The Good Life – May-June 2024

DAD LIFE 

MODERN DATING AS A SINGLE DAD 

WRITTEN BY: PAUL HANKEL 

Dating as a dad is … complex. As a 

38-year-old dad myself, I understand 

the challenges and joys that come 

with this territory. As someone who 

experienced the single dad dating 

scene, but is now off the market, I 

was asked to share some insights 

and tips on how to navigate the 

world of dating as a single parent. 

First and foremost, it's essential to 

embrace your role as a parent. Your 

children are a significant part of your 

life, and any potential partner should 

understand and respect that. Be 

upfront about your parental status 

from the beginning, as it sets the 

tone for your dating journey. Honesty 

and transparency lay the foundation 

for meaningful connections. 

Can We Reschedule? 

You may as well set those three 

words as a pre-written text message 

on your phone. While dating, you 

will cancel and be canceled on … a 

lot. 

2 | THE GOOD LIFE 

Don’t take it personally. It’s part 

of being a single parent. The kids 

come first. The name of the game 

is flexibility! Understand that plans 

may need to be adjusted at the last 

minute due to unexpected parenting 

responsibilities. Being adaptable 

shows maturity and demonstrates 

your commitment to both your 

children and your potential partner. 

With that being said, don’t allow 

yourself to be walked over. Constant 

cancellations on your part or your 

potential partner’s part may be a sign 

that now just isn’t the right time for 

either of you to be in a relationship. 

Learn to Plan Ahead 

I don’t think that there are too many 

men out there who can deny the 

fact that women tend to be better 

planners. 

We are all familiar with the sitcoms 

and commercials that depict the 

mother as the “calendar person,” 

in the family. In my case, this was 

startlingly accurate. 

Now that you’re single, you are the 

official “calendar person!” 

Whether it's scheduling dates 

during weekends when the kids are 

with their other parent or arranging 

childcare, planning ahead can help 

you make the most of your time. 

Clear Communication 

Communication is another vital 

aspect of dating as a single dad. 

Be open and clear about your 

expectations, boundaries, and 

concerns. Discuss how your children 

fit into the picture and listen to 

your partner's perspective as well. 

Effective communication fosters 

understanding and strengthens the 

bond between you and your partner. 

When it comes to introducing your 

children to a new partner, timing is 

crucial. Wait until you've established

a stable and committed relationship before bringing them 

into your children's lives. It's essential to ensure that your 

partner is ready and willing to embrace the role of, “my 

dad’s girlfriend,” if the relationship progresses to that 

stage. 

Don’t Bad Mouth Your Exes 

I have seen this too many times to count and we, as men, 

need to do better. Are your feelings hurt by your divorce or 

breakup? Most likely. Is the thought of not seeing your kids 

every day and your ex being with someone else painful? 

Yep. 

But does your potential new partner want to hear you 

badmouth your ex on a date? Absolutely NOT. 

I am not a therapist, so I’m not qualified to delve into all 

the reasons that this is a bad idea. You’ll just have to trust 

me on this one. 

See You at the Gym, Bro 

As you navigate the dating scene, don't forget to take care 

of yourself. I know that is a popular buzzword these days, 

but self-care is essential for your well-being and sets a 

positive example for your children. Make time for activities 

that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's exercising, 

pursuing hobbies, or spending quality time with friends 

and family. A happy and healthy parent is better equipped 

to handle the challenges of dating and parenthood. 

Self-care is both a mindset of doing and not doing certain 

things in order to be healthy. 

You should: 

- Exercise 

- Eat healthy 

- Speak to a therapist 

- Create time for yourself 

- Explore new or old hobbies 

- Lean on family and close friends for support 

You shouldn’t: 

- Turn to drugs or alcohol to cope 

- Eat unhealthily 

- Lapse on your hygiene 

- Turn to pornography as a sexual outlet 

Dating as a single dad also offers valuable lessons in 

patience and resilience. Rejection and disappointment are 

inevitable parts of the dating process, but they shouldn't 

deter you from pursuing a new relationship when you’re 

ready. Stay positive, stay healthy, and maintain an 

optimistic outlook, knowing that the right person is out 

there waiting for you. 

Lastly, don't forget to enjoy the journey. Dating should 

be a fun and enriching experience, filled with laughter, 

excitement, and new connections. Embrace the 

opportunities to learn and grow as you meet new people 

and explore different relationships. • 

urbantoadmedia.com | 3

COVER IMAGE 

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: DARREN LOSEE 

DESIGN BY: DAWN SIEWERT 

CONTENTS 

MAY-JUNE 2024 | VOLUME 11 | ISSUE 6 

02 

DAD LIFE 

MODERN DATING AS A 

SINGLE DAD 

I have a Two-Hour Window 

on Tuesday Evening. Does 

that Work? 

06 

MILKWEED & MONARCHS 

Native milkweed is critical 

for the ecology of our 

region. 

14 

LAST RESPONDER 

Compassion, Empathy 

and Understanding Are All 

Part of the Job for the Cass 

County Deputy Coroner 

18 

ON THE COVER 

FRANK HUNKLER 

Being a mentor is often 

difficult and taxing, but 

there are people that 

seem born to become a 

mentor. Frank Hunkler is 

one such man. 

24 

FARGO PINBALL 

Fargo Pinball is taking 

Fargo by storm as it grows. 

28 

HOMEWARD ANIMAL 

SHELTER 

Think of all the cute selfies 

we could take together! 

10 

HAVING A BEER WITH 

PETER "CASEY" ABSEY 

The curious creator of 

Blackbird Woodfire Pizza 

spills the secret sauce of 

stubborn success. 

30 

LOCAL HERO 

JIM DEREMO 

Jim Deremo and His 

Unending Fight for 

Veterans 

4 | THE GOOD LIFE

PUBLISHED BY 

Urban Toad Media LLP 

www.urbantoadmedia.com 

OWNER / GRAPHIC DESIGNER 

Dawn Siewert 

dawn@urbantoadmedia.com 

OWNER / PHOTOGRAPHER 

Darren Losee 

darren@urbantoadmedia.com 

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS 

Paul Hankel 

Ben Hanson 

Jeffrey Miller 

Krissy Ness 

Emma Vatnsdal 

Amy Wieser Willson 

ADVERTISING INQUIRIES 

Dawn Siewert 

dawn@urbantoadmedia.com 

READ A PAST ISSUE 

yumpu.com/user/thegoodlife 

FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK 

facebook.com/urbantoadmedia 

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM + X 

@urbantoadmedia 

The Good Life Men’s Magazine is distributed six 

times a year by Urban Toad Media LLP. Material 

may not be reproduced without permission. The 

Good Life Men’s Magazine accepts no liability for 

reader dissatisfaction arising from content in this 

publication. The opinions expressed, or advice given, 

are the views of individual writers or advertisers and 

do not necessarily represent the views or policies of 

The Good Life Men’s Magazine. 


