NEXUS ISSUE 08 2014

N.08 / V.46

COMING UP AT 

MAY 15TH 

MAY 22ND 

HAMILTON 

MAY 29TH 

DJ SLYNK (CANADA) 

( Good Groove Records ) 

PYRAMID (FRANCE) 

French house extraordinaire 

SINJIN HAWKE (SPAIN) 

spanish FUTURE BASS master 

june 5th 

special double 

headline show 

DANNY BYRD (UK) 

( hospital records ) & 

TAI (UK) 

( dim mak records ) 

FACEBOOK.COM/THEWALLHAMILTON

nexus magazine 

EDITOR 

RACHAEL ELLIOTT 

EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ 

DESIGN 

HAYLIE GRAY 

MANAGING EDITOR 

JAMES RAFFAN 

CONTRIBUTORS 

SPORTS GUY 

GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY 

CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER 

ANARU WARREN 

SARA LEMME 

DR RICHARD SWAINSON 

SHANNON STEWART 

RENEE BOYER-WILLISSON 

KARL GUETHERT 

HP 

MIKE BILODEAU 

JULES CRAFT 

MATT HICKS 

BEATS BY J 

JOHNNY RYAN 

PETER DORNAUF 

TEE-SHIP 

LOUISE HUTT 

AUNTY SLUT 

MELODY WILKINSON 

ZAC LYON 

TONY STEVENS 

ALIX HIGBY 

JESSICA WILSON 

LAUREN HEGINBOTHAM 

AMBER CARDALE 

LAURENCE MCLEAN 

RYAN WOOD 

GREG STACK 

COVER ART 

ROBERT HARRISON 

FACEBOOK.COM/BERTBOVINE 

PHOTOGRAPHY 

MORGAHNA GODWIN 

LOUISE HUTT 

ASHLEIGH MATTHEWS 

DESIGN INTERNS 

ELLIE BROOKS 

OLIVIA PARIS 

ROSE ROGERS 

PRINT 

FUSION PRINT 

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CONTENTS 

— 

_03 Editorial 

_04 Lettuce to the Editor 

_05 News 

_08 News from the University 

_09 Sport 

_10 Ridiculist & Vox Pops 

_11 Reviews 

_14 Honest Matt 

_15 Horoscopes & Playlist 

_16 Auteur 

_17 Arts and Stuff 

_18 Overseas Experience 

_19 Awesome Dead Person 

_20 Ready To Go: An Interview with 

Hamilton MC, Farizone 

_22 Music Journalism: What 

Opinionated Jerks do when they're 

not Completely Illiterate 

_24 The Truth About Tunes 

_28 Is it Hip to be Chris? 

_30 Columns 

_30 The Bank Blind Date 

_39 Advice 

_40 Notices 

_41 Recipe 

_42 Puzzles 

2 nexusmag.co.nz


PHOTOGRAPH: MORGAHNA GODWIN 

EDITORIAL 

RACHAEL ELLIOTT 

— 

I’m not sure when I discovered that I wasn’t cool at high school, but 

it had to have been pretty early on in the piece. I could never afford 

the ‘in’ clothes so I wasn’t very fashionable. We lived in the wops so 

I was a ‘school bus’ kid. But worst of all- I had an eclectic taste in music. 

Anyone who has ever been to high school knows that this is social suicide. 

You’re either into pop and hang out with that crowd, into rock and 

hang out with that crowd, or you’re into something weird, and hang out by 

yourself. The idea that one person could like the Spice Girls and Metallica 

is unfathomable to most people- and the hostility I experienced amazes 

me even now. I had big dudes at punk concerts up in my face demanding 

I recite lyrics to obscure songs by the band I was there to see, I had 

girls accuse me of lying because I was “way too bogan” to like the new 

Katy Perry single, and people into indie music hated on me for being too 

mainstream. The outrage has died down a bit now that I’m at uni, but my 

taste still raises plenty of eyebrows. 

To give you an idea, my playlist this morning includes Awolnation, Lily 

Allen, HAIM, Broods, System of A Down, Queens of the Stone Age, the 

Calvin Harris remix of Fat Boy Slim and TJR- to name a few. 

Why? Different reasons for each. I love the dirty bottom end of 

Awolnation’s ‘Sail’. I love the sassy lyrics of ‘Hard Out Here’. I love the 

cruise of ‘The Wire’ and the lilting lyrics of ‘Never Gonna Change’. I had 

a nostalgic moment and rocked the albums ‘Toxicity’ and ‘Rated R’ first 

thing this morning, leaping around the house yelling “fuck the system” and 

“Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin Marijuana, Ecstasy, Alcohol and Co-Cocaine!” I 

love the beat of ‘Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat’. Something in each of those 

tracks speaks to me. I find it’s the sound of something that draws me- the 

sound of a baseline, a tone of a voice. Sometimes I hate a song, but listen 

to it anyway because one line or one beat or one drop is fantastic (looking 

at you, ‘Dark Horse’). 

I used to dread the “what kind of music are you into?” question. I’d try 

my best to read the person I was talking to so I could give the right answer. 

Because the truth is, I’m just as happy at a gig like NIN QOTSA as I am 

at something like Pink, so I’m happy talking about pretty much any kind 

of music. Nowadays I have way less fucks to give and I’ll generally say 

“anything with a bass line” or “anything but gangsta rap”, neither of which is 

entirely true, but comes pretty close. I would say “I like all music” but that 

isn’t necessarily true either. (Fuck you Robin Thicke-head and Justin ‘I’m 

the Kurt Cobain of my generation’ Bieber. Seriously, we should lock those 

two in a room to slap each other to death- for the sake of the children.) 

I guess we like what we like when it comes to music, for whatever 

reason, and I’m okay with that. I’ll never be cool, but luckily I’d rather be 

weird anyway. Now I’m off to listen to some 90s girly grunge and Pharrell. 

Keep it weird y’all. 

3


LETTUCE 

Got something to say? 

Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz 

DISCLAIMER: 

Letters published contain the opinion of 

the writer and the writer alone. Nexus 

publications take no responsibility for the 

content or opinions so expressed. By submitting 

your letter you give consent to its 

publication in Nexus and subsequent public 

scrutiny. Letters are the authors own 

work and Nexus will not edit to compensate 

for lack of intelligence or coherency. 

Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse 

to publish any letter which breaches any 

law, is defamatory to any person, or contains 

threats of violence or hate speech. 

Rap to the Editor 

PART 5 

The samurai's armor shatters, 

courage fights itself internally, 

determination begins to falter and reveal itself externally. 

Katana sparks katana, ringing blares immensely, 

eyes fused in a stare-down, adrenaline's pumping intensely. 

Virgin on the 

Ridiculous 

AUNTY KAY (REAL NAME WITHHELD) 

If you're not able to comprehend the meaning of Legislation 

128A, which is written in plain English, I seriously doubt 

that a career in law is for you. 

The intent of the legislation is to define what constitutes 

consent to sexual activity, so that victims no longer have 

to see their attackers walk free in court because "she/he 

didn't say no" has too often been accepted as a defense 

regardless of the circumstances of the assault. 

I believe you have misunderstood the phrase "A person 

does not consent…". It is used in this context to mean "A 

person is not saying yes…" It may also help you to understand 

it better if you reverse the sentence structure, for 

example: 

(1) A person does not consent to sexual activity just 

because he or she does not protest or offer physical resistance 

to the activity. 

i.e., A person is not saying yes to sexual activity just 

because they aren't protesting or fighting back. OR 

Just because a person doesn't protest or offer physical 

resistance, it doesn't mean they are consenting to sexual 

activity. 

Try reading the rest of the legislation with this in mind and 

see if it makes more sense. 

I suspect this letter was actually written by a guy trolling 

under a female pseudonym; I'd hate to think that there are 

actually any girls that dumb in first year Law. However, I 

will answer your questions in the hope that in either case, 

you might learn something. I'll ignore the first question, 

which is so stupid it doesn't deserve an answer, except to 

say, see (1) above. 

(2a) Does this mean that giving in to force there is no 

consent? 

Yes, duh! It's not consenting sex if someone is forced into it. 

(2b) So does this mean that there is no consent when 

there is an unimplied threat? 

An unimplied threat would be an actual (or express) threat, 

so yes, agreeing to sex because of an express or implied 

threat of force is not the same as consent. 

(2c) So does this mean that during baseless fear there 

is no consent? 

The legislation says "fear of the application of force" – I'd 

hardly call that a baseless fear. Having sex because you're 

afraid if you say no you'll be forced to anyway, is not the 

same as willing consent. 

(3) Wouldn't having sex wake you up? 

Unlikely if you're unconscious. But say you did wake up 

or return to consciousness to find someone has had, or is 

having, sex with you. When did you consent? 

(4) Does this mean that two plastered individuals can 

both go to jail for 14 years? 

No, it means that an individual too wasted to say no is 

not considered to be agreeing to sex. Two wasted people 

sexually assaulting each other are likely to be having consenting 

sex. 

(5) So does this mean that people with schizophrenia, 

bipolar disorder or depression are forbidden from having 

sex? 

You really are a moron. Sigh. None of those conditions 

would prevent someone from being able to consent to or 

refuse sexual activity. 

(6) Under what circumstances would you not know who 

you are having sex with. I am asking you to use your 

imagination. 

Um, it's pitch black in your bedroom (the Oscar Pistorius 

defense), there's a tap on the door, you say '"who is it?" and 

a voice whispers "it's me". You're expecting your partner, so 

when they get into bed and start shagging you, you don't 

protest. Next morning you wake up next to your flatmate's 

friend's cousin. Clearly I have a much better imagination 

than you. 

(7) So does this mean if there was an unexpected wri 

Oh God, I can't even bear to retype your idiotic question. 

Section 7 means that it's not consent if the person allowing 

the sexual activity misunderstood what was intended. 

So maybe they said yes to spooning naked, and the other 

person assumed that mean yes to anal sex, for example. 

(8) Does this mean that all sexual activity is rape? 

Please, please, please, reconsider law as a career. Section 

8 means there may be other circumstances where consent 

is not given, it isn't limited to the definitions stated in the 

legislation. Have you considered the hospitality industry? 

Bar work might be good for you. 

(9) Does this mean that allowing sex without consent is 

rape. Does that even make sense? 

Do you even make sense? Section 9 defines the terms 

"allows" and "sexual activity". It doesn't combine them. 

Thanks for giving us your name (or a name, at any rate). At 

least if I ever need a lawyer in a few year's time, I'll know 

who not to ask for. 

4 nexusmag.co.nz


NEWS 

FFS, JAPAN. 

GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY 

— 

Japan has seen off its first whaling fleet since the International 

Court of Justice ruled its whaling activities in the Southern 

Ocean illegal, as four ships departed from the fishing town 

of Ayukawa last weekend. Japan had previously defended its 

whaling by claiming it’s for ‘scientific research’. Unless this 

research consists solely of establishing how tasty whale meat 

is (protip: not very—only 14% of Japanese people actually eat 

the stuff), it’s a barefaced lie. 

Though late last month international justice finally called 

them out, the case only applies to their hunt in the Southern 

Ocean. The fleet that have departed will be heading to northern 

Japanese waters, and thus isn’t affected by the ruling. The 

Government have called off this year’s Southern hunt, but promised 

to make future hunts “more scientific”, which is about as 

reassuring as Josef Mengele handing you his M.D. 

The Southern hunt killed about a thousand whales a year, 

though only about two hundred are taken from northern waters. 

Critics of whaling point to the inhumane nature of harpooning 

and the fact that many whale species are endangered. Japan 

has countered by describing it as a national tradition that provides 

lots of jobs for people. Oh, and ‘science’. 

WATER METERS = MASSIVE 

FLAT FIGHTS OVER LENGTHS 

OF SHOWERS 

CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER 

— 

The mayors of Hamilton, Waipa and Waikato are moving towards a shake-up of water services. They are taking 

the proposal for a new public company to manage water to their councillors. 

Waikato District Council Mayor Allan Sanson was emphatic that the new policy was “nothing to do with privatisation 

of water” saying “we aren't allowed to make money out of it and we don't want to make money out of 

it. We just want to be more efficient at reticulating it and treating it." Privatisation of water is prohibited under 

the Local Government Act. 

Before the creation of the ‘Council-Controlled Organisation’ or CCO which would take over water administration, 

the councillors from the three councils exploring the idea will need to agree to an investigation. This is likely to 

cost up to $400,000. 

“THOUGH LATE LAST MONTH INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE FINALLY 

CALLED THEM OUT, THE CASE ONLY APPLIES TO THEIR HUNT IN THE 

SOUTHERN OCEAN.” 

DAMN RIGHT 

GABRIEL BANKIER PERRY 

— 

Shortly after ending funding to sole Maori research centre Nga 

Pae o te Maramatanga, the government have announced an 

investment of up to $2.5 million in the next two years in Maori 

science and development. 

“While welcomed, NPM notes that without a secure funding 

base it will be difficult to fully realise the potential of Maori”, 

commented Nga Pae o te Maramatanga research director Dr. 

Dan Hikuroa. 

Critics such as Hamilton City councillor Dave Macpherson said that moving provision of a resource into a 

company structure increases the chance of eventual privatisation. He further said that many other CCOs had 

eventually been sold to private interests and that they were further removed from democratic oversight. 

Mayor Julie Hardaker has said that water management is an issue the government is pushing councils on with 

legislation in the pipeline which could require reviews of service delivery every three years for local councils. 

