journey

JT: What you find in very successful people is that they
routinely start the day doing the hard thing first. Do
you know any mom who says eat your ice cream first?
No. That’s just the way life works. You learn to do the
next difficult thing first so life is better later.
What really motivates people is what kind of life they
want to have. I divide life into what I call the three Ps.
The personal part is healthy emotions and healthy
behaviors. I want to be happy and self-disciplined. The
second P is people. I want to have great relationships
with people I love. The third P is performance. I want a
great car and a great job. I want to use my gifts to help
the world. Entitlement creates problems in all three of
these areas.
PF: So how do you deal with friends, family members
or coworkers who act entitled?
JT: First, you have to disconnect from the need for
them to be healthy. You have to accept them as they are.
Second, you have to be a little careful about narcissistic
injury, meaning that entitled people are very sensitive
to being embarrassed or humiliated. They can go into
rages or tantrums sometimes. They can’t handle the
real self. It has got to be that false self. Be careful of
making them feel embarrassed or ashamed because
they tend to react in unpleasant ways. And do what
healthy people do. When they do something nice, tell
them.
PF: What are the benefits of pursuing the more difficult
path in life?
JT: Life is in our relationships, in our internal world
and in our work. The benefit is that you have selfcontrolled
behavior and heathy feelings. You have great
friends and people you love to be with. You’re doing
something meaningful that you are good at. That’s a
pretty good life.
Meet Dr. Townsend
Dr. John Townsend is a New York Times bestselling
author, business consultant, leadership coach and
psychologist. He has written or co-written 27 books,
selling 8 million copies, including the Boundaries
series; Leadership Beyond Reason and his newest
bestseller, The Entitlement Cure.
For more than 20 years, Dr. Townsend has engaged
with leaders, organizations and individuals around
the globe, offering them life-changing solutions
to their problems. He is a co-host of the nationally
syndicated talk show “New Life Live,” which is heard
in 180 markets with 3 million listeners.
He is the founder of the Townsend Institute for
Leadership and Counseling, which offers graduate
degrees and credentialing in organizational
leadership, executive coaching and counseling.
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