BeatRoute Magazine Alberta print e-edition - March 2016

THE VIDIOT
rewind to the future
by Shane Sellar
Brooklyn
Crimson Peak
Goosebumps
Spotlight
Trumbo
Brooklyn
The reason why the Irish settled in Brooklyn was due
to Manhattan’s strict public intoxication laws.
Surprisingly, the cailín in this romantic movie is a
wee bit of a teetotaler.
Sponsored by her family’s former priest (Jim
Broadbent), Eilis (Saoirse Ronan) is able to leave
Ireland behind and settle in Brooklyn, where she
subsequently works in a shop.
At a dance she meets - and later marries - Tony
(Emory Cohen). But when she returns home for a
funeral, she keeps her nuptials a secret so she can flirt
with an eligible Irishman (Domhnall Gleeson).
Complete with authentic Irish and annoying
Brooklyn accents, this complex yet cottony comingof-age
love story is a sincere snapshot of 1950s New
York, while Ronan simply embodies the naivety as
well as the mixed emotions of becoming an American.
Moreover, it reminds us that not all immigrants
are terrorists; they’re also letting in two-timing
hussies.
​
Crimson Peak
To really make it as a female novelist in the 19th century,
one had to adopt a pen name ending in Brontë.
Instead, the fledgling author in this thriller accepts
the surname of a baronet.
Following her father’s funeral, horror-fiction fan
Edith (Mia Wasikowska) weds a British industrialist
(Tom Hiddleston) who transports her across the
pond to his Gothic estate, where he works and
resides alongside his sister (Jessica Chastain).
But buried beneath the red clay of the country
manor are restless spirits that haunt Edith, warning
her of her hosts’ iniquity.
From director Guillermo del Toro and featuring a
bevy of sinister performances, Crimson Peak is a stunningly
shot Victorian ghost story with atmospheric
set design and a palpable sense of dread.
All of which help to elevate it past the gratuitous
gross-out of standard horror schlock.
However, lesser minds are going to assume that
everyone at Crimson Peak is menstruating.
The Good Dinosaur
If an asteroid hadn’t wiped out the dinosaurs then
the Flintstones would have been the first reality TV
show.
Instead, this family movie reimagines that non-extinction
scenario as a cartoon.
After losing his father (Jeffrey Wright), a naïve
dinosaur named Arlo (Raymond Ochoa) is separated
from his mother (Frances McDormand) during a
flood and forced to find his way back home.
En route, Arlo befriends a laconic cave boy he
names Spot, and receives guidance from an array of
prehistoric predators (Sam Elliott, Anna Paquin, Steve
Zahn) who may or may not want to eat the travelling
companions.
With unconventional character designs, mature
themes involving loss and scary scenes of animal-on-animal
violence, The Good Dinosaur is a
definite departure from Pixar’s predictably upbeat
output.
Unfortunately, none of these new elements help
make this black sheep a classic.
On the bright side, if dinosaurs had survived we’d
all be wearing Velociraptor leather coats.
​
Goosebumps
The best part about meeting your favourite author
is finally getting to tell them how to improve their
books.
Unfortunately, the teen in this family-comedy is
only interested in the writer’s daughter.
When Zach (Dylan Minnette) and his mom (Amy
Ryan) move in next-door to Mr. Shivers (Jack Black)
and his daughter Hanna (Odeya Rush), Zach is
instantly smitten with her.
But when Zach and his friend (Ryan Lee) break
into Hanna’s house to free her from her father, they
not only discover that Shivers is actually kid lit author
R.L. Stine, but accidentally bring every monster he
created for his horror series to life.
A wholly original tale featuring elements from
every Goosebumps book and TV episode, this
awesome adaptation benefits greatly from Black’s
maniacal performance, as well as its spunky script
and first-rate effects.
However, if everything they wrote materialized,
authors would just write about licensed theme parks.