Hardaker has left open the possibility of water metering in Hamilton’s future. 

ABOR DAY 

VOLUNTEERS 

WANTED! 

GABRIEL BANKIER PERRY 

— 

Friday, May 30 is Arbor Day at Waiwhakareke Natural Heritage 

Park. This marks ten years since the start of the project to 

restore a native ecosystem. Waiwhakareke Arbor Days have 

been held annually to plant new trees in the park, attracting 

a wide range of people. This year is also Hamilton City’s 150th 

birthday, so 150 young totara trees will be planted to celebrate. 

“The more people that participate, the more trees are planted. 

We’re hoping to attract 3000 volunteers,” said Community 

Planting Co-Ordinator Gerard Kelly. 

The park suffered a blow recently when Council looked to 

sell off adjacent land which had previously been marked for the 

reserve. However extensive public opposition helped to sway 

the councillors to refrain from making a firm decision until May, 

after exploring all options available for the piece of land. 

If you’re keen to get involved you can register by emailing 

parksopenspacescustomerservices@hcc.govt.nz or by calling 

Parks and Open Spaces on 07 838 6622. 

5


which do not control their currencies or impose restrictions. 

Taking it more personally, Associate Finance Minister Steven 

Joyce called Colombo a “bubble-ologist”[fair enough] and compared 

him to ‘earthquake forecaster’ Ken Ring. 

This response confirmed the NZ economy's bubble status for 

Colombo by serving as the requisite official denial. It also gave 

him the opportunity to remind us that Steven Joyce “studied 

zoology and has no experience in economics prior to 2011.” 

In his next series Jesse Colombo intends to give Israel the 

bubble treatment. Cheerier commentators predict the New 

Zealand economy will work around climate shocks, China’s 

restructuring, inequality, an ageing population, financialisation, 

lack of diversification and all potential bubbles to keep on 

rockin' in the free world. 

BUBBLES 

CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER 

— 

On the 17 th of this month a blogger for Forbes.com published an 

article which has led to an amusing wonk-fight. The Forbes contributor 

is Jesse Colombo and his post uses the credulity-reducing 

listicle format and follows similar warning-blogs he has posted 

about a host of other countries in the Asia-Pacific region and 

elsewhere. 

Entitled ’12 Reasons Why New Zealand's Economic Bubble Will 

End In Disaster’, the article names dangerous features of the New 

Zealand property market and economy in general, such as the high 

proportion of mortgages with floating interest rates, years of alltime-low 

interest and high exposure to potential disruptions from 

China and Australia. 

Critics of Colombo’s reasoning here at home have pointed out 

his lack of local context (such as no mention of the RBNZ’s loan-tovalue 

ratio restrictions and the ongoing Christchurch rebuild)and 

current interventions to cool the market such as the speed limit 

on low deposit mortgages imposed in October and our floating 

exchange rate which puts us in a better position than countries 

3 COMPUTER SCIENCE 

STUDENTS GET 

INVENTIN', GET CASH 

MONAY 

ANARU WARREN 

— 

“TAKING IT MORE PERSONALLY, ASSOCIATE FINANCE 

MINISTER STEVEN JOYCE CALLED COLOMBO A “BUBBLE- 

OLOGIST” [FAIR ENOUGH] AND COMPARED HIM TO 

‘EARTHQUAKE FORECASTER’ KEN RING.” 

Waikato computer science students Jourdan Templton, Nathan Holland and 

Stephen Quayle have won $2000 cash after their innovative conservation management 

system, dubbed "Ohiti" placed runner up the NZ finals of the Microsoft 

Imagine Cup. "We had to make a presentation in front of five judges and then 

run a showcase, like an expo, which generated a lot of interest" says Jourdain. 

The X-factor of Ohiti is in technology of the transmitter by relaying real time 

information to base, at the exact time a pest is killed. The students also have 

experienced an influx of job opportunities. 

6 nexusmag.co.nz


CALL OUT TO PARKINSON’S 

AND ANOREXIA SUFFERS FOR 

NEW RESEARCH 

ANARU WARREN 

— 

VISITED ROTORUA 

OVER THE BREAK? 

FEELING SICK? 

SARA LEMME 

— 

Psychology Masters student Gabrielle Battenburg, and 

psychology PhD student Adrienne Wootton, are encouraging 

suffers of anorexia nervosa and Parkinson’s 

disease to share their stories in order to develop thorough 

research. 

Battenburg is wanting to hear from people over 

sixteen-years-old, who have been diagnosed in the past 

10 years but are not currently in treatment. "Anorexia 

is one of those issues that is often not seen and stays 

If you are interested in taking part, you can contact 

Gabrielle at ANstudy@live.com for more information. 

Wootton, who is studying facial masking, or ‘hypomimia’ 

(a symptom fothe disease that causes a lack of 

mobility of the facial muscles) is hoping to hear from 

not just people living with Parkinson’s, but also their 

carers and people they are close to. 

“It’s speculatated that masking is linked into the key 

neuropathology of the disease. There is a reduction in a 

If you did some tourist shit in Rotorua on the 18-19th April you are probably 

going to die. Just kidding, you probably won’t die, but you may have 

measles. Public Health Service (Toi Te Ora) advised people who visited 

the following places may have been exposed to measles as an individual 

“ANOREXIA IS ONE OF THOSE ISSUES THAT IS OFTEN NOT SEEN AND 

STAYS HIDDEN FOR A LONG TIME BEFORE IT STARTS TO BECOME 

OBVIOUS AND IMPACT SOMEONE'S MOOD OR FUNCTIONING...” 

“SEE YOUR DOCTOR ASAP IF YOU THINK YOU 

MIGHT BE INFECTED AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS, 

CO-WORKERS ETC SO THEY CAN SHUN YOU...” 

who visited those sites has been diagnosed and would have been infectious 

during that time. 

• Skyline Gondola ride between 11am and 2.15pm on 19 April 

• Skyline Gondola Restaurant between 11.30am and 2pm on 19 April 

• Devonwood Motel from 4pm on 18 April to 10am on 19 April 

It can take 10-14 days for symptoms to show, which include: a high 

fever, cough, runny nose, red eyes and a rash that should start at the 

face and neck. 

See your doctor ASAP if you think you might be infected and tell 

your friends, co-workers etc so they can shun you and be alert for 

symptoms themselves. 

hidden for a long time before it starts to become obvious 

and impact someone's mood or functioning," says 

Gabrielle. It is possible that study can illuminate major 

differences between the approach to treatment that 

providers use and treatment that would be expected 

from the person's perspective....it seems reasonable 

that the more the treatment 'makes sense' to the 

person receiving treatment, the greater the motivation 

might be." 

The New Zealand Mental Health Survey 2006 shows 

that 1.7 per cent, or 68, 000 adults suffer from some 

form of eating disorder. Anorexia nervosa represents 

a high mortality rate with 1 in nearly 100 anorexia sufferers 

who have sought treatment die each year, and 

nearly 20 percent die over a 20 year period as a result 

of complications induced by illness or suicide. 

neurotransmitter called dopamine which is essential for 

muscle movement,” says Adrienne. “But there is little 

information available about masking - I can only find a 

small number of articles internationally.” 

Wootton is also hoping to look at the impact on those 

close to sufferers of Parkinson’s disease. 

“I want to find out how people are coping, what their 

needs and concerns are and what they might need in 

the way of help,” says Adrienne. 

Her study is supported by a Bryant Trust Postgraduate 

Research Scholarship and a Waikato 

University doctoral scholarship. 

If you are interesting in taking part you can contact 

Adrienne at aw107@students.waikato.ac.nz or 

0204727546. 

7


NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY 

STUDY AND 

RESEARCH IN 

GERMANY 

— 

An info session about study, research, and funding opportunities 

in Germany is being held on Wednesday 7 May from 1-2 

pm in S.G.03. The talk will provide information on study abroad 

courses, degree courses and research and collaboration stays. 

The presenter will be Dr Anna Bauer, the New Zealand representative 

for DAAD (Deutscher Akademischer Austausch Dienst 

– German Academic Exchange Service). For further information 

contact Dr Bauer at daad@auckland.ac.nz or on 09 923 8931 or 

visit www.daad.ac.nz 

COMMUNITY OPEN DAY 

– 17 MAY 

— 

As part of our 50th anniversary celebrations, the University is hosting a Community Open Day on Saturday 17 

May (the day after our secondary school Open Day). It will be a chance for the public to check out the Hamilton 

campus and for us to showcase our research and facilities. We will have a number of interactive exhibits, demonstrations, 

mini-lectures and entertainment throughout the day, so make sure to invite your whanau and friends 

and join us as we celebrate our first 50 years. 

More information about Community Open Day and our 50th celebrations is available at waikato.ac.nz/about/50 

FREE PUBLIC LECTURE 

ON EDUCATION - 20 MAY 

— 

This month’s Inaugural Professorial Lecture is by Faculty of Education Professor Bronwen Cowie. 

THE STATION CAFÉ CLOSED 

— 

The Station Café has closed following the expiry of the café’s lease. The University has another 

intended use for The Station building in the future, so watch this space. Momento Café (at the 

Management School) has agreed to increase its services and offerings to staff and students. 

She will consider the ‘politics of evidence’; how evaluation data is used as a key driver for policy 

reform and strategies for educational improvement, and what ramifications this has for students, 

teachers, schools and systems as a whole. The lecture is on Tuesday 20 May at 6pm at the 

Academy. The Opus Bar is open from 5pm. 

STAYING SAFE AT 

UNI 

— 

If you see something suspicious on campus, need to report an 

emergency or accident, or you are feeling unsafe, Campus Security 

is available 24/7 to help you. You can use the blue-light emergency 

phones located around the campus, call 07 838 4444 from your mobile, 

or call extension 4444 from any University phone. Remember to keep 

a close eye on your belongings while you’re on campus. 

8 nexusmag.co.nz


POSITIONAL REQUIREMENTS FOR 

TEAMS WITH TOP PICKS IN THE 2014 

NBA DRAFT – PART 2 

SPORTS GUY - OPINION 

— 

Continuing on from my opinion piece last week, here is who I 

think the Jazz, Celtics and Lakers should look at signing in the 

upcoming draft, provided they get the pick they are projected to. 

Pick #4 – Utah Jazz. To me, the Jazz are an interesting team 

to look at in this perspective. They have a backcourt that, if 

kept together this offseason, could be a phenomenal threat in 

the NBA. Trey Burke was a great pick by the Jazz in last year’s 

draft, and he works well with Gordon Hayward. I believe if the 

Jazz offer Hayward a max deal this offseason, he will stay in 

Utah. So for the Jazz, look for them to take a big man. Being 

realistic, they aren’t going to get Jabari Parker or Andrew 

Wiggins. I think the ideal pick for the Jazz is Kansas C, Joel 

Embiid. At 7 foot tall, Embiid would not look out of place at 

the five spot and has been compared to legends of the game 

Hakeem ‘the Dream’ Olajuwon and ‘the Big Fundamental’ Tim 

Duncan. Embiid is tipped to be a top 3 pick, but if the lottery 

falls the way it is predicted to and the three prior teams choose 

players based on their weak spots, the Jazz could steal Embiid 

with the fourth pick. 

Here’s what my ideal Jazz starting 5 would look like should 

this happen: 

PG: Trey Burke 

SG: Gordon Hayward 

SF: Marvin Williams 

PF: Derrick Favors 

C: Joel Embiid 

Pick #5 – Boston Celtics. In every mock draft you look at, 

Boston are projected to take Dante Exum with the fifth pick 

in the draft. If he is still available when the time comes, there 

is no doubt that the Celtics will take Exum. I like this for a 

number of reasons. One, he will be able to learn from the best 

pass-first point guard in the NBA in the form of Rajon Rondo. 

Two, he can play at the point or the two guard. This is important 

because, in the past few seasons, the Celtics have faced injury 

problems in their backcourt. Even if Exum doesn’t start here, he 

will see a lot of court time and will learn a lot if he plays here. If 

Exum is taken early, I think the Celtics should still look at picking 

up a backcourt player. They have a young duo at the four 

and five (Sullinger and Olynyk) and Jeff Green to fill the three. 

I think they should take either Gary Harris of Michigan State 

or Nik Stauskas of Michigan if Exum is unavailable. These two 

are projected to go at 8 and 15 respectively, but behind Exum, 

they’d be the best choices to fill the two guard in my opinion. 

Ideally, I’d like to see the Celtics line up like this next season: 

PG: Rajon Rondo 

SG: Avery Bradley/Dante Exum 

SF: Jeff Green 

PF: Jared Sullinger 

C: Kelly Olynyk 

6th man: Avery Bradley/Dante Exum 

Pick #6 – L.A Lakers. The Lakers put themselves in a terrible 

position when they offered Kobe Bryant a contract extension 

so ridiculous that it only left room on the roster for one more 

max deal player. This means Pau Gasol will probably move on 

and the Lakers will be mostly young players next season. So 

they could go a couple of different ways: Sign a young guard or 

SF; or they could fill the void that’d be left at the C/PF if Gasol 

is lost with a rookie and sign a max deal guard to work with 

Kobe in the backcourt. Personally, I think the Lakers will sign 

a rookie guard. There are a few max deal worthy of big men in 

free agency this off-season, so the Lakers will look to sign one 

of them, my pick is Greg Munroe. Munroe is one of my favourite 

players in the league as he can do it all – points, dimes and 

boards. He’s definitely worth a max deal and is a restricted free 

agent this off-season. Bringing in a rookie guard will have the 

same effect as it will in Boston; they’ll gain so much experience 

and knowledge learning from point guard Steve Nash and the 

phenomenon that is Kobe Bryant. Look for the Lakers to surprise 

and take Shabazz Napier. Napier is projected to go outside the 

top 10 but because he carried the UCONN Huskies through 

the NCAA tournament and to the championship he could have 

made himself a wise choice for a higher pick. I think this would 

be a good move on the Lakers part. Napier has a great passing 

game, but can score when he needs to. 

