BeatRoute Magazine AB print e-edition - [August 2017]
BeatRoute Magazine is a monthly arts and entertainment paper with a predominant focus on music – local, independent or otherwise. The paper started in June 2004 and continues to provide a healthy dose of perversity while exercising rock ‘n’ roll ethics. Currently BeatRoute’s AB edition is distributed in Calgary, Edmonton (by S*A*R*G*E), Banff and Canmore. The BC edition is distributed in Vancouver, Victoria and Nanaimo.
BeatRoute Magazine is a monthly arts and entertainment paper with a predominant focus on music – local, independent or otherwise. The paper started in June 2004 and continues to provide a healthy dose of perversity while exercising rock ‘n’ roll ethics.
Currently BeatRoute’s AB edition is distributed in Calgary, Edmonton (by S*A*R*G*E), Banff and Canmore. The BC edition is distributed in Vancouver, Victoria and Nanaimo.
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THE VIDIOT<br />
rewind to the future<br />
by Shane Sellar<br />
The Boss Baby<br />
The Fate of the Furious<br />
Ghost in the Shell<br />
Kong: Skull Island<br />
Shin Godzilla<br />
FILM<br />
The Boss Baby<br />
The best time to ask your newborn boss for a raise<br />
is when you’re changing their diaper.<br />
Unfortunately, the CEO in this animated family<br />
movie always has the advantage.<br />
Tim’s (Tobey Maguire, Miles Bakshi) perfect life<br />
is disrupted when his parents (Lisa Kudrow, Jimmy<br />
Kimmel) have another child, Boss Baby (Alec<br />
Baldwin). Sharply dressed and keenly acute, the<br />
husky-voiced youngster informs Tim that he has<br />
been sent from elsewhere to turn the tide in the<br />
babies’ battle against puppy popularity.<br />
But if Tim doesn’t help stop the release of an<br />
everlasting puppy, Boss Baby will become his<br />
brother forever.<br />
An unsettling blend of low fertility rate propaganda,<br />
Loony Tune-esque sex education and smart<br />
mouthed infants, DreamWorks’ latest offering borrows<br />
too heavily from funnier sources. Although<br />
Baldwin’s voice work is exceptional as always,<br />
nothing much else in this bizarre cartoon works.<br />
Besides, kids already know that all babies come<br />
from China.<br />
The Fate of the Furious<br />
The worst part of street racing in the summertime<br />
is you have to slow down in construction zones.<br />
Fortunately, the motorists in this action movie<br />
can afford the double fines incurred.<br />
While on a mission to retrieve an electromagnetic<br />
pulse device for agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson),<br />
former street-racer turned secret agent Dom<br />
(Vin Diesel) betrays his crew (Michelle Rodriguez,<br />
Chris Bridges, Tyrese Gibson, Nathalie) and gives<br />
the EMP to a terrorist, Cipher (Charlize Theron).<br />
Backed by black ops (Kurt Russell, Scott Eastwood),<br />
Hobbs and Dom’s crew track their former<br />
comrade to Russia, where he and Cipher have<br />
commandeered a nuclear submarine.<br />
Equipped with over-the-top sports car chases,<br />
boastful banter and buckets of machismo, this<br />
eighth installment in the Fast and Furious franchise<br />
maintains those touchstones. However, its interpretation<br />
of those mainstays is more cartoonish<br />
than its predecessors.<br />
Furthermore, due to the extreme depths they<br />
achieve, submarines are the ultimate low-rider.<br />
Free Fire<br />
The key to conducting a successful arms deal is not<br />
loading any of the weapons before hand.<br />
Regretfully, the merchants in this action movie<br />
included ammo in the exchange.<br />
A Boston arbitrator (Brie Larson) gets embroiled<br />
in an arms deal between IRA members (Cillian<br />
Murphy, Sam Riley, Enzo Cilenti) and a South African<br />
supplier (Sharlto Copley) and his go-between<br />
(Armie Hammer) that results in a standoff.<br />
Trapped inside of a warehouse and armed to<br />
the teeth, each party attempts to oust the other<br />
and escape with the cash intended for the now<br />
botched transaction.<br />
Although it comes off as gritty 1970s throwback,<br />
this claustrophobic shootout misfires more<br />
than it hits. While the international cast is certainly<br />
capable, the plot, the dialogue and the characters<br />
are surprisingly weak and one-dimensional. Even<br />
the non-stop shootouts are too pedestrian to<br />
bother mentioning.<br />
Moreover, arms deals should take place somewhere<br />
public, like at a children’s festival.<br />
Ghost in the Shell<br />
Cybernetic implants will make it hard for women<br />
to say their vibrating breasts are natural.<br />
Thankfully, the enhanced lady in this sci-fi flick is<br />
comfortable in her synthetic skin.<br />
The mind of Section 9 assassin Major (Scarlett<br />
Johansson) is the only part from her original<br />
body occupying her new metal shell. But when a<br />
cyber-terrorist (Michael Carmen Pitt) targets her<br />
benefactor, what little memories she retained may<br />
now be as artificial as her.<br />
With help from her partner (Pilou Asbæk) and<br />
designer (Juliette Binoche), Major unravels her<br />
origins, which later leads her to a showdown with<br />
an eight-legged mecha.<br />
While it is pretty to look at its Neo Tokyo<br />
aesthetic, this whitewashed and ultimately Americanized<br />
live-action adaptation of the beloved<br />
cyberpunk anime over-explains the narrative with<br />
dumbed down meditations on the mind, social<br />
unrest and future shock.<br />
Fortunately, once your body is robotic you can<br />
eat cured meats again.<br />
Gifted<br />
The key to raising a gifted child is selling them to<br />
science before you get too attached.<br />
Unfortunately, the mother in this dramedy died<br />
before getting her payday.<br />
Frank (Chris Evans) gallantly accepts guardianship<br />
of his niece Mary (Mckenna Grace) after her<br />
mother’s death. Like her mathematician mother,<br />
Mary has no trouble solving her first grade teacher’s<br />
(Jenny Slate) rudimentary math problems –<br />
and she let’s her know it.<br />
Mary’s air of superiority soon lands her in<br />
trouble. Luckily her talent with formulas finds her<br />
grandmother (Lindsay Duncan) taking an invested<br />
interest in her. So much so, she sues Frank for<br />
custody.<br />
A paints-by-numbers prodigy anecdote that<br />
strokes its brush well within the lines, this charming<br />
but predictable squabble only succeeds thanks<br />
to its leads who bring humanity to this glorified<br />
custody battle.<br />
Incidentally, the best way to knock a know-it-all<br />
math genius down a few pegs is with gym.<br />
Kong: Skull Island<br />
The most exciting aspect of finding a giant monkey<br />
is all the cosmetic testing you can conduct on it.<br />
Fortunately, the simian in this adventure picture<br />
isn’t wearing any mascara yet.<br />
Dispatched by the military to map out Skull<br />
Island, Lt. Colonel Packard (Samuel L. Jackson), a<br />
mercenary tracker (Tom Hiddleston), a photojournalist<br />
(Brie Larson) and a government official<br />
(John Goodman) arrive to find a 50-foot gorilla<br />
protecting the natives from subterranean creatures<br />
that roam the atoll.<br />
Conflict erupts when half of the party wants to<br />
kill Kong and the other half wants to save him.<br />
The most dynamic incarnation of the 80-year<br />
old ape, this fast-paced update set in 1973 doesn’t<br />
waste time with exposition or character development.<br />
Instead it gets right down to eye-popping<br />
creature clashes that excite much more than they<br />
engage.<br />
Incidentally, the only way to pacify an enormous<br />
primate is with a gigantic tire swing.<br />
The Promise<br />
Dating during wartime is hard since most of the<br />
restaurants and theaters are rubble.<br />
However, the couples in this drama have been<br />
able to find love amid a holocaust.<br />
On the eve of WWI an Armenian medical<br />
student (Oscar Isaac) studying in Constantinople<br />
manages to evade conscription in the Ottoman<br />
army long enough to fall in love with a Paris-raised<br />
Armenian (Charlotte Le Bon). Unfortunately, she<br />
is betrothed to an American newsman (Christian<br />
Bale) and he is promised to a neighbour’s daughter.<br />
All four lives collide in the aftermath of the<br />
Great War, during Turkey’s systematic slaughter of<br />
the Armenian people.<br />
The Promise is a well-acted piece of historical<br />
storytelling that doesn’t manipulate the facts of<br />
the Armenian Genocide for the sake of fiction.<br />
Unfortunately, the awkward love triangle only<br />
distracts from the enormity of the massacre.<br />
Fortunately with post-war breakups, you have<br />
your wife stateside to console you.<br />
Shin Godzilla<br />
The most exciting aspect of discovering a giant<br />
lizard is waiting for its ossified bones to become oil.<br />
However, the Japan depicted in this sci-fi feature<br />
will be rubble by that point.<br />
Cabinet Secretary Rando’s (Hiroki Hasegawa)<br />
suspicion of a substantial sea creature living off<br />
the Japanese coast is confirmed when a news<br />
camera captures images of a massive unidentified<br />
organism.<br />
Panic doesn’t set in until the entity makes<br />
landfall. Excelled evolution soon allows it to stand<br />
upright and emit blasts of radiation.<br />
A strategy to cool the creature’s internal fusion<br />
is put into place.<br />
The 31st installment in the reptilian franchise,<br />
Godzilla Resurgence returns the character to its<br />
nuclear roots, alluding to recent atomic disasters<br />
that have tested Japan’s mettle. While the damage<br />
done is on par with most kaiju movies, it’s the film’s<br />
urgency that makes it memorable.<br />
Incidentally, Godzilla always dresses funny after<br />
trampling Tokyo’s Harajuku district. <br />
He’s an Overgrown-up. He’s the…<br />
Vidiot<br />
BEATROUTE • AUGUST <strong>2017</strong> | 15