The Man Issue (V.10)

only are we taught that it must be earned, but we are
also made aware that it can be lost or diminished. This
occurs when we do things that “Real Men” don’t do,
and traditionally this correlates with actions that are
seen as weak or effeminate.
Our obsession with masculinity and our dependence on
it for validation is rooted deeply in society’s disrespect
of women. We are taught as men that we do no want to
have “womanly traits.” We are told “don’t throw like
a girl, throw like a man.” We are taught that to truly
achieve and maintain a status of masculinity, we must
sever all possible traits that would reduce us to the same
level as the woman, and this greatly adjusts what a man’s
relationship with masculinity is. In a way it is no longer
about striving to ACHIEVE masculine status, as much
as it is about AVOIDING femine status. And there is
definitely a better lesson that we can be teaching future
generations. If teaching masculinity boils down to
diminishing women, then there is another lesson that
needs to be taught.
Being aware of what our history with masculinity is,
it is perhaps possible to paint a picture of this “Real
Man” we have been told about since we were children.
He is strong. He is bold. He lives in constant fear of
being percieved as weak to others. He has zero interactions
with anything that can be percieved as related to
women or being a woman. He disrespects women. He
disrespects men. This is the “Real Man” we are pressuring
young men to be. Yet we obviously don’t want
our youth to grow up into this man. And that is why
it is necessary to abandon this train of thought for another.
We have essentially provided our youth a map
to a destination that no one has ever reached; even
ourselves, in the hopes that they can use the lessons of
the past to somehow emerge perfect and masculine.
There is no such thing as a “Real Man” Returning the
kickoff for a 100 yard touch down doesn‘t make you
a real man. Pairing your heels with the perfect shade
of nail polish doesn’t make you a real man. Teaching
your sons to look down on women in order to raise
themselves on a pedestal does not make you, or them,
real men. There is not one “Real Man” on this earth.
There are only men. And the greatest men live their
lives respecting themselves as much as they respect the
world around them, and embracing every aspect of
themselves that makes them who they are. Do not live
your life in order to be a “Real Man.” Live it in order
to be a Great one.