Here’s how the Lakers should line up next season: 

PG: Shabazz Napier (Nash is too old to start in my opinion) 

SG: Kobe Bryant 

SF: Kent Bazemore 

PF: Jordan Hill 

C: Greg Munroe 

So that’s my opinion on how this draft should play out. You 

never know with drafts though as there is always a few surprises 

(Anthony Bennett as 1st pick last year being one). I love 

draft day and am very excited to see how this one plays out. 

9


RIDICULIST 

Here is a list of the most ridiculous ‘popular’ 

VOX POPS 

Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people. 

music we could think of. If you like these, you 

should be ashamed of yourself. 

1 

Rebecca Black- Friday 

“Friday, Friday, Gettin' down on Friday, Everybody's 

lookin' forward to the weekend” Not anymore. 

2 

Baha Men- Who Let the Dogs Out 

“Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof) Who let 

the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)” *headdesk* 

3 

Crazy Frog- Axel F 

“A ring ding ding ding d-ding baa aramba baa baa barooumba” 

these aren’t even words! 

4 

Justin Bieber- Baby 

“Baby, baby, baby oooh like baby, baby, baby noooo, like 

baby, baby…” NO. 

5 

Kings of Leon- Sex on Fire 

“This sex is on fire.” That’s not a good thing… go get 

yourself tested. 

6 

Black Eyed Peas- My Humps 

“My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady 

lumps (Check it out).” As a general rule, ‘lumps’ are not all 

that sexy. 

7 

Live- Lightning Crashes 

“Lightning crashes, a new mother cries. Her placenta falls 

to the floor.” Say what? 

8 

The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?) – Ylvis 

I can’t even bring myself to choose the worst lyrics from 

this it’s so covered in awful. 

Espresso Plus 

What song is your ‘guilty pleasure’? Anything by Boyz II Men. What were 

you in a past life? A dragon. What is your theme song and why? Greatest 

American Hero, because it reminds me of my childhood. 

Michaella, MA in Organisational Psych. 

What song is your ‘guilty pleasure’? The ‘Magic’ song from Pitch Perfect. 

What were you in a past life? Dolphin. What is your theme song and why? 

Tessellate- ALT J, because it’s all about change. 

Sam, BMS and BSocSci conjoint. 

What song is your ‘guilty pleasure’? Anything by the Vengaboys. What were 

you in a past life? A slave. What is your theme song and why? Slice of 

Heaven- Dave Dobbyn, because it makes me think of home. 

Nicky, Science. 

What song is your ‘guilty pleasure’? Taylor Swift Songs. What were you in 

a past life? A Manta shrimp. What is your theme song and why? Back to 

You- Twin Forks, because it makes me happy. 

Carl, Writing Studies. 

What song is your ‘guilty pleasure’? Never Gonna Give You Up- Rick Astley. 

What were you in a past life? An optimist. What is your theme song and 

why? The Monster Man- Devo. I don’t want to explain why. 

Lauren, Writing Studies and Women & Gender Studies. 

What song is your ‘guilty pleasure’? Anything by Boyz II Men. What were 

you in a past life? A dragon. What is your theme song and why? Greatest 

American Hero, because it reminds me of my childhood. 

Lesley, Computer Science. 

What song is your ‘guilty pleasure’? Hungry Like the Wolf- Duran Duran. 

What were you in a past life? Non-existent. What is your theme song and 

why? Everlasting Light- Black Keys because I’m a hopeless romantic. 

10 nexusmag.co.nz


The Invisible Woman 

FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON 

The Other Woman 

FILM REVIEW BY SHANNON STEWART 

There's on-screen evidence that British actor Ralph Fiennes is now a more 

than competent film director. The Invisible Woman follows a respected 

debut effort, an adaptation of Shakespeare's Coriolanus, and is both visually 

assured and packed with excellent performances. Fiennes is solid as 

Charles Dickens yet takes a back seat to Felicity Jones as the writer's long 

term, significantly younger mistress, Nelly Ternan. As the title suggests, it 

is her - previously untold - story. 

Fiennes' evocation of time and place is first rate, capturing both the 

charm of the Victorian theatre scene and the squalor and deprivation of 

London street life. Missing, though, in an approach to the material that 

stresses more the social hypocrisy and gender inequality of the age, is the 

joy and passion of the Dickens/Ternan affair. At times it is unclear if Nelly 

returns the older man's affections at all. Matters are not helped by a lack 

of chemistry between the two leads. Neither actor is what you might call 

"sexy" and bodices remain largely unripped. 

Too much time is spent in repetitive scenes set many years after Dickens' 

death, showing a now married Nelly struggling with both the memory of 

her lover and the need to keep her relationship with him a secret. Other 

aspects of her character, like her feelings for a husband 12 years her junior, 

remain a mystery. Dickens' notion that all humans are strangers to one 

another may well be validated in all of this, but it is at the expense of drama. 

After discovering her boyfriend is married, Carly (Cameron Diaz) meets the 

wife he's been cheating on. And his other girlfriend. Filled with rage, the 

three women plot their revenge on the cheating bastard. 

I would be lying if I told you that this movie isn’t just a big kids version 

of John Tucker Must Die. Complete with estrogen spiking and a “sensitive 

nipples” scene but with more sex, swearing and alcohol. The brainiac, the 

booby bimbo and the bride spend most of the movie wreaking havoc on 

their man’s life. You would think that more original ways to do this would 

have been explored by now, but if you were hoping that the older cast 

meant that the days of hair removal cream and laxative laden revenge 

were over, you will be sadly mistaken. (Unfortunately the effects of the 

vengeful acts are not carried through and the cheating husband’s hair is 

lush and thick even after huge clumps fall out.) It’s not all bad though, I got 

enough laughs out of some of the hilarious goings-on that the movie was 

still quite enjoyable. But then, I might just be the target audience. If you 

are in the mood for a Bridesmaids meets John Tucker Must Die chick flick 

that promises a few laughs then this is the movie for you- as long as you 

don’t read too much into it. 

11


Mess 

ALBUM REVIEW BY HP 

The New Classic 

ALBUM REVIEW BY JAMES RAFFAN 

LA experimental trio Liars have recently released their seventh full-lengther, 

Mess. And what a beautiful Mess it is. The album is a continual twisting 

together of the strands of punk, rock, electronica and house producing 

floor-filling funk and fastidious and fussy finer details. The band have created 

equal parts math rock, for those put off by the fear that head bopping 

might be surreptitiously teaching them algorithms, and dance music, for 

those so terrified that their well-honed moves might be opening the door 

to fluoro and sparkles. It is a melding of delightful worlds. 

Opening with looping rhythms and thumping beats, the album lulls the 

listener into ideas around industrial soundscapes. But the joy underneath 

the robot sounds is so permeable it is infectious. The synths, drums and 

guitar hold together a concrete structure and certainty to what is ultimately 

an unpredictable adventure. The drumming triplets under the layers of I’m 

No Gold pump and drive the song further into the realms of drum and bass, 

while the chanting choruses of lead single Mess on a Mission are closer 

to Bloc Party-style rock. 

The all-encompassing styles on this record show Liars are willing and 

able to have a lot of fun. With lyrics like “eat my socks” and organ solos, 

it is clear that they are still pushing out all the edges of any boxes they’ve 

been put into. By pushing and breaking they’ve allowed themselves to 

make mistakes and become endearing to all who listen. 

If someone had asked me about Iggy Azalea last week I probably would 

have suggested she was a slightly more talented version of Kesha: a 

cheap hack that relied on “Clueless” based nostalgia and a catchy hook 

to get charted. Unfortunately I still lost a vote 2-1 and was told to review 

it. I wanted so much to hate “The New Classic”, I really did, but it’s 

actually clever. 

Don’t get me wrong, songs like Lady Patra and Walk the Line are still 

laced with problems, most of which are due to the lyrical simplicity. She’s 

taken a plethora of clichés from other rappers and tried to throw them into 

a 12 song album. We learn that she wants to be viewed as a boss, hailed 

like a goddess and challenge stereotypes about being a bitch. The album 

illustrates that Azalea has yet to find her own voice, but that’s not that big 

a criticism for someone’s debut album. 

The New Classic has some major redeeming qualities though. The styles 

and tonal shifts in the beat are fantastic and show some real thought. 

The use of South American rhythms really shine as well. The guest artist 

choices, particularly Rita Ora on Black Widow, give the album a lot more 

depth and complexity than it would otherwise have. 

Fancy is a catchy lead-off track in a solid debut. Hopefully by the follow 

up Azalea will have a better sense of who she is and what she’s trying to 

say. If she can master that then she could be a mainstay among female 

rappers for a long, long time, unlike Kesha. 

12 nexusmag.co.nz


The Age of Miracles 

BOOK REVIEW BY RENEE BOYER-WILLISSON 

Max Payne 3 

GAME REVIEW BY KARL GUETHERT 

The end of the world has been the subject of many disaster movies. But 

what if the end of the world was actually kind of… boring? 

In The Age of Miracles, Karen Thompson Walker explores just that. For 

twelve-year-old Laura the beginning of the possible end goes almost unnoticed 

as the rotation of the world begins to slow. As the days grow longer, 

at first by seconds, then minutes, there appears to be little effect, but 

as the earth day reaches 25 hours and beyond, more and more changes 

become apparent. 

The governments of the world unite in decreeing that everyone should 

‘voluntarily’ revert to the 24 hour clock, and suddenly the world divides into 

two. The conformers, the majority, follow clock time even if that means 

the ‘day’ is dark and the ‘night’ is light, while the rebels, the real timers, 

lengthen their days and try to adapt their bodies’ circadian rhythms to the 

slowing rotation of the earth. 

What I really liked about this book was the way it normalised the slowing. 

It made me think about how I would deal with a situation like this – how 

life would continue even as it fell apart. 

I did have two small gripes however – the book was fairly relentlessly 

depressing, with few moments of levity to break up the heaviness, and I 

was disappointed with the ending. But overall, Walker has created a beautiful 

and thought-provoking debut novel. http://booksellersnz.wordpress.com 

This game could also be called "Max Takes a Tropical Vacation". Well, you 

could be forgiven for thinking that anyway, since Max spends much of his 

time wearing a Hawaiian shirt and running around in the blazing sun. With 

a sudden departure from the style of the first two games, Max Payne 3 

leaves its Film Noir vibe to take on a Bruce Willis "Die Hard in Brazil" feel. 

Don't get me wrong, the game is awesome and still has a number of 

Max Payne mainstays - bullet time (Matrix Slow Mo) and the gritty Max 

Payne dialogue for example. But without the graphic novel style cut scenes 

and Max's lack of leather jackets, it feels more like a stand-alone game. At 

least it still has the dark humour and depression seen in the first games… 

Of course the game is fun, but then we're talking about Rockstar Games 

here, so that shouldn't be a surprise. Max has some new tricks up his 

sleeve (gameplay wise) such as a 360 targeting lock that lets him run 

straight ahead and still shoot those bad guys hiding behind him. 

As with any Max Payne game, there are more guns than you can shake 

a stick at, but you can only use a small handful at a time. At least you can 

dual wield any combination of single-handed guns, you can collect parts to 

make golden guns (which offer bonus damage and clip sizes), and just plain 

shoot up the place with glee (or, at least, I shot up the place with glee). 

13


HØNEST MATT MEETS 

STATE OF MIND 

Honest Matt Matt Hicks 

Matt Hicks has a bit of a chin wag with Stu Maxwell from State of Mind 

about the new album ‘Eat The Rich’, touring, the promo behind the album 

and the health of the DnB scene in Aotearoa. 

You guys have kicked a bit of ass straight off the bat with your new 

album debuting at #2 on beatport (knocking out Skrillex, would you 

believe). How did it feel to have instant success like that? Well it felt 

pretty good! It went in straight to #2 then up to #1 after 24 hours. That’s 

pretty good for a hard edge drum and bass record. Any hidden meaning/theme 

behind the name of the album? It’s a bit of a dig at wealth 

inequality and our culture of greed. Right now it’s the worst it’s been in 

100 years. That’s a simple fact. We are not particularly left wing or anything, 

but it shouldn’t be like that. So yeah eventually, if it carries on, everyone bar 

the top few will have nothing left to eat but rich people hence ‘Eat the Rich’. 

Who helped out in the making of the album? Any other producers or 

musicians? Just the collaborators, Nymfo, Percieve, Sacha Vee, MC Dino 

and Black Sun Empire. Any standout tracks on the album you think we 

really gotta listen out for? Ha-ha. You’ll have to decide that for yourself! 

