The Good Life – January-February 2016

BY: MEGHAN FEIR
There she is. The woman
you've dreamed about, the
woman you love with your
entire being, and you know
for certain that a life spent
without her is the last thing you’d like
to imagine. You have the ring, now you
just need to plan how you’ll propose,
besides asking the age-old question,
"Will you marry me?"
I have an adequate record of helping
men out with their proposals if you
count my one win out of one attempt. I
personally do. The man just happened
to be my brother, and I was honored
to help orchestrate such an important
event in his life. I even went incognito
by wearing a wig and dressing as a
stereotypical college art student as I
secretly snapped photos from behind
a book. My inward paparazzi was
pleased.
Read on, heed my advice and trust me,
like my happily married brother did.
Stop right there: Methods to avoid
• Unless she appreciates the stereotypical
and is obsessed with baseball,
don't take a "Circle me, Burt" kind of approach.
• If you’d like her to go in for more
dental work, you could always bake a
cupcake with the ring in it and watch
as she simultaneously bites into pain,
excitement and your proposed future
together. She might still say yes.
• Proposing at a restaurant is outdated
and unimaginative and makes you look
like you’re in it for the show. Plus, you
may be caught proposing with black
pepper stuck between your front teeth.
• If your sweetie is shy and hates having
a lot of attention drawn toward her,
don’t make her feel like a spectacle
when you ask. She may feel embarrassed
and pressured.
• Does your darling like to make a big
production out of blowing her nose
or eating a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich? Then make sure there are
more witnesses than your cat present
for the proposal.
Heed my advice
• If you Google "ways in which to
propose," you’ll get an endless array of
picture-perfect proposals that belong
on Pinterest or a Hallmark movie.
Life isn't perfect, and if something
goes amiss during the proposal, don’t
sweat it (depending on the severity
of the mishap). It's not the end of the
world and will probably make it more
endearing to her.
• If you simply Google “propose,” you’ll
undoubtedly get a list of definitions
and equally simpleton, step-by-step
instructions by wikiHow that hold
your hand through buying her flowers,
chocolate and getting down on one
knee. You should already know all of
that.
• If you have organizational problems,
don’t make the proposal too
complicated. You’ll forget at least five
things, like the ring.
• Don’t be boring. Go to some effort.
Be romantic. It really isn’t that difficult.
If you have potato chip crumbs on a
sweatshirt and are sitting on a couch,
that is not the time to pop any question,
besides, “Now what should we watch?”
or “When should we start working out
again?”
• Tell her why you want to spend the
rest of your life with her and don’t
include answers such as “because
I can’t cook,” “because I’d be lonely
without you,” “because you’re hot,” and
“because we’ve been together so long.”
Take a few moments to peel back
the onion layers of your soul to not
only produce a fountain of tears but a
tenderized heart. Tell her why you find
her irreplaceable.
Before you propose to anyone, make
sure you aren’t just hoping she’ll sign
a legal contract to satisfy your needs
and desires (‘til death do you part) and
to produce offspring. The healthiest
marriages are always produced by
people who are ready to sacrifice for
one another; by people who realize
it takes hard work and consideration
to keep the friendship and romance
alive; by people who regularly put their
partner’s interests ahead of their own;
by people who show through word and
deed that their spouse is appreciated,
respected and loved every day of the
year.
Do you want to protect her, even if
you know she’s strong? Do you want
to provide for her, even if she’s more
than capable of doing so for her own
sake? Do you want to love and cherish
her, no matter the circumstance or
time in life? Are you willing to grow
old with her, through thick and thin?
Then congratulations, sir; you have my
blessing (‘cause you needed that). ■
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