EXBERLINER Issue 148 April 2016

GUIDE
KOTTI FOR...
Natives
You rarely venture north of Oranienstraße, you wear leather
under your leather and you still remember when the Berlin
Wall was in your backyard. This is your Kiez, and all the
Scheiß-Touris can clear off. By Nina Branner and Janine Heim
It’s Tuesday morning, and you’re at SÜDBLOCK
(Admiralstr. 1-2) again. You were a bit suspicious
when the glass-walled café-bar-venue
opened up in 2010, but over time you became a
regular – you even get your hair cut here, at the
“Salon Salaam” sessions every second Monday.
Today, though, you’re here for the “Hartzer
Roller” free counselling, collecting a few tips on
how to prolong your unemployment benefits.
The future of your finances secured, you decide
to treat yourself to a mid-morning snack at
PADISAH BAKLAVA (Reichenberger Str. 177, see page
48), passing a couple snooty-looking hotelier types
who’re there to pick up bulk orders. To walk off
the ensuing sugar high, you head to the lobby of
the FRIEDRICHSHAIN-KREUZBERG MUSEUM (Adalbertstr.
95a) for a neighbourhood meeting about
– what else? – gentrification. You and everyone
else agree that your beloved Kotti is overrun with
disrespectful newcomers and something must be
done, but no solutions present themselves. A petition
is circulated to install more public toilets, and
next thing you know, it’s lunchtime.
Sadly, the tourists are mobbing TADIM (Adalbertstr.
98, see page 48), your favourite döner
stand – no homemade durum bread for you
today. Instead, you wolf down a Köfte meat patty
sandwich at the crowded but speedy KONAK GRILL
(Reichenberger Str. 10). You remember you’ve got
some errands to run. Yesterday, you stepped on an
abandoned needle in front of your Späti and ruined
your favourite pair of boots. Fortunately, you
go way back with Ibrahim (see page 16) at ABGE-
LAUFEN (Adalbertstr. 97), who gives you a discount
on a new sole. While you’re at it, you pick up a
handmade leather belt from Ibrahim’s neighbour
at the LEDERREIZ ÄNDERUNGSSCHNEIDEREI (Adalbertst.
88). He’s also an Urberliner, and you swap
some anecdotes about the good old days.
But you can’t stay long. It’s 6pm, and “happy
hour” (which actually lasts all night) at ALIBI CAFÉ
(Oranienstr. 169) has just begun. You’ll need
that €4.50 Caipirinha to work up the courage
to finally ask out that cute dark-eyed waitress
you’ve had your eye on for months. Wanting to
seem cultured, you invite her to an indie film
screening at Kiez favourite FSK FILMKUNST-KINO
(Segitzdamm 2). But she turns you down, so you
go home and eat dinner: a fresh piece of salmon
from the fish shop ÖZ KARADENIZ BALIKCISI (Adalbertstr.
95). You’d been planning to cook it for
the two of you, if the date went well.
Time to drown your sorrows. You’re buddies
with the bartender at the 20-year-old FRANKEN
(Oranienstr. 19a), a smoky dive plastered with
punk concert posters. But even his strongest
Bloody Mary (€8 for friends) isn’t strong enough
for you tonight, so you knock back a few beers
at your Stammkneipe ZUM ELEFANTEN (Oranienstr.
12), which you’ve been frequenting since
way before Sven Regener immortalised it in
the cult Kreuzberg novel Herr Lehmann. At this
point you’re suffering from Kotti nostalgia, so
you swing by punk institution SO36 (Oranienstr.
190), where you used to go see Malaria! and
Einstürzende Neubauten play back in the day.
But all there is tonight is a “Kiez Bingo” tournament,
and it’s already almost over. So you wind
up where you always do: at ROTE ROSE (Adalbertstr.
90). In this hellish Eckkneipe where no
light gets in and the jukebox plays the same 20
songs on repeat, you can enjoy your last beer
and blend into a motley gallery of Kotti characters.
Which might be exactly what you need at
this point. ■
SO36
In this hellish Eckkneipe
where no light gets in
and the jukebox plays
the same 20 songs on
repeat, you can enjoy
your last beer.
Südblock
Padisah Baklava
MARIA RUNARSDOTTIR
20 • APRIL 2016