The artwork on the album is absolutely amazing. Who is the person 

responsible for all these freaky characters? A guy called Tim Malloy who 

lives in Melbourne. He is a kiwi guy who we went to school with. He does 

comics and has a pretty twisted imagination. We thought he was perfect 

for our dystopian rich eating future. The art has been really well received 

and has had exactly the impact we had hoped for. You’ve gallivanted all 

around the world. Is there any country in particular that has a strong 

State Of Mind following? UK, Hungary, Germany, Holland and France. We 

do quite well over there. Right now DnB is so strong in Europe and it feels 

like it has been given a new lease of life since the dubstep bubble has kind 

of died down. Are there any Kiwi MCs you’d like to collaborate with 

in the future? We’d like to do some more work with MC Woody. There’s 

also quite a few new hip hop names that are popping up around NZ that 

we have in mind to do some work with. How would you describe your 

sound to someone not in the know? Two lawnmowers crashing into 

each other. What’s been your finest crazy rock n roll moment so far? 

There have been far too many hotel stories to recount just one. Let’s just 

say, we’ve been asked to leave a few, and not welcomed back in the future. 

More at sounzgood.co.nz. 

14 nexusmag.co.nz


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) 

Those who tell you that the best thing you can do in life is to take an unqualified 

leap of faith didn’t spend the majority of Anzac day watching “Parkour Fails” on 

Youtube. It turns out the best thing you can do in life is not swing from a lamppost 

onto a ramp and then backflip into oncoming traffic. 

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) 

This is a week for quiet self-reflection, it could also be a week for hitting an 

ex-boyfriend with a car. The stars are a little unclear so better to err on the side 

of caution and do both. 

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) 

Tell her how you feel, what’s the worst that can happen? You break up. You start 

seeing someone else and then out of nowhere she tries to hit you with a car 

after spending a week in quiet self-reflection. 

Pisces (February 19 - March 20) 

Ignore people who give you advice. 

New Zealand 

Music Month 

BEATS BY J 

Bridges 

Broods / Broods 

Tennis Court 

Lorde / Pure Heroine 

Dutchies 

Shapeshifter / The System is a Vampire 

Runnin' 

David Dallas / Runnin' 

Leo (July 23 - August 22) 

Grab life with both hands and hold on this week. Sleep with a flatmate. Drink 

excessively. Study harder than you ever have before. This is the week that you 

really make the most of life because next week is the week you are finally going 

to quit freebasing. 

Virgo (August 23 - September 22) 

Immanuel Kant once wrote “It is not necessary that whilst I live I live happily; 

but it is necessary that so long as I live I should live honourably.” Of course that 

could have just been the syphilis talking. 

Libra (September 23 - October 22) 

If you think the pursuit of education and knowledge is for any reason other than 

the attainment of self-actualisation and enlightenment then you are just buying 

into a capitalist construct. Having said that, you shouldn’t think too much about 

it this week because the University needs your tuition fees. 

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) 

A media commentator wrote that the two scariest words in the country at 

the moment are “Labour Government.” That’s not even fifth on the list: 1. I’m 

Pregnant. 2. It’s yours. 3. No weed! 4. Morning tutorial. 5. Essay due. This is a 

week for you to gain some perspective. 

Skankenstein 

Kora / Kora 

Get Away 

Katchafire / Revival 

April Sun in Cuba 

Dragon / Sunshine to Rain 

Settle Down 

Kimbra / Settle Down EP 

Keep On Callin' 

P-Money / Akon / Trouble 

Good Love 

Sons of Zion / Good Love 

Water to Ice 

Ruby Frost / Water to Ice 

I Got You 

HOROSCOPES 

Aries (March 21 - April 19) 

Sometimes fate is a cruel mistress, but ladies who work at Hush Hush are cruel 

mistresses most of the time. Be careful not to get the two confused because 

when you come home from a strip club at 3am your girlfriend isn’t going to 

believe “Fate” whipped you. 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20) 

Your path to happiness and wealth has never been clearer. Withdraw all your 

money, max out your student loans and then head to a casino. The money is 

waiting for you and your stars are clearly showing two colours, red and black. 

*This horoscope was paid for by the Auckland City Convention Centre. 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) 

One day soon you will wake up and realise that all your best years are behind 

you. Most likely when you do wake up and realise that, it will be in the lecture 

theatre of a post grad dip teach paper. 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22) 

This week remember “He who hesitates is lost.” Unless the reason you are 

hesitating is for more careful study of the route you need to take to get to 

your destination more effectively. Perhaps we should rewrite the saying to read 

“Hesitation is bad but for everything else in life there is google maps.” 

Split Enz / True Colours 

Parihaka 

Herbs / Lights of the Pacific 

Giddy Up 

Tahuna Breaks / Black Brown and White 

Silver and Gold 

Fat Freddy's Drop / Blackbird 

Chains 

Dlt / Ché-Fu / Hi-Score: The Best of Ché-Fu 

Punching in a Dream 

The Naked and Famous / Passive Me, Aggressive You 

Follow nexusmagazine on Spotifiy. 

15


AUTEUR PRESENTS 

LAURENCE OLIVIER 

Auteur Dr Richard Swainson 

For the last couple of weeks I've been working my way through a 

series of plays produced by Laurence Olivier for Granada television 

in the mid 1970s. By then, Olivier was closing in on 70 and in inconsistent 

health. Retired from the stage, he was beginning to take on roles in 

films that were beneath him, choosing parts with an eye for the paycheck. 

However much overacting or miscasting in these movies chipped away 

at the man's reputation, he never quite abandoned his commitment to 

his craft. 

The Laurence Olivier Presents box set includes six titles, ranging from 

the 1910 satire Hindle Wakes to Harold Pinter's 1961 play The Collection. 

The overall quality might be inconsistent but the acting range on display is 

little short of miraculous. 

Ironically, my favourite is Hindle Wakes, a production which Olivier codirected 

but does not appear in. The tale is one of period sexual mores and 

social hypocrisy. When the daughter of a mill worker is discovered to have 

spent the night with the son of the mill's owner their respective fathers 

determine that the pair must marry, regardless of the consequences. 

Donald Pleasance is marvellous as the self-made millionaire, a man who 

despite his wealth retains the working class values and friendships of his 

youth. The unexpected ending must have been quite shocking in its day 

and still manages to surprise over a century later. 

The most daring of Olivier's own performances comes in the least 

successful adaptation. Taking on Tennessee Williams' classic Cat on a Hot 

Tin Roof inevitably courts comparisons with the 1958 film version. While 

the text is closer to what the playwright originally intended neither Natalie 

Wood nor Robert Wagner can hold a candle to Elizabeth Taylor or Paul 

Newman, respectively. If Olivier's brave decision to take on the memory 

of Burl Ives' Big Daddy is more than an interesting failure it's less than a 

complete success, either. Maureen Stapleton is left to steal the show as 

the character's long-suffering spouse. 

Olivier is broader still in the Italian-derived Saturday, Sunday, Monday. In 

the small part of the grandfather, a role he had originally played on stage, 

he has his moments in a rather overheated, overplayed comedy. A large, 

entirely British cast do their best to approximate Italian accents with the 

likes of Frank Finlay and Edward Woodward emoting for all they are worth. 

For poignancy nothing can top the scenes between Olivier's wife Joan 

Plowright and him in the 1949 play Daphne Laureola. As a dying aristocrat 

who is not quite as vague as he pretends, Olivier is simply superb and a 

supporting cast which also features Dad's Army's Arthur Lowe is first class. 

However, more contemporary relevance and resonance is to be found in 

the Pinter play. Alan Bates, Malcolm McDowell and Helen Mirren are all 

at the top of their game in The Collection, young pretenders to Olivier's 

throne. Playing a gay middle-aged character without resort to camp stereotypes, 

Larry confirms his genius. 

16 nexusmag.co.nz


PHOTOGRAPH: ASHLEIGH MATTHEWS 

GRAND THEFT AUTO AND 

OTHERWISE 

Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf 

God died, according to Nietzsche, in the late nineteenth century. After 

that the incidence of theft rose in the twentieth. I’m not sure if the latter 

part is true but sometimes it certainly feels like it. Well, it does here in 

Hamilton which apparently holds the dubious title of the theft capital of 

New Zealand. 

As a system of ethics, of course, the Divine Command Theory is shot 

full of holes, recognized early by Plato, but we won’t go into that now. And 

even the fear of God and Hell-fire doesn’t seem to work these days, not 

even in the most god-fearing of counties in the American South where the 

incidence of crime outstrips that of most other states. 

But stats aside and returning to Hamilton, I witnessed a brazen theft the 

other day at a humble eatery on the main street of town. A man from the 

lower socio-economic bracket walked in and helped himself at the selfservery 

and promptly walked out without paying. Brazen as and in broad 

daylight. It’s not often you actually witness this kind of stuff so it comes as 

a shock even though you know it’s going on all the time. Two people at the 

counter rushed out, confronted the man and returned with a partly eaten 

chicken breast. Shocking. 

That’s at the lower end of the scale – petty theft that will probably go 

unreported and struggling businesses just have to write it off. They call 

it “shrinkage”, a euphemism for common shoplifting – a multi-million 

dollar problem. At the higher end it’s about men in suits. There’s almost 

daily reportage of fraud in this country involving huge amounts of money. 

Currently in Hamilton there’s a trial going on involving two men who allegedly 

defrauded seven finance companies of three million dollars. Corporate 

theft is alive and well here in this nation of thieves. 

If you’ve read this far, you probably know where this is going. Yes, even 

in the hallowed and rarefied environs of university life, theft is present. 

We’re talking university cheats – those who attempt to defraud the assessment 

system and steal credits by buying assignments, forging signatures 

and using phones in exams. Waikato has one of the highest incidents per 

capita of this sort of fraud, so it’s running true to form. I’d like to think that 

the high numbers are due to diligent vigilance by staff and robust record 

keeping, but who knows. 

Talking of rarefied worlds, the art world is not immune to such nefarious 

goings-on. The latest is the discovery of a $38 million scam involving the 

creation of fakes of modern masters like Rothko, Pollock and others by a 

Chinese painter, aided and abetted by a Spanish gentleman calling himself 

Jesus Angel Bergantinos Diaz. You couldn’t make this stuff up. You laugh, 

then cry, then laugh again. 

A parting word to the small dodgy element of the student population out 

there. A new god is watching you and he/she goes by the name of Turnitin. 

17


BLACKPOOL, ENGLAND 

Overseas Experience Johnny Ryan 

Where did you travel? England – Blackpool. I spent most of my time up 

there, but made it to Belgium via the undersea train. I also spent a mandatory 

couple of weeks down in London. The trip/sport lasted 4 months. 

How many people did you travel with or did you travel alone? Would 

like to note that this was my first time on a plane ever. I travelled mainly 

alone around England as I was there to play soccer. Fortunately for me, my 

cousin who grew up there took me in and was a great guide around the 

area. He was also a mint companion and translator in Belgium. Why did 

you choose this particular destination? I technically wasn’t on holiday 

but this was my first big trip so England seemed like a easy start. As for 

choosing to go to Blackpool, which is like being on Jeremy Kyle, it was 

decided for me as that’s where I was going to play soccer. What were the 

highlights of your trip? My main highlight was travelling to Belgium, not 

the fact that I’d never been but the knowledge that there was a bar with 

over 2000 different beers. I’m proud to say I had a Speight’s in Europe! I 

also ended up working in a local pub down in London to get some money, 

which was an awesome experience, except for every single muppet asking 

me to say ‘six’ but hey, I learnt to pour a mint beer. What was something 

unexpected? How much English people moan! Growing up in New 

Zealand you’re told that Poms are terrible moaners but it’s actually spot 

on. What was the biggest lesson you learnt while travelling or what 

would you have done differently in hindsight? Don’t let a soccer team 

take you to the casino on your birthday, don’t under-pour an Englishman’s 

beer and don’t direct fly to England as it takes too bloody long. 

18 nexusmag.co.nz


HAIL SAGAN 

Awesome Dead Person Mike Bilodeau 

Carl Sagan (1934 – 1996) was a Pulitzer prize winning, Emmy awarded, 

NASA distinguished astrophysicist, who also happened to be the 

most well recognized face in the scientific community during the 

1980’s and 90’s (apart from Stephen Hawking but… it’s not really the 

face you recognize…) 

If you have seen the recent re-release of the TV series ‘Cosmos’ by Neil 

Degrasse Tyson, you may be aware that the original was co-produced and 

narrated by this man. What made ‘Cosmos’ interesting was that Sagan 

thought of science on such an astoundingly huge scale that it began to 

take the form of something not far removed from philosophy. 

The first (among many) of his concepts which made me need to pause 

and go for a long walk to recollect my crazy blown mind, was one from his 

novel (which was also titled Cosmos, released in 1980.) 

He opined that, as we are all made of the same material which erupted 

forth from the big bang billions of years ago; as we are the same material 

that makes up the stars and planets and the atmosphere; he stated, “we 

are the local embodiment of a Cosmos, grown to self-awareness.” 

If this does sound a bit airy fairy for your local Waikato tough-cunt sensibilities, 

I feel it is important to note that he was a firm advocate of leisurely 

marijuana usage, which he explained in detailed essays under the pseudonym 

‘Mr.X’ (not to get side-tracked, but if you can get baked and still be 

the Carl Sagan, Michael Phelps or Barack Obama of the world, why is this 

shit still illegal???) 

Tributes to Sagan’s life include his own unit of measurement (the official 

name for 4Billion is a sagan, in memory of his (often misquoted) use of 

the phrase ‘billions and billions’), an asteroid and memorial station on goddamned 

Mars. 

For a man who is truly inspirational in every aspect of life for no other 

reason than a profound, almost childlike interest in everything he talks 

about, look no further than Carl Sagan. 

