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BeatRoute Magazine AB print e-edition - [August 2017]

BeatRoute Magazine is a monthly arts and entertainment paper with a predominant focus on music – local, independent or otherwise. The paper started in June 2004 and continues to provide a healthy dose of perversity while exercising rock ‘n’ roll ethics. Currently BeatRoute’s AB edition is distributed in Calgary, Edmonton (by S*A*R*G*E), Banff and Canmore. The BC edition is distributed in Vancouver, Victoria and Nanaimo.

BeatRoute Magazine is a monthly arts and entertainment paper with a predominant focus on music – local, independent or otherwise. The paper started in June 2004 and continues to provide a healthy dose of perversity while exercising rock ‘n’ roll ethics.

Currently BeatRoute’s AB edition is distributed in Calgary, Edmonton (by S*A*R*G*E), Banff and Canmore. The BC edition is distributed in Vancouver, Victoria and Nanaimo.

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THE VIDIOT<br />

rewind to the future<br />

by Shane Sellar<br />

The Boss Baby<br />

The Fate of the Furious<br />

Ghost in the Shell<br />

Kong: Skull Island<br />

Shin Godzilla<br />

FILM<br />

The Boss Baby<br />

The best time to ask your newborn boss for a raise<br />

is when you’re changing their diaper.<br />

Unfortunately, the CEO in this animated family<br />

movie always has the advantage.<br />

Tim’s (Tobey Maguire, Miles Bakshi) perfect life<br />

is disrupted when his parents (Lisa Kudrow, Jimmy<br />

Kimmel) have another child, Boss Baby (Alec<br />

Baldwin). Sharply dressed and keenly acute, the<br />

husky-voiced youngster informs Tim that he has<br />

been sent from elsewhere to turn the tide in the<br />

babies’ battle against puppy popularity.<br />

But if Tim doesn’t help stop the release of an<br />

everlasting puppy, Boss Baby will become his<br />

brother forever.<br />

An unsettling blend of low fertility rate propaganda,<br />

Loony Tune-esque sex education and smart<br />

mouthed infants, DreamWorks’ latest offering borrows<br />

too heavily from funnier sources. Although<br />

Baldwin’s voice work is exceptional as always,<br />

nothing much else in this bizarre cartoon works.<br />

Besides, kids already know that all babies come<br />

from China.<br />

The Fate of the Furious<br />

The worst part of street racing in the summertime<br />

is you have to slow down in construction zones.<br />

Fortunately, the motorists in this action movie<br />

can afford the double fines incurred.<br />

While on a mission to retrieve an electromagnetic<br />

pulse device for agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson),<br />