WRITTEN BY: JEFFREY MILLER 

As a kid growing up on a small farm in southcentral Minnesota, my 

memories of milkweed linger. When we moved back to farm, following 

my grandparents passing, dad started small. He only sprayed the 

soybean crop once, and any weeds that popped up after that and 

before harvest were handled the old-fashioned way, by “walking the 

beans.” We would each tackle a couple of rows and walk down them, 

pulling any plants that didn’t belong there out of the dark soil. I always 

cringed when I found milkweed, as the latex would make my hands 

sticky. However, any milkweed not found in the soybean fields was 

safe. There seemed to be a lot more Monarch butterflies each year too. 

What is a Milkweed? 

There are a number of native milkweeds, all belonging to the 

Asclepias species. An herbaceous perennial, milkweed has broad 

opposite leaves, color flower blooms and seed pods that produce silky, 

windblown seeds. Monarch butterflies lay their eggs on the plant. 

The “milk” produced when a milkweed is broken is a latex substance. 

Compounds called glycosides are poisonous to most other animals. 

Not only does the monarch caterpillar have resistance to the toxin, but 

the ingestion of the compounds also makes them toxic to predators! 

In an interesting coevolution, the milkweed responds to caterpillar 

activity by growing new plant tissue at a more rapid rate. 

6 | THE GOOD LIFE

PHOTO BY: JEFFREY MILLER 

What Kind of Milkweed Should We 

Plant? 

Common Milkweed, as its name suggests, 

is the most common milkweed in our 

area. It can be aggressive and dominate 

a small landscape, making it a “weed” in 

many people’s eyes. On our rural property, 

I’ve let a patch 20’ by 20’ grow each year. 

While it does spread outside that area, I 

simply remove it from those locations. 

The astounding amount of insect life, 

butterflies included, makes it worthwhile 

to allow on the landscape. 

Common milkweed flourishes in road 

ditches, railroad beds and CRP plantings. 

Far too often chemical herbicides are 

sprayed in areas without doing a survey of 

the plants present. Wholesale destruction 

of common milkweed has led to a drastic 

reduction in monarch butterfly populations. 

For more manicured plantings, native 

milkweeds like the Showy Milkweed and 

the Swamp Milkweed are better choices. 

They don’t reproduce via underground 

tillers and remain where planted. In fact, 

the Swamp Milkweed may be the ultimate 

pollinator plant in our region. It has 

stunning flowers, grows in a wide range of 

soil conditions and the pollen is desirable 

by a wide range of pollinating insects and 

hummingbirds. Swamp milkweed is easily 

grown from seed or plugs, making it a great 

addition to any flower garden. 


Monarch Butterfly Life Cycles 

Female monarchs overwinter in conifer forests in Mexico, 

most notably oyamel fir forest. Sometime in March, they 

begin moving north, laying eggs on milkweed plants. The 

migrating adults begin dying off by May. 

The next generation, those born of the eggs laid in March, 

continue the northern migration. This generation reaches 

North Dakota and Minnesota, all the way into southern 

Canada. Monarchs during the summer lay eggs and new 

generations are produced. The subsequent monarchs begin 

laying additional eggs immediately, as the reproductive 

generations only last a few weeks, up to a couple of months. 

A continuous supply of milkweed is essential for repeated 

reproduction. Each female can lay up to 400 eggs during 

her lifetime. 

The yellow and black striped caterpillars eat voraciously 

before entering the chrysalis, where they spend up to two 

weeks in. They then emerge as an adult and repeat the 

cycle. 

The last generation begins migrating south in late summer, 

aiming for the fir forests of Mexico. Clustering in colonies 

to stay warm, there may be as many as a few thousand 

butterflies on a single oyamel fir tree. 

A Massive Decline 

The population decline of milkweed species has had a direct 

impact on monarch populations. The eastern population, 

of which Minnesota and North Dakota are part of, has 

plummeted by over 80% since the 1990s. While there are 

a variety of reasons for the decline, the primary concern 

is the loss of milkweed habitat in the summering grounds. 

Because of the decline of habitat, every little bit counts. 

Even a few swamp milkweed plants in a planter on an 

apartment porch can serve as a much-needed food source. 

It doesn’t take much to make a big difference. 

We Can Eat It Too! 

Our family enjoys joining the monarchs for a milkweed 

feast! Early during the growing season, when the milkweed 

is up 10 inches to a foot out of the ground, I will cut some 

of the seedlings, leaving an inch or two above the ground. 

After peeling off all the leaves except the top two, I’ll boil 

some water on the stove. The stalks are blanched in the 

boiling water for a minute or so. This removes the latex 

from the stems but does not cook them. 

Next, I’ll drop a tablespoon or two of butter in a frying pan 

and get the pan to temp. The blanched stems are sautéed 

until done, usually a few minutes. Sprinkled with some 


8 | THE GOOD LIFE


salt, the taste is not unlike that 

of mild asparagus. My mouth 

waters when I see milkweed! 

The best part of all, is that 

the milkweed plant responds 

to the cutting of the stem by 

regrowing, ensuring there is 

plenty of milkweed for both us 

and the butterflies! 

Grow Some Milkweed 

This spring, grow some 

milkweed in your flower beds, 

pollinator plots and pots. They 

are easy to grow, beautiful to 

behold and will help feed the 

beautiful orange monarchs! • 


HAVING A BEER WITH | PETER "CASEY" ABSEY 

HAVING A BEER WITH 

PETER "CASEY" ABSEY 

WRITTEN BY: BEN HANSON 

PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA 

Well known to the crowd of 

downtown regulars, Peter Absey 

somehow maintains an elusive 

vibe. The man in glasses dusted 

in flour after hours of prepping 

the week’s dough seems more at 

ease back in the kitchen than his 

front of house. If I had to guess, it’s 

the free-flowing, HR-be-damned 

discourse known well by servers 

and sailors alike. 