BONUS: And.. just cuz I like’s it… here’s a quote of his about the ridiculously 

excessive nature of the Nuclear arms stand-off between the USA 

and the Soviets: 

“Imagine, a room, awash in gasoline. And there are two implacable enemies 

in that room. One of them has 9,000 matches. The other has 7,000 

matches. Each of them is concerned about who’s ahead, who’s stronger. 

Well, that's the kind of situation we are actually in.” 

19


An Interview with 

Farizone 

INTERVIEWED BY HP 

Our music reviewer HP chats to Hamilton MC Farizone about how he 

got started, how it feels to be an artist appreciated overseas but not at 

home and what's next. 

“I don’t remember a time music wasn’t there” 

Zimbabwe born Farizone tells me as I try and pry out 

of him how this humble, young MC wound up being 

one of NZ Hip-Hop’s best kept secrets. He explained 

that when he was young, his father had brought a record 

player into the house; one of the few in the area. With this 

new found technology, he was able to expand his musical 

education to include everything from Paul Simon to 

Grandmaster Flash. But before that? Before that there was 

still music. It seems music is so much a part of Farizone 

that he can’t separate himself from it. It seemed inevitable 

that music would eventually start pouring out of him. 

As a young MC in Zimbabwe, he set himself a clear path. 

He started battling anyone willing to throw down rhymes 

knowing that victories were key to success. But when he 

moved to New Zealand five years ago, that path became 

muddled. He explained his only experience was as a battle 

rapper and suddenly he was stuck in a small town with no 

opponents and limited direction. “I was constantly battling 

someone or something” so soon Farizone had to learn he 

would have to battle the beat. 

He went on a hunt and was soon unlocking obscure 

beats from J DIlla and 9th Wonder and rhyming over them. 

He found himself a mic and started putting his music up 

on the internet. Before long, “International beatmaker” and 

producer Existence from the UK had discovered him and 

was in touch asking about his lyrics. Since then, Farizone 

has appeared on mixtapes and compilations with Existence 

which in turn has brought about interest in a range of 

underground producers based in Europe. He’s been able 

to syphon off their beats and put out a couple of pay-whatyou-like 

style releases through bandcamp.com. Things 

seem just on the cusp for our humble hero. 

“I really want to make a proper project. I’d like to work 

alongside a producer with a common view.” 

Farizone explains that locally the likes of David Dallas 

and Young Sid are exceptional not only because of their 

slick style and burgeoning talent, but because they can 

call on the likes of P-Money, Haz Beats and Fire and Ice to 

produce a coherent piece of work. But with what Farizone 

describes as a “hip-hop hierarchy”, he has found himself on 

the outside asking the same questions we all are asking: 

How do I get heard? How do I assimilate? 

Farizone is quite clearly a talent that to date has been 

more widely recognised by Europe than by his backyard. 

It’s an all too common tale of musicians in New Zealand. 

We seem to have a need for our sounds to be approved 

overseas before we reclaim them. The scenes of Kimbra 

and Ladyhawke “returning home” to collect a swag of 

New Zealand Music Awards following their stints overseas 

come to mind. It is a destiny that Farizone wants to rewrite. 

Hopefully hip hop heads will be nodding to him at 

local gigs before they hear about him on the next big US 

or European success. 

21


HP has an opinion on music and wants to tell you all about it. 

Oh nostalgia, I remember you! Reminiscing over great 

music can be a favourite pastime. Sometimes we might 

remember how that great band or album appeared in our 

lives and in the bludgeoned memories of the near-drunk we 

might say things like “Oh I think I read about them somewhere”. 

It is that “somewhere” that is changing almost as 

much as music itself. 

Musical heroes like Iggy Pop and Patti Smith tell of a time 

where the great new music first came to light through the 

written word. Creem Magazine, Rolling Stone and NME 

were key sources to new sounds if you believe Smith, 

Pop or that kid from Almost Famous. In our little patch of 

“...WITH ALL OUR PARENTS LYING TO US SAYING WE ARE UNIQUE 

LITTLE SNOWFLAKES, WE MIGHT BELIEVE THAT OUR OPINIONS 

ARE VALID.” 

green in the vast blue, some of us turned to magazines 

like Rip It Up or Tearaway in the same way pirates look at 

a treasure map. 

Why? Well the radio was shit house for starters. We also 

knew that music could make us happy, sad, dance and look 

over at the stereo in genuine surprise and that all these 

things were good. But we also knew we weren’t getting 

them with manufactured pop so we had to look elsewhere. 

With the internet helping us reach a previously unforeseen 

barrage of content, anyone can head out into the 

great bluey-tech wonders to unearth music in both legal 

and slightly less legal ways. They can then blog about it to 

anyone who’ll read it. With no great fount of knowledge 

(RIP Lester Bangs) and with all our parents lying to us saying 

we are unique little snowflakes, we might believe that 

our opinions are valid. So is there any authority left in music 

discussions? Can we believe anyone and everyone? 

Of course not. The people (including, if not especially 

myself) spouting about music are just like everyone else 

only more boring. But music journalism provides a new 

function today: a filter for the torrential downpour of content 

pouring out the downpipes of the internet and into the 

ever-overflowing drains of people’s opinions. There is simply 

too much content out in the world. But herein lies the 

real problem. Something we should all fear. More content 

does not make us more diverse, well-read and well-listened. 

People- what it makes us is narrower both in our mindset 

and our ability to search. We look for what we already 

know and more of it, because the folder labelled “new” 

is so large and impenetrable we rarely have the patience 

to open it. 

So the only recommendation is to head out into the 

web-waves and find bloggers, reviewers and journalists 

whose taste you can trust. Don’t give them Nigerian prince 

money or compromising photos of yourself, but give them 

your time. You’ll be rewarded with a new album to love, a 

change in your Spotify playlist and a renewed hope that 

wonderful, joyous and ear-shatteringly beautiful songs are 

not potentially at the end of your keyboard, but really can 

be found there. And if you are unsure where to start, come 

find me, Hp Writes Stuff. 

23


Greg 'Jack' Stack of DJ duo Stack & Piece shines a light into the dark 

and murky world of late night DJing. 

If you’re reading this – then you probably have made 

at least one smart choice at some point in your life. 

You made the decision to give up your dreams of being a 

rock star or All Black or supermodel to attend university so 

you can get ‘a real job’. Ultimately you put your dreams on 

hiatus to chase money – at least until you have a midlife 

crisis. I didn’t. 

Like your parents, mine wanted me to get an education – 

so I did. They wanted me to get a good job – so I did. They 

wanted me to be happy – I wasn’t. I wanted more from life 

than to sit in a cubicle or boss around an assistant. I wanted 

to travel, I wanted to meet new people and I wanted to 

have adventures. So I went and did the stupidest thing 

possible, and probably cut my life expectancy in half – I 

became a DJ … while working full-time. 

The Day/Night Conundrum 

I’d like to think that like you, I’ve made a couple of smart 

decisions along the way and one of them would have to be 

the juggling act of working full-time while embarking on a 

music career. Think of it like breaking up with your girlfriend 

or boyfriend – even if your relationship is shit, you want 

something good to go to before you bail. But it takes a lot 

of work: Monday to Friday I’m at my desk from 8am – 5pm 

and Wednesday to Saturday I spend my nights playing in 

front of hundreds of people around the country. That means 

I’m only getting four or five hours of sleep a night for over 

half the week – this is not nearly as fun as it sounds. 

However, jumping on the decks is ridiculously easy in 

comparison to being a musician, the skill set required is low 

and it is cheaper than learning to play any instrument aside 

from the recorder or triangle – which is why so many DJs 

are borderline retarded. This means we have less time to 

worry about practise and more time to worry about our hair 

(see: why so many DJs are borderline retarded). 

The Benders 

There’s a line in Love Actually when the washed up rock star 

Billy Mack tells a television audience “Hiya kids. Here is an 

important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. 

Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!” and 

everybody laughs. Well, that line is one hundred percent 

true. If you start strumming away on a guitar or screaming 

into a mic or even start pushing play on someone else’s 

records then certain substances and people will start making 

their way towards you. However, I can’t imagine there 

would be much more unpleasant things than realising halfway 

through a particularly intense acid trip that you have an 

important meeting in a couple of hours. 

These whimsical acts of self-destruction are not limited 

to the discjockey world: the whole entertainment industry 

is based around networking, hedonism and excess. If you 

want to be a part of that and thrive in it, then you have to 

embrace your inner demons and try and out drink them. 

Then, to make it even worse, you have to learn how to tie 

a tie while drunk and spend an entire day under fluorescent 

bulbs typing away at a computer while dealing with Pamfrom-accounting’s 

God-awful voice. 

The Pay 

Once the alcohol, drugs and the joy of a one night stand 

wears off, money in your pocket is all that you’re left with 

... besides the hangover and the nagging feeling that you 

may very well need to go to Family Planning. 

Being a musician or DJ can pay very well, but most of 

the time it doesn’t. Really, like any job, your paycheque 

completely depends on how recognisable you are. That 

really is everything- sure, skill and how good the music 

you make is important but if nobody knows who you are 

when they see your name on a poster – then people won’t 

come and see you play. 

25


Every week and weekend for the last six or seven years 

I have travelled around NZ and Australia playing events 

and music festivals, I co-host on a weekly radio show on 

national radio station George FM (Our: House radio, every 

Friday, 6-8pm) and have played on the bill of some of the 

world’s biggest acts including David Guetta, Calvin Harris, 

Skrillex, Major Lazer and, most recently Cedric Gervais and 

What So Not (Flume and Emoh Instead). The last single we 

made landed in the Top 20 hip-hop chart worldwide on the 

Beatport (think iTunes for electronic music) and we are currently 

ranked as the number #12 in New Zealand on DJlist. 

com – out of a pool of 770. 

For a standard Wednesday night gig I get paid around 

$100 p/hr, Thursday and Friday is around $150 p/hr and 

Saturday nights are up to $500 p/hr. This is massively higher 

same way gals only dress for other girls. 

In recent years I've seen multiple people OD (not as cool 

as it sounds), seen far too many people fornicating (as cool 

as it sounds) and then the obligatory fist fights, car crashes, 

vandalism, mental hospital admissions and deaths - all of 

which stem from this weird relationship between masculinity 

and the small sliver of fame you get from standing on 

stage for an hour or two a week. 

Women, traditionally, are smart enough to avoid the trappings 

and excess of the entertainment industry. They tend 

to understand the pitfalls and avoid them. However, due to 

the largely alpha male environment, they are often forced 

out due to a horrendous and completely disgusting amount 

of sexism. It's the one place the old boys club is still in 

force and is celebrated, and the boys club is the reason so 

“WHEN YOU THROW TOGETHER SUCH A LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE 

FROM SUCH AN UNDERDEVELOPED GENDER STUPID THINGS ARE 

BOUND TO HAPPEN.” 

than a person starting out DJ-ing who can expect to play 

their first few gigs for free and then sit at around $50 p/hr, 

however, it’s well under half of what the most well-known 

NZ DJs get. 

Musicians, unfortunately, get paid a lot less and have a lot 

more overheads – unless they’re, once again, ‘recognisable’. 

The Peter Pan Musical 

(a.k.a why so many DJs are borderline retarded) 

It's common knowledge that most men, especially those 

in their early twenties, have the emotional depth of fungus. 

Their main concerns only really alternate between procreation 

and being known as the best. There is no real concern 

about being the best, because that takes work, we just 

want the glory... The recognition. 

When you throw together such a large number of 

people from such an underdeveloped gender stupid things 

are bound to happen. Like Jackass, 90% of activities are 

designed to impress the other males in the group - the 

many DJs are borderline retarded. 

Don't believe me? How many female DJs or musicians 

can you name? 

So What Am I Trying To Say? 

At the end of the day nobody can tell you whether your 

career choice is going to be right for you or not. I know guys 

out there that work solely as DJs and guys who scrape and 

graft and do everything they can to make it but just never 

do. There is no right or wrong answer and no magic three 

easy steps to becoming a DJ. In some ways I am lucky 

that I have the right personality to keep this charade going. 

I can be schizophrenic enough to try and be a respectable 

white collar guy during the day and a socially isolated, selfloathing, 

attention seeking fame-whore on the nights and 

weekends. I chose not to choose life, I chose something 

else, something different. It’s just who I am and if it’s the 

sort of life that speaks to you, I say find a way to make 

it work. 

26 nexusmag.co.nz


27


Is it Hip to Be Chris? 

INTERVIEWED BY RACHAEL ELLIOTT 

Nexus talks to Labour MP Chris Hipkin about how Labour will make life 

better for you, going up, going down and why he thinks that your voices 

are important. 

What do you think of your performance in the recent 

polls? Obviously the goal over the coming year is to 

improve. We haven’t gone down on average but as the 

campaign starts we want to go up. There’s some stuff making 

people think twice about the current government at 

the moment- like the stuff around Judith Collins and Hekia 

Parata. I think those things will start to mount up in the 

public consciousness. We’re not happy with the way the 

polls are but we’re not tearing our hair out about them. 

We’ve got some work to do. 

What about the fact that somehow John Key is still 

preferred Prime Minister? It’s interesting. People obviously 

quite like John Key… but I think that people will reach 

a tipping point where they’ve had enough of him. There’s 

already a growing group of people who look at him and 

think he doesn’t take the job very seriously and that he 

demeans the position. 

What would NZ look like for students under a Labour 

government? One of the things we have got in the mix 

at the moment is how many of the current draconian and 

arbitrary cuts that Stephen Joyce has made we will be 

able to turn back and how quickly we will be able to do it. 

