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of ALL of my hopes and dreams for Kaity’s future
and place them in His capable hands, while I
simply loved her to the best of my ability. Turns out
she had a significant learning disability and, for a
time, her future was unclear, at best.
The day we started homeschooling Kaity, in
second grade, we were hit with a false and vicious
lawsuit by a neighbor over a piece of property that
neither of us could use for anything significant.
We had to hire a lawyer, and quickly, the dreams
we had for adding on to our house disappeared.
Together, Dave and I were being asked to let go of
our own hopes and dreams of how we would use
our finances and instead try to show this immoral
and corrupt man what it looked like to handle
things with dignity, respect, and honor no matter
what was thrown at us.
Fast forward to when my youngest, Courtney, was
in second grade (2010). We had noticed she was
showing some of the same struggles as her oldest
sister, Kaity, and it was time to get some testing
done. Sure enough, she had the same learning
disability, just not as severe. Heart broken, I
remember going to God and asking Him, “Do I
really need to go through this all over again with
another child? I don’t think I can do it, Lord!”
I remember sensing Him say, “Hold loosely to
what you want, Carissa, and trust me. Love these
girls that I have entrusted to you to the best of
your ability, and let me take care of the rest. For I
know the plans I have for them, plans for a hope
and a future!” I clung to that promise and pressed
forward as I did what I could to help my two girls
who were struggling their way through school.
And then, in 2012, our middle daughter, Megan,
began spiraling downward into a very dark
place. She was overcome with depression,
anxiety, and soon after added self-harming to the
list. She began doing poorly in school, making
poor choices with boys, and eating lunch in the
bathroom to avoid being bullied or being around
the other students. Soon, suicidal thoughts and
attempts were added to the picture. Our lives were
completely turned upside down.
Once again, I was being asked to hold loosely to
how I thought she should be behaving or handling
situations. I had to let go of trying to control the
situation and ultimately God asked me to be
willing to let go of her completely…even if it
meant I lost her this side of heaven. Instead, I was
being called to love her deeply…to see her with
His eyes and show an unconditional love that
required a pouring out of myself and a pouring in
of Jesus…the hardest thing He has ever asked me
to do. And I would be lying if I said I even came
close to doing it well…but I tried.
During all these years
of being a mom to children
with special needs in one
form or another…I had
forgotten how to dream.
It’s now August 2016 and God has been faithful
in showing me that His plans for my girls future
are, in fact, bright! Though their stories aren’t
done being written yet, Kaity DID graduate from
high school-with honors! AND she is going on to
college to study accounting and continue growing
her professional photography business.
We are no longer in the deep trenches with Megan
and her story has already impacted hundreds of
teens and adults. She has willingly shared her
testimony and we’ve discovered God has given her
the gift of writing. I know He will use it for great
things in her future. She’s hoping to be a Realistic
Fiction Christian author, someday.
Then there’s Courtney, our spitfire…she’s entering
into eighth grade this year and despite her learning
disability she is turning into quite the leader both
at church and at school! She’s loved by many and
has a beautiful servant’s heart.
During all these years of being a mom to children
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