When we sat down for what 

became more than a couple of 

beers overlooking Brewhalla’s 

central mall, I wasn’t sure what 

to expect from the creator of 

Blackbird Woodfire Pizza … who 

goes by Casey. Why Casey? He 

hasn’t the foggiest. It’s a nickname 

he’s had basically since birth. He’s 

got the birthday cards to prove it. 

His brother, James, goes by Gus. 

Not Jim. Not Jack. Gus. Go figure. 

I had to let the name thing lie, not 

for lack of curiosity. We were here 

to drink beer and eat … err, talk 

pizza. 

Blackbird had just celebrated its 

10th anniversary – a monumental 

accomplishment in a cruelly tough 

industry, pandemic or not – and 

the backyard oven baker turned 

professional pie slinger seemed 

content yet keenly focused. As a 

hardworking restaurateur who still 

puts in at least 50 hours a week, 

Absey was gracious in sharing 

his Friday afternoon with us. Like 

most subjects, he, I assume, had 

no idea what he’d signed up for. 

Salut. 

WHERE’D YOU GROW UP? 

East Grand Forks, Minn. I graduated 

from Northland Technical and 

Community College with a degree 

in Respiratory Therapy. I’ve been 

in Fargo since 1986. 

WHAT’S THE BLACKBIRD ORIGIN 

STORY? 

I’ve always cooked and baked. 

We’re Lebawegian [part 

Lebanese, part Norwegian], we 

10 | THE GOOD LIFE

make bread, so I thought pizza wouldn't be hard. It 

didn’t turn out great, but I got determined to get it right. 

So every Friday, I made pizza … and the kids eventually 

grew more and more distant on Fridays. 

Eventually, I built a brick oven in my backyard … got 

the bug … got a trailer and started doing shows and 

events. I didn’t even know where to buy the right 

utensils at first, so I made them myself. After about 

four years, I was going to sell the oven, but a friend of 

mine said, “You should do something with this.” He had 

the money, so we went around and found the old Pita 

Pit location and that was that. 

WHY PIZZA? 

The first one I ever made turned out bad, and it just got 

me inspired. I also love pizza. Any pizza. I can’t even 

say no to a piece of frozen pizza. When we travel, the 

first thing I do is smell for pizza, much to the disbelief 

of my wife. 

WHAT’S THE STRANGEST PIZZA YOU’VE EVER COME ACROSS? 

I’ve seen so much weird stuff, but most places don’t 

go out of their way to make anything super weird. We 

did one when we first opened that was a Thanksgiving 

dinner pizza with turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, and 

dressing. 

ANY CREATIONS THAT NEVER MADE IT ONTO THE MENU? 

No, not really. When we come up with something, we 

make it happen. We do have a secret menu, though. 

IF YOU WERE A PIZZA TOPPING, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? 

Something sexy … like sausage and pineapple. It’s kind 

of an acquired taste, but once you try it, you like it. 

HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO KICK ANYONE OUT OF YOUR 

RESTAURANT? 

When we first opened, there was this really drunk 

lady, and we didn’t know how to handle it. So we 

boxed up her pizza and said we’d get her a ride, but 

I ALSO LOVE PIZZA. ANY PIZZA. I CAN’T EVEN SAY NO TO A PIECE OF 

FROZEN PIZZA. WHEN WE TRAVEL, THE FIRST THING I DO IS SMELL FOR 

PIZZA, MUCH TO THE DISBELIEF OF MY WIFE. – CASEY ABSEY 


HAVING A BEER WITH | PETER "CASEY" ABSEY 

she thankfully removed herself. Another guy came in 

once and was talking smack about something. Joe and I 

ended up yelling at him on his way out as he was flipping 

us the bird. 

IF THERE WAS A SECRET CLUB OF LOCAL RESTAURANT 

OWNERS, WHAT WOULD BE THE HOT GOSSIP? 

Staffing is always a big deal. Food costs, too. There’s 

nobody sleeping with each other’s wives or anything like 

that. We’ve had meetings before with whomever I can 

get together, trying to form a group, but everybody is so 

independent. 

WHO’D WIN IN A FIGHT, PAPA JOHN OR PAPA MURPHY? 

Papa John. He’s from the east coast. Paper Murphy just 

sounds like a plump family guy. I do like Papa John’s crust, 

but Papa Murphy’s back when the kids were young … 

you couldn’t ask for anything better when you’re feeding 

a crowd of kids. 

PAPA MURPHY JUST SOUNDS LIKE 

A PLUMP FAMILY GUY. 

HOW DO YOU RANK THE VARIOUS PIZZA CRUST OPTIONS? 

I really like a thin crust. They’re called Bar Pies … 

12 | THE GOOD LIFE

everything’s out right to the edge. I always gravitate 

towards that. My crust isn’t really neapolitan — they 

call it neo-american — but it comes out very similar. 

Detroit style, love that. Detroit is usually square and 

they put the sauce on top so the crust doesn’t get 

soggy. New York style pizza is also great. 

BIDEN VS. TRUMP, NO UTENSILS ALLOWED: WHO NEEDS 

MORE NAPKINS AFTER FINISHING A COUPLE OF SLICES? 

Wow. No utensils? Trump … I don’t know if he could 

hit his mouth. Ever seen him drink water? He’d need 

a lot of napkins, and they’d all be orange. I think Joe 

could do it. No napkin Joe. 

WHAT’S YOUR BEST TIP FOR AT-HOME PIZZA CHEFS? 

Make your dough the day before. Let it ferment in 

the fridge. That’s a game-changer. 

DO YOU THINK CANADIANS FEEL BAD ABOUT THEIR 

BACON? 

Absolutely not. It’s delicious. I think they feel bad 

about South Park, but not Canadian bacon. We 

actually don’t use Canadian bacon. We use pecansmoked 

pork shoulder. 

WHAT DOES THE GOOD LIFE MEAN TO YOU? 

Just living your best life. What Alfred Hitchcock had 

to say about happiness … there’s no stress in living, 

you’re not looking forward with anxiety, you’re 

living in the moment. • 


LAST 

RESPONDER 

Compassion, Empathy and 

Understanding Are All Part of the Job 

for the Cass County Deputy Coroner 

WRITTEN BY: EMMA VATNSDAL 


When it comes to their career, there 

are many journeys someone can 

take in their life. 