former street-racer turned secret agent Dom<br />

(Vin Diesel) betrays his crew (Michelle Rodriguez,<br />

Chris Bridges, Tyrese Gibson, Nathalie) and gives<br />

the EMP to a terrorist, Cipher (Charlize Theron).<br />

Backed by black ops (Kurt Russell, Scott Eastwood),<br />

Hobbs and Dom’s crew track their former<br />

comrade to Russia, where he and Cipher have<br />

commandeered a nuclear submarine.<br />

Equipped with over-the-top sports car chases,<br />

boastful banter and buckets of machismo, this<br />

eighth installment in the Fast and Furious franchise<br />

maintains those touchstones. However, its interpretation<br />

of those mainstays is more cartoonish<br />

than its predecessors.<br />

Furthermore, due to the extreme depths they<br />

achieve, submarines are the ultimate low-rider.<br />

Free Fire<br />

The key to conducting a successful arms deal is not<br />

loading any of the weapons before hand.<br />

Regretfully, the merchants in this action movie<br />

included ammo in the exchange.<br />

A Boston arbitrator (Brie Larson) gets embroiled<br />

in an arms deal between IRA members (Cillian<br />

Murphy, Sam Riley, Enzo Cilenti) and a South African<br />

supplier (Sharlto Copley) and his go-between<br />

(Armie Hammer) that results in a standoff.<br />

Trapped inside of a warehouse and armed to<br />

the teeth, each party attempts to oust the other<br />

and escape with the cash intended for the now<br />

botched transaction.<br />

Although it comes off as gritty 1970s throwback,<br />

this claustrophobic shootout misfires more<br />

than it hits. While the international cast is certainly<br />

capable, the plot, the dialogue and the characters<br />

are surprisingly weak and one-dimensional. Even<br />

the non-stop shootouts are too pedestrian to<br />

bother mentioning.<br />

Moreover, arms deals should take place somewhere<br />

public, like at a children’s festival.<br />

Ghost in the Shell<br />

Cybernetic implants will make it hard for women<br />

to say their vibrating breasts are natural.<br />

Thankfully, the enhanced lady in this sci-fi flick is<br />

comfortable in her synthetic skin.<br />

The mind of Section 9 assassin Major (Scarlett<br />

Johansson) is the only part from her original<br />

body occupying her new metal shell. But when a<br />

cyber-terrorist (Michael Carmen Pitt) targets her<br />

benefactor, what little memories she retained may<br />

now be as artificial as her.<br />

With help from her partner (Pilou Asbæk) and<br />

designer (Juliette Binoche), Major unravels her<br />

origins, which later leads her to a showdown with<br />

an eight-legged mecha.<br />

While it is pretty to look at its Neo Tokyo<br />

aesthetic, this whitewashed and ultimately Americanized<br />

live-action adaptation of the beloved<br />

cyberpunk anime over-explains the narrative with<br />

dumbed down meditations on the mind, social<br />

unrest and future shock.<br />

Fortunately, once your body is robotic you can<br />

eat cured meats again.<br />

Gifted<br />

The key to raising a gifted child is selling them to<br />

science before you get too attached.<br />

Unfortunately, the mother in this dramedy died<br />

before getting her payday.<br />

Frank (Chris Evans) gallantly accepts guardianship<br />

of his niece Mary (Mckenna Grace) after her<br />

mother’s death. Like her mathematician mother,<br />

Mary has no trouble solving her first grade teacher’s<br />

(Jenny Slate) rudimentary math problems –<br />

and she let’s her know it.<br />

Mary’s air of superiority soon lands her in<br />

trouble. Luckily her talent with formulas finds her<br />

grandmother (Lindsay Duncan) taking an invested<br />

interest in her. So much so, she sues Frank for<br />

custody.<br />

A paints-by-numbers prodigy anecdote that<br />

strokes its brush well within the lines, this charming<br />

but predictable squabble only succeeds thanks<br />

to its leads who bring humanity to this glorified<br />

custody battle.<br />

Incidentally, the best way to knock a know-it-all<br />

math genius down a few pegs is with gym.<br />

Kong: Skull Island<br />

The most exciting aspect of finding a giant monkey<br />

is all the cosmetic testing you can conduct on it.<br />

Fortunately, the simian in this adventure picture<br />

isn’t wearing any mascara yet.<br />

Dispatched by the military to map out Skull<br />

Island, Lt. Colonel Packard (Samuel L. Jackson), a<br />

mercenary tracker (Tom Hiddleston), a photojournalist<br />

(Brie Larson) and a government official<br />

(John Goodman) arrive to find a 50-foot gorilla<br />

protecting the natives from subterranean creatures<br />

that roam the atoll.<br />

Conflict erupts when half of the party wants to<br />

kill Kong and the other half wants to save him.<br />

The most dynamic incarnation of the 80-year<br />

old ape, this fast-paced update set in 1973 doesn’t<br />

waste time with exposition or character development.<br />

Instead it gets right down to eye-popping<br />

creature clashes that excite much more than they<br />

engage.<br />

Incidentally, the only way to pacify an enormous<br />

primate is with a gigantic tire swing.<br />

The Promise<br />

Dating during wartime is hard since most of the<br />

restaurants and theaters are rubble.<br />

However, the couples in this drama have been<br />

able to find love amid a holocaust.<br />

On the eve of WWI an Armenian medical<br />

student (Oscar Isaac) studying in Constantinople<br />

manages to evade conscription in the Ottoman<br />

army long enough to fall in love with a Paris-raised<br />

Armenian (Charlotte Le Bon). Unfortunately, she<br />

is betrothed to an American newsman (Christian<br />

Bale) and he is promised to a neighbour’s daughter.<br />

All four lives collide in the aftermath of the<br />

Great War, during Turkey’s systematic slaughter of<br />

the Armenian people.<br />

The Promise is a well-acted piece of historical<br />

storytelling that doesn’t manipulate the facts of<br />

the Armenian Genocide for the sake of fiction.<br />

Unfortunately, the awkward love triangle only<br />

distracts from the enormity of the massacre.<br />

Fortunately with post-war breakups, you have<br />

your wife stateside to console you.<br />

Shin Godzilla<br />

The most exciting aspect of discovering a giant<br />

lizard is waiting for its ossified bones to become oil.<br />

However, the Japan depicted in this sci-fi feature<br />

will be rubble by that point.<br />

Cabinet Secretary Rando’s (Hiroki Hasegawa)<br />

suspicion of a substantial sea creature living off<br />

the Japanese coast is confirmed when a news<br />

camera captures images of a massive unidentified<br />

organism.<br />

Panic doesn’t set in until the entity makes<br />

landfall. Excelled evolution soon allows it to stand<br />

upright and emit blasts of radiation.<br />

A strategy to cool the creature’s internal fusion<br />

is put into place.<br />

The 31st installment in the reptilian franchise,<br />

Godzilla Resurgence returns the character to its<br />

nuclear roots, alluding to recent atomic disasters<br />

that have tested Japan’s mettle. While the damage<br />

done is on par with most kaiju movies, it’s the film’s<br />

urgency that makes it memorable.<br />

Incidentally, Godzilla always dresses funny after<br />

trampling Tokyo’s Harajuku district. ​<br />

He’s an Overgrown-up. He’s the…<br />

Vidiot<br />

BEATROUTE • AUGUST <strong>2017</strong> | 15

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