Spectre
With his parentless upbringing, eccentric enemies
and endless gadgets, it’s obvious that James Bond is
really Batman.
And while Gotham City is not on Bond’s itinerary
in this action movie, he does travel extensively.
While Agent 007 (Daniel Craig) goes about exposing
a clandestine criminal empire run by a ghost from
his past, Blofeld (Christoph Waltz), his boss M (Ralph
Fiennes) tries to keep MI5 from shutting down the
Double O program in favour of a worldwide intelligence
gathering initiative.
With help from a Quantum scientist’s daughter
(Léa Seydoux), Bond ascertains that the two may just
be connected.
The 24th instalment in the British spy franchise,
Spectre certainly serves up some ambitious action
sequences and unexpected surprises.
However, those revelations are more inane than
intriguing, while the main villain is just feeble in
general.
Moreover, doesn’t Spectre realize that the only
way to thwart James Bond is with an STI?
Spotlight
The Catholic Church opposes abortion because they
need more children to molest.
Fortunately, the journalists in this drama are
putting a stop to the latter.
When Marty Baron (Liev Schreiber), the new editor
of the Boston Globe’s investigative department,
gets wind of a lawyer’s (Stanley Tucci) claim that the
Archbishop hid allegations of sexual abuse, he directs
his team (Michael Keaton, Mark Ruffalo, Rachel
McAdams) to focus solely on this story.
Their findings unearth dozens of victims still waiting
for justice, an archdiocese simply relocating the
accused, and negligence on the paper’s part for not
publishing tips it had received years prior.
The unfortunate true story that shook Boston to
its core in 2002, Spotlight’s ensemble cast shines as
a beacon of excellence equal to the journalists they
portray, while the script is detailed but not exploitive.
However, the Catholic Church exacted its revenge
when the Internet destroyed newspaper subscriptions.
Steve Jobs
If it weren’t for Steve Jobs, men would have to
hand-deliver their dick pics.
Erroneously, this drama explores his lesser contributions
to society.
Apple Inc. co-founder Steve Jobs (Michael Fassbender)
is confronted by his ex and her daughter,
whom she claims is his, moments before he’s set to
reveal a new product before his CEO (Jeff Daniels),
investors and the media.
While he denies paternity, he eventually forms
a friendship with her that follows him to his next
company. Meanwhile, her mother and his friends and
colleagues (Kate Winslet, Seth Rogen) start to resent
his hubris and inhumanity.
With snappy yet highly improbable dialogue
supplied by Aaron Sorkin and kinetic clips combined
with static stage shots from director Danny Boyle,
this academic adaptation of the Apple mastermind’s
memoir is laborious, pretentious, and melodramatic.
Besides, Steve Jobs isn’t dead… Apple is just waiting
to unveil their latest version of him.
Trumbo
One telltale sign a screenwriter is a communist is they
name every male lead character Sergei.
Wisely, the sympathizer in this drama used American
names in his scripts.
Accused of imbedding anti-American rhetoric
into his scripts, gossip columnist Hedda Hopper
(Helen Mirren) and actor John Wayne (David James
Elliott) see that card-carrying communist Dalton
Trumbo (Bryan Cranston) is imprisoned.
Blacklisted, he must sell his post-prison scripts to
schlock producer Frank King (John Goodman) under
pseudonyms, until Kirk Douglas (Dean O’Gorman)
petitions to get him credit for Spartacus.
Meanwhile, his family (Diane Lane, Elle Fanning)
suffers at the hands of his daunting schedule.
While the casting of the real-life actors portrayed
in this biography is questionable, this quirky account
of Hollywood’s red witch-hunt, and its most outspoken
victim, is a fascinating and frightening account of
historical hysteria.
Scarier still, back then you had to write movie
dialogue without using the F-word.
He’s a Portobello Mushroom Cloud.
He’s the…Vidiot
18 | MARCH 2016 • BEATROUTE FILM