For Cass County Deputy Coroner 

Darin Haverland, the journey to 

being a last responder started with 

being one of the first ones on the 

scene. 

“My first career was as a paramedic 

in town here for almost 30 years,” 

Haverland said. “I worked both 

ground and air, but I needed a 

change.” 

After speaking with Coroner Kriste 

Ross at the scene of an accident, 

Haverland filled out an application. 


“I loved it,” he said. “My background 

as a paramedic really complements 

what we do. So I started working 

part time.” 

He accepted a full-time position 

in 2016 and was certified by the 

American Board of Medicolegal 

Death Investigators. 

Since then, he and his team have 

worked on thousands of cases – 

nearly 800 in 2023 alone – and 

have brought closure to just as many 

families across the United States. 

The small but mighty team, 

comprised of the coroner, two deputy 

coroners and a death investigator, 

handles deaths that are labeled as 

homicides, suicides, accidental or 

undetermined, and their processes 

and equipment rival that of much 

larger cities. 

“We seldom know what cases we’re 

going to go on when we get into 

work,” said Haverland. “We kind of 

have a routine that we go through. 

Once or twice a week we all get 

together and say ‘who needs help 

with what’ or ‘what do you need help 

with on your caseload’ and we speak 

up. We also go over each other’s 

cases, we review documentation 

and we try to help each other out as 

much as we can.”

Always remember ... this becomes a sacred space when you 

are entrusted with a family's most important possession. 

Conduct yourself as though the family is always present. This 

body is precious to them ... treat it with respect and dignity. 


There’s a lot that goes into a case. 

Day after day, they fit together clues 

and solve one puzzle after another. 

“We always want to make sure we 

are positively identifying someone,” 

he said. “Whether that’s through 

family members identifying them or 

through government-issued IDs, like 

a North Dakota driver’s license or 

other ID. 

We can also identify people through 

dental records, through prosthesis 

– if somebody had a knee replaced 

and was burned beyond recognition, 

the medical examiner would remove 

that prosthesis and look at the serial 

number assigned to that person.” 

They also use serial numbers 

found on dentures as well as other 

dental records and fingerprints to 

determine the ID of a deceased. 

Toxicology and blood tests are sent 

to the North Dakota Crime Lab in 

Bismarck for results, and autopsies 

are performed in Grand Forks and 


Bismarck. They handle cases from 

all over North Dakota – and some 

can even span decades and involve 

the work of multiple entities. 

“Just this past winter I had a 

case referred to me from 1983,” 

Haverland said. “I was still in high 

school! I had signed this person’s 

“We always want 

to make sure we are positively 

identifying someone.” 

– Cass County Deputy Coroner, 

Darin Haverland 

death certificate after I had been 

(working at the coroner department) 

because they had a bad brain injury, 

but they lived for a long time. All of 

the information that was in their 

current medical records indicated 

that they died by suicide, and that’s 

all I had to go on.” 

He says the rural North Dakota 

police department that was handling 

this case got a new detective, who 

happened to be going through their 

evidence and came across a gun. 

“She said ‘I don’t know anything 

about this, but it sure doesn’t sound 

like a suicide.,’” Haverland recalls. 

“So I said I would dig a little deeper. 

It took me about a month to get the 

medical records from 1983 because 

they had to go into a box somewhere 

in a basement, but I got them and 

read through his emergency room 

notes. And the first paragraph was 

an accidental gunshot – he tripped 

while walking with a gun. 

I was very happy that I got to 

amend that death certificate for his 

parents. They were not happy that 

it was originally labeled a suicide, 

so they were actually really relieved 

that it was changed.” 

Above and Beyond 

While they’re not licensed 

therapists, sometimes just listening

can mean a world of difference for families experiencing 

some of the worst moments of their lives. 

“We take a great deal of pride in our cases,” said 

Haverland. “We want to make sure that the families 

are treated with dignity as well as the deceased person. 

They’re somebody’s son, they’re somebody’s brother, 

somebody’s sister and it’s so important to us.” 

Compassion, empathy and understanding are three 

very important qualities to have in this line of work, 

and the crew at the Cass County Coroner’s Department 

definitely have what it takes. 

“I’ve been blessed to have two very successful careers,” 

he said. “And I think that’s very fortunate because 

they’ve both been something I love. I care for people 

now, but it’s just in a different way.” • 


ON THE COVER | FRANK HUNKLER 

Frank 

Hunkler 

Mentoring is Life 

Life experiences, both good and bad, make 

up a person’s life story. It’s easy to hide the 

negative experiences and only show the world 

the positive, but some people help others by 

sharing the lessons they learned in life. Being 

a mentor is often difficult and taxing, but 

there are people that seem born to become a 

mentor. Frank Hunkler is one such man. 

18 | THE GOOD LIFE

WRITTEN BY: JEFFREY MILLER 

PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA


Frank Hunkler’s story starts in 1950, when 

he was born on a farm and ranch near 

Napoleon, North Dakota. Raised in a 

family of 10 children, he knew he was 

different very early in life. 

“If I was born today, I’d probably 

be a scientist, tech wizard or 

something along those lines. 

Unfortunately, my parents 

and teachers thought I was 

lazy and dim-witted, as I 

struggled to learn. Left 

alone, I could figure things 

out. That type of learning 

didn’t work back then.” 

When Frank turned 18, he 

signed up for the draft. Days 

after turning 19, at Fort 

Lewis Washington, 

he was promoted to 

Sergeant E5 and 

was one of seven 

noncommissioned 

officers assigned 

to a company of four 

platoons. Frank’s charges, 

the 4th Platoon, were made up 

of a diverse group of men from all 

over the country and with different 

ethnicities. He led them alone and 

they were the honor platoon. 

“I was a 150-pound gay, autistic, 

white farm boy from North 

Dakota,” Frank says, with little 

exposure to folks of other races 

or cultures. 

He served admirably in war and was 

awarded 2 Bronze Stars, one with “V” for 

valor, along with numerous other badges and 

medals. “I was more afraid of being killed by 

another soldier because I would not tolerate 

racism, than I was of being killed by the 

“enemy.”” The seed of Frank’s future work 

was planted during his time in the military, 

where he learned he had more in common 

with every person than different. He learned 

to love everyone unconditionally. 

