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“I’ll tell you how I got it,” she said, noticing my hesitation. “In fact, to be honest … that’s why I’m<br />
here. Can I sit for a second?”<br />
She took a deep breath, looking about as nervous as I was alarmed. What was going on?<br />
“What I’m about to talk about is pretty strange, so bear with me. It involves an adventure of sorts.”<br />
I felt a surge go through me.<br />
“I’d love to do more traveling, but I don’t fly,” I said preemptively. “Plus, I’m the sole proprietor,<br />
and that makes it hard for me to leave—”<br />
“I’m not talking about a trip, though some travel might be involved.”<br />
Her voice and demeanor became steadier and steadier.<br />
“Maybe it would help,” she added, “if I tell you about my own adventures.”<br />
And that’s when she began to recount her life, how the death of her husband almost seven years<br />
earlier had upended her life completely. Not because she loved her husband, but because she realized<br />
she hadn’t for a long time, which made her even sadder. For years she’d been numb from head to toe.<br />
I knew about that feeling and told her so.<br />
“Yes. Matilda talks about a sort of ‘aura of sadness,’ that settles around people. She says she can<br />
see it. She saw a bit of it on you. I don’t have that ability, but I do believe you might know something<br />
about feeling stuck.”<br />
I don’t know how to explain why it suddenly felt so easy to pour out my heart to Cassie. Maybe it<br />
was her stillness, her compassionate eyes. But I found myself telling her about Luke’s betrayal, his<br />
book, and how he and Charlotte broke my heart, making it difficult for me to trust not only men but<br />
women too. She listened patiently, and I knew without her even saying so that she understood.<br />
“So, tell me what you’re really here for,” I said.<br />
“I’m here to make you an offer. But to accept it, you’re going to have to place your trust not just in<br />
men but in a whole bunch of women.”<br />
And that’s when she said the name—S.E.C.R.E.T.—and described its incredible mandate: to<br />
orchestrate sexual fantasies that make women feel great about themselves again, or in some cases, for<br />
the first time ever.<br />
“S.E.C.R.E.T.,” she said, “introduced me to part of myself I had never known before. In your case,<br />
I think it’s more about reigniting a part of you that’s just been dormant—am I right?”<br />
“Yeah, for about eight years,” I said.<br />
“Oh. That’s a long time. I didn’t have sex for five years and I thought that was bad!”<br />
“What? No! No no no no. I’ve had sex since then, just not very good sex, and not with very good<br />
men. I meant that it’s been about eight years since I felt any real passion, any connection with a man.”<br />
Cassie winced and nodded. Then she described exactly how this group of women went about<br />
reigniting passion.<br />
“We orchestrate sex fantasies. Yours. Nine of them, which take place over the course of a year, a<br />
charm for every step,” she said, holding up her bracelet. “The tenth is also a decision—to remain in<br />
S.E.C.R.E.T., as I did, or to go out on your own, maybe try a real relationship if you’re ready. See<br />
this?”<br />
She flipped through her charms until she came to one that said Step Ten on one side Liberation on<br />
the other.<br />
“I completed my steps, which liberated me from so many things, mainly fear and self-doubt. And<br />
staying in S.E.C.R.E.T. was a free choice, and it remains so.”<br />
“Secret sex fantasies? In New Orleans?” I asked, barely stifling a giggle. “Forgive me, Cassie, but<br />
it’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”