There are two big things that have to happen before we 

start making election promises, one is this year’s budgetobviously- 

and the second is the pre-election fiscal update. 

Those two things will tell us how much money we have 

and then we have to prioritise what we need to spend it on. 

But certainly there are issues around restricting eligibility 

that just don’t make sense if we want a more educated 

population in the long term. 

The restrictions for example on the amount of time 

you can study means that if someone in their late teens 

back in the 1990s did a course that didn’t really lead them 

anywhere and now later in life wants to go back to study, 

they’ll find they don’t have enough time left to complete 

a full course of study before Stephen Joyce’s arbitrary 

28 nexusmag.co.nz


restrictions on the amount of study they’re allowed kick in. 

That is just nonsensical. All of these current changes were 

designed because Stephen Joyce really wanted to undo 

interest free student loans and he wasn’t able to and so he 

went ahead with all these other draconian changes including 

cutting allowance eligibility for post-graduate students 

etc. So our goal over time will be to undo as much of that 

as possible. How fast we’re not yet sure. 

One of the things that Stephen Joyce has done basically 

says that he thinks student voice on university 

councils is not important- what is your reaction to 

that? The Labour party has always been firmly in favour 

of representative councils for tertiary institutions. I myself 

was a student representative on the Victoria Uni council 

for two years, I was the president of VUWSA and you’ll 

find Grant (our tertiary spokesperson) was on the council 

and was student president of Otago as well. From my own 

experience what I can say is that the business people on 

ones we desperately need to stay- the really bright creative 

ones who can create economic wealth for the country. 

How do we create jobs so we don’t over supply 

graduates in some areas? It requires a plan and the big 

difference between Labour and the current government is 

that the current government really does believe in the market. 

They think the market is just going to deliver if people 

want to train in a field- irrespective of whether there’s jobs 

for them- that the market’s just going to nicely sort that 

out for them. We don’t subscribe to that. We think you’ve 

actually got to have a definite plan for development. 

Would a universal student allowance be something 

that Labour would work on? We had it in our manifesto 

for the 2008 election. It was one of our options for 2005 

but we thought interest free student loans would benefit a 

much larger group of people for similar amount of money 

so we went for that. The plan over time is that the longer 

we’re in government the more we want to increase 

“...UNDER A NATIONAL GOVERNMENT THINGS HAVE PROGRESSIVELY GOTTEN 

WORSE FOR TERTIARY STUDENTS, AND UNDER A LABOUR GOVERNMENT, 

THINGS WILL PROGRESSIVELY GET BETTER. THOSE ARE THE TWO TRENDS. 

WE DO IT AS FAST AS WE CAN.” 

those institutional councils often underestimated the value 

of student and staff representation until they get on them 

and I think Stephen Joyce, having never been on a tertiary 

institution council, is making the same mistake. Students, 

staff and other representatives on university governance 

committees really provide the valuable check on whether 

something will improve things for students. It doesn’t make 

any sense to remove them. 

How are we going to keep our graduates in the country? 

The long term answer is we’ve got the make sure we 

have better, more high paying jobs. No one leaves NZ 

because they don’t like the quality of life we have here. I’ve 

got a huge number of friends that went overseas because 

they could earn a heck of a lot more money over there than 

here- people leave for money. At the moment, the current 

government thinks that declining NZ wages relative to the 

rest of the world is a competitive advantage for us and it’s 

not. It’s going to lead to people leaving- particularly the 

financial support for tertiary students. A universal student 

allowance is still a goal of the Labour party- how soon we 

can do that we can’t yet judge. What I would say though 

is under a National government things have progressively 

gotten worse for tertiary students, and under a Labour government, 

things will progressively get better. Those are the 

two trends. We do it as fast as we can. 

It’s always a dilemma for us when we get back into 

government because we’ve always got varying amounts 

of damage control to do before we can get back to our 

agenda that we really want to do. We don’t know what’s 

in this year’s budget, there could be more cuts to tertiary 

education that we want to undo. Stephen Joyce is quite 

crafty in the way that he does it because he doesn’t necessarily 

portray them as cuts he just nips and tucks here and 

there, “streamlines” or “re-prioritises funding.” Undoing 

those things is going to be quite a high priority. 

29


FUCK DIAMONDS. 

– WITTY TITLES ARE FOR PUNK 

BITCHES 

Give a Shit Tee-Ship 

This week I’d like to point at the absurdity of diamonds. 

Diamonds, which evidently are a girl’s best friend… or forever… or 

whatever… just blow my fucking mind. Apart from the absurdity of 

wearing a rock on your finger or neck or ears as a status symbol it 

is the violence and conflict of diamonds and the myths associated 

with the stupid fucking things that really grind my gears. 

Diamonds have not always been the most popular gemstone. It’s 

only within the last century, due to the efforts of a company named 

the DeBeers Organisation, that diamonds have been popularised. 

Prior to this it was rubies and sapphires that were considered 

the most precious. DeBeers did this through a clever advertising 

campaign that convinced consumers that all engagement rings 

should have diamonds. This, in conjunction with the help of the 

movie industry draping starlets in them, boosted the popularity of 

a piece of carbon that somebody pulled out of the ground to the 

height it is today. 

Over the past century the production of rough diamonds from 

mines in Sierra Leone, Democratic Republic of Congo and other 

African regions have funded vicious warlords and contributed to 

human rights abuse on a massive scale. The term “Blood Diamond” 

refers to these diamonds, mined in African war zones in order to 

finance monstrous acts of genocide and civil war. In case you’re 

unaware of what went on and in many cases still goes on in African 

war zones google it, but do so knowing that it ain’t fucking pretty. 

Diamond wars were all but stopped and the situation was 

beginning to look like it was being resolved due to the Kimberley 

Process Certification Scheme, wherein all exported diamonds 

were required to carry a Kimberly Process (KP) certificate which 

indicated the government could track the rocks back to a mine. But 

significant boosts in production and export indicating smuggling 

and other shady happenings was ignored by the Kimberly Process, 

apart from asking countries to “please stop it.” It became painfully 

obvious that KP certs meant sweet fuck all. Example of countries 

not giving a fuck: in 2008 Zimbabwe Armed Forces shot dead some 

200 diamond miners while arresting many more and subjecting 

them to all sorts of abuses in order to seize the diamond mines 

and smuggle stones. 

Death, blood and destruction for what? A rare stone? Think again. 

According to the International Gem Society (IGS) “among gems, 

diamonds are actually the most common.” They’re not even the 

most valuable: the IGS states that while diamonds are expensive 

due to popular demand such gems as Burmese rubies are expected 

to be much more valuable and in fact are so rare that trade data 

isn’t even available on them. It’s consumer driven bullshit. 

My point here is that humanity’s perception of wearing a fucking 

rock on your finger should equate to nothing more than what a kid 

looks like if he falls off a bike onto gravel: stupid. I’m sorry but it 

is. Even if you take out genocide, and the dismembered corpses 

of raped women at the hands of warlords. Diamonds are fucking 

stupid. Love. 

30 nexusmag.co.nz


PILATES RULES 

Road to Fitness Lauren Heginbotham 

This week, my body was itching for some activity, a first since 

I’d taken up this year’s fitness challenge. But, I was on the back 

foot. I’d forgotten my toilet bag. How was I going to clean myself 

up after a session at UniRec? After a few steamy sessions on the 

treadmill and in the REV class, I needed to find an activity that 

wouldn’t leave me looking like a sweaty rhino. 

After checking out the Group Ex timetable, I was off to my first 

Pilates class. How hard could it be? After many years of yoga, 

surely this would be a (non-sweaty) bendy synch. 

On arrival, the lunchtime mat work class was quite full with 13 

people (a 1:12 male to female ratio). We were equipment-less 

(quite the norm for those learning the basics), focused on strength 

and conditioning and using our bodies for resistance. 

I met Kasha Latimer, the instructor who mentioned that Pilates 

hasn’t lost its charm, with it playing an important role for anyone 

out there, active or inactive – hence it’s popularity with high performance 

athletes right through to those undergoing rehab. 

And… although it’s still a popular choice for dancers and gymnasts, 

it was originally used to rehabilitate bedridden or immobile 

patients during World War I. Impressive huh. 

As I was psyching myself up to tone and strengthen my body, 

increase flexibility and muscle strength, Kasha kicked off the class. 

Coordinating our breathing, we warmed up quickly with a focus 

on core strength. I found myself flipping from my back to my stomach 

(AKA sizzling like a BBQ) and performing moves like ‘going 

swimming,’ ‘riding a bicycle,’ and ‘rolling seal’. Yes… those are the 

names, not asana such and such translated into ‘downward dog’ 

that you get in the world of yoga. 

Later in the session we moved on to poses like ‘contemplating 

swan’ (a back strengthening and a chest and shoulder opener) to 

my personal favourite, ‘swaying mermaid.’ This one saw us sitting 

with our feet over to one side waving our arms in the air, lengthening 

the sides of the body and reaching up towards the sky. Bliss! I 

ended up getting myself to a fairly relaxed place in my first Pilates 

session at UniRec, without the familiar sight of sweat. Sweet as 

and totally recommended. 

If you’re keen to give Pilates a go and haven’t done any yoga or 

Pilates before, check out the 6 week course that starts on 7 May 

(Wednesday evenings) which will get you on track. 

31


THE HITCHHIKER 

The Foreign Invasion Melody Wilkinson 

I grew up with my parents telling me that under no circumstances 

should I ever ever EVER pick up a hitchhiker or hitchhike. 

Even though I feel bad sometimes as I pass the stranded traveler, 

I stick to this rule because they told me to and I don’t want to die 

which is what they said would happen if I didn’t. The other day I 

was pulling out of my driveway and I almost ran a guy over. (I may 

pull out of my driveway a little fast…) He waves me down and says, 

“Are you going to Morrinsville?” 

I say yes, but through clenched teeth, because if you say it 

through clenched teeth then you haven’t broken rule number one: 

Don’t talk to strangers. 

“Oh fantastic” he says “can I get a ride?” Then it hits me- he may 

be my neighbour. He confirms this and I swallow the lump in my 

throat as I let him into my car. He is very grateful and is actually 

lovely. Later, on my way home from Hamilton, I see a young woman 

hitching. Now in the split second before I pull over I have a conversation 

with myself that goes: our neighbour was hitching and he is 

normal and I would rather this girl gets a ride with me and not some 

crazy serial killer (I have very fast conversations in my head). So 

decades of repetition about the dangers of picking up hitchhikers 

gets thrown away and I let her into my car. 

She says thank you and then proceeds to tell me in chemicallyinduced 

super-fast speech that she spent the night in jail. 

“Man those bastards are hard asses. Y’know?” 

I do not know and am losing the feeling in my arms, wondering if 

I can use my empty V can as a weapon. 

“You seem okay; you are not a big Maori guy.” She adds. 

I really wish I was a big Maori guy or at least had one in my car. I 

am not sure how many people in New Zealand are “cunts” but she 

seems to think you all are. I tried to convince her otherwise but this 

made her yell the word louder and add in “fucking”. I dropped her at 

her “friend’s” house, but they didn’t look happy to see her. I tried 

to slink down in the seat so they couldn’t see me but unfortunately 

I drive a bright yellow car and live around the corner from them… 

Perhaps Dad does know best… 

maydaydownunder.blogspot.co.nz. 

AN OPEN 

LETTER TO 

MY SNAPCHAT 

FRIENDS 

Louise vs the World Louise Hutt 

Dear friends, 

I’m sure you’re aware how much I love Snapchat, from the horrible 

black and white photos of petrol stations to photos of my hair 

first thing in the morning. I might not delve into the true purpose of 

Snapchat; the glorious nudes, but I think you’ll probably thank me 

in the long run. 

As a true hypocrite, I get a terrible queasy feeling in my stomach 

when I see ‘someone took a screenshot’, unable to remember if that 

was the obnoxious photo of my lunch, or some terrible arrangement 

of my face, but still finding myself playing finger-Twister, sneaking 

my own screenshots. If I’ve taken a screenshot, it’s not for some 

devious means; I am not going to post them online or use them 

as blackmail. It’s because, in my mind, that snap represents the 

epitome of all snaps. Snap-perfection, if you will. 

For some reason, it’s hard to be positive all the time. It’s hard to 

even believe that other people are positive most of the time. If I get 

a snap that makes me smile, or makes me laugh, then yeah, I’m 

going to want to save it. My screenshots folder is really the ‘look 

at me when you feel sad’ folder; a reminder for when my memory 

fails me, that people care and like me, and have actually said nice 

things to me. 

It might sound like a gross over-exaggeration, but when was the 

last time you said something nice to one of your friends? Generally 

I’ll get one or two things on my birthday, maybe in a Christmas card, 

but then that’s it for the year. I’ve gotta make my self-esteem stretch 

them out; and when shit’s hitting the fan, I’m late with an assignment, 

worried I won’t have enough money to pay rent, and thinking 

what a despicable person I am for getting myself in this mess, having 

some selfies of my friends with thumbs up and nice words just 

makes the bleak future a little bit easier to stomach. 

Whether it’s a photo of something that reminded you of me, or 

a ‘yes! Buy that outfit! It looks cute!’, opening my snaps is often 

a lovely experience, one that I want to expand for more than ten 

seconds. So please, I hope you forgive my screenshots, and keep 

spreading the love. 

Yours truly, 

Louise 

32 nexusmag.co.nz


WELLYWOOD? I WOULD 

WELLINGTON - THE RED 

CARD EDITION. 