Upon returning home, Frank spent time at 

North Dakota State University and Moorhead 

State University. Though he struggled in the 

classroom, he was learning the early stages 

of mentorship through his summer projects. 

He organized youth employment projects and 

wrote grants to help pay for the programs, 

geared towards at-risk youth. 

When learning challenges made a college 

degree impossible, he left and started contract 

cleaning. Working hard cleaning was what he 

enjoyed most from the farm, and he decided 

to turn it into a career. 

Frank hit a bump in the road in 1979 and 

spent some time in prison. During his 

incarceration, he realized that he was an 

addict. Along with 4 other inmates, he started 

a peer mentoring program. 

“Prison saved my life” Frank says simply. “I 

learned to find someone worse off than me 

and help them out. There are no problems, 

only solutions.” 

Addicts are often looked down upon, as if they 

have failed in life. That’s an entirely wrong way 

of think, according to Frank. “Addicts aren’t 

only people with chemical dependencies, but 

those addicted to anything! Food, sex, gaming. 

Anything.” 

20 | THE GOOD LIFE

"The key to being 

a successful person 

is to never stop learning. 

Mentorship is smart living!” 

– Frank Hunkler 

When an addict contacts Frank for mentoring, he says 

that alone is proof of their success. “The simple fact that 

they are still alive and haven’t let their addiction take their 

lives is proof that they can make it.” 

Success, Frank says, “is finding out who I am and gaining 

the skills to succeed as me.” No matter what, he has gotten 

up every day, said yes to life, and kept going. 

Success, Frank says, 

“is finding out who I am and gaining the 

skills to succeed as me.” 

Frank attributes his success to his mentors who have been 

willing to share their wisdom, in every area of life, with 

him. Their wisdom is his lifelong self-discovery process. 

Mentorship is not a one-way street, Frank says, but an allway 

street. “I learn more from the folks I mentor as they 

learn from me. The key to being a successful person is to 

never stop learning. Mentorship is smart living!” 

When asked why he is so passionate about mentoring, 

he says “Mentoring is life! Had I not gone to college and 

gotten involved in youth mentorship and realizing helping 

others helped me, I would have killed myself. PTSD from 

war never goes away.” 

Frank has mentored 1,000’s of people, informally and 

formally, over his lifetime and currently mentors 36 men 

and women in a formal, one-on-one relationship. He’s 

worked with people over a wide range of aspects in life, 

not just addiction and recovery. In an average week, he 

gets 40-60 questions about his life. 

Though mentorship encompasses a wide range of 

definition, Frank has a personal definition that he lives 

by. He says “I have the experience. I have the lesson. I 

gain the wisdom. I practice it. I improve it. I talk about it. 

I think about it. I write about it. I role model it. I teach it 

to someone.” 

He readily admits he has no degrees, licenses or 

professional credentials. He has attended over 9,000 12- 

Step Program meetings, completed 28 years of weekly 

meetings in a local jail and done workshops and speaking 

engagements related to mentoring. 

After 43 years of mentoring and being clean, he admits 

the pinnacle of his life is being an organizer of the PIP 

Success program. Standing for Perfection is Progress, 

the program is the culmination of everything Frank 

and others have learned. When asked to summarize 

PIP Success, Frank says “We are first of fellowship of 

individuals seeking success in all areas of our lives as the 

ultimate antidote to the symptoms of addiction in all its 



22 | THE GOOD LIFE

manifestations.” He has written four books about success 

and two books for PIP Success. Learn more about PIP 

Success at pipsuccess.org. 

While Frank isn’t one to sing his own praises, he has 

plenty of mentees that do that for him. Mentee Erik 

Score, who has spent nearly 1,000 hours of formal and 

informal mentoring with Frank, says “If it wasn’t for Frank 

willing to show up for me and show me how to be a decent 

human being, I wouldn’t have the relationship I have with 

my family, my wife … and the people around me. In the last 

11 years of knowing and working with Frank, our goal has 

been to help me succeed against all odds no matter what. I 

have become a peer and leader because of my relationship 

with Frank.” 

Larry Peterson says “I have known Frank for almost 40 

years. … Frank was not only a cheerleader for the local 

LGBTQ community but also a guide and mentor, calling on 

people to be more active, more open and more affirming 

of themselves and others. 

Former Mayor of Fargo, Jon Lindgren, has known Frank 

since 1978. He states “Frank worked with a variety of 

citizens over the decades to make their voices heard. 

Issues were confronted and change was the result. Hats 

off to my friend Frank.” 

Lastly, Justin Nudell says “My relationship with Frank 

is sacred. I can talk openly about anything, and we have 

built that trust over the past nine years … I know that I am 

important to him, my life matters to him.” 

I asked Frank what The Good Life means to him. “The 

Good Life means I don’t have problems. I am the solution. 

As soon as I learn something, I teach it to someone. I am 

love.” 

Frank Hunkler has lived an amazing life and is dedicated, 

every day of his life, to helping and learning from others. 

He says “At 73, I’m just getting started.” • 

"At 73, I’m just getting started.” 


WRITTEN BY: KRISSY NESS 


Pinball has been around for almost a century but 

hasn’t been all bells and whistles. Automated pinball 

machines were invented in the 1930s, though there 

are earlier prototypes that date back even further. 

I was fortunate enough to sit down with Bill Brooks of 

Fargo Pinball and get the scoop on all things pinball. 

“When pinball was outlawed for gambling reasons in 

‘42, it was thriving in Europe. Machines would be sent 

there from America to be played,” exclaimed Brooks. 

“But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t an underground 

movement bubbling just under the surface in larger 

American cities all across the country.” 

It wasn’t until ‘76 that the ban on pinball would be 

lifted in America, resurrecting the love of the game 

for children and adults alike. As the years passed and 

there were more opportunities to play, the pinball 

movement began picking up steam. 

From the ‘70s to the ‘90s, pinball was everywhere! 

When you think of Americana, you may think of blue 

jeans, BBQs, or fireworks, but pinball deserves to be in 

that category. “Pinball IS Americana,” boasts Brooks. 

