ZionMagazine-Final

With Each Step
Kaci Nicole
When we believe the lie that our seasons of
struggle and brokenness will paint us as weak or
lesser if known, we are held captive under the
weight of shame and live in the continual fear of
being exposed. On the contrary, when we are
able to view these seasons through the lens of
what God did through them, those same stories
become stories of power, and we can live in the
freedom to tell them boldly, knowing that they
point, not to our shame, but to His glory.
Three years ago, I found myself on the heels of one
of these seasons. I’d spent the previous three years
building a friendship with someone I envisioned
a future with—a vision he led me to believe he
shared. He loved Jesus and adventure, and he
awakened in me a capacity for life I hadn’t before
known. I developed a deep care for him, fell hard.
Which is why, when he told me one day that he’d
lost interest in me and found a new interest in the
freshmen girl who lived across the hall from me in
our college dorm, the wind was knocked from my
chest.
In an instant, the hopes and dreams I’d tied to him
were ripped from me like a rug being pulled out
from under my feet.
The numbness began to fade after some time, but I
was left feeling broken, faced with a long, drawnout,
painful process including confusion, hurt, and
frustration. Then, slowly, came understanding,
insight, healing, and gratitude. However three
years ago, still in that painful part, I found myself
embarking on a new adventure—a semester of
studying abroad in London.
Before I began my time “studying” abroad in
London (really, you just got to explore a new place
every weekend and sleeplessly squeeze in the
occasional 8-page paper), I had the opportunity
to go backpacking through Italy and Greece for
two weeks. A few days into the trip, some friends
and I got to spend the day hiking through Cinque
Terre, a gorgeous place composed of five villages
along the rugged coast of the Italian Riviera.
(Note: gorgeous doesn’t actually do it justice,
but I couldn’t find a word that does). Numerous
recommendations from friends and some googleimage-stalking
preparation had easily made this
the one destination I was most looking forward to
while studying abroad.
I’ll never forget the moment our train rolled
in through the green, tree-covered mountains
and under a brief tunnel, only to peel back
suddenly and reveal our very first glimpse of
the Mediterranean: rich blue in color, sparkling
brilliantly, and extending for miles in all of its
glory. I literally had to catch my breath.
Jesus will one day
remove our pain, and
He also promises today,
to use our pain.
I’ll never forget the striped umbrellas spotting
the sandy beaches, the colorful houses nestled
in the green hills, the little jellyfish swimming in
the clear blue waters below, the lush vineyards,
or “The Chant”—the cheerful product of my
travel group’s excitement at the beauty before us:
“Cinque, Cinque, Cinque, Terre, throw your hands
up in the air, then eat gelato everywhere! Cinque,
Cinque, Cinque, Terre!” Yeah, we were a little
weird. I’ll never forget my running jump into the
Mediterranean, a refreshing, much needed break
we took from our hike along the coast as the heat,
lack of water, and sleep deprivation from traveling
were starting to kick in. I can picture it all, even
now.
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