Carnage Jules Craft 

“...I KNOW WALKING FROM ONE PLACE TO 

ANOTHER ISN’T THAT EPIC BUT WHEN YOU 

HAVE YOUR OWN MUSIC TRACK AND THE BOYS 

ARE MAKING AN IMPROMPTU SONG ABOUT 

YOUR EXPLOITS YOU CAN’T HELP FEELING 

PRETTY DOPE...” 

At the start of each year of flatting in a new 

dwelling, each flatmate gets the right to pull 

one red card. A red card is the right for any flat 

mate to design a trip, adventure, challenge or good 

time in general for the others that reside with them. 

The red card can be pulled anytime, anywhere, and 

entire flat participation is compulsory. 

The Saturday morning before the holidays one 

of my charming flatties decided it was time to pull 

his red card on us. Never mind the fact we’d just 

been out on both Thursday and Friday and were 

feeling less than a little dim, or the fact that we 

had a flat inspection the next day at 4pm: we were 

driving down to the capital for a night out on the 

town. Within the hour of waking we 

managed to pack two car loads full of 

bros, sparkled up the flat to the best of 

our abilities, decided sober drivers, and 

then went and stocked up at Thirsty 

for the trip down. On the roadie Lukey 

had set us mini challenges to keep 

things interesting. Swap seats at the 

traffic lights, finish your vessel, paper 

scissors rock tournaments, the whole 

shebang. It was such a good buzz, 

there’s nothing better than a random 

trip with a bunch of mates, and being able to have 

these sort of spontaneous expeditions is exactly 

the reason why I love university so much. 

Upon walking into the G.O.A.T (this was the 

name of the flat we were crashing at) we could not 

have been welcomed by a more beautiful sight: the 

beers were flowing, the yarn circle was on, and the 

funnel was making a right mess of itself coming 

to everyone full to the brim of liquid demanding 

to be finished. On the party walk the boys were 

introduced to the magic of freestyle rapping. The 

G.O.A.T. boys called this “the movement.” It started 

with a slow clap, then one of the boys would add 

to it with a bit of a beat box, followed by something 

else like a foot stomp, and out of nowhere one of 

them would be jumping on the track spitting some 

epic rhymes. I mean I know walking from one 

place to another isn’t that epic but when you have 

your own music track and the boys are making an 

impromptu song about your exploits you can’t help 

feeling pretty dope and perhaps even a little thug. 

We got to this party around 11 but sadly 

Wellington landlords don’t seem to like large 

alcoholic get togethers and it was shut down the 

moment we got there. After this the whole night 

was an absolute mess, we all went our separate 

ways into town never to meet as an entire group 

again. I got stuck on the dance floor of Good Luck 

listening to an awful DJ who literally was just pressing 

play and I think the others crept around Hope 

Bros. Out of the 9 of us who went down only 4 

managed to get back to the G.O.A.T, 1 of us ended 

up crashing with some friends from Matamata, and 

the other 4 ended up in one of the Joan-Steven’s 

lounges. The Joan-Stevens part is actually pretty 

funny because the boys had to sneak in and once 

they were discovered they had people coming in 

every five minutes abusing them and telling them 

to piss off, haha, bunch of muppets that they are. 

As this was my first red card I was unsure what 

to expect, but after this I can’t wait to start planning 

my own. Maybe I’ll take the boys out for a camping 

trip with a treasure map. What are your ideas? Love 

to hear them if you’re around. Chea Crafty out. 

33


THE NOT-COACHELLA; 

WHAT TO DO WHEN PEOPLE 

FUCK YOU OVER. 

Alix Abroad Alix Higby 

If you recall, I embarrassingly pre-empted my Coachella 

plans in an earlier column and must now admit to none of 

the aforementioned events ever coming to fruition. But… 

what happened? The same way all university group work tends 

to fall apart – the weak link. It started in my friend’s dorm room, 

some Thursday night in March, on my iPad as we were looking up 

Coachella tickets. US $500 was the listed price. We’d been unable 

to snag any from the official sale, but we were unashamedly willing 

to shell out an extra couple hundy to a shitty scalper. She knew 

some festival junkies from Pasadena whose word of wisdom was 

to wait until the week before because ticket prices typically skydive 

as scalpers try to desperately offload their wares. Dubious and 

still adamant that we should just grab them in advance, I resisted. 

Apparently not strongly enough. We waited it out until one night, 

as I’m eating sautéed kale on recycled material plates (el lay), my 

friend announces that she’s got a gig on a film set and will actually 

be spending Coachella weekend in the mountains instead… and 

would I like to come? No. The short answer my friend, is no. She 

didn’t seem to realise her massive dick move and a weekend in a 

cabin with her would’ve turned me into a yeti terrorising the film 

crew. It turned out okay, I didn’t speak to her for a week cos the 

sight of her still made me a five year old in a checkout being told 

they can’t have a Mars bar, but other than that I was reasonably 

graceful about it. The stacked wedges I bought all the way from NZ 

took a hike down Rodeo Drive instead of the Indio desert. I sat on 

my bed in a fluffy sweater and listened to Lorde’s “Look at me, a 

successful kiwi” soliloquy with my knees under my chin instead 

of upright drowning in the middle of a mass of sweating bodies. 

Never mind, eh. You live and you learn - “It is better to trust in the 

Lord(e) than to put confidence in man” Psalm 118:8. 

34 nexusmag.co.nz


THE OFFICIALLY 

OFFICIAL TREND 

REPORT 

A Fashionable Lifestyle Jessica Wilson 

Fashion trends are everywhere, from the boots of a homeless 

man to the anime obsession of practically every IT student. 

Fashion trends are anything relevant and trending in society, like 

hashtags. Follow this trend report carefully and watch the babes 

roll in like cockroaches to your room in winter. I hate cockroaches. 

Rubber and Latex. Likely due to a miscommunication from family 

planning, wearing rubber and latex clothing is uber cool. Celebs like 

Iggy Azalea, Alexa Chung and white girl’s founding father, Miley 

Cyrus, have been seen wearing this trend. 

Hologram Fabric. Fashion writers have described the hologram 

trend as “bold”, “eye catching”, easily adding a “pop” to the outfits 

of fashionistas everywhere. I just like it because it’s spacey. 

Underbutt. If Coachella were a person, it would be hungover 

on Tuesdays and unable to control its bodily fluids at parties. 

Interestingly, these attributes fit the vast majority of people 

who attended Coachella this year. What they lacked in sobriety, 

Coachella goers made up for it with their incredible daring fashion. 

So what was the hottest trend at this year’s Coachella? Not sideboob 

or a thigh gap, but underbutt. Underbutt is the name given 

to the area of the lower buttocks left uncovered in clothing items 

such as shorts or bikini bottoms. 

Aliens. Aliens everywhere! This totally real and not fake creature 

is so hot right now. I don’t know why either. I just like it because 

it’s spacey. 

Marijuana Leaf Print. Recently, I saw a girl, no older than 14, 

wearing a shirt printed with the green stuff. If there’s anything 

I’ve learnt from turning 18, expressing your use of marijuana is far 

more important than actually using marijuana. I don’t get it mon. 

Face Print. I like Drake because he cries, I’m not sure if that is 

reason enough to have his face on my vagina, but what do I know. 

At o-mighty.com you can buy underwear with Drake’s smiling face 

printed all over it. The site also has a range of clothing with prints 

of other studs, like Johnny Depp, Drake, Obama and Buscemi. Is 

this turning into an advertisement? Can someone email o-mighty 

asking for payment? Thanks, dal. 

“FOLLOW THIS TREND REPORT CAREFULLY AND 

WATCH THE BABES ROLL IN LIKE COCKROACHES TO 

YOUR ROOM IN WINTER. I HATE COCKROACHES.” 

35


ROYALS VISIT, 

PEASANTS GLANCE UP 

Politics Ryan Wood 

Some time ago, the future King and Queen of England 

took their infant son to visit some of their colonial 

holdings. For a few days they wandered around the country, 

attending special events and being photographed. Loyal 

subjects lined the streets to wave at them. There was much 

consternation over what the Duchess of Cambridge wore. 

Later, the visitors left. 

This innocuous stopover prompted a great deal of happiness 

in some people. They saw the happy, wealthy, attractive royals 

and they felt a twinge of certainty and stability. Despite how 

awful the world was, the royals were a sign that there was 

still some good in it. For others, though, the visit was a chance 

to voice their frustrations at not having a ‘Kiwi’ head of state. 

The old argument for a republic reared its head once more. 

Beyond Princess Grace, I am not particularly interested in 

royalty. I’ve always considered the ‘ordinary’ people I interact 

with to be far, far more interesting, because they are real. They 

are skin and warm breath and only an outstretched arm away. 

Royals, on the other hand, I have never met. They could be 

fictional. Perhaps they are made up to sell magazines. In any 

case, while I am indifferent towards them, this does not mean 

I am craving a republic. 

To begin with, what sort of republic might emerge after we 

throw off the shackles of royalist oppression? We could follow 

Iran’s lead and have an ‘Islamic Republic’; or we could look to 

our Chinese pals and have an ironic prefix, ‘People’s Republic’. 

What about a ‘Soviet Socialist’ one? Maybe, if we’re lucky, we 

can go through four or five republics, like the French. Voulezvous 

coucher avec moi? 

I suppose the main anti-royalist argument is that the royals 

are born into privilege and (limited) power. This, apparently, 

does not reflect egalitarian New Zealand, where merit is all 

that counts. And yet, I find that this is simply not true. In our 

little country, the children of the rich lead comfortable lives. 

They live in the best homes, they eat the best food, they 

receive the best healthcare and education. The government 

ensures that all doors open for them, simply because they 

were born to the right family. For the children of the poor, it is 

altogether a different tale. They must watch as door after door 

closes, and, no matter how hard they work, they soon learn 

that it’s never been what you know; it’s always who you know. 

Perhaps, in that regard, the monarchy is more reflective of 

our society than we care to admit. 

36 nexusmag.co.nz


SURFING THE CRIMSON WAZE 

Aunty Slut 

Dear Aunty Slut, 

My boyfriend and I were having sex the other day and when 

we finished we noticed that my period had started. I didn’t 

think much of it but my boyfriend was completely grossed out 

and yelled that I should have told him that I was due. Is having 

sex during your period bad? Should I be grossed out? Help! 

Not sure 

Dear Not sure, 

I’m so glad that you’re not sure- it means you’re already fighting 

against the ‘vaginas are icky’ mentality the media pumps 

into us from a young age. But it sounds like your lad is very 

much still in the uncomfortable hideaway stage- so see if you 

can help him understand that your vagina is not gross or dirty. 

Especially when you’re bleeding. 

I spent some of my younger years embarrassed: hiding my 

pads and tampons and being told that my period was something 

‘private’ (a.k.a gross and dirty) that shouldn’t be talked 

about. But then I turned into the girl who enjoyed getting out 

of swimming on cold mornings by fixing my male PE teacher 

with a direct stare, telling him as loudly as I could I was on 

my period and watching him (and a significant proportion of 

my class) squirm. It’s just getting worse as I get older- last 

weekend I wore a pair of underwear that I’d painted the word 

‘cunt’ on and filled with red glitter. I spent an evening throwing 

it at people and THEY LOVED IT. 

But I digress. I say we should talk about periods, touch periods 

and fuck periods. Lots of women find they’re horny during 

their period because of all the extra hormones- it’s normal. 

What’s not normal is that people think sex while menstruating 

is weird. 

If you’re squeamish about the ‘mess factor’ have sex in the 

shower or throw down a towel. But the average woman only 

bleeds 2-4 Tablespoons of blood TOTAL during her cycle. How 

much of that is really going to get spread around during coitus? 

There’s also this amazing invention called a washing machine 

that you can put dirty sheets into and they come out clean- I 

know, mind-bending stuff! 

The more turned on you get, the less you’ll bleed. In fact, in my 

experience, if you take out your tampon after you’re already 

feeling a bit sexy and then go for it, you won’t find any blood 

for an hour or so later on a heavy day, or even up to a day if it’s 

in the lighter part of your cycle. The bleeding after that might 

be slightly heavier because the muscles you use when you 

come can help bring the blood down, but it will shorten your 

period in terms of time. And because an orgasm is a natural 

painkiller, sex is good for cramps too. 

In conclusion, vampires are sexy as fuck and they DRINK 

blood. I back that as a thing (way, way sexy) but if your man 

is freaking about a bit of blood on the sheets then he might 

really freak about getting some on his mouth. Ask him what 

freaks him out about it, teach him that periods aren’t that big a 

deal- at least half of us have them, and pretty much everyone 

comes across one at some point. Embrace your awesomeness 

and your sexy period and help him embrace it too. 

37


Blind Dat 

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/ 

SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOU'RE KEEN FOR A DATE ON US EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ 

XX 

THE LADY'S EXPERIENCE 

XY 

THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE 

I got a mysterious phone call from The Edge to say I had been set up on a 

Blind Date! This was way out of my comfort zone and no one has owned 

up to the fact they entered me yet. With a push in the right direction I said 

yes – I’m glad I did. It was a fun experience and something to tick off the 

list. After having a couple of wines to calm my nerves before I arrived, I 

saw him sitting there waiting. He was nothing like I had pictured (thank 

goodness especially when I was only told his age) – I remember thinking 

to myself “I hope this won’t be too awkward”, but it was the complete 

opposite. After introducing myself it was easy, we always had something to 

say to fill in any gaps, he was polite, interesting and great to talk to. Lots of 

laughs and a really nice meal plus a few cocktails to compliment the night. 

