lots of
nipples. Speaking of nipples, I’m predicting nipple prints to be a big
thing next season, you can bet on that.
Topshop Unique. “The faded glamour of the British seaside” was
the chosen theme for Topshop Unique’s Spring 2015 collection. The
outfits were cute, but about as inspiring as a dream-catcher tattoo.
Mary Katrantzou. The collection was inspired by our Earth 200 million
years ago. Katrantzou looked to the great ocean of Panthalassa
and the massive continent Pangaea, becoming inspired by both the
environment and the life forms inhabiting it. Not sure if that’s pretentious
or awesome.
Marchesa. Fashion critics said all this stuff about Marchesa being
inspired by fairy tales and English gardens, but to be honest, I’m
pretty sure the collection was inspired by shower poufs. If you’re a
fashion critic, please reference me for this.
Preen by Thornton Bregazzi. The theme was stripes. Okay.
Jonathan Saunders. Saunders took inspiration from Japanese prints
and fabrics, menswear, and Matisse, to create a collection that was
simultaneously delicate and feminine, as well as being structured
and hinting at ideas of masculinity. I too like to hint at the idea of
masculinity by not shaving for weeks on end.
33

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34 nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine
HOBART, TASMANIA
Overseas Experience Tim Elphick
Why did you choose this particular destination? I wanted a tropical island, and
she wanted somewhere close. Also, we wanted somewhere near to a city, rather
than a resort in the middle of nowhere. This was a compromise – not very close
and not very tropical. (The sign of a good compromise is when no one is completely
happy.) Did you go via a program? No. We booked stuff off the Interwebs.
We used RCI to book the resort – if someone offers you a free show just for having
a quick chat, then run a mile, it’s not worth it. In fact the Wyndham group who
own the resort we stayed in tried the same thing, but we decided that a $25 Coles
voucher was not worth sitting through a 90-minute quick chat. What were the
highlights of your trip? Salamanca market on Saturday mornings is awesome.
It has over 300 stalls and takes over a whole street. Lots of food and drinks and
crafts and interesting locals. A great sampler for the whole island in one place. We
especially loved the chilli ginger beer.
Also, we rode on an old quarry train that used to transport lime up until WWII.
It was very pretty, the driver was informative in the talks at the stops, and it only
slightly rained on us. What are your 'must do' things while at this place? Go up
to the top of Mount Wellington – a steep drive, but the views were great, although
it is windy and cold, so wrap up. (Seriously, you drop 10 degrees from what the
temperature was in town.)
Do one of the winery tours, or drive yourself, and make sure to include Wicked
Cheese in your travels — the cheeses were awesome and a great break from
wine tastings.
Salamanca Street, both for the Saturday market and just for the general nightlife
and great restaurants, many of which offer free WiFi, unlike our hotel.
MONA is a very interesting art gallery, full of weird and interesting modern art
and installations. Just the building itself is a marvel as you travel three stories
underground to get to it. But don’t get excited about the signs for a Max Brenner
chocolate shop or the free WiFi by the fountain, as they don’t exist. What was
something unexpected? We went to a Tasmanian Devil sanctuary, and although
we are not normally a fan of zoo-type places, this was great with mostly open
pens, where you could see the little devils play and eat. I wouldn’t go so far as
to say they are lovable, but they were unusual, and reasonably photogenic. They
also put on an awesome show of local birds, including a cockatiel that would
steal coins from your hand, and also had Tasmanian Quolls which were the cutest
spotted rodents ever. What was the biggest lesson you learnt while travelling
or what would you have done differently in hindsight? When transferring in
Melbourne to the domestic flight, read the terminal numbers carefully, to avoid
stomping off down the road to the wrong terminal, and then having to rush back
again. I did get the equivalent of a wolf whistle from a construction crew on the
way, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.
Oddly enough, take a book or two. Movies were expensive, TV was worse than
in NZ, the WiFi was poor in our hotel, and the Internet seemed hard to get almost
everywhere we went. So we ended up reading a lot, and buying some DVDs to
watch. (The library in Sorell was the best bet for free WiFi.)
35

nexus magazine
SNAPPED
36 nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine
Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best
snap each week (printed with the Burgerfuel
logo on it), wins a voucher from our mates.
Claim it from the Nexus office at SUB.
37

nexus magazine
Blind Dat
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/
SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOU'RE KEEN FOR A DATE ON US, EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
XY
THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE
XY
THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE
I decided to show up 7 on the dot. Walked in and noticed
this guy by the door. He had this look on his face that suggested
he didn’t want to be there. Had a feeling that THAT
guy was my blind date and thought “well, fuck! It’s going
to be a shit night...” I continued on anyway and headed to
the bar. I approached the bartender (who by the way was
really cute) and told him I was there for the Blind Date. I
was the first one there. Got myself a drink and waited on
the table. A few minutes later, this guy comes up to the
table and says hi. I was right. It WAS the guy by the door.
Not usually the type of guy I’d go for but I thought fuck it.
We introduced ourselves and started chatting. It was clear
that we were not going further than just mates (but not in
a bad way at all). It didn’t stop us from enjoying the night
and making the most out of the $150 tab, though. We
spent most of the tab on drinks; more specifically these
shots which were called “cock-sucking cowboy” – fucking
appropriate for a two-dude date. And that’s how it went
for the rest of the evening: shots, more drinks, talk about
people we both know on Grindr, perv at hot people in the
bar (aka the bartender) and more drinks.
Overall it was not a bad night. Had good chats and drinks
and some food. We ended the night with one last cocksucking
cowboy each and headed home. And no, there
was no gobby down by Graham Street by the museum,
this isn’t a Nexus Blind Date fairytale ending people.
So went on a blind date for the first time at first I was
scared as hell. This is not something I would usually do
and in fact kind of a worst nightmare. I walked inside to
the bar and discovered my date already at the table, I sat
down and tried not to be too awkward – this guy was
a babe! Lucky for me he was pretty chatty and got the
conversation rolling without too much effort on my behalf.
Once we got through the initial awkwardness/introductions
and got talking we had fun getting to know each
other talking about who and what we do for fun.
Soon enough we were knocking back shots – they were
so yum! – and we ordered some food - he had nachos and
I had the fish and chips.
At this stage I was getting drunk and my date was looking
better and better – I was letting my mind wander as to
how the night would end but he seemed to have eyes for
the bartender more than for me.
We talked for over a good hour we both walked out pretty
drunk but unfortunately both went home alone … Unless
he went back for the bartender.
It was a really cool night so thank you
38 nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine
SO, DON’T GET
OUT AND VOTE
THEN?
MELISA MARTIN FROM YWRC
—
The election is over and here’s what we at the
YWRC have to say about it.
Firstly, congratulations are in order to John and
the National Party, obviously a well-played campaign
turned out the supporters, and the beauty of democratic
process is that because the Nats convinced the
majority of those who voted, they won.
What hadn’t been predicted is that we would see
almost the same number of non-voters as in the statistics
for the election in 2011.
Despite the efforts of non-profit campaigns ‘Get
Out and Vote’ and ‘Rock Enrol’ a huge portion of New
Zealanders either take no pride in deciding who runs
their country, or they don’t have any faith that there is
a worthy candidate.
Even though polling booths have been open since
mid-September, the number of National voters nearly
equalled the number of people who didn’t bother voting
at all.
Since Election Day, these facts have consistently led
me to discussion on whether someone needs to start
lobbying for voting to be compulsory.
I’m of two minds about it, because I believe you can’t
take away someone’s right to choose.
But I’ve learned that Australia has a 97% voter turnout
because they’re issued with a monetary fine if they
don’t make an appearance at the polling booth.
Their forms still allow for a person to actively make
no political choice, but Australian residents and citizens
are required by law to at least turn up to a polling booth
on Election Day and declare it.
To quote Emma Watson, otherwise known as that
feminist Harry Potter girl: “If not me, who? If not
now, when?”
SPECIAL CONSIDERATION
AND REVIEWS OF GRADE
AMBER CARDALE & LAURENCE MCLEAN
—
Every week our column presents to you some serious shit that us student support
advocates are able to help you with. The fast facts this week are all about what to
do when something with your assignment goes wrong.
If you want to pass
This is what you need to do
Follow this haiku
• If you can’t get your assignment done in time because you are sick or have had
something personal happen to you in the week beforehand then you can ask
for an extension. You should have evidence where possible and talk with your
lecturer first. Some departments have a form to fill in so if you are unsure of
the process talk to your faculty receptionist or come in and see us.
• If your performance in an assessment or exam wasn’t 100% or you missed
it then you can apply for special consideration. But by all means try not to
miss your exam as it is better to arrive and not do so well than to not go at all.
#nogettingwhitegirlwasteythenightbefore
• If you get a mark back and you think that the grade you get doesn’t reflect
the quality of work you can get a review of grade. There are always options if
you’re not happy with something. So turn that frown upside down.
• All of these applications have time limits so you should get them completed
ASAP once you know you need to apply. You need to apply within 72 hours
for special consideration applications and 14 days for a review of grade. If
you have any problems then make an appointment to come and talk with us.
We be dem advocacy angels that you kind of don’t know about but dat can be really
helpful. If you’re not too sure if we can help, quiz us, Laurence loves it. Amber likes
coffee, just saying.
Contact: 0800 AT YWRC or ywrc@xtra.co.nz
Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011. Or make an appointment at wsu.org.nz
39

nexus magazine
PHOTOGRAPH: LOUISE HUTT
PRESIDENT'S ANNUAL REPORT 2014
AARON LETCHER
—
The Waikato Students’ Union was a very different place when I was first
elected as a Director in 2012.
Membership was compulsory, funding was guaranteed and a seat at the
University Council table was given as of right. All of this changed with the
passing of Voluntary Student Membership. Although this has been a challenging
time for the students association we have worked hard, planned
strategically, and budgeted sensibly to enable our organization to both survive
and thrive in our new voluntary environment. While laws, contracts and
personalities have changed our objective remains the same: To deliver value
for our members.
In previous reports 2012 was described as a year of change and 2013 as a
year of consolidation. With that in mind I would describe 2014 as a year of
growth. Last year’s Board did an excellent job in setting the strategic direction
of the organization with a four year plan and our team has worked relentlessly
to deliver on the key objectives it contained.
Highlights for the year include:
• Increasing our revenue through Service Level Agreement negotiations;
• Expansion of our advocacy service to include a second advocate, an independent
budgeting service and a food bank for emergency hardship situations;
• Securing the funding for a technology overhaul for the organization to ensure
our team have the tools to deliver the standard of service that our members
expect;
• The purchase of a van for use by our service delivery team and clubs network;
• Successfully lobbied the University for free unlimited high-speed internet;
• Removal of fee’s for afterhours swipe access to labs;
• Successfully lobbied for extended library hours;
While the year is not yet over I am optimistic that we will have our books
“back in black” as opposed to the $59,600 deficit that we budgeted for.
While 2014 has been a difficult year with a unique set of challenges I am
proud of the work that we have completed as a team and I believe we have
left the organization a better place than when we found it. Changes made to
the constitution at our recent SGM to remove wording that remained from
the days of compulsory student unionism were as symbolic as they were
administratively necessary.
This was about accepting our new environment that we operate in and
embracing it. We are no longer looking back reminiscently but are looking
forward aspirationally and I hope that this is the mindset the organization
takes into 2015.
I wish Shannon, Roy, Taha and the rest of their Board all the best for the
year ahead of them. I am confident that the annual plan and budget we have
proposed here today will set a clear strategic vision and allows the finances
they will need to deliver. Serving as an elected representative is never an easy
job but I have every confidence that as a team you will continue the good work
that this organization has carried out since 1977.
40 nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine
BEEF NOODLE
STIR FRY
Cooking for Students Zac Lyon
Ingredients
500 g of beef (or you can use chicken breast sliced into chunks)
2 Tbs of tomato sauce
1 Tbs of brown sugar
3 Tbs soy sauce
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp of fresh ginger crushed
1 tsp of fresh garlic crushed
1 red chilli, crushed seeds removed
Salt and pepper
Broccoli, carrot, onion, beans, mung beans, mushrooms and any
other vegetables you wish to throw in.
Directions
01_ Throw together all the spices, sauces and garlic and ginger.
Mix and taste. Add in beef chunks and let it marinate for at
least 1 hour.
02_ Heat a large pan on high, and put some water on to cook
noodles in a separate pot. Once pan is sizzling hot throw
on marinated beef and any leftover marinade.
03_ Fry briefly until meat is just cooked, don’t dry it out.
Remove from pan and let sit.
04_ Add a bit more oil into same pan and stir fry veges. When still
crunchy but heated through, add the meat back and stir to
incorporate all the juices.
05_ Serve with some noodles or rice, and enjoy!
When I get back into the country I’ll write another recipe up for a
dessert that I have been thinking about! Head to Cooking4Students
on Youtube.
41

nexus magazine
Codewords
Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26.
Crack the code to solve the crossword.
KenKen
Sequence
The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the
What shape comes next?
upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number”
and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage
with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must
combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to
form that cage’s target number. You may not
repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat
a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5,
your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9,
and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2
and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5)
Syllabic
From the following syllables and clues, form
ten words of a least two syllables.
al - an - ate - bar - bar - bi - bin - cap - cen
- ci - corn - cur - dis - ex - glo - gro - gy - he
- i - in - ma - me - mo - mon - nar - ne - nent
- o - o - ol - or - per - ri - sion - so - te - te -
ter - tion - tu - y
1. An uncivilized person:
2. Atmospheric conditions of living organisms:
3. Sign of the zodiac:
4. Any group of one hundred:
5. To separate:
6. A short trip:
7. Oxygen-carrying pigment:
8. Between countries:
9. A constituent republic of Yugoslavia:
10. Everlasting: Draw answer here.
Sudoku
Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row,
column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9.
EASY
MEDUIM
HARD
42 nexusmag.co.nz

nexus magazine
Target
How many four (or more)
letter words can you make
from the letters in the
square without using proper
nouns? Each word must
contain the centre letter.
Crossword
Solve the clues and fill in the words.
Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz.
Across
33. Sort (4)
73. Proverb (5)
9. Astounding (7)
54. Drink (8)
1. The fifth planet (7)
37. Perplexed (7)
74. Innovation (9)
10. Embroiled (9)
55. Blare (9)
4. Elevated (6)
39. Dimplomacy (4)
75. Lubricant (3)
11. Troubador (8)
57. Really (8)
6. Edge (6)
40. Publish (5)
76. Gemstones (5)
13. Sudden (6)
60. Handrail (9)
9. Consumed (3)
42. Profited (6)
77. Tripod (5)
15. Insect (8)
61. Type of monkey (8)
12. Algebraic symbols (9)
46. Dried grapes (7)
78. Stray (3)
17. Oriental sword (8)
62. Part of the eye (6)
14. Edible tuber (3)
47. Felons (9)
79. Tremendous (9)
25. Expenditure (12)
64. Haggle (7)
16. Notions (5)
48. Number (7)
80. Japanese currency (3)
27. Gardening (12)
66. Proposition (7)
18. Jumped (5)
49. Bicycle for two (6)
81. Spoke (6)
28. Floor show (7)
68. Go forward (7)
19. Unwell (3)
50. Extreme happiness (5)
82. Creature (6)
30. Humble (6)
69. Flair (7)
20. Cut (9)
51. Particle (4)
83. Support (7)
31. Plans (7)
70. Intentional (6)
21. Fails to win (5)
52. Protected (7)
34. Disregarded (7)
72. Sample (5)
22. Vitality (9)
55. Yield (4)
Down
35. Asserted (7)
23. Hinder (6)
56. Precise (8)
1. Field event (7)
36. Porridge (7)
24. Happened (8)
58. Airstrip (6)
2. Insular (9)
38. Pretended (7)
26. Illicit (7)
59. Flows out (4)
3. Associated (7)
41. Disperse (7)
28. System of beliefs and
63. Vegetable (7)
4. Dwell (6)
43. Deceives (7)
rituals (4)
65. Pleads (8)
5. Pastoral (7)
44. Atmosphere (3)
29. Buy from abroad (6)
67. Chacma (6)
7. Greek letter (5)
45. Mystery (6)
32. Amulet (8)
71. Predominant (9)
8. Dependable (8)
53. Agenda (8)
43

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