Brooks and his brother, Jim, have been avid collectors 

of these machines for over 20 years. “I’ve been 

collecting machines, and Jim had been collecting 

24 | THE GOOD LIFE

From the ‘70s to the ‘90s, pinball was 

everywhere! When you think of Americana, 

you may think of blue jeans, BBQs, or 

fireworks, but pinball deserves to be in 

that category. 

machines, and we did a bunch of restorations, then we 

had run out of room,” said Brooks. That’s when the idea 

to create a pinball club started to form. 

“Fellow pinball collector Scott Nelson decided to open 

a pinball club in ‘14. He ran it for less than a year and 

then got out of the game and sold his machines to 

us under the promise those machines would see 

the light of day and not be sold off or stuck in a 

basement,” remarked Brooks. 

And that is precisely what the Brooks brothers did. 

“In 2015, we got the Fargo pinball club up and running. 

We put all the games into it. The motivation for that was 

that at the time, there were only four machines in town, 

and they were all in bars,” explained Brooks. “You can’t go 

into a bar in North Dakota if you are under 21 years old, 

and we had younger kids at the time, so we would have 

them in our basement.” 

So, the move began. Bill and his brother, Jim, gathered all 

their machines and created a space for kids and adults to 

play. 

“Our friend Jeff Knight, an Assistant Professor of Graphic 

Design at Concordia, had his class create a Kickstarter 

campaign for us, which at the time was the 3rd highest 

campaign in N.D. 

When the rise of video games happened with Atari, there 

was a significant dip in pinball popularity, but that doesn’t 

mean it was gone for good. I remember playing the 

“Adam’s Family” pinball machine at the local ice cream 

shop in my hometown, and who could forget 3D Pinball 

Space Cadet on home PCs across the country in the late 

‘90s and early ‘20s? 

“Kids are the future of pinball,” mentioned Brooks. “You 

have to grow up with the game to remember it!” 


One of the coolest machines found at Drekker Brewing is the 

“Cosmic Carnival,” which features artwork from Dirty Donny, the 

artist who created several art pieces for Metallica, amongst 

other things. It is more of an art piece, and only two machines 

are available to play globally, this being one of them! 

After the COVID pandemic, the Brooks brothers 

tried to keep the Fargo Pinball Club open by 

spacing all the machines six feet apart to follow 

the CDC guidelines, but people were afraid, and 

they did not want to be out in a public space, so 

they closed for a while. And that leads us to today. 

Their largest selection of machines can be found 

at Drekker Brewing/Brewhalla, which boasts 

30 machines. This is where you will find all the 

weird, wacky, and unique games. 

“Each machine is placed in each location for a 

specific purpose, so we want to be very mindful 

of certain locations,” explained Brooks. For 

example, if there are kids that will be playing it, 

we might not have the Walking Dead machine 

there, [and so on]. 

One of the coolest machines found at Drekker 

Brewing is the “Cosmic Carnival,” which features 

artwork from Dirty Donny, the artist who created 

several art pieces for Metallica, amongst other 

things. It is more of an art piece, and only two 

machines are available to play globally, this being 

one of them! 

You can also find their machines nearby, such as 

bars and pool halls. “What’s cool there is that each 

location gives its unique vibe,” exclaims Brooks. 

What is distinctive about Fargo Pinball and the 

places they chose to place their machines is that 

they are open to having them at other bars. Still, 

Drekker Brewing/Brewhalla is the only brewery 

in the area offering exclusive year-round space for 

their machines. 

26 | THE GOOD LIFE

You won’t always 

find the same 

games there, 

either. Keeping 

the games in 

rotation is a way 

to keep people 

coming back and 

finding a new 

game to play. 

You won’t always find the same 

games there, either. Keeping 

the games in rotation is a way 

to keep people coming back and 

finding a new game to play. No 

matter which machine you are 

on, “Pinball is a different game 

every time you play,” expressed 

Brooks. 

Each machine allows quarters 

or a downloadable app you can 

find on each machine for ease 

and convenience. 

If you’re ready to get down to 

business and get the top score 

on your favorite machines, the 

time is now, and the machines 

are prepared to help you escape 

to a fun new world. • 


Think of all the cute selfies 

we could take together! 

PHOTOS SUBMITTED BY: HOMEWARD ANIMAL SHELTER 

ELMYRA 

These are just a few of the many 

faces in our care that are patiently 

waiting for their forever families to 

find them. We know there’s a match 

out there for all of them. And for all 

the rest of their friends at the shelter 

and in foster homes that aren’t 

pictured here on these pages. Maybe 

one has been waiting all this time to 

rescue YOU ... Adopt a shelter pet 

today! 

At Homeward Animal Shelter, 

our mission is: “Rescue. Shelter. 

Protect. Rehome.” We provide a 

second chance at happiness to lost, 

abandoned, and owner-surrendered 

Female | Nearly 2 years old | Tuxedo DSH | Feline Immunodeficiency Positive 

Hello, I'm Elmyra, a super-friendly tuxedo girl with the loudest purr in the shelter. I really 

enjoy attention-lap time and couch time are my very favorites; I just can't get enough of 

my humans. I also have the most adorable overbite that makes my profile extra special. 

Please come and meet me soon! 

animals; and educate the community 

on the proper, loving, and kind 

treatment of animals. 

Homeward Animal Shelter is 

committed to preventing animal 

overpopulation and spays/neuters 

all animals 6 months or older before 

adoption. Since its inception in 

1966, Homeward Animal Shelter 

has placed nearly 41,000 animals in 

lifelong homes. • 

For information on adopting, 

volunteering or to make a donation, 

visit: homewardonline.org 

GOMEZ 

Male | 4 years old | Pit Bull Terrier Mix 

Hi! I am Gomez and I would love the chance to steal your heart. I love getting belly rubs 

and chasing balls with my foster mom. I get along great with all kinds of different dogs 

and just love people, big or small! I am very food-motivated and love to chase my tail; I 

will go round and round for quite a while, it's so funny! I love to chew on my toys and just 

play, play, play! Are you looking for a happy-go-lucky, fun-loving boy? Look no further! 

Please give me the chance to join your home and be my much-deserved forever family. 