Time went by fast and it wasn’t until the waiter told us they were closing 

in 15 minutes that we decided we should go home. He walked me to the 

car and we parted ways. 

Apparently life begins where your comfort zone ends, so when I saw the 

post offering a chance for a blind date I figured Yeah why not? Never really 

thinking I'd actually get to go on one. 

I had every TV and movie portrayal of a blind date going through my head 

from long awkward silences to creepy serial killers. But just about any horrible 

scenario was a lot safer that trying to choke down more of my own 

cooking, so I was all for it. It was actually really pleasant and casual. The 

girl was very chatty and friendly and the food was amazing. I've never been 

to The Bank before, and I'd definitely go again. I was too full to try dessert 

and it looked pretty good so I'll have to go back to try that one day. After a 

couple of nervous laughs and short awkwardish silences the conversation 

started flowing very nicely. I think we both had a really good night. I would 

have been keen to stretch it out a bit longer if I didn't have an early start 

for work the next morning. Thanks very much to The Edge and Nexus. 

38 nexusmag.co.nz


EXPLOITATED 

TONY STEVENS FROM YWRC 

— 

PHOTOGRAPH: LOUISE HUTT 

This one is for you international students. I 

have now had two encounters this year with 

Chinese students who have been ripped off 

by their boss in the guise of a ‘training’ wage. 

Student #1 works in a dollar shop in northern 

Hamilton and was paid $11 per hour for 

several months before her boyfriend urged 

her to investigate this injustice. She’s 23 so for 

starters she immediately qualifies for the adult 

minimum wage which was at the time $13.75. 

When asked, her boss said he was paying 

her a ‘training’ wage while she learnt the ropes 

– well this codger is either totally ignorant of 

the law or is being downright sneaky. See a 

training wage only applies to someone doing 

an apprenticeship or studying an industry 

qualification worth at least 40 credits if they 

are 16-19 or 60 credits if they are twentyplus. 

Somehow I don’t think there is such a 

thing as a National Diploma in $2 Shop Sales 

Techniques... 

Student #2 was 26 and working for a 

Glenview grocer and was basically in the 

same boat. 

I’ll give you a virtual fist bump if you can 

guess what nationality the employers subscribed 

to – Chinese. Yes it’s the old migrants 

taking advantage of their own people situation 

and it’s one that is shockingly common, even 

in our little cow town. 

And I’m willing to bet it’s not just Chinese 

victims or perpetrators when it comes to 

migrant exploitation. 

Remember this: if you are 18 or older, 

whether you are a Kiwi, Chinese or Martian, 

you should be paid at a minimum $14.25 (as 

of 1 April 2014). 

If you are in the same boat as our Chinese 

friends then get in contact with us. 

STUDYLINK HELP 

AMBER CARDALE 

— 

Did you know that the WSU advocates work closely with Studylink to help you guys? 

Studylink applications can be difficult to get your head around. Mystudylink is also 

another process that can sometimes be confusing. 

While we aren’t here to talk to Studylink when you can’t be bothered waiting on the 

phones, we can however contact Studylink on your behalf when you legitimately have no 

idea what is happening with applications and payments. 

Furthermore, we have now set up a workstation in our appointment rooms so that the 

advocates can talk students through some online applications that you may be stuck on, 

we’re just good like that ;) 

Think you may need help with a Studylink matter? Then come and see an advocate. 

FREE LEGAL ADVICE 

LAURENCE MCLEAN 

— 

Have you been arrested? Is your landlord overcharging you in rent? Did you buy a laptop but 

now it won’t work? Is your boss trying to fire you without a reason? 

The student law clinic is your chance to sit down with a lawyer and talk through these 

issues and any other legal problems you may come across. It’s free, it’s confidential and it’s 

a great place to go to find what the law says about your problem. 

This service is available every Thursday from 11-1pm at the WSU offices, lawyers will be 

available to discuss any legal issues or questions you might have and point you in the right 

direction. Book an appointment today at the WSU office in the SUB building. 

Contact: 0800 AT YWRC, ywrc@xtra.co.nz. 

Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011. Or make an appointment at wsu.org.nz 

39


NOTICES 

Waikato 

Invitational 

FACEBOOK.COM/WAIKATOINVITATIONAL 

One day of intense sporting competition, the 

Waikato Invitational is action packed - showcasing 

eight sports on Friday 30 th May here at UoW. 

Going head to head against rival Auckland tertiary 

institutes, bragging rights are at stake for the 

mighty Waikato. There can only be one winner, 

with all victories added to the final scoreboard. 

It's almost time for the 2014 games to begin. 

Don’t miss out, make sure you sign up and join 

the Waikato tribe today. Sign up now at UniRec. 

Boardgaming 

Club 

WAIKATOBOARDGAMECLUB@GMAIL.COM 

heading up to Auckland for the annual Board 

Games by the Bay event on May 24th and 25th. 

Anyone interested in carpooling (as a driver or 

passenger) should contact waikatoboardgameclub@gmail.com 

for details. 

Surfing Club 

UNISURF WAIKATO 

If you constantly find yourself sitting around 

thinking “Oh bra it would be super radical to get 

shacked off my head right now” you need badly 

to go surfing. Recent research has shown that 

surfing increases a person’s ability to A) get mad 

stoked and B) be sufficiently righteous in a world 

full of squares. (TeeShip, 2013) So if you feel like 

occupying a point break or a peeling bank with a 

bunch of your fellow students, Check out Unisurf 

Waikato on facebook and get prepared to get 

PITTED. 

*Research findings may or may not have been 

fabricated in order to give credence to a surfer’s 

ability to conduct said research. 

Waikato 

Kendo Club 

WAIKATOKENDO@GMAIL.COM 

Waikato Kendo Club 2014 B & C Beginners Class 

is coming shortly! 

$150 for 15 sessions. Each session last 1.5 hours. 

Starts 10 th May at S.O.E Gym, Gate 4, Hillcrest 

Road, University of Waikato. 1:30pm to 3:00pm 

every Saturday. Early Bird special in group or individual. 

Email to enroll: waikatokendo@gmail.com 

Our Country's 

Good 

4 TH - 7 TH JUNE 

WIn the harsh conditions of early Australia, we 

find the beginnings of a convict camp. When one 

lowly officer puts his hand up to direct a play, we 

see torn politics and Theatre like you’ve never 

seen before. 

Directed by Gaye Poole 

Written by Timberlake Wertenbaker 

4th - 7th June 

7:00pm 

Playhouse Theatre, Gallagher Academy of 

Performing Arts, Gate 2B. 

Door charge $10 

Enquiries hwright@waikato.ac.nz 

2.5 hours approx. 

Waikato University Boardgaming Club are 

Interested about Japanese Fencing? Want to try 

a new Martial Art in New Year? 

Send any notices to editor@nexusmag.co.nz 

40 nexusmag.co.nz


HOME-MADE 

BURGERS 

Cooking for Students Zac Lyon 

There are a few things that make me sad in this world. Baby 

elephants stuck in mud, my feet poking out from under the 

blankets when it is cold and seeing pre-made burger patties 

in student's shopping trolleys at Pak’n’Save. A burger patty 

is something you should be able to make from scratch, so 

you control what goes in it, not some ground-up cow parts. 

While winter is coming, (GOT ref) burgers still make a 

bloody good and particularly cheap and healthy meal. So 

discard those frozen patties safely (frozen patties are deadly 

projectiles) and smash out some homemade burger patties. 

Ingredients 

500-1000 g of mince (get the mix of beef and prime mince 

from Pak’n’Save) 

Salt and Pepper 

1 sprig of rosemary (finely chopped) 

1 Tbs whole grain mustard 

1 Tbs of crushed garlic 

Burger buns with other ingredients (tom toms, onion, 

carrots, lettuce…) 

Directions 

01_ Not bloody rocket science, throw your mince into a 

large bowl and add in the above ingredients in no 

particular order. 

02_ With clean hands, mix all the mince and other 

ingredients until distributed evenly. 

03_ Separate the mince mixture into however many 

patties are needed. 

04_ Now for the fun part. I watched this on a cooking 

channel once and thought it was a good idea and 

have done it ever since. You need to ‘beat the 

meat’. Throw each ball of mince into your hand or 

at the bench a couple of times and then shape into 

a patty. This helps to tenderise and bind the mince – 

it’s also a good way to let out stress. 

06_ Throw the patty onto a hot pan or BBQ and cook 

until browned on both sides. 

07_ Grab a burger bun, slap on your dressing 

(aioli/relish), patty and veges (tomatoes, onions, 

carrots, beetroot, cucumber, lettuce, etc). 

Enjoy the crap outta your homemade burger! Head over to 

Cooking4Students facebook page or youtube channel to 

see how it is done! 

41


Codewords 

Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. 

Crack the code to solve the crossword. 

KenKen 

Sequence 

The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the 

What shape comes next? 

upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number” 

and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage 

with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must 

combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to 

form that cage’s target number. You may not 

repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat 

a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5, 

your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9, 

and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2 

and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5) 

Syllabic 

From the following syllables and clues, form 

ten words of a least two syllables. 

a - au - ble - bod - ci - cious - da - da - da - day 

- di - e - em - en - ha - ied - in - la - let - mac 

- na - pa - rag - re - ship - ta - ter - tion - tion 

- top - tosh - val - yes 

1. Spanish estate: 

2. Brazen: 

3. Malta capital: 

4. One of a series: 

5. Physically fit: 

6. A computer: 

7. Mexican turnover: 

8. Convertible: 

9. A connection: 

10. Beatle’s song: 

Draw your answer here. 

Sudoku 

Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row, 

column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9. 

EASY 

MEDUIM 

HARD 

42 nexusmag.co.nz


Target 

How many four (or more) 

letter words can you make 

from the letters in the 

square without using proper 

nouns? Each word must 

contain the centre letter. 

Crossword 

Solve the clues and fill in the words. 

Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz. 

Across 

37. Forsee (7) 

70. Manage (4) 

9. First-class (9) 

47. Planet (5) 

1. Fee paid for instruc- 

38. Short sleep (3) 

71. Snapshot (10) 

10. Illegal act (5) 

50. Social group (6) 

tion (7) 

39. Garret (5) 

73. Spoil (3) 

11. Rule (5) 

52. Exoneration (11) 

5. Pills (7) 

41. Duped (7) 

75. Yes (11) 

12. Adapt (7) 

53. Go in (5) 

9. Bizarre (9) 

43. Menaced (10) 

76. Japanese art of paper 

16. Aerial (7) 

55. Ambiguous (7) 

13. Relating to the moon (5) 

45. Crowds (10) 

folding (7) 

21. Useful device (6) 

57. Plan (9) 

14. Ineffective (7) 

48. Satisfied (7) 

77. Stringed instrument (5) 

23. Bird of prey (5) 

60. Uproarious (9) 

15. Inoculation (11) 

49. Of a particular vicinity (5) 

78. Churning (9) 

25. Oval (7) 

61. Disallow (8) 

17. Atmosphere (3) 

51. Belonging to us (3) 

79. Come before (7) 

27. Quisling (7) 

62. Long flag (7) 

18. Victorious (10) 

52. Species (7) 

80. Countries (7) 

28. Reprimands (7) 

65. Baggage (7) 

19. Hint (4) 

54. Farewell remark (5) 

29. Of the city (5) 

67. Select (6) 

20. Latin American dance (5) 

56. Floorshow (7) 

Down 

32. Hide (7) 

69. Deduce (5) 

22. Torpid (5) 

58. Mad (6) 

1. Garrulous (9) 

35. Aged (7) 

70. Stop (5) 

24. Stopped (6) 

59. Print (4) 

2. Located inward (5) 

36. Ferocious (6) 

72. Clan (5) 

26. Mantle (4) 

62. Flair (7) 

3. Annoy (8) 

37. Cure-all (7) 

73. Tropical fruit (5) 

27. Display of temper (7) 

63. Unsightly (4) 

4. Sustenance (11) 

40. Band of supporters (7) 

74. Assist (4) 

30. Border (4) 

64. Hot pepper (6) 

5. Rising warm air current (7) 

42. Disregard (6) 

31. Writing implement (6) 

66. Relating to country 

6. Tree (5) 

43. Stress (7) 

33. Sports meeting (7) 

life (5) 

7. Alleviating (6) 

44. Newspaper feature (7) 

34. Stroll (5) 

68. Callow (5) 

8. Rescue (4) 

46. Do away with (7) 

43


"I'm having problems with 

studylink." 

"I have no 

money for food." 

"I have so much going on 

that I'm finding it hard 

to concentrate on my 

assignments." 

"My landlords being difficult." 

Phone: 07 856 9139 Mobile: 027 206 5011 

Email: advocacy@wsu.org.nz Website: www.wsu.org.nz 

FOLLOW NEXUS 

MAGAZINE ON 

SPOTIFY 

JUST SEARCH NEXUSMAGAZINE FOR ALL 

OUR BEATS BY J PLAYLISTS. 

44 nexusmag.co.nz


NEED 

LEGAL 

ADVICE? 

Free Student Law Clinic. 

Thursdays 11:00am - 1:00pm. 

Community Law Waikato presents the free Student Law Clinic. 

Every Thursday from 11-1pm at the WSU offices, lawyers will be available to discuss any legal issues or questions you 

might have and point you in the right direction. Book an appointment today at the WSU office in the SUB building. 

45

NEXUS ISSUE 08 2014

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