MSWA Bulletin Magazine Winter 16

MS is a family matter –
an article on family resilience
Monique Chas, MSWA Counsellor
“Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb
but how well you bounce”
Vivian Komori
Resilience or ‘bouncing back’ can be generally defined as the
ability to return to optimum functioning after a big life-altering
event such as an illness, a birth or a death. It is a dynamic
process which generally involves a whole family system.
A common misapprehension is that resilient people are free
from distressing emotions or thoughts, remaining optimistic
in most or all situations. To the contrary, resilient individuals
have, through time, developed coping techniques that allow
them to effectively navigate around or through crisis.
Indeed, adapting to new sets of circumstances doesn’t
happen by miracle. It requires a re-adjustment of all parties
– immediate family, spouse, children, extended family,
workplace and social networks – to deal with ongoing
changes. It tests our communication skills, our patience, our
beliefs, and we might start to question the meaning of it all.
With MS, coping and adapting can happen again and again
and again, as symptoms change, often daily. The inability to
precisely predict the course of MS brings uncertainty to the
whole family. The challenges presented by life with MS are
accentuated as individuals may struggle to manage important
social roles such as careers, parenting and leisure activities.
So how do we cope, individually and as a familial group in the
face of adversity?
Especially during times of stress, it is increasingly important to
have open lines of honest communication. In a crisis situation,
a family may go through a variety of emotional responses as it
handles the chaos or grief.
Sharing and talking about problems are necessary for the
overall wellbeing of the family and its individual members,
allowing each individual to cope in their own way and at their
own pace.
Resilience won’t make your problems go away — but
resilience can give you the ability to see past them, find
enjoyment in life and better handle stress.
• Stay connected or get more connected: Building strong,
positive relationships with loved ones and friends can
provide you with needed support and acceptance in both
good times and bad. Establish other important connections
with all other social networks such as work colleagues.
Resilience is the ability to roll with the punches. When
stress, adversity or trauma strikes, you still experience
anger, grief and pain, but you’re able to keep functioning
— both physically and psychologically. However, resilience
isn’t about toughing it out, being stoic or going it alone.
In fact, being able to reach out to others for support is a
key component of being resilient. Learning to harness all
outside supports is a great coping skill.
• Make every day meaningful: Do something that gives
you a sense of accomplishment and purpose every day.
Set realistic goals to help you look toward the future
with meaning, while being present in the moment with
mindfulness. What are the values which keep you going?
What is meaningful for your family?
• Learn from experience: Think of how you’ve coped with
hardships in the past. Consider the skills and strategies that
helped you through rough times. When you have resilience,
you harness your inner strength: what are your strengths?
What are your family’s strengths and patterns of coping?
• Remain hopeful: You can’t change the past, but you can
look toward a future with an increased sense of hope and
calm. Accepting and even anticipating change makes it
easier to adapt and view new challenges with less anxiety.
• Take care of yourself: Tend to your own needs and feelings.
Participate in activities you enjoy. Include physical activity
in your daily routine. Get plenty of sleep. Eat a healthy diet.
Practice stress management and mindfulness techniques.
• Be proactive: Ignoring stress rarely works; it can leave
us feeling unsupported, isolated and a burden on others.
Instead, figure out what could be done differently if that is
needed. Although it can take time to recover from a major
setback, traumatic event or loss, explore other choices or
options with flexibility.
• Increase healthy communication: Sometimes family members
are afraid to talk about the issues involved in a crisis situation,
as they feel discussion might make matters worse.
Many families have ‘filters’ on their communication styles.
They might filter out whichever feelings don’t quite fit such
as anger, resentment, joy, and concern with unwanted news.
This filtering, and the silence it creates, can block the natural
process to recover from a crisis.
Good communication helps members adapt to change.
Throughout this process, clear and open communication joins
members together as they share their reactions and concerns.
If emotional responses are not expressed, an individual or the
family may not reach complete acceptance of the situation.
In conclusion, people with MS develop resilience through
psychological adaptation, social connection, life meaning,
planning ahead and physical wellness. Interventions, such as
counselling, can address both individual and familial factors
that support resilience and wellbeing, to promote “living well”.
If you think you might benefit from taking the time to work
things out at a deeper level, consider counselling with an MS
professional counsellor. With guidance, you and your family
could attain a more adaptable and peaceful outlook on life.
References:
The Mayo Clinic.
Bostrom and Nilsagard, Journal of Clinical Nursing, 2016
Patterson, J, Understanding family resilience.
Journal of Clinical Psychology
Silverman, et al., Dept. of Rehabilitation Medicine, 2016
20 Winter 2016 The MS Society of Western Australia The MS Society of Western Australia Winter 2016 21