MOOMOO 

Male | 5 years old | White & Black DSH 

Hi there! I’m MooMoo, a cool, laid-back Cow-Cat with the most gorgeous tail you've ever seen. I'm 

big like a cow, spotted like a cow, and udderly sweet and gentle like a cow. But please understand, 

the pasture is not for me. I prefer a warm, snug environment where I can hunt and pounce to 

my heart's content. Moreover, I just love to lend a helping paw when you need it. I will be your 

go-to work assistant who sits by your side (or on your keyboard) ready to offer my specialized 

professional support. And if you happen to be on a Zoom call, I will steal the spotlight with my 

charming Cow-Cat antics. The best part is, I'm not just a fun, friendly, helpful guy, I'm also a 

mellow baby. Feel free to rock me like the chunky 

precious darling I am and let my moo-purrs soothe 

you after all those taxing meetings. I'm here waiting 

patiently, so come and find me today! 

28 | THE GOOD LIFE

PIANO 

Female | 4 years old | Tabby DSH 

Hello, they call me Piano! I may have a reputation as being a scaredy cat, but I want everyone to 

know that I'm actually a sweetheart. The world is just ... so big, and so loud. I've been through a 

lot, and I just want some peace and quiet! I'm staying with some nice people right now, and they're 

teaching me a lot about this whole house cat thing. So far, my favorite things are lounging in sunny 

spots on the floor, eating this crazy stuff called catnip, and playing in my toy box. Getting petted is 

also really nice, and people seem to like the way I flop onto my back when they rub my ears and 

cheeks. If I had to ask for something else to make my life purrfect, it would be a quiet forever home 

with other kitties. I miss cuddling, grooming, and playing with others like me! If you have room in 

your home for a gentle, loving lady like me, I'd LOVE to meet you! 

BERTRAM 

Male | 3 years old | Pit Bull Terrier Mix 

Hey there! The name's Bertram, and let me tell you, I'm all about living life to the fullest! 

I'm that tail-wagging, fun-loving bundle of energy you've been looking for. Whether it's 

chasing balls, going for walks, or just goofing around, count me in! I thrive on activity and 

adventure, so I'm hoping to find a family who's just as active and outgoing as I am. Oh, 

and did I mention I'm a social butterfly? I absolutely adore making new doggy pals and 

having playdates. Sure, I'm still learning my manners, but give me a chance, and I'll charm 

your socks off! Just keep in mind, my enthusiasm can sometimes get the best of me, so 

older kids who can match my energy would be the perfect fit. Trust me, if you take me 

home, we'll have a blast like you've never experienced before. What do you say? 

LINDOR 

Female | 1 year old | Husky Mix 

Hi there! I'm Lindor, affectionately known as Lindy or Lindy Lou. I'm a spirited and 

affectionate girl who loves belly rubs, ear scratches, and playing with my foster family, 

which includes a dog and three cats. I'm mostly quiet but will alert you to visitors – it's 

my little way of contributing to the household security! I enjoy playtime, especially with 

stuffed toys and antlers, which keep me engaged for hours. I'm also great with kids, after 

a brief get-to-know-you sniff test, and I'm learning to understand my feline foster siblings 

better every day. I believe I could befriend a cat with some patience and time. If you're 

searching for a loving companion eager to find her forever home, I'm your girl! Just fill out 

an application mentioning Lindor, and I'll be excitedly waiting. 

MOWII 

Male | 5 years old | Grey Tabby & White DSH 

Hello world! I'm Mowii, a large-and-in-charge charmer, who is more than ready to run your 

household. I enjoy making sure that all vital household operations are running smoothly: I'll 

wrangle pets (or kids) into obedience, I'll expertly oversee your computer tasks by planting 

myself firmly beside your keyboard, I'll never let you forget when it's mealtime, and I'll 

STILL have time for my power naps on the back of your favorite 

chair. Honestly, I don't know how you are 

getting by without me! Plus, if you do get 

overwhelmed (despite my best efforts), 

I will soothe you with my sweet purrs 

and affection. It's truly impossible to be 

stressed out while watching me rolling 

on my back enjoying the heck out of 

my afternoons. Please come and 

meet me soon! 


LOCAL HERO | JIM DEREMO 

HERO IN PLAIN SIGHT 

Jim Deremo and His Unending Fight for Veterans 

WRITTEN BY: AMY WIESER WILLSON 


Jim Deremo insists he’s “nothing special.” The 

thousands of veterans he helped during his 35-year 

career as a veterans’ service officer would disagree. 

Some insist Deremo saved their lives. It’s the ones he 

couldn’t save, however, that seem to haunt him most. 

As a VSO, Deremo was tasked with helping veterans 

navigate government red tape to get the benefits – 

from healthcare to education to disability payments 

– to which they’re entitled. Even in retirement, he 

continues to do the same in an unofficial capacity. 

It’s inadequate to call it a career, though. It’s his 

passion. It’s what drives him to fight each day, even 

in retirement, to take care of those who have served. 

BEGGING TO GO TO NAM 

While he would rather talk about other veterans than 

himself, Deremo’s own military service is notable. 

“I had come of age during Vietnam. After I turned 18, 

I received my draft notice, so I was going to be in the 

military one way or the other, and the ‘Join the Navy 

and See the World’ appealed to me,” Deremo said. 

“I was up for the adventure. All through high school, 

Vietnam was always in the news. We were fighting 

communism and if we didn’t stop them there, we 

would be fighting them in our country. … All of that 

made sense to me, and I decided I was going to be 

part of the fight to stop them from doing that.” 

Chalk it up to the folly of youth, but Deremo also 

thought he’d audition for the Navy Band. 

“I don’t know how I thought playing my trombone 

in the Navy Band was going to stop communist 

aggression. Guess I hadn’t thought that through really 

well,” he said in his classic style of self-deprecating 

humor. 

He missed the cut to join the band by 7/10 of a point 

but decided to enlist anyway, instead becoming an 

aviation electronics mate. 

30 | THE GOOD LIFE



When he finished training, he completed his “dream 

sheet” of where he wanted to be assigned. 

“I put down Vietnam as my first choice, so, of course, 

the Navy sent me to Naval Air Station Miramar, 

near San Diego,” Deremo said. “After about a year 

at Miramar, I got to fill out another wish list and, of 

course, I put Vietnam as my No. 1 choice. So, they 

sent me to a school at NAS Lemoore, California.” 

After completing the next round of training, he again 

listed Vietnam as his first choice. This time he was 

assigned to the USS Constellation, an aircraft carrier, 

and soon started his long-awaited trip to Vietnam. 

