FacingRacismLR

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In 1968 I left Mississippi Valley State College (an Historically Black College) as a chemistry
instructor to enter a graduate program in chemistry at a predominantly white university in
the south. I was recruited by a white fellow who had just become department chair of the
chemistry department. What I didn’t know when I went there was that he was viewed as a
Yankee by the faculty in the department, and he was also not a popular choice. One of his goals
was to integrate the department, so I became his guinea pig.
In one class we were told to choose lab partners. While all of the white students immediately
distanced themselves from me, one fellow, a white undergraduate honor student, agreed to
work with me. We completed multiple labs to only get a grade of “C” on each report. When
my partner inquired, the professor stated, “You ought to watch your partner as he might
be messing up your stuff.” My partner stated, “Charles has not done anything wrong, he is
probably helping me.” When my partner expressed concern about the effect this would have
on his graduate school aspirations, I told him he had shown me who he was as a person. I told
him not to sacrifice himself that the professor was out to get me, so partner with some other
guys. His first lab report without me and with a white partner, received an “A.”
When I came to Ball State during my first year, when I would leave my class, two of my
white colleagues always seemed to be watching me every day. I became suspicious that they
were somehow trying to evaluate me. One day two of the white males in the class told me
that these two colleagues met them on campus and asked them about me. “Does he appear to
know what he is talking about? Is he prepared for class, and does he treat you all fairly? “So
the next day I went to class and I intentionally left the door open. About half way through
class I walked over to the door and looked out. There they were listening to me teach. So I
waved to them, and I said to myself, if they want to hear good teaching continue standing out
there. Five years later one of those colleagues admitted to me what he was doing then. So, I
asked him what finally convinced him that I was competent. He said it took him five years
of listening to me to be convinced I was competent. I thought to myself five years is an awful
long time to wait on someone to make a mistake. In that same conversation, he confirmed that
he and the other colleague appointed themselves to “observe” me for five years to make sure I
was competent. That’s a long time for somebody to be under the microscope.
These days I am very careful before I assign racism to something unfavorable that happens to
me. For example, I have two attributes that can also cause people to react to me in disrespectful
ways. Those my age, 74, and I walk with a cane. This is important to me because I can deal
with the first two in a rational way, but once I think someone has done something to me
because of race, if I am not careful, I can become too emotional and irrational. In my opinion
too much emotion can become counterproductive.
I think things are getting better, although it appears to be regressing at times. I think the
short view is that we have not improved, but from the long view, we have improved quite a
bit. It is difficult for one African-American to answer for all other African-Americans. There
were many African-American experiences. Those having become middle class probably get
along very well, as life is typically better than those still trapped in levels of poverty. It’s crucial
that those who make it into the middle class don’t forget where we came from. As black
professionals leave the community, they are less available to help lift and inspire those without
academic aspirations and social sensitivities.
When one asks these days if “we” are better off, it definitely makes a difference which
African American is being asked.