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nexus magazine<br />
PHOTOGRAPH: JOHNNY RYAN<br />
EDITORIAL<br />
RACHAEL ELLIOTT<br />
—<br />
Here are the pros and Cons of various part-time jobs you<br />
don’t want to turn into a career, tried and tested by yours<br />
truly.<br />
Lolly Girl at the Dairy Pros- This was actually a pretty sweet gig, if<br />
your definition of ‘sweet gig’ is, I occasionally got to eat 5c lollies<br />
without my boss knowing. Cons- one really huge arm from rolling<br />
800 ice creams a day in summer, and standing there listening to<br />
EVERY five year old child in town say “I’ll have 5c of gummy bears<br />
and uhhhmmm….. 5c of….” Let’s just say, the instinctual urge to kill<br />
small children on sight stays with me to this day.<br />
Cow Milker Pros- Um… the majestic sight of the mist rising off the<br />
paddocks in the morning? Cons- Watching the mist rise off the paddocks<br />
knowing that it’s -4 degrees and you’re going to be very cold<br />
very soon. Also covered in shit. Pretty much all over. Probably piss<br />
too. And there’s always the possibility you’ll get kicked in the head.<br />
Did I mention the 4am start time?<br />
Goat Milker Pros- Goats are cleaner than cows (dry pellets instead<br />
of sloppy pats) so if they shit on you it bounces off. Cons- They smell<br />
like old piss and dirty socks. They chew everything, including your hair<br />
if you’re not careful. They have sharp demon hooves to stomp you<br />
when you’re not looking and they’re very clever escape artists. It’s as<br />
if they’re TRYING to get you fired.<br />
Foal Watch Pros- Watch the horses and help them have babies!<br />
Cute baby horses! Cons- Standing in the rain and mud for 6pm to 6am<br />
shifts. Getting absolutely covered in placenta. Sometimes, if you’re<br />
really lucky, it goes in your mouth! Also, some of these horses are<br />
worth millions of dollars. The first foal I helped deliver was insured<br />
for $1.6million before it even stood up. That’s a lot of pressure at<br />
4am. Then there’s knowing the cute baby horses are probably going<br />
to be physically fucked up and put down before they’ve even finished<br />
growing, because money.<br />
Bartending on a charter ferry Pros- There was this one time I saw<br />
dolphins and it was magical. Cons- People vomit on boats without<br />
getting drunk. Drunk people vomit a lot. The combination can be truly<br />
fucking spectacular. On a rough day you have to be kind to all the<br />
people vomiting, and you must not vomit yourself. If you vomit, the<br />
masses will lose all hope and you’ll have mutiny on your hands- and<br />
mutiny never ends well. There is also the possibility you’ll lose half<br />
your hand in a rope accident (not me, a friend) or an unexpected wave<br />
will unbalance you as you try to tie the boat up and you will fall into<br />
the water, convinced you’re about to be crushed between the ferry<br />
and the wharf.<br />
Nexus Editor Pros- Getting (sort of) paid to write things, laugh at<br />
people’s poor grammar/spelling and then fixing it, working with awesome<br />
people, scoring review tickets to rad gigs and getting to give<br />
people free stuff. Cons- Wait, I DO want to turn this one into a career.<br />
There are no cons! #pleasehireme<br />
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