They positioned just off Vietnam’s coast and supported 

ground troops by bombing enemy positions, supplies 

and supply routes. They also shot down enemy 

aircraft, all while battling typhoons and jet fuel fires 

next to jets loaded with bombs and missiles. 

After his December 1973 discharge from the Navy, 

Deremo stayed with his parents in Arkansas City, 

Kansas. College was up next for him, so it made sense 

to transition at home. 

“I kinda missed the hippie movement, so I thought I'd 

let my hair and beard grow,” Deremo said. “Me and 

my dad were sitting at the table one night talking, and 

he said, ‘You ought to shave that beard off. What the 

hell's with that?’” 

Always ready with a clever comeback, Deremo 

declared, “Good enough for Jesus, good enough for 

me!” 

His dad quickly responded, “But Jesus didn’t live in 

my house!” 

So, off Deremo went to Dakota State College in South 

Dakota for a teaching degree. 

SEEING THE NEED 

While there, he was elected president of the Collegiate 

Vets. That connected him with more veterans as he 

attended state conventions for the VFW, DAV and 

American Legion. It also led him to a work-study 

program on campus, where he ran the veterans’ 

office, filed paperwork, and spent time “fighting with 

the VA.” 

32 | THE GOOD LIFE

After college, he was offered a job as a field officer 

working with veterans, so he figured he’d take it until 

he got a teaching job. Now, at age 73, Deremo has 

yet to work as a teacher. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t 

impacted countless lives, though. 

He got a glimpse early on of the struggles veterans 

face. One night, while he was still in the Navy, a friend 

in the barracks called out to Deremo. 

“He was standing there by his rack. He had slit his 

wrists, blood all over. I got some towels, wrapped his 

wrists in them and drove him to the base dispensary. 

I was scared he was going to bleed out and die before 

I got him there, but he didn’t.” 

At the dispensary, a corpsman patched the wounds 

and said Deremo’s friend “wasn’t serious about 

committing suicide because he slit his wrists the 

wrong way.” 

At the time, Deremo had no idea that his life would 

be spent helping more men and women just like that 

friend. 

FIGHTING FOR VETERANS 

Deremo remembers many of those veterans, who 

have served in the Mexican Border War and World 

War I all the way to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. 

There’s Harlan, the Marine who had shrapnel damage 

in his hand and had little feeling left after the nerves 

had been cut. The injury resulted in him running a 

saw through his hand without even feeling it. The VA 

Board of Appeals denied benefits since it wasn’t a 

direct war injury, even though that’s what precipitated 

it. Harlan became the first case Deremo would fight 

in the new Court of Veterans Appeals, where he was 

authorized to practice before the court even though 

he had no legal training. Despite everything stacked 

against them, Deremo won the case. He later fought 

for Harlan again when he was going to be fired as a 

direct result of the injury, a violation of the Americans 

with Disabilities Act. 

There’s Jerry, who was drafted as a dentist in the 

Vietnam War. With little dentistry work to do, Jerry 

helped elsewhere. At one point, he performed a 

tracheotomy in the field with a pen. He got shot in 



"When you can change somebody's life doing this, 

that's the payday." – Jim Deremo 

the hand in another incident, which prevented him 

from being able to return to the dental clinic he had 

established just in time to get drafted. The VA denied 

Jerry benefits because he was a dentist, which they 

considered a safe role. Deremo changed their minds. 

There’s Russ, who had three Purple Heart medals 

and was diagnosed with MS. That led to a nursing 

home stay and then a brain tumor that Deremo is 

convinced resulted from Agent Orange exposure. 

Deremo fought to reverse the VA’s decision to deny 

nursing home care. After Russ died, Deremo worked 

to ensure his widow and four minor children received 

the benefits due to them, too. 

"When you can change somebody's life doing this, 

that's the payday." 

But there’s also the Iraq War veteran who Deremo 

received a call on and fought to get into inpatient 

PTSD treatment. While there, however, he received 

a weekend pass and took his life at a hotel. 

And there’s Dan Olson, a two-time Iraq War veteran 

who biked across North Dakota in 2010 and 2011 to 

raise awareness of PTSD and in memory of losing 

his friend and fellow veteran, Joe Biel, to suicide. 

Deremo coordinated the trip with Olson to raise 

money for veterans, and he followed Olson from one 

end of the state to the other with the support vehicle 

over the six-day ride. Olson disappeared in October 

2021 and has never been found. 

Despite the awards and gratitude Deremo has 

received over the years – including from people he 

doesn’t remember who have approached him and 

thanked him for saving their lives – he carries the 

weight of those he couldn’t save with him. 

It’s not just war veterans that he’s fought for, either, 

and it’s about more than securing benefits. It’s about 

truly helping. A young soldier, one of the many 

military sexual trauma victims, shared his story with 

Deremo. 

“I told him, if you have PTSD, you’re going to have to 

deal with it, rather now or later, and it’s going to be 

easier to deal with it now.” 

Despite all the bad experiences Deremo witnessed, 

he’s incredibly proud of his three daughters, two of 

whom enlisted in the military, as well. 

BRINGING THE FIGHT HOME 

It’s not just his fellow Vietnam veterans who have 

experienced the effects of Agent Orange. Deremo 

himself has faced an array of health issues, including 

being diagnosed in 2020 with non-Hodgkin’s 

lymphoma, which the VA considers a “presumptive 

disease” resulting from Agent Orange exposure. 

34 | THE GOOD LIFE

That presumption, however, wasn’t in 

place until the 1990s. It took until 2019 

for the Blue Water Navy Veterans Act 

to pass – something Deremo fought 

tirelessly for – which acknowledged that 

sailors on ships within 12 miles off the 

coast of Vietnam also were impacted. 

“We fought for years and years and years 

just to prove that we were exposed,” 

Deremo said. 

He still fights other illnesses and the 

residual effects of the cancer, but he 

considers himself lucky. 

His brother Randy served as a Marine in 

Vietnam. He died at 68, in 2018, because 

of Agent Orange. 

When asked what the good life means 

to him, Deremo’s response echoed the 

challenges he’s faced: “Being alive is 

kinda a good thing.” 

“Seriously, every day is a blessing. I 

should have been dead so many times.” 

Each day alive also advances Deremo’s 

mission to save others. •

The Good Life